Whoa, watch the hell out, this one is huge. What was I thinking? I hope no one falls asleep and drools into their keyboard, because that shorts stuff out, and they you have to hold it upside down for a while... One day more.
Klutz82 - They're getting there...they're getting there...
Genrao-A - Okay. That makes more sense. But...then...do you all sit around and read it together or...you know, never mind. It'll be a mystery. :) Five in one works for me! Here is more for you.
Hoshi-chan1 - You're too kind. blushblush
Xoni Newcomer - You really like him? I'm glad - Dynast is really important to me, so I tried very hard to get him right. He's very elegant and classy - I love your piano wire/machine gun comparison. Amelia is my favorite too, so there's nothing weird about that. I may e-mail you to talk more about Dynast, and...uh...yes I do have...fanart on DA. Not specifically for this, but there is Dynast involved... Whether it's good or not is kind of subjective...
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Part V- Tutti Che Valga (All She Was Worth)
"I'm imagining your shape,
every angle, every plane...
I'm imagining the way you smell
and the way you say my name..."
-"Every Angle", Ani DiFranco
-------
"I don't care if you searched the north-east corner four times!" Crown Prince Philionel El de Seyruun slammed his fist on the table, causing Captain Timathi Quenith of the Royal Guard to jump. "Search it every hour if you have to! I want my daughter found!"
The young man swallowed hard and looked as if he wanted to crawl under the table and hide forever.
"My lord, I assure you, we've combed every inch of-"
"I DON'T CARE! LOOK AGAIN!"
"Yes my lord!"Captain Quenith squeaked, then practically dashed out the door. For a moment he could be heard calling orders down the halls .
"Now..."Phil turned to the other side of the table and other man seated there. "Have you assembled your forces?"
"We have sir." Seth Beryl, Commander of Seyruun's cavalry, dropped his head, not only to show respect for the Prince, but also to shelter the fact the he was scared out of his mind. Prince Phil may have been a pacifist, but there was no telling what he might do when he was this angry. "I'll have riders going out from every corner of the city as soon as I give word. If she, or in the case of a kidnaping, her captors, are on horseback, my men will be able to catch up to them, no matter how many days head start they have."
"Good. Go to it."Phil waved him out.
Once he was gone too, the Prince turned to the random assortment of other guards and servants.
"I want every one of you to go to the gates and find information on any suspicious looking traders, merchants, civilians, or whatever that have come into the city in the past two days."
Each of them bowed before dashing out the door. After watching them all disappear, Phil sank down in his chair and held his head in his hands.
"This is my fault."he said quietly. "She's run away, and it's my fault."
"Your highness, do you honestly think Amelia would run away?"
Phil looked up at the incredulous voice. Lina was seated at the opposite end of the table, arms folded across her chest. Gourry was next to her, and Zel leaned against the far wall.
"Do you have another idea, Lina Inverse?"
"Only one you've already thought of. At this point, I really think we can rule out anything except kidnaping. You should know your daughter's justice sense is way too powerful for her to get up and leave her post like that, no matter how much pressure she was under."
"Gracia did that."
"Gracia and Amelia were obviously very different people."
"You don't understand." Phil shook his head. "She's completely changed recently. Since she got back from the last trip she took with you..."
"She's been under pressure to pick a suitor." Lina nodded. "I know."
"It's been awfully hard for her. The council has been very adamant...I've been very adamant. I think I've been the worst of all."
"That isn't important now. What's important is finding her. You can blame whatever you want when we get her back, but keep doing your job until then."
"What if she's dead?" he asked quietly.
"She isn't dead." Lina's voice was firm. "She'd never die so easily."
"But Lina, if she was kidnaped..." Gourry gently broke in.
"Then she would have fought them off."she said to her lover through clenched teeth. "She's a strong little girl."
"What if they surprised her and she couldn't fight back?"
The red-headed sorceress gave him a look that shut him up immediately before turning back to Phil.
"I will give you my word that Amelia isn't dead, and that we will find her and bring her back."
"What if a Mazoku took her?"
All eyes moved to the rear of the room from whence Zel's voice had come.
"Mazoku?" Phil's voice trembled slightly. "You don't think..."
He shrugged.
"It's a possibility. I thought I'd throw it out there."
"What would a Mazoku want with Amelia?" Gourry looked at him strangely.
"I don't know. Maybe one of them wants to marry her too."
The statement hung in the air for a moment, then Lina stood up.
