Soul Searching

Author: Pumpkin Belly

Previously: Willow finds out she's pregnant with Spike's baby because of a prophecy that says the baby will play a important part in an apocalypse. Good or bad? Nobody knows.

Own his way

It burned. Deep inside of him he could feel it burn. He could hear the voices of people from his past, chiding him, insulting him, doing anything to cause him pain.

"Stupid demon." Spike mumbled out loud as he continued on his way, "Came to him looking for peace, traveled half way around the world because he promised me peace but no all I got was more pain."

He pushed the voices into the back of his mind, trying his best to ignore them.

A Few months earlier

"Why are you here vampire?" the guard in front of the door asked.

"I came to see old Johnnie boy." Spike said to the guard trying his best not to laugh. When he had been told the demon's name was John he had burst out laughing. He'd seen pictures of this guy; he didn't look like a John.

"You will demonstrate respect when you speak of the master." The guard said taking a menacing step towards Spike.

"Ah, right, mate. Sorry." Spike was by no means scared but he needed to get in to see the demon and pissing off the guard was probably not the way to do that.

The guard looked at him with a questionable eye, trying to determine if Spike was being sincere enough for him. After a minute he stepped aside, "You may enter."

Spike glanced at the guard, wondering if he was going to surprise him with an attack, but the guard already was busy with another man.

"I know what you seek vampire." The demon said to Spike in a booming voice, announcing his presence. There was one room in the small hut and that room was dark and dank and resembled an underground cave even though they weren't underground.

"Good, I know what I seek also." Spike said his eyes adjusting to the darkness.

"I'm not sure you do." The demon said his voice had changed from its original booming tone to a tone of a normal male.

"What's with the voice change John?" Spike asked trying to pinpoint John's position in the room.

"Oh, you know I can use the big scary voice, or I can talk like I normally do." John said stepping out of the shadows. Apart from his name and speaking voice there was nothing human about him.

"You normally talk like that?" Spike said raising an eyebrow.

"My mother was human, impregnated with demon spawn or what not." John said moving his clawed hand and rolling his eyes to emphasize his point, "But you're not here to talk about that." John said putting a bumpy arm around Spike leading him to a chair, "You're here because you heard that I could help you become all that you can be."

"Uh, right." Spike said.

"I've gathered that this is because of a girl." John said.

"Yeah, it's just that" Spike began to explain his problem.

"I already know about her. Wonderful girl." John cut Spike off.

"You know about Willow?" Spike asked, taken back.

"Of course I do. I didn't get this job just because I can do the big scary voice. I am good at what I do. I think I can help you, but first you have to realize what you want." John said taking a seat in a chair that appeared out of thin air.

"I know what I want. I want to make myself good enough for Willow." Spike announced.

"No, what you want is peace. You already are good enough for her. You just need to feel like you are. I know how to fix that." John said, tapping one of his clawed hands on the edge of the chair, "I'm not sure you're ready to hear it yet." John confessed.

"How long am I going to have to wait to find out?" Spike asked he felt like he'd spent enough time away from Willow already. It had taken him 2 months just to find this guy.

"That is up to how willing to work you are. We are going to have to do some exercises for you to get in touch with your inner self. So that you can find inner peace." John said.

"I'm a vampire. I'm not supposed to have inner peace." Spike shot back at the demon.

"Everyone deserves inner peace." John said, "Even demons. I have found inner peace." John mumbled a few words that even Spike, with his advanced vampire hearing couldn't hear. Then Spike felt immense pain.

"Ahh! What did you do to me?" Spike yelled.

"I started you on your quest for peace. The first step was to give you back your soul." John said.

"My soul." Spike gasped.

"Yup, the physical pain should go away in a few hours." John said, "Your welcome to lay down." He said waving his hand making a bed appear next to Spike, "the emotional pain will take longer. That is the second step. Getting past your past." John told Spike.

And it had taken awhile. The emotional scaring of his soul was deep. At least that's what John had told him as he guided him on his path. It had taken awhile but finally John had announced that he had done all he could do and sent a much more peaceful Spike on his way.

"I'm almost home Willow," Spike, whispered into the wind.

TBC

A/N: Spike and Willow confrontation in the next chapter!! Although don't know if I'll be able to get that up until the weekend. PLEASE REVIEW. It'll make the chapter come faster.