Cases
AN: Hello! This is my first Detective Conan fic, and therefore, I don't own it. I've watched it for a while on Adult Swim, but my good buddy Candyland recently became obsessed with it, so I know a good amount. I also must thank her profusely for helping me out with names and personalities, so THANKS A TON, CANDY-CHAN!!! This is sort of a silly, crazy fic, but most of my firsts in a category are. ...Except for Inuyasha and Teen Titans, but I won't get into that. This is supposed to be a funny fic. I know everything is completely cliche, but that's where the humor is. And I also sort of stole the crime story from Monk, but I watch that show too much XD. Now, on with the story!
Kudo Shinichi sat in Dr. Agasa's lab, seeming bored. He had been under the alias of Edogawa Conan for several months now, and frankly he was just plain sick of being a seven year old. He was even afraid that it was starting to affect him mentally.
Miyano Shiho, also known as Haibara Ai, came into the room and looked at the bored teenager stuck in a similar mess to the one she was in. "What's wrong now?" she asked, digging through some papers.
Shinichi mumbled a little before finally speaking up. "Have figured out that antidote, yet?" he asked, started to kick his feet back and forth in frustration.
"No," she replied, still looking at the papers. "It'll probably take a while. Just be patient!"
"I'm tired of being patient!" he cried, leaping to the floor. "This whole secret identity thing just isn't going to cut it anymore! I need to be myself again! What if I'm slowly turning back into a seven year old because of this?"
"Well, your whining certainly doesn't make me think that," Ai said sarcastically. "Look, if you're that desperate, then you think up a way to reverse this! I mean, why would a scientist who helped invent the drug know anything about it, right?"
Suddenly, his eyes widened in the way they usually do when he's discovered a vital clue in a case. "Wait a minute," he began, starting to pace back and forth. "Why didn't I think of this before? There is a way for me to go back to my normal self before you figure out the antidote! I mean, I'll still have to take it, but this could suffice for now!"
"What are you blabbering about?" she asked, putting down the papers and climbing onto a chair.
"And best of all, I'm living with the one person who can supply me with everything I need," he continued, stopping his wandering and smiling proudly. "See ya later!"
She shrugged. "Just don't do anything stupid," she muttered, flipping through some more paperwork.
Mouri Kogoro was passed out on the couch. Apparently, having a cold made his usual alcoholic consumption affect him much fast than normally. Several untouched cans of beer sat by the sofa. This was the scene that beheld the eyes of Edogawa Conan as he entered the room.
He snickered to himself. "This idiot will never remember how much he drank," Shinichi said to himself. "And there's so much of this stuff in the pantry, he won't miss a few cases... By the time I'm done with that, I can probably find wherever Dad hid his stash..." He grabbed the untouched cans and snuck off to get some more.
"Conan?!" Mouri Ran called, looking around the house. "I wonder where that boy has gotten to? It's hard enough here with Dad sick!"
Just then the phone rang. She sighed and picked it up after the second ring. "Hello?"
"Hello, Ran? This is Agasa. I need to speak with you about something."
"Is it about Conan?!" she exclaimed, putting her free hand onto the table for support.
"Well, yes and no. I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
She thought for a second, feeling nervous. "T-the bad, I guess."
"Well, Conan's parents have come to take him back with them. I'll come over later to get his things."
She sighed. "Oh is, that all?" she said with a laugh. "That's wonderful news! Unless you told me the wrong one."
"No, I didn't," Dr. Agasa replied. "As for the good news, well, I think there's somewhere here who'd rather tell you himself."
Ran felt her heart stop. It couldn't be... Could it?
"Hey, Ran!"
Her heart leapt into her throat. "Shi... Shinichi?"
"Yep," he replied happily. "Guess what?"
"What," she whispered, feeling herself tense up.
"I'm back!" he said, as though she was a complete idiot for not figuring it out.
"F-for good?" Ran asked, ignoring his inflection.
"Well, as of now, yes," Shinichi said with a laugh.
Ran felt like she was about to cry, but she didn't know why. Well, actually she did. It's just that she would never admit it. "T-that's great!" she exclaimed, sobbing.
"Don't sound too excited," he said, with a fake air of disappointment.
"You idiot!!! I'm thrilled! Now, I had better see you sometime within the next 24 hours, or you'll wish you hadn't come back at all!" With that, she hung up the phone, crying too hard to talk anymore.
Conan stared at the receiver for a second, readjusting his bow tie. "Well, she took that better than I thought," he muttered, looking at the scientist.
