Secret Monday morning update! I like to do every three days - the story's already written, why make people wait? For the record, many of the things that occur between Lina and Gourry (you'll see what I mean) were supposed to be covered in a story called "Immortal Beloved." I never actually wrote it, but I think you can assume what happened. Please e-mail me if you have any questions.

Pairaka- I will deal with you and the nutsy things you say later.
HoushiLover- I will also deal with you later. ;)p
Cookie - Thank you very much! And yes, there's not a lot of Xellos, but he'll be around... :)
Hoshi-chan1 - I hope to continue to entrance you with my beguiling ways.
Klutz82 - I dunno if she would have listened to him even if he did. Ah well, it works out...better? this way...
Raven Summersong - Thank you! I'm glad you like it. Here is more for you!

-------

Part III- Laissez Moi Tomber (Let Me Fall)/ Not That it Matters

"...Is this being in love? he suddenly wondered.
It was nothing like the ballads he had heard sung.
It was more irritating than uplifting..."
-The Dragonbone Chair, Tad Williams

-------

How long had he been sitting there? Zel took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to answer his own question. Well, most of the guests were gone and the servants were beginning to clear things away. The bottle of liquor next to him now held half of its previous volume of alcohol, and everything in the room had a fuzzy look around the edges. So, he decided, he'd been there a pretty good while.

And he'd been alone that whole time too. Gourry was gone from the table when he'd returned, and he had no idea where Lina might have gone. Well, screw them. He didn't need them. As for Amelia...eh, she'd probably talked with those nobles for a while, then gone to bed or something.

Zel leaned forward, supporting his arms on his knees as he looked into his glass.

"Amelia..."

He'd never seen her so upset, he mused, running over her speech in his head for the five hundredth time. In fact, he hadn't ever really considered her capable of that kind of anger; even in the gravest danger, she was cheerful and perky beyond compare. But she'd changed a lot since he'd last seen her. And the princess was engaged now. Engaged to...Arr..Arr-what? Shit, he couldn't remember. Not that it mattered.

The chimera had come to the conclusion that her getting worked up was really her own fault. For L-sama's sake, he'd never asked her to fall in love with him. He doubted it had ever been love - it was pretty likely that her feelings were just a simple crush. She'd get over it. She'd have to get over it now, at least. Besides, hadn't she always known he wasn't interested? Yes, she knew. She knew and she persisted, and she... Well, she did what Amelia did. She tried, alternately being subtle and then not so, to get into his heart.

But that hadn't worked! Zel shook his head quickly and sat up, then clutched at the edge of the table as the room slanted violently in one direction. It was probably time for him to get to his suite, he decided. Standing slowly, he focused on the stairs, willing himself to walk up them.

As he walked, his thoughts shifted back to her. Sure, they were a good team. They'd worked together many times in their adventures. There was the time she'd fallen on him in the tunnels below Rezo's lab. Oh, and when they'd fought the possessed villagers in Sairaag, and she'd gotten hit in the head. Zel reached out and trailed his hand along the wall as he walked, trying to recall every instance.

They'd used the Madoki to combat the out-of control light weapons in Alto and Baritone, and captured Jiras the red fox in Valgaav's base. His pace slowed as other things came into mind. She'd dressed him up like a girl, then gotten jealous when he fell for Miwan. She'd saved his life in the fight against Copy Rezo, jumping in front of him and blasting off the Ra-Tilt like it was nothing. And there was...there was the time she died in his arms.

Zel stopped completely as he remembered that; her eyes wide and her voice forced, her hands gripping his arms tightly, not willing to let death take her. She fought against it as she'd fought everything else, but lost that time. Not that it mattered, really. Lina had saved them all and given them second chances. He remembered the relief as he picked himself off the floor and saw Amelia doing the same. It was a feeling identical to when she'd been revived from Saygram's attack. She was alright. She'd always be alright. But in neither of those cases had she cried as she'd done tonight.