"Excuse us, your majesty. Zel and I need to have a few words."
She stomped back to Zel, grabbed him by the arm, and bodily dragged him out of the room, Gourry close on their heels.
-------
"What do you know?!"
Zel stumbled forward a few steps towards the veranda's railing as Lina pushed him. She was up in his face within a moment, her bright eyes burning.
"You're keeping something from us, Zel, and you have been these past few days. You know something about what happened to Amelia. Spit it out."
"I don't know anything about it." He shoved her away and turned his back to her.
"Like hell you don't! What was that Mazoku crack back there?!"
"It was just a suggestion. Xellos was taking a lot of interest in her. I can't explain it."
"Xellos?!"
"Yes. They were dancing."
Lina stewed for a minute, then let out another yell that echoed across the gardens below.
"HOW COULD YOU LET XELLOS DANCE WITH HER?!"
"I have no control over what she does. She'll dance with who she wants to dance with."
"Then why were you so set on going after her when she was dancing with that prince?" Gourry asked.
Zel froze, and felt his cheeks flush.
"I...it wasn't right for him to be touching her like that in public. I didn't want her embarrassed."
Lina looked back and forth between the two, puzzled and increasingly irritated. She sighed raggedly, and placed her hand on her forehead. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.
"Zel...start from the beginning. Just tell me what happened that night. That's all I ask."
"Nothing happened. I went out there, got his hands off her, found out she was dancing with Xellos, broke them up and...then these two people came up and asked to see her alone and they went."
"Two people? Who were they?"
"Some nobles from the north with a matter of state they wanted to discuss. The woman..." his brow furrowed as he remembered, "Come to think of it, she was kind of strange. She had a huge sense of power around her. So did her companion. And it actually got a little colder when they were around." Zel thought for a moment. "Probably just my imagination."
"And you let her go off with these people? What were you thinking?"
"My going with her would not have been appropriate at that time, Lina." he sneered. "Amelia was not very happy with me at that moment. She and I...had a fight."
"What?" his friends chorused.
He moved uncomfortably under their gaze.
"Well, it wasn't so much that we had a fight as she got very angry at me."
"Why?"
"For not loving her."
Lina's mouth dropped open.
"Buh?"
"She went through this whole long speech about how awful it was picking a suitor, and how I wasn't there for her. Something like that." Zel didn't feel like saying anymore about it. Of course, he knew every word she'd said by heart, but repeating them would be too painful.
"Well. It's good to know she finally got it right."
The chimera glared at her.
"Excuse me, Lina Inverse?"
"I said she got it right. You've never been there for her. I keep telling you this. You already know it too. She was in love with you, and you ignored that."
"Oh I did not." Zel said, even as he knew he was lying. "I wasn't interested in her and you know it. I've told you before, and I'll tell you as many times as it takes to get it through your thick skull! I don't...I don't love..." his tongue stumbled over the words, and it took him by surprise. Turning from them again, he simply said. "I didn't feel the same way."
"You lie."
"I am not lying!"
"Face up and accept it!" Lina grabbed his cape and pulled on it. He turned and yanked it back quickly, but not soon enough to prevent her from grabbing his collar and pulling their faces close together. "Maybe you don't love her, but I know you care about her. You can deny it to high heaven or hell, but I know. And you should figure it out for yourself so you can apologize to her for how you hurt her when she comes home."
"Let go before I hurt you."he growled.
"You. Wouldn't. Dare."
"You two..."Gourry touched each of their shoulders and tried to pull them apart. Simultaneously they pushed him away.
"Stay out of this, Gourry!"Zel stared into Lina's eyes trying to make her back down.
"I can't believe you."she practically spat at him. "What will it take to make you see for yourself how stupid you're being? Will she have to die before you figure out you like her?"
"Let GO!"
"FINE!"she loosened her hold they stepped apart, Lina's breath coming quickly and her eyes trained on Zel. Gourry, worried that she might cast a spell at him, stepped behind her, ready to hold her back. "Fine, be an asshole about it. Let her marry someone she doesn't love! Just keep hurting her if that's all she was worth to you! And I can't believe that you would let her go off with some strangers like that! Did you even know where they were from?!"
"The north. That's all they said."
"North. Good. Tomorrow morning, that's the direction we'll be heading. And you're going to be in the lead."
"I refuse."
"Don't you DARE try to refuse me, Zelgadis Graywords! This is your fault! You're going to get her back!"
