A/N: Lalala, it's AUTUMN!!!! My favorite time of year!! I love Halloween!! But anyway, this story should be longer, I tried my best to write it longer. Parts of it may seem sketchy and hurried through, but that's because I had so much I wanted to write about and not enough patience to write thoroughly for everything.

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The next few days seemed to roll by, Summer and I searched everywhere for Seth. Or at least I did, Summer kind of lagged behind, on the brink of crying. What Seth had done was starting to piss me off more than worry me. I mean, how could he just leave him home, and Summer, the girl he's so "in love" with. What he did was really selfish and cowardly.

I looked over at Summer and smiled, but, as usual, she just looked at me then looked away.

I reached out and touched her hand, "Look, Summer, I miss him too, but you can't spend all your time mopeing around and thinking it's the end of the world. Where's the Summer I used to know who never let a thing like this get her down? Who always kept smiling? Who always saw the sun behind the rain clouds? Just because Seth is gone doesn't mean he's – gone – I Know he'll come back someday. But what he has to realize when he does come back is that leaving you was the biggest mistake of his life, because he probably lost you too."

She looked down and picked at the edge of her shirt for a moment, then looked at me and said, with a voice hoarse from crying, "I know you're right, but it's hard. Everywhere I go I see him. I never thought I would say it, but I love him, because he loved me for me, not for my reputation. I don't know, I guess I should stop worrying, after all, he is a guy, and guys do dumb stuff. But I still miss him..." she smiled, the first real smile I had seen from her in days, "I promise I'll try harder to have more fun, but give me time okay?"

"Agreed," I said, giving her a hug.

She pulled away, a look of embarrassment on her face, "I just realized how selfish I'm being. Here I am mopeing about Seth, when you're going through the same thing I am, probably even worse. I haven't even asked how you're doing? Have you heard anything?"

"Um, no, actually I haven't heard anything. But they're just settling in and getting used to everything, I didn't expect to." I licked my lips and turned my gaze towards to beach. Realizing how chapped my lips were I distracted myself looking for chapstick in my purse, but I could feel her stare still on me.

Silently I willed her not to press the issue, I knew if we kept talking about it, my numbness would break and the pain would be unbearable. Luckily, she must have sensed my apprehension about the topic and let it drop.

There was a moment of akward silence before she asked, "so...do you want to go shopping? Ulta is having their summer sale."

"Like I'd say no to Ulta!"

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Ryan woke up still facing Marissa's picture. He stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom. He turned the faucet on and rubbed his face with cold water, jolting him awake.

In the living room/kitchen he found Thereasa asleep on the couch with the T.V. on. He pulled a blanket off a nearby chair and draped it over her. He then took five steps forward and found the fridge.

He reached in and pulled out a jug of O.J. and a bagel and butter. He toasted the bagel and buttered it while taking continual sips of O.J. from the carton. Out of the corner of his eye, Ryan could see Thereasa stir in her sleep, then sit up, awake.

She stretched and greeted him with a small smile that turned into a yawn. She got up and ambled over to him, picking out yogurt from the fridge. She found a spoon and dipped it into her yogurt, slurping down the liquid fruit.

They both stood there in an akward silence just eating their breakfast, before Thereasa spoke.

"I have an appointment with the doctor today, didn't know if you wanted to come..." she craftily avoided his eyes.

"Actually I was going to job search today, but if you want me there..."

"No, that's fine." She said dropping the subject; another akward silence fell.

"Well...I'll see you later then..." he said, slowly backing up towards his room.

"Right, later tonight sometime," she said nodding and heading to her room.

He entered his room, shut the door and slid down in onto the floor. He sighed from relief.

His head pounded, he rubbed his fingers along his forehead, especially his temples. The pain subsided for an instant, but returned shortly after.

Ryan went into the bathroom and popped some advil in his mouth, and guzzled them down with water. He looked at himself in the mirror.

He hardly recognized his reflection. He had a week's worth of stubble crowding his face, his hair was tangled and too long, he was thinner and his summer tan was hardly visible anymore. Ever since he had left the O.C. it's like he had stopped taking care of himself. He just didn't care anymore, didn't see the point. After all, he wasn't trying to impress anyone anymore. He didn't have to deal with Marissa carting him around like a pretty boy. No more worrying about if he looked good enough to be seen with her.

The thought of Marissa only made his head throb more. He stumbled into his room and flopped down on the bed.

Ten minutes later he was still thinking about her and forgot where he really was. The phone rang and he jumped up to answer it.

"Hello!?" he said, a little more eagerly than he intended. He was disappointed to hear a man's voice on the other end.

"Yes, hello, is Thereasa there?" the polite, but official voice asked.

He stared at the phone in confusion. 'What does he want Thereasa for, this is Seth's house... Why would anyone look for her here?' But then he remembered the reality of things. Marissa wasn't going to call, Seth and his family were gone, and he was living in a shack of an apartment with his longest childhood friend who he had gotten pregnant in a moment of weak blindness and need for someone's love.

"Yeah, hold on," he went to her room and knocked on her door. "Thereasa? The phone's for you." He waited for her to pick up then hung up.

He trudged back to his room and set the phone in it's receiver.

Having the reality come back to him was like a blow to the head. For the first time, he realized how much he had screwed up, and lost. Things he cared about more than anything in the world would never belong to him again. A family, a future, Marissa...He lost it all. The reality was too harsh.

Ryan placed his head in his hands and cried like he hadn't cried since he was eight.

oO0 0Oo

Thereasa picked up the phone, "Hello?"