"Are you sure about this, Shinichi?" Agasa asked, looking at the cases of beer the small teen had recently deposited in his office.
"It'll be fine," he laughed. "Whenever I need to go out for a little bit, I'll just drink a can or two! There's a break from school, so I don't need to worry about that. As long as no one else really finds out, it'll all be okay!"
Inspector Megure looked at the woman's body, searching everywhere for clues. "I don't get it," he mumbled, officers desperately looking at every nook and cranny of the hotel room. "There's not a clue in here! The carpet isn't even stained. Somebody killed this woman and then made sure this place was spick and span... How is this possible, though? The person who called it in said they had seen her alive only 15 minutes before. There's no way someone could clean this mess..."
"What should we do, Megure?" an officer asked, seeming just as lost as the others.
"Call Mouri. He can probably figure this thing out..."
"I heard that Kudo was back in town," another officer said, looking up from where he was staring under the bed.
"Are you serious?!" Megure exclaimed. "Well, try them both. If Kudo really isn't here, we'll at least have both."
And so it came to pass that two hours later, a still sniffling Mouri Kogoro stood in the hotel room, scanning everything with his eyes. Megure sighed. "Are you sure Kudo said he was coming?"
"Yes, sir," the policeman replied, looking down the hallway. "He should be here any minute... Wait, here he comes!"
A few moments later, Kudo Shinichi stumbled into the room. Literally. Having realized that taking on a case could ensue several hours of investigation after he had accepted, he did the only thing he could do. Drink more beer than he did for a usual outing. A lot more. In fact, it was more than he thought it actually was, mostly because after a while he found that he just wanted to keep on having it. By the time he left, he had all ready taken on another case, so to speak. Of course, there was no way he could explain why he had done it without blowing his cover, but that really wasn't on his mind right now. What was on his mind was the fact that the room was mysteriously spinning around him.
"Wha's the matter?" he slurred, looking around and seeming confused.
"There's a dead woman here and there are absolutely no clues," Megure replied, eyeing him strangely along with everyone else. "There's not even any blood stains on the carpet. Whoever killed this woman obviously cleaned within the fifteen minutes between her death and the discovery of the body."
Shinichi looked at the body, still looking incredibly disorientated. "Hey," he suddenly began, looking on the verge of a major breakthrough. "Why's that lady lyin' there?"
Everyone's jaws dropped. The kid couldn't be serious! "Uh, I just explained it to you, Kudo," Megure began walking toward in order to catch a whiff of his breath. "Have you been drinking?"
"No!" he replied quickly, wavering a little. "I... I'm not drunk. I'm not... drunk a'all! ...Hey, I think that lady's bleedin' down there... Somebody shou' help her."
"Wait," Kogoro began, his eyes becoming big. "I've figure it out! Somebody killed her some place else and carried the body in here to be found! That way, when we showed up, there would be no sign of the crime at all because it didn't even happen here!"
"There's only one problem with that," Megure replied, frowning at the excited imbecile. "People were in this hallway all morning. Nobody saw anything suspicious, including someone carrying a body. And there would still probably be blood stains somewhere."
"Well..." he began, falling silent as he lost himself in his own unexplainable thoughts.
"What do you think, Kudo?" the inspector asked, not knowing if he should with the boy's present state but realizing he had no option.
"Well," he began, his mouth moving strangely as he looked at the dead woman. "I think somebody stabbed this lady," he said, trying to put his hand to his chin as he normally did and succeeding in whacking himself in the nose. "And I think somebody did the same thing to her twin over there, too."
"What tw..." Megure began, falling silent as he watched Shinichi nearly fall over onto the woman and finally regain his balance, laughing very oddly.
"I a'most fell!" he stated, looking around at everyone to see if they were laughing too.
"Kudo, maybe you should go home..." Megure said, realizing that his usual expertise wasn't going to work this time.
"N-no way," he stuttered, trying to frown at the inspector. "I'm here to solve this case an' I will! Nothing will stand in my way, cause I'm Shini... Shinini... Ninini... I'm Jimmy Kudo!"
"Jimmy?" Kogoro repeated, looking at the boy oddly.
"Tha's what I said!" he replied triumphantly. "Heh heh, I said my name was Jimmy!"
"We noticed," Megure said with little enthusiasm. "If you're not going to leave, just... stay out of the way of everyone who still has their motor skills."
"I'm not a mechanic," Shinichi said, looking at him with confusion. "Imma dectecative! Unlike... Unlike Kogo... ro... Ro? Richard!" He stared laughing again. "I called you Richard!"
