A/N – Once again it has taken me way over two months to write out another chapter for you. Almost 4 months. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but life has been so busy lately. My English teacher had me reading four books outta school along with my regular work and then my History teacher kept piling on the work. Then there were finals and now we've just started new semester. Add all of this to the fact that I'm loosing my way in where this story is heading. Hopefully I will be able to get it going a little better. Reviews help a lot… and if you people have any ideas, I'm up for them.

Summary – Years after the events in there fifth year, four years after Hogwarts, Lily is an Auror. Now transferred to the Department of Mysteries because of her amazing gift to see the future, she is face once again to James Potter, who has blatantly ignored her for the past six years. Her dreams become more frequent and she seeks advice from her old guardian. Will she follow her hear, or let Fate take its course? A LE/JP fic

Rating – More PG-13 than anything, but still has adult stuff.

Disclaimer – not mine, not mine, not mine… maybe in a disillusioned world it is, but sadly the only thing here that is mine is the plot.

-------------------------------Fate's Course-------------------------------

Chapter 4

Lily rolled her eyes. This was just what she needed, another James story. She took a deep breath and looked at Sirius. A shiver ran down her spine as she remembered the dream.

"Take a seat and tell me what's up," she said in defeat. Sirius sat down, look at her solemnly.

"Lily, be prepared okay, this is gonna bring back some unwanted memories I think," he started out slowly. Lily looked at him confusedly, but didn't say anything. So he continued. "James got drunk, badly drunk. And he started talking about things. Things from school… about you and him," he said very slowly, looking at her concernedly. She took another deep breath.

"I suppose some things need explaining then, don't they?" she asked, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"Lily, how come you never told us? Why didn't you ever tell James? Why did you jump off that god damned tower knowing that?" he said in one breath, looking at her expectantly.

"It's hard to explain Sirius. I was 16, way too young to have a kid on the way. I was scared as hell and I knew that James would've done a few things. One: he would have flipped. Two: he didn't love me, like I did him. And Three: he's a guy, he had other things on his mind," she said quietly. Sirius looked at her, a serious expression gracing his face.

"Lily…I thought you were supposed to be one of the smartest witches of the century. Why go through the pain of jumping off the tower though? You could've just taken a potion and it would have been gone, painlessly."

"The fall wasn't supposed to kill just the baby… but me too," she said, tears coming to her eyes at the memory. "Sirius, my life was going to hell at the moment. I had nothing to live for and felt no reason to go on, I wanted to die."

"Lily… from how James was talking about it, when you told him he was devastated… I take it that's why you guys haven't really talked much, or been the same since 6th year?" he asked, his mind working overtime.

"We've got an everyday Sherlock!" she said sarcastically.

"Lily, this isn't something to joke about!"

"You don't think I know that???" she practically yelled. "I've tried so hard to forget everything… but it haunts my dreams along with everything else. When I don't have my visions, I have dreams of falling without ever stopping, and when I finally do, I land into a death eater's circle and everyone I've ever cared about is in the middle being tortured. That's when I wake up. All the mistakes I've ever made Sirius, every little one," she said, letting out a dry sob. Her tears had been spent years ago, no more left to cry.

"Lils…" Sirius said, looking at her with even more concern.

"I'm fine, really," she said, not looking at him.

"I should have never come. I didn't need to bother you with this. I could have waited for James to sober up," he said regretfully.

"No Sirius, it's not your fault. It's my own. I knew I'd have to face this sooner or later," she said sighing heavily.

"But still…"

"Sirius, it's fine, really," she said, putting a hand on his arm. He smiled at her a bit. "I'll try and explain more of it later, but if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to sleep." He smiled even more at that.

"That I can do, I'll see you later then?"

"You bet." And with that, Sirius popped away.

After he left Lily went to her room and grabbed her phone. She quickly dialed Mollie's number with a shaky hand.

"Hello?" Mollie asked when she picked up the phone.

"M-mol, could you come over here?" she asked.

"Yea… I guess. Why?"

"Just come over and bring over whatever alcohol you've got." With that she hung up the phone and collapsed onto her bed, sobbing slightly again in agony and pain of the wishfully forgotten memories.

