Chapter 22. The fire within.

John lay on his stomach, watching the shadows dance across his wall, from his position on the bed. Suddenly the shadows ceased, as all light was cut leading into the room. Someone was standing in his doorway. John lifted his head in order to tell the person the person to go away, and stoped at the sight that met him.

Amara stood in the doorway of his room, smiling down on him. John sat up right on his bed as fast as was humanly possible. Emotion that he had kept hidden deep down for months, started to bubble within him. Standing up from his bed he continued to stare at the exotic beauty in front of him. Slowly he started to walk towards her, his eyes locked with her deep brown ones. He raised his shaky hand, reaching out to touch her floorless brown hair, but his hand never made it's destination, as his surrounding started to fade.

John's eyes snapped open. He mentally cursed himself. He had been dreaming again, an activity that was becoming increasingly painful. All the happiness the dream provided faded as quickly as it had come, as the situation in his real world hit him full force. Blinking back the fresh wave of tears, he sat up, as a pounding started to come from his locked door. John realised that the noise must have been what roused him from his slumber.

"John!", a Cajun voice yelled from the other side of the door, as a new wave of pounding started. John did not answer, instead he just stared at the plank of wood that divided them.

"Homme, it be Christmas eve, don't you want to come down and see the people off?", gambit asked, continuing his pounding. Still john did not answer. John heard Remy let out a sigh from his opposite side of the wall. That sound was followed by series of small clicks. John realised what he was doing before it was to late. A loud click sounded, as John watched the doorknob turn, helplessly from his bed.

Remy quickly opened the door, and entered shutting it behind him, with ease now that he had picked the lock. The two friends stared at each other for a while, neither one spoke. Quietly Gambit walked towards him, grabbing a chair and dragging it behind him as he went. When he reached John's bedside, he turned the chair around straddling it, with his arms propped on the back.

" I really don't want to talk right now", John declared, in his horse neglected voice.

"Remy knows you don't, but he is still going to talk to you". Remy paused looking around John's untidy room, with clothes, and food packets sprawled out all over the floor. "Many people want to say good bye to you before they leave to go home", he continued.

"Do they know?, well you can tell them that I regretfully decline their sympathy, and pity", John retorted, face emotionless.

" Now, you don't know it's going to be that way. Some just really want to say goodbye", john remained silent. "You know, there are heaps of presents for you down there under the tree"

"Yippy", John said sarcastically.

Remy stared at john for a while regarding him. "The presents and people aren't the real reason why Remy want's you to come down", Remy confessed. John remained silent, pondering what he meant.

"Rogue and I were going to make an announcement tonight", he declared, using rare first person. " And, because Remy considers you as a close friend he wanted you to be there, but if you're not coming down, Remy will just tell you anyway", Remy paused, to look at his team mate. "Rogue's pregnant,…. Remy's gonna be a daddy"

John's eyes widened, even in his emotionally shattered state, he could still recognise the importance, and significances of this announcement. "How?-, when?,-why?", he asked, now interested.

"Well, Rogue be bout three months now, and even though we didn't plan dis, we're still gonna keep it, and personally Remy couldn't be any happier. And as for the 'how', John, do I really have to explain dat to you?", he asked.

John gave him a meek smile, the first smile he had given in months. "congratulations mate, but if I were you I would be more worried about what Kurt and lagan are gonna do to you, when they find out"

Remy let out a sigh, "Oui, but Remy believes the look on there faces when they find out will be worth any pain latter". John gave another faint smile at this.

The room fell into silence, until Remy spoke up. "John, it's been five months now. Don't you think it's time you come down. It is Christmas, and its snowing. Piotr will be coming back tonight with his sister. They just want to say goodbye." John's eyes returned to the ceiling, as he laid back down on his bed, ignoring his friend. This did not deter Remy, and deciding it was time someone talked to him about Amara, he continued in a low voice.

"You haven't been to see her in all dis time have you?", John didn't answer, which answered Remy's question anyway. "Remy has been to visit her many times, and he believes dat she is still alive in dere. And even if she isn't, Remy still visits her, talks to her, because I know dat if she is alive, …she's wondering where the hell you are, and someone has to tell her dat you still care"

With that Remy stood, making to leave the room, but before he could John spoke up. "You see that book over there?", John asked, pointing to it's resting place on the chair.

Remy looked over at it, he had seen John with it ages ago. He remembered reading a poem from it , 'The fire within' . "Oui", he answered.

"I stole that from her the very first time I met her. It's a diary, full of pictures and poems. I used it as a bribe, to make her see me again, but in the end she got fed up and said I could keep it.". it was Remy's turn to become silent as he