"Ulterior Motives"
Author's note: ::bows:: I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. And it isn't even long…450 or so words. I apologize, but writer's block has REALLY been kicking me in the ass lately. I wrote the majority of this today, as I got a burst of inspiration in the middle of class for some odd reason. Oh well. Whatever works, works. The story probably won't go on for too much longer. Although at the moment, I really don't know where to go with it. I have a vague idea for an ending, but no idea how to get there. So I'm at a loss. Happy ending, sad ending…who knows. But I'll try my best to give these boys a nice happy ending, as they're going (and going to have to go) through enough angst to deserve it.
This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Luisa. My POTO partner in crime. Love you. And ph33r the rulers and swirling vortexes of doom. Also, happy 17th Birthday on Broadway, Phantom.
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-Erik's POV-
This should have been simple. This entire 'plan', that is. If I had followed it exactly as I had initially planned, all would be well. Raoul would have been out of the picture, and Christine would finally belong to me and /only/ me.
…No. It wouldn't have worked out. Not even due to mishaps occurring. The structural design is at fault. No matter how well I played my part, how closely events followed the blueprints…
What was I /thinking/ when I devised this plan? How did I ever expect it to work? The situation has not gotten any better; in fact, it is many times worse than it was before. Christine is frightened to death of me, and clearly, her heart belongs to the vicomte. Breaking this bond would…will prove difficult.
And Raoul…
Erik, what have you done? Have you forgotten the sweet song of your angel so easily…so readily?
It is not even the matter of gender which disturbs me. Although I had not known love personally, I had never regarded the love between two men (or even women, for that matter), rare and unusual as it is, with disdain or disgust. If one is fortunate enough to love and be loved, so much the better for them. No…it is not the fact that Raoul is a man that bothers me.
Gentle brown curls have been replaced in my mind by lustrous golden strands. I can barely see her hazel eyes anymore. Instead, I see blue ones, soft and yet at the same time firm, conveying a sense of charm and innocence unprecedented by anyone, even Christine.
I cannot lie upon my bed without recognizing the absence of his body next to mine, so short a time it may have been. The feeling of warmth and comfort provided by merely holding him were unlike anything I had felt before. He is so innocent, handsome…beautiful, even…truly a creature of the light. What a contrast to the dark beast I am!
If this were not enough to drive me mad, even the guilt is reluctant to set in. I feel no remorse for the actions I have done, no regrets for what has gone on between myself and this boy.
And to make the matters further complicated, he has truly fallen for me. At least, this man whom I have presented to him. If he knew how I truly was…if he knew I was using him…I highly doubt he would harbor those same feelings. And yet…
This is what I had set out to do…to make him fall in love with me. In this, I have succeeded.
I never expected that I would be falling for him as well.