"If she's alive she'll come back on her own!"he snapped at her. "And if she's dead then what's the use?"
"She isn't dead!" Taking yet another deep breath to try and calm herself, she stood tall and pressed down the folds in her tunic. "She isn't dead, and we are going to bring her home."
"You can. I'm not interested."
"You can and you will."
"You have no say over my actions, Lina. I say I'm not going and that means I am not going." Saying only that, Zel spun on his heel and strode away.
"Come back here you stubborn ass!"
"Lina, Lina, calm down..."
The fireball that came next crashed harmlessly against Zel's already-prepared shield, resulting in only a few smalls fires starting in the topiary. The chimera kept walking.
-------
It was already close to dawn before Captain Quenith's troops returned with no further luck. The inquiries at the gates had been fairly unhelpful as well, and with each moment, Phil was reaching towards an almost completely frantic state. The whole castle was still in an uproar, and Gourry would have sworn that not a single inhabitant was asleep despite the early hour. How could anyone sleep with all the noise? Well, besides Lina, that was. She had been so riled up after her argument with Zel that he had forced her to lie down. She finally agreed after a little bit , and was still snoring peacefully on the swordsman's side of the bed when he'd gotten fed up with the commotion and given up on rest. That left him with little to do before breakfast but to go and check on their friend. Gourry had some hope in the back of his mind that Zel might listen to him, seeing as he wasn't as loud or as overbearing as the sorceress. As he reached the room, he gently tapped on the door even though it was open, watching as Zel dug through his belongings furiously. The room was in an awful state of disarray, and Zel himself looked fairly out of sorts.
"Hey Zel. What are you looking for?"
Zel didn't answer, but sifted through his pack angrily, finally turning it upside down and dumping everything out on the bed. He scanned each object, then declared "Shit!"
"Er, is this a bad time?"
"Yes, Gourry, it's a spectacularly bad time."Zel scowled and dropped to his knees to look under the bed for whatever it was he'd lost. "What do you want?"
"I just wanted to see if you were alright."Gourry walked over and squatted down beside his friend, peering under the bed. "Do you want some help? What did you lose?"
Jumping to his feet, the chimera kicked the bed then walked over and started patting down his cloak.
"The bracelet Amelia gave me after the battle with Dark Star. I had it hanging on my water bottle and now it's gone."
"Well is it really gone, or just misplaced?"
"I don't know! It's just not here, alright?"he stalked over to a chair and slumped down into it, folding his arms across his chest. "Is Lina still mad at me?"
"Very."Gourry pulled up a chair in front of his friend and sat on it backwards. "I'd stay out of her way if I were you. And I have to say I'm not too happy with you either. Zel,"his blue eyes were very serious, and the chimera knew that meant business. "How can you just leave Amelia alone out there?"
"How many times do I have to say this? She'll make it back if she's alive, and if she's dead, then there's no point."
"She's isn't dead, Zel. And even if she was, don't you think she deserves to be brought home and buried here?"
"Her father can do it."
"Don't you think you owe it to her as her friend? If Lina Inverse, Lina Inverse the Dragon Spooker, the Bandit Killer, Enemy of All Who Live, will go out and search for a little lost princess...why can't you? Why won't you?"
"Lina and I are two very different people. She can look for Amelia. I'll bet she'll find her too. No need for me to come."
"Zel...why do you have to fight it every step of the way?"
"Fight what?"
"You know what I mean."
"Oh, do tell Gourry."Zel scowled. "I don't think you should be trying to counsel me on feelings when it took you almost four years to finally admit to Lina how you felt."
Gourry was taken aback. Sure, Zel had been rude to him in the past, but never like this. He stood up and locked his eyes on the chimera, trying to control the level of anger in his voice as he moved closer.
"I can't believe that this is all there is to you. I never thought you could be so stubborn that you won't even listen to yourself and the people who care about you. Dammit, Amelia was in love with you. It wasn't some childish crush or idolization, she loved you. And stupid me,"he accentuated "stupid" to make the word harder. "I thought you cared the slightest bit about her. Well."he stood tall, making an imposing figure. "I thought you were something more that this. But maybe you are just made of stone."
Zel didn't answer, just took his words with a cold stare and without batting an eye. When the swordsman was finished, he stood too, and saying "Maybe I am," turned and walked from the room. Behind him, Gourry let out a breath and sank down into the abandoned chair. Following Zel would just lead to another fight. Maybe he'd be saved some trouble and Zel would figure things out on his own.