Mollie arrived a few minutes later with as much alcohol as she could carry; three bottles of fire whiskey, some bottles of tequila and a six pack of beer. She placed them all on the kitchen table and went in search of Lily. She was worried as hell. She hadn't heard Lily that upset in a long while.

"Lily?" she asked tentatively as she crept towards her bedroom. "Hun, are you okay?"

"I'm in here, and no I'm not," she said, sitting up off of her bed. Her eyes were puffy and red and she looked as though she'd been crying for a long while.

"Oh, Lily," Mollie cried out, rushing to Lily's side. "What's wrong??" She quickly cradled Lily in her arms, rocking her back and forth to try and comfort her.

"Did you brink the liquor?"

"Yes, but Lily… I really don't think you should be drinking in this condition," Mollie said cautiously, rubbing Lily's back.

Lily pulled away, looking at Mollie in a most difficult way to describe, she was shocked and angry and yet still sad.

"Mol, I need this. I've just practically relived the worst moment of my life. The main person involved in that is now my boss and I'm just so god damn confused that I need a lil relief!" she practically yelled. "Now where is it?" she asked, her voice dangerously low.

"In the kitchen," she said in defeat. Lily quickly went out into the kitchen and grabbed a shot glass, quickly pouring herself some whiskey, drowning her sorrows in the bottle.

Mollie followed her out as quickly as she could. She walked into the kitchen and looked at Lily sorrowfully. She was trying to drown her sorrows, by now it seemed that she had already had five.

"Lily, no more!" she said, taking the shot glass away from her.

"Mollie, yes Damnit!" she yelled back, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and just drinking out of the bottle. After she chugged almost half of the bottle she put it down. "Mol… I don't know if I'll be able to stand this anymore. My life was a mess to begin with and I was finally starting to get over it. Then, he comes back and brings all the memories with him. All the memories I wanted to erase… all the bad things I've ever done. It's all so painful. I… I don't know why but now that I've seen him, I…" she sighs and drinks some more. "I'm so confused."

"I know Lil, I know," Mollie said, pulling her into a hug and comforting her.

Sirius apparated home and noticed that James was still passed out on the couch. He shook his head and grabbed a blanket, covering his friend with it.

"I had no clue you went through so much Prongs. I guess that's what made you grow up all those years ago. I'm sorry bud." He patted his friends shoulder and left the sober up potion close by in case he woke up. He then headed to bed himself, though he doubted he'd get much sleep considering his mind was going through too much at the moment.

The next morning James woke up with a head-splitting headache. He held his head in his hand, groaning as he sat up. The sun was too bright and cheery for his moods. He hooded his eyes with his hand and groan again, the room was spinning. He fell back down on his back, closing his eyes.

"FUCK!" he yelled, but that didn't help, his head just pounded harder against his temples. It felt as though a set of the Blue Drummer Dudes were playing an especially loud number against his skull.

"Here, this may help." He turned and noticed Sirius sitting next to him. He was holding out a potion to him.

"What is it??" he asks warily, his voice tired and hoarse.

"It's a sober up potion James… it'll make that headache go away," Sirius explained to the poor hung over man. James readily took it and tossed his head back to down it. The sudden movement hurt for only a minute as the potion took effect. He sighed as it ran through him, cool relief. His face turned to a look of relief, his body relaxing and headache disappearing. Suddenly the light wasn't so bright.

"OH SHIT!" he says suddenly and falls back again. Sad thing about sober up potions is that you retain your memory from when you were drunk. "Sirius… I…" he starts out, but can't think of what to say.

"James, it's okay," Sirius says, patting his friend on the back. "You've held that in for too long… I think you needed to let it out. You've kept that secret for too long."

"Sirius, you… you can't tell anyone okay!?" James said in a desperate tone.

Sirius felt bad now, he had gone to Lily. Hopefully she wouldn't say anything to James at work or nothing.

"Promise??" James asked again.

"Yea, I promise Jim," he said quietly. Praying again that Lily would keep they're conversation to herself.