Lingering too long on that thought, Zel started moving again. It was her bad luck to fall for someone like him. She had to know he wasn't one of those men who would just melt for any girl. No, he wasn't. He was a man of stone, by nature and by body, and nobody could penetrate that. Not even her.

Finally reaching his room, he stumbled in, turning up the lamp a little too far then recoiling at the brightness. He adjusted it to a low flame again, then slammed the door behind him. He pulled off his coat and tossed it over a chair as he made for the large windows. Reaching them, he sank down on the cushions in front of them and undid his vest, then pulled off the cravat and loosened his collar. After a moment of difficulty, he managed to work the lock on the window and pushed it open, feeling the cool night air cut through his haze.

Slouching against the wall, he stretched his legs out in front and gazed outside. The stars really were incredible tonight; they shone like...the diamond in Amelia's ring. Realizing he was thinking about her again, Zel groaned and bonked the back of his head against the wall. He needed to get his mind to other subjects.

But the ring was still there. And he couldn't explain the way his heart had seemed to suddenly drop into his stomach as he saw it, not to mention the thousands of feelings that suddenly flooded his thoughts. Denial of something, pain, shock...they were all present. There was even another word, an emotion, that lurked behind these- one he would never say. He didn't believe it was possible for him to feel it. He didn't want to feel it.

She was just a girl. Just a girl, with a crush on him, and...alright, she was a princess too, but that was another strike against his having any feelings for her. He wasn't going to just give up everything and be the heir's consort. Like he'd said before, it wasn't something he wanted to do.

Heaving himself up off the window seat, he stumbled to his bed, sitting down on the edge and pulling off his boots before flopping down into the pillows.

"She's just a girl..."he mumbled to himself once more before sleep conquered him.

-------

Knock knock knock.

Blinking and dizzy, Zelgadis raised his head and found himself staring at his pillow. Ugh, his head was pounding and it sounded like someone was driving nails into his brain. No, wait, that was someone knocking on the door.

Knock knock knock.

"What?"he groaned, lying down again back to the door.

A servant meekly opened it a crack and peered in.

"Graywords-san, breakfast is being served for the guests in the main hall if you're-AAAAHH!"he ducked a fireball. Shaking, he stood up again. "I'll take that as a no? WAAH!"

The door slowly closed of it's own accord as the servant ran to find a basin of water in which to put out his now- flaming tunic. Zel rolled onto his back and glanced at a bit of fresh charring on the wall. Alright, so maybe those fireballs weren't the best idea, but what else was there to do? He felt like shit, and when that happened, he had a very short temper.

"Unhh..."he vocalized, finding it to be the only sound that fully conveyed how nasty he felt. Not to mention he was still in last night's clothes.

Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he sat up a little too quickly, and was hit by a wave of nausea as things began to spin. He shut his eyes and clenched his teeth until it had passed, then headed for his private bath, peeling off sweat-soaked party clothes as he went.

Zel spent a good while in the bath- almost an hour by his count. The steam had chased away some of his headache, and his vision had cleared. He was feeling almost human by the time he got out and dried off, and as he pulled on his clothes, things were looking a little better for his hungover state. He was fastening his cape when the door was rapped upon once more.

"What?"he asked again, not turning away from the mirror.

In the reflection, he watched the door open, and a red-headed sorceress leaned in, grinning broadly.

"Good morning Zelgadis!"she chirped cutely.

Zel raised a stone eyebrow and scowled.

"To what to I owe the pleasure, Lina?"

"You weren't at breakfast, so I thought I'd bring you some coffee!" Bouncing over, she held out a little tray with a blue porcelain cup and a little pot of his favorite poison.

Zel stared at her.

"Uh...what is this?"

"Nothing!"the grin, if possible, got even larger, and she ran her left hand through her fiery bangs. "I'm just doing something for my friend! Is that so wrong?"

He took the tray and set it down on a nearby table, then stood eyeing her.

"What do you want from me?"

"Who says I want anything from you?" Lina put on her best innocent face, placing her left index finger against her cheek.

"This is ridiculous. Either cut the act, or show me what you've done with the real Lina Inverse."

