Chapter 20. The fire within

John lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. His mind was numb, and he liked it that way. If it was numb than he could not think about her. It had been a month, since he left the institute. Three weeks since he last ate something, and two days since he had moved from his spot on the moldy mattress. When he had left the institute he wondered aimlessly for a couple of hours until he found this hotel. It was the worst hotel he had ever been in, and was situated on the worst street he had ever seen, but the rent was cheep, and because he was not eating, paying the manager was not hard, but his money supply was fast fading he only had enough money for one more night.

He would have had more if it wasn't for the phone call he made to his publisher, canceling his contract, and declaring that he would never write again, which did not go down to well at all, but it was his life, and there was no way in hell they could find where he was, or be bothered to come looking for him.

A breeze creped into his room, through his opened window. He shivered, the breeze was cold, with the nip of winter of winter in it. John woke his brain slightly, and with slight shock he realized that winter was in fact very fast approaching, and with another shock he realized that Christmas was only a few months away. 'This would be my first white Christmas', he thought. Thinking back to the blazing hot Christmases he had back at home. He had always wanted to have a Christmas in the snow, when he was a little boy. And to think this Christmas would have been perfect, spending it with his future wife, and his close friends. John regretted waking his mind now, every time he did all thoughts eventually lead back to her. He was so tired but he feared sleep, because every time the blissful state came over him, his subconscious took control once again. Giving him beautiful dreams of what life might have been like if he married Amara, and fathered her children, the dreams were so perfect, and than he would wake up, and the real world would flood painfully back to him.

The door to his room gave a creek. John realized that he had left it unlocked, due to his preoccupied mind. The door creaked more, and he could hear foot steps, as someone came into his room. John remained motionless, couldn't care less if it was a robber, or a homicidal maniac. Maybe they could end all his suffering if it was. To his surprise the person made a beeline straight for his opened window, shutting it, canceling the chilly wind that had once blown through the room. The person than approached his bed.

John's unblinking eyes remained focused on the ceiling. Suddenly his view of the ceiling was blocked, as the person bent over him, inspecting his face.

"Hay, kid". Logan's gruff voice sounded alien to John, but than he realized that he had not heard a person talk for at least three weeks. John said nothing, but his eyes were now focused on wolverine.

"You know running away won't solve your problems", he stated.

"Staying would not have solved my problems ether". John's voice was horse from neglect, this effect made him sound distant.

"Do you think that she would have wanted you to do this to yourself?", Logan asked looking around the rundown room.

"Well I guess I will never know now cause she's not here to tell me herself", John answered.

"Stop wallowing in pity, it won't help bring her back"

"Nothing I do will help bring her back Logan, because she's dead. I can't feel her any more, she is no longer part of me. And I prefer the term brooding to wallowing", even though there was slight sarcasm in his words, his voice did not show it.

"Look, kid, I could stay hear arguing with you all night, but I won't. I don't care if you want to come back to the mansion or not, because your coming with me anyway, and I know your too weak to stop me", Logan growled. "And we don't know if she is dead or not, and I don't know about you, but I certainly know that I would want to be close to someone I love, so that I could be there for when they pull through something like this, John"

John had to admit, he was surprised, this was the first time he had ever heard Logan say his name, but he didn't have much time to think about it, because at that moment, Logan grabbed his arms Hulling him up onto his shoulder. Logan grabbed John's unpacked duffel bag with his free hand, and headed out of the door, to load John into the x-van, and take him back to the mansion so that he could be close to Amara once more. And even though John would not admit it to himself, there was no other place he would rather be right now.

XXX

AN: Logan's not much for negotiating, is he? It's pretty much his way or the highway. And I have decided that there will be Romey in the next chapter, so stay tuned for the next installment.

Thanks to:

joel's-girl8 (don't cry. It is my belief that there is a huge shortage of x-men freaks in Australia, which not many people understand me. Lol)

CajunBelle (well where is your next chapter?, I have written three, while waiting for you to write more, no pressure, lol. But one things for sure your next chapter is gonna be great. Well I think all your chapters are great, but that's besides the point)

EmeraldKatsEye (Congats. On being diverse. Awww, I was hoping I had found another Aussie that shared my obsession. Oh, well)

Valthraema (don't worry there will be Romey)

v son sayian (hopefully this chapter answered your question)