-------
There were so many hallways that looked the same, Zel mused as he walked through the palace. How could anyone find their way around this place without getting lost? Of course, Amelia had grown up here, so she-
He froze at the thought. Amelia. Shaking his head, he set his jaw and continued walking.
Screw Lina. Screw Gourry. They didn't need to understand his motives. It was better if they didn't. They could go off and look for her. Slowing for a moment, he wondered just what it was inside that had made him so defensive when talking with Lina. He shouted in her face that he wasn't going to look for a girl who was one of his few friends. Why had he done that? Was it really just because he wanted to hold up the image of being untouchable? Or was it something else? A sense of...guilt, perhaps? Lina had shouted at him that it was his fault. Could it be that he just didn't want to face Amelia? To look into those eyes again and feel that pain, that...
"Shit!"he said loudly, clenching his hand tightly around the edge of his cape to keep from striking at the wall.
She wasn't his responsibility anymore. She had a fiancee. She'd picked him herself. She had someone who would... Well...like Lina said, marry her, if not love her. Zel felt his heart begin to hurt when he thought of that. The idea of Amelia trapped in a loveless marriage of state was almost too much to bear.
"So then why," Lina's voice echoed in his head. "Didn't you do anything about it?"
"Because I..."he started to say, then found himself at a junction in the hallways. Straight ahead and to his left, the castle continued on. To his right, however, he found a door with a small, carefully engraved sign: "Princess Amelia."
He stared at it, wondering how in the world he'd ended up right here, in front of this door. His hand moved as if with a life of its own and slowly turned the knob.
What am I doing?! His mind screamed. I have no right to go in here!
But the door was already swinging open, and, taking a look around to make sure no one was watching, he stepped inside.
Pale blue walls greeted him, as he moved his eyes around, taking in the large armoire, the desk and mirror with an ornate frame, the bookcase with every shelf filled. A large canopy bed dominated the center of the room, and on its left side was a small table. Sitting on that was a bouquet of white roses.
Feeling a little bit like a trespasser, Zel pushed the door closed behind him. Once it was out of the way, he noticed a coat tree, and hanging on it, her white and purple cape. He walked over to it, and again, as if his hands didn't want to obey him, they gathered it up, feeling the texture of it. He raised it to it's face and found it still carried her smell with it- something sharp and clear, yet sweet. Mint, perhaps. For a moment, he let himself bury his face in it, closing his eyes, losing himself to the essence of Ame-
No. He dropped it suddenly and moved away, shocked at the way his senses were running away with him. This wasn't a time to get sentimental. He shouldn't even be in here! And yet he wandered over to her desk and vanity, pulled out the chair, and sat down, looking over piles of letters. Interspersed in the mess were various jewelry affects, bottles of expensive perfume and lotion. He smiled a little as he picked one up.
"Passion rose,"he smirked as he read the scent.
Setting it down, he began to look through the letters. One on the very top was from Lina, detailing where she and Gourry had been. Already knowing that story, Zel shuffled through the rest of them, and felt his body grow cold when he realized what they were.
Most of them were from princes. From princes, from kingdoms, from duchies...Appeals to her for her hand in marriage. It was time, wasn't it? She needed to make a choice. There was even one from the court masters of Seyruun, reminding her in overly fancy language that she needed to pick a suitor, or one would be chosen for her.
He scanned the letters with growing irritation. Some of them seemed decent, but others were full of self importance. And not a single one was right for her. Fishing? Not at all, that wasn't her. Horsemanship?
"Che. What crap,"he rolled his eyes. That would never suit Amelia.
He gaped a little at one of them; the idiot was opposed to sorcery! How could he expect to win the hand of a princess who was a powerful spell-caster? A young woman who could pull off...
"The Rah-Tilt."
And just saying the words reminded him of the first time they'd ever cast it together- an accident, really, during the fight with Copy Rezo and Zanaffar. He remembered the look they shared, and how he felt his heart jump startlingly as he tried to accept that the small girl beside him could hold so much power.
Except...that power was gone now. Removed suddenly and out of his grasp as quickly as he'd come to realize that part of that power was the allure she had over him. He ran his mind back over the instant when she'd said...when she'd said that horrible thing. The words she should have said, the words he knew he deserved...the words that hurt like nothing in the world. The words that wouldn't leave him alone.
