A/N: I have no clue where the inspiration for this came from. I think I was going to put it in another story but this idea was better.
He Died of FrightSome things are so disturbing that you can't take your eyes off them.
Yet, there are some things that are too disturbing to watch.
Our sweet Harry is going to find that out now.
Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about
Harry couldn't sleep. It was kind of hard when he was thinking about all the people they had lost in the war. He had taken to late night walks to try and clear his mind before he slept, not that it helped much.
It was during one of these long walks where he came upon Draco Malfoy, his worst enemy.
The blonde boy was leaning against a wall with his ear to a tapestry.
Harry wondered what he could be doing. He coughed to alert the boy of his presence.
Draco immediately stood up straight and looked around. When his eyes rested on Harry he scowled. "What do you want Potter?"
"To know what you were doing."
"Well, I don't see how it concerns you. It's none of your business," Draco smirked evilly, "Anyway you are out after curfew."
"So what? I'm allowed to be out this late," Harry explained.
"Why, because you're Dumbledore's little golden boy?"
"No it's because…" Harry thought for minute. "Wait, yea I guess that's why."
Draco looked shocked that Harry would admit that. He guessed if the boy wasn't up to fighting tonight there was no use to provoke him further. "Fine."
Harry raised his eyebrows. "What no points taken away?"
Draco turned to Harry. "Well, if you really want me to, I don't mind in the least." Harry shook his head no. "Good. Besides I need someone to share this with."
"Share what?" Harry asked, amazed that Malfoy knew the word share.
I'd appreciate your input
Malfoy motioned Harry over to the tapestry and put his own ear against it. Harry looked skeptical but followed his example.
"Is that music?" Harry asked.
"Shh!" Draco scolded. "I'm trying to figure out what song it is."
Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
The boys both turned to each other eyes wide. But being boys, they had to go back and listen.
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hash browns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time
All of a sudden the boys could hear woops and howls coming from the room. They leaned against the tapestry to get a better hear when they realized there was no wall behind it. After falling noisily onto the ground the boys were sure that they would be caught.
Do it now
Yet the music kept right on playing, each line more unusual than the next.
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now
Harry and Malfoy both got up and started walking down the newly found hallway. As they went the music got louder and louder and the other noises were getting clearer.
Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
It sounded like two people were getting it on. Yet the boys were walking straight onward when they knew they should be going back. They should go back. Leave the people to their privacy. After Malfoy stopped to give me the finger the boys kept right on going. Those stupid teenage guy hormones are the only things leading a guy.
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"
Malfoy had to clap his hand over his mouth at the last line to keep from laughing. Harry looked confused. Malfoy noticed that he also seemed to be getting more nervous as the boys went on.
"What's wrong Potter?"
"N-n-nothing." He gulped.
"Are you a virgin Potter?"
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now
"What?"
"A virgin. Have you had-"
"I know what it means Malfoy," Harry growled.
"Well?"
"No."
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
"No you haven't had sex or no you're not a virgin?"
"No, I'm not a virgin."
"Really? Who was it?"
"I'm not telling you! Tomorrow it will be all over the school."
"Come on Potter, don't be a pussy," He noticed the way Harry childishly smiled at the word "pussy."
"Fine. It was Cho."
"Chang? You got with Chang?"
"Yea but it was quick and only once. It was very wet though."
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
Draco looked at Harry impressed.
"Very nice Potter."
"But she started crying and ran out of the shop. It wasn't the best."
Malfoy's eyes widened. "You were in public?"
Harry looked worried. "Yeah so? Everyone one else was doing it."
"Just what kind of a shop were you in?"
Harry's face turned red. "Madame Pussifoot's."
Draco smacked himself in the forehead. "You idiot. That's not sex. That's called kissing."
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
If it was possible Harry turned even redder as Draco started laughing. They both heard a loud moan and looked at each other before just about running to the end of the corridor. "Hear that? That is sex."
"How do you know?"
"You think I'm a virgin?" Harry shrugged.
They found another tapestry and moved it aside. What they saw shocked them both and they dropped the tapestry immediately.
Harry looked woozy for a second before he fell down into a dead faint. "Shit," Draco cursed. He tried shaking the boy to wake him up, but it was no use as Draco was shaking too much himself. He couldn't even get his wand to revive the boy. Draco opted for a minute's rest until he heard the couple start up again. His eyes widen and he hastily grabbed the Gryffindor and started down the hall with his worst enemy in his arms.
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now
"Nobody is going to believe this," Malfoy muttered to himself. "They are all going to think I killed Potter."
'I'll just have to tell the truth for once,' Draco admitted in his head. 'He died of fright.'
'What was he frightened of? They are going to ask.'
'And once again I will tell the truth.'
…
"He caught Dumbledore and McGongall having sex," Malfoy recited out loud. He had to stop himself from the mental picture so that he didn't drop Harry. Malfoy continued to the hospital wing, shaking his head every so often to keep the pictures from returning.
This…well this was one of those things that are too disturbing to watch.
A/N: well I'm done. That was a very weird fic. Haha
Love,
Kristin
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