Mouri looked at him with disgust. Sure, he had never liked the kid, but this was just crazy!
"Hey, where's Ran?" the teenager asked, stumbling toward the bumbling detective.
"She's at home," he replied coldly, frowning at him.
"Tha's too bad," Shinichi said, he smile dropping a little, although he still giggled some. "Ya know what? She's hot!"
"WHAT?!"
"No, not the dead ladies," he continued, his intoxicated mind off on it's own little tangent. "I mean Ran. She is one fine woman! I mean, she..."
Kogoro had turned an interesting shade of red by this point. "Can we just get back to the case?!" he exclaimed, suppressing all urges to beat what senses were left out of the boy.
Shinichi kept on laughing. "Hey, Richard," he said, obviously enjoying the names he had come up with. "You remember that time whe' you asked me to get you some beer an' I was like 'No way!' an' you were drunk an' you tried to hit me but you missed? That was funny."
Now Mouri was really confused. Not only did he actually remember one of his inebriated moments, he remembered who he had been talking to. And it wasn't Shinichi Kudo. "Well, I remember that, but I was talking to that brat Conan, then, not you."
"Oh yeah!" he said, looking as though he had just remembered something important. "Tha's what I meant to say! When you asked Conan that an' I was like 'No' an'..."
"You mean Conan," Kogoro replied, eyeing the boy suspiciously.
"I wonder why he's confusing himself with Conan?" he thought. "This guy must be really drunk!" Oh well, at least Shinichi had been talking to the dumbest detective in town...
"Yeah, Conan."
"Kudo," Megure finally said, getting sick of where this investigation was going fast, which was nowhere, "if you're just going to stand around and disturb our only rational detective, I think you should leave."
"Him?!" he exclaimed, looking at Mouri with confusion. "He coul'n solve his way outta a paper box! I solved all those cases!"
"You weren't even there!" Kogoro exclaimed, finally sick of Kudo's antics.
"Yeah I was! I'm always there! See, Dr. Agasa ga' me this watch, and I jus' hit this button and solve the case with my tie!"
Everyone looked at him with confusion and disgust. This kid was really drunk! "I have no idea of what you're talking about," Mouri said. "The only people who are almost always with me are Ran and Conan. I've never seen you anywhere!"
"Where is Ran?" Shinichi asked, leaning in toward her father. "Cause you know what? She's ho..."
"WILL YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE?!" the angry detective exclaimed.
"All righ', all righ'" he said, stumbling toward the door. "But you won' be able to solve those ladies deaths without Sinisishi... without Jimmy Kudo! I'm the one who solves all the other ones. See, these guys gamme this pill an' I got li'l an' I started callin' myself Co..."
Just then, Dr. Agasa and Ai came running in. Apparently, they had both heard about the crime and realized that if Shinichi were called, there would be trouble. "Sorry about this," Agasa said, grabbing the boy as he fell over. "I was so busy watching this little girl for the day that I didn't realize what he was doing!"
"You don' hafta watch me," Shinichi said, looking at him. "Hey, they can tell you about the li'l pill! She made it!" He pointed at Ai, who looked at him in surprise.
"What are you..." she began to exclaim, but stopped herself and continued, saying, "talking about, Mr. Kudo? I can barely make onigiri!"
"We'll just take him out of here," Agasa said, smiling nervously. "It seems that all of the stress of traveling and then coming back got to him." They dragged Shinichi out of the room, while he looked around at the hallway.
"Where are we, anyway?"
Ran put her things down on the table and sighed angrily. Sure, Conan's parents had a change of plans and left the boy back at her house that afternoon, but that didn't bother her too much. What really bugged her was that Kudo Shinichi had once again left town without bothering to say a word to her about it. She stormed into the room where Conan lay on the couch, looking miserable.
"Remind me to kill that Shinichi the next time I see him!" she exclaimed, looking at the boy.
"Ugh," he began, putting his hands underneath his glasses and covering his eyes. "Not now, Ran-nee-san. My head is killing me!"
AN: Well, that turned out shorter that I thought it would, which is good, lol. I don't know, I hope you liked it and it's randomness... ness. I know parts were kind of strange, but I just found myself remembering that I had heard alcohol could temporarily bring him back, and the idea hit! By the way, I know there was no solution to the case. On Monk, someone witnessed it, and when they got to the room, there wasn't even a body. That was a good episode... Anyway, please review and let me know what you thought!