He stood slowly, and one of stacks of precariously balanced papers slid off the desk. He bent down with a small curse to pick them up, and as he did so, noticed a bracelet on the floor as well- the companion to the one she'd given him. Zel reached out and picked it up, feeling its familiar weight as he returned the papers to her desk, then resumed his full height.
It was pink, just like the other, with a cobalt sphere that always sat on the top of her wrist. The chimera walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, turning the bracelet in his hands. It was such a simple thing... What she wore had never betrayed her true identity as a princess. When she was out with her friends, she was just a person. Just a girl.
Is that all she was worth to you? a voice inside him asked, repeating Lina's words. He'd been telling himself that Amelia was "just a girl" quite a lot recently. Was that really what he felt?
Before he could analyze that thought more deeply, something on the bedside table caught his eye. He carefully picked it up; it was a little portrait of Amelia and her father, probably done quite recently. She was wearing her pink dress, the one she'd worn when they met again before traveling into the lands outside the barrier, and her smile sparkled as it ever had. Lightly, he ran his fingers over her image, looking into those deep blue eyes... He felt his heart squeeze uncomfortably for a moment. The last time they'd spoken, those eyes were angry and full of tears. And the voice, the sweet voice that always sounded so happy as she called to him...that voice had choked on "Zelgadis-san" and made it into a curse.
Gently setting the portrait down again, he picked up two more papers, and with growing unease began to read the top one. It extolled the virtues of Arret, Prince of Tiolas. He liked to read, and was a good swordsman. He didn't know magic, but he was trying to learn- he wanted to be a shamanist. There was even a little sketch of the young man himself, very well done, in the lower right hand corner. He was certainly good-looking.
It took a moment before the name stuck, but within an instant Zel realized that this was him. This was her fiancee.
Unable to look at the words anymore, he put that paper aside on the bed, and stared down at the other one, recognizing the handwriting all too well.
The paper was crumpled and torn, as if it had been balled up and then unfolded many times. In some places, the words were smeared; it looked like tears had tried to erase them .
It was his own letter. The only letter he'd written her, shortly after they'd parted ways with Filia. Swallowing through a throat that suddenly felt very tight, he scanned it and saw it wasn't even half a page long.
As if that couldn't be enough, one more thing had to make itself known. Glancing away, he noticed one more thing on the bedside table: a little black velvet box.
With a hand that shook almost imperceptibly, he picked it up. This was the box to her engagement ring. This was the box that sealed her fate. He opened it slowly, praying, praying to everything that maybe the ring was...
It was empty.
"So."he said to himself, forcing the words out. "Wherever she is...she's still wearing the ring."
It was too much.
He snapped the box shut and hurled it at the wall, watching it bounce to the floor unharmed. His fist tightened around the bracelet and several things that had been waiting in the back of his mind finally stepped forward.
He had lost the mate to this piece of jewelry. He had lost the only thing he'd ever willingly accepted from her, a gift that was very important to the princess. But he hadn't cared enough about it. He'd lost it, and pushed her away with shallow letters of no substance.
And he hadn't expected to lose her; he'd taken for granted that she would always be there, waiting for him. But he'd lost her to this man, this Arret, this person she didn't even know. She was wearing his ring. His ring and not the bracelet that she'd shared with Zel. How could she? How could she just give up on him like that?! How could she just disappear right after she'd said all those awful things and...
Why hadn't he tried to stop her? Yes, he'd gone after her...for a moment. Then he'd given up and just let her walk away with those people, probably the people who had taken her. He'd given up. And it wasn't fair of him to berate her for doing the same thing. He deserved to be left like that, but she didn't.
Except...except what if she was dead? Sighing heavily, Zel scooted back on the bed and lay down, folding his arms across his chest. If she was dead then they'd find her sooner or later, right? And if her body was recovered...he didn't really want to be the one doing it. Oh, sure, she was strong and could defend herself, but Gourry had raised a good point: What if she'd been surprised and had no time?
What if she was dead and they never got a chance to speak again?
The chimera felt his breath catch in his throat. What if? Then the last words they'd ever spoken would have been at the party. If that was true, and there hadn't even been a goodbye between them... There would never be a chance for them to fix things, to talk, to figure out...
Is that all she was worth to you?
Zel forcibly tore his thoughts away from that place. His eyes felt very heavy -well, he had been up all night looking for that damned bracelet- and he decided to shut them for a moment. The bed was comfortable against his back, and as his tiredness overcame him, the last thing he wondered was if this was the side of the bed Amelia slept on.