She smiled hearing the voice of her sweet old doctor, Mr Heartall. "Hello dear, I was just calling to confirm our appointment at 11 this morning, is it still okay?"

"Of course it is," she said, smiling wider at his gentle nature. He had always been like a father to her and had been her doctor since she could remember.

"Alright then, I'll see you at 11."

"Okay, bye doctor Heartall."

"Buh bye."

She checked her watch and saw she only had a half and hour. Quickly she got dressed and ready, then flew out the door saying goodbye to Ryan as she shut the door, but he didn't hear her.

She arrived at the hospital and was shown to a room to wait in until the doctor came, which was shortly after.

He greeted her with a warm hug and a reassuring smile. "How have you been doing? Everything normal so far?"

"Yup, nothing out of the ordinary, at least according to teen pregnancy books," she smiled.

"Well, I have some test results for you. You said you wanted to know what sex it was so you could prepare?" she nodded and he went on, "You also wanted a DNA test to determine the father?" she looked down at her lap and nodded.

"Well then, do you want to hear the results now, or have the examination first?"

"Let's get the exam over with," she said, sitting down in a chair near the stethoscope.

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After the exam, and everything being normal and healthy, Thereasa and Doctor Hearall headed back to their room. She sat down, her heart fluttering with nervous anticipation of the test results.

He took a deep breath and smiled, reading through his charts he smiled wider at her and looked up, "Congratulations, my dear, you're having a girl."

A wide smile crossed her face, and her cheeks flushed with excitement.

"As for the lucky man..." Her muscles tensed and her face became serious again, palms sweaty, heartbeat rapid.

"Remember this test was kept confidential, so the father is man A, whoever he is. " Her smile vanished. Worry came across her face.

She quickly recovered and headed to leave, "Thank you, Doctor, as always it's been a pleasure talking to you. See you in a month!" She dashed out the office and practically ran to her car.

She got in and tried to hold back the tears about to spill from her eyes. 'How could this be? Things would have been so perfect....' She couldn't fight them anymore, she let herself cry.

'I can't tell Eddie. Who knows what he'll do.... To me....or his baby.... Maybe I just won't tell him...I mean, Ryan never has to know it's not his. We can go on living happily together. He'll protect us and care for us. He'll never have to know the baby isn't his. It's better this way...'

She started up the car and headed home to tell Ryan the good news.

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After a full day of shopping, Marissa was feeling relatively better. She dropped her bags on the chair by her computer and fell back first onto her bed, staring at the ceiling. After a moment, a thought from earlier in the day crossed her mind, 'why exactly haven't I heard from Ryan? I mean, we said we were still friends. And he should know about Seth.' Slowly she sat up and took a deep breath.

Shakily she reached for her cordless phone and started dialing his new number, which she had pinned to her bulletin board. She put the phone up the her ear and shut her eyes tightly as she heard it ring.

Once.

Twice.

She bit her lip.

Three times.

'Please answer...'

At the start of the fourth ring her hand reached for the receiver to hang up. Just before she did she heard a muffled voice on the other end hastily say hello.

"Hello?" she asked timidly, not sure if she had the right number.

"Marissa?"

She knew at once that it was him, she had forgotten how much she missed his voice. "Hey, Ryan, how are things?"

She could hear him laugh slightly on the other end, "Great, how have you been?"

She tried to hide how much she missed him, "Ok, Everyone says hi," she said, tears pooling in her eyes. 'It's too hard talking to him like nothing is wrong, like I don't miss him every moment of every day.'

"Tell them I say hi," he said, "How's Seth?"

Her mood dropped, if possible, lower, "Well actually, that was the main reason I called...He's missing, Ryan. After you left he disappeared. No one knows where, but his boat is gone. He left a note, but it didn't say anything. Sandy and Kirsten are a wreck, not to mention how Summer is taking it..."

The other end was silent.

"Ryan? Are you there?"

"I'm coming home, I have to find him, I have to make this right."

Her heart skipped a beat 'What did he just say? He's coming home?' Her heart ached for him to come back to her, to smile at her, touch her, look at her. She wanted nothing more than to stay wrapped up in his arms forever.

But deep down she knew it was wrong. She knew he had to stay with Thereasa, and she hated it all the more knowing he would never be hers again. The pain was too severe. So the did the only thing she knew was right, and regretted every moment of it.

All she could think of was Moulin Rouge and what Ziddler had said, "Hurt him to save him." She knew what she had to do, to keep him with Thereasa, where he would do the right thing.

"You can't," she said plainly, betraying no emotion.

He was startled, he thought for sure that's what she'd want, at least, that's what he wanted...

"What? Why not?"

"You hurt us enough by leaving the first time, the Cohens don't want to see you. You backstabbed them. After everything they gave you, you just up and leave like they meant nothing. They treated you like family and you left them in the dust. I'm not surprised Seth left. Finding out that his best friend was only using him, only to leave at the drop of a hat without any remorse. Just stay there, where you belong." The words coming out of her mouth were like daggers, cutting through his silent reaction, and her own heart.

After a moment, a small voice replied, "Ok, I'll just .... Stay here then.... Bye..." and then the line went dead.

She threw the phone on her bed and cursed at herself. She knew what she had done was right, but it didn't stop the pain. Through blurry eyes she went to her closet and pulled out a bottle, slowly sipping the hurt away. She sat on her floor, rocking, holding herself and clutching her bottle.

'To hell with everything,' Marissa thought, 'my life is over, I've lost the one person I care for most of all, the love of my life,' she took another swig.

'Life's not fair, it's not fucking fair.'

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A/N: The next one will come soon. Aren't you proud of me? I made this one pretty long, compared to the length of my usual chapters.... 