"It is me, silly!"the grin started to twitch a little.

"Right." Turning, he picked up the mug of coffee and drank some. Oh, it was good to have something inside him besides the liquor. He gave a little contented sigh, then was punched in the face, sending his beverage flying onto the floor. "What the hell?!"he whirled on Lina angrily.

Hands on hips and foot tapping on the floor, Lina gave him her best angry glare.

"You are really thick sometimes, you know that?"

"What is the matter with you?!"

Instead of answering, she shoved her left hand into his face. He pulled back a bit to focus on what it was she was so upset about and caught a flash of gold. Surprised, he took her hand, bringing it down lower to where he could clearly see the gold band around her finger.

"Lina, what is this?" he looked at her again.

She began to blush, and smiled: an honest, happy, beautiful smile.

"Gourry asked me to marry him last night."her voice was soft.

"And let me guess, you called him 'jellyfish' and slapped him." Zel immediately ducked another punch and swiftly stood again. Impulsively, he felt the urge to smile, and for once, didn't resist. "No. I see you've made Gourry Gabriev a very happy man."

Lina admired her ring again.

"I should think so. He's pretty damn lucky to have landed someone as gorgeous as myself."the words, although typical, were said with a great deal of love behind them. Her eyes sparkled in a way he'd never seen before.

"It took you two long enough."he tousled her hair teasingly, a rare display of affection for one of his very best friends.

"Well...we...were just waiting for the right time." Lina pushed his hand away and headed for the door; he followed. "Now I have to find Amelia and have her go crazy over me." Although she tried, she didn't sound all that unhappy at the prospect of seeing the little princess.

At the mention of her name, Zel was suddenly reminded of the previous evening. Words and emotions fought their way into his conscious mind again as he remembered angry eyes, a blur of white silk, a large diamond.

"That's right. And she can show you her ring."he murmured half to himself.

"What?" Lina froze, causing him to crash into her. Once righted, she turned. "What ring?"

"Amelia's engaged as well."Zel's voice had grown dark, and he continued walking past her. "She was waiting for you and Gourry to notice her ring before she said something, but I saw it last night."

Lina ran to catch up with him, then jumped in front of him to cut him off.

"You're not serious."

"Why wouldn't I be serious?"he gave her a cold look. "Why would I lie about something like that?"

"But...how could she be engaged?!"

"She's a princess. These things happen." Again, he started moving, leaving her behind.

"Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!"she raised her foot and brought it down on the edge of his cloak, choking him, and making his stagger backwards. "What's his name?"

"Arr-something. I can't remember."he yanked his cloak from under her foot.

"How long has it been?"

"She didn't say."

"And when's the wedding?!"

"She didn't say that either."

"This is crazy!"Lina flustered a moment, then looked at him. "How do you feel about it?"

"What do you mean, 'how do I feel about it?'"he fought back a sudden feeling that lashed out from the back of his mind.

Lina rolled her eyes.

"I meant exactly what I said."

"I don't really care."he shrugged. "So she's getting married, so what?"

"Dammit Zel!"

He caught her next blow before it landed and their eyes locked.

"Lina, I know what you want me to feel, but I don't. Do you understand? I don't feel that way about her! She's just a friend..." it was hard to push the words out; they felt wrong, their meaning hollow. He shoved a strange feeling back again. "Alright? Leave me alone about it!"

"What's going on?"

Lina and Zel both jumped as Gourry rounded the nearby corner and looked at them. The chimera let go of his friend's wrist and offered the swordsman another smile, this one not as big as the last.

"Congratulations, Gourry."he held out his arm to shake hands with the other man. "Lina told me the good news."

Gourry stared for a moment, seemingly trying to remember, then grinned hugely and enthusiastically pumped Zel's arm up and down.

"Thanks Zel!"

"Er...right...Glad to see you're so happy."

Sparing her friend from having his arm ripped off by her excited fiancee, Lina stepped between them.

"Gourry, have you seen Amelia?"

"No."he brushed his bangs back a little and focused both his lovely blue eyes on her. "Actually I was coming to ask you guys the same thing. Nobody can find her this morning, and her dad is starting to get worried."

"She's probably out for a walk or something."Zel said coolly, expertly hiding the sudden fear that had surfaced within him.

"Maybe. But her maid says her clothes are still there."

"So she's wearing something else." the chimera resumed his quick pace. "She's a big girl, she can take care of herself."

"Yeah. She's a big engaged girl now."

Zel halted, and Gourry looked even more puzzled than usual.

"Zel? Did you propose last night too?"

"No. I didn't."

"But then..."the blond man struggled for comprehension. "Who is she marrying if it isn't you?"

"A prince."Lina's voice had a sharp edge.

"Doesn't she love Zel?"

"It's a crush."his subject answered for him. "It's a crush, and it doesn't matter. She's getting over it. Besides, it's not like there was ever any reciprocation. She knew that." Now it was even harder to speak. Things sounded more and more unreal...painful, every time he repeated them.

Gourry and Lina slowly walked up to him.

"Zel, it wasn't a crush." his only male friend tentatively put his hand on the shorter man's shoulder. "She-"

"I don't care!"he pulled away violently, and headed down the hall with longer strides than before. "It's not important, and I have better things to worry about."

Finding himself at the library, he darted inside, and slammed the door after him. Lina and Gourry looked at each other, and Lina shrugged.

"I don't think he's quite figured things out yet."Gourry said thoughtfully, then, after a moment, grabbed his lover's hand. "But come on, help me look for Amelia."

He flashed her a quick smile before dragging her down the hall.

"GOURRY! Slow down!"

-------

Well, if Amelia was on a walk, it was sure a damn long one.

The day had passed relatively uneventfully and night had fallen on Seyruun once more, leaving Zelgadis to lie on his bed, arms folded behind his head, thinking.

The princess hadn't returned from wherever she was yet, and with every passing minute, the servants and especially Prince Phil had grown more and more agitated. She'd never done this before. She would never leave like this when there were important arrangements that needed to be planned. Where was she? Lina had reassured everyone that the little princess was fine, but Zel could see the sorceress growing worried as the hours went by and she didn't appear. Gourry was quite obviously nervous, and was currently out with some palace guards looking for her.

As for Zel, he'd spent the whole day in the library, supposedly researching his curse once more. Instead though, he'd really spent all his time sitting and staring at a table, running over their conversation again and again. He discovered a new feeling every time he did so. Fist there was an indignant twinge that she'd kept something so big from them. Then there was disbelief- how could little Amelia be so angry? And then...then there was hurt.

It had been quite a revelation for him to admit that her words had hit him hard. Words had never been able to touch him like that before. Everything could be shrugged off. But not this. He suspected it had something to do with that secret emotion that had snuck in behind everything, creeping around in back of every barrier he'd ever erected against it. The one thing he'd vowed to always keep secret. The one thing he'd sworn never to admit to himself. An emotion he'd never wanted or tried to get near. Somehow though...it had slipped in and stuck. Maybe, he thought, it would have been easier if he'd just let himself fall into it. Received it and taken it like everyone else.

Except that didn't matter now. It was out of his hands, and really, he couldn't care less. Amelia was going to be married off to a gent of her status in another place. Zel would never have to worry about hurting her now, or having to deal with stuffy royalty at every turn. He'd be free to be by himself, and he'd never have to think about her stupid crush or consider her well-being.

Yeah, right. Then what was he doing now? To be perfectly honest, he couldn't sleep because his mind was on the Princess again. Where the hell was she? Had she run away? No, Amelia had way too strong a sense of justice to up and leave her kingdom and her father like that. Then where had she gone?

Much to his chagrin, Zel found himself getting more and more concerned. Damn, but this feeling was annoying. It had crept up stealthily, and now it just wouldn't go away. He didn't need to worry, or even think about her. She was just a girl, and she could take care of herself.

Just a girl.

Still, Zel fell asleep facing the door, ready to jump out of bed the moment someone found her. Not that it really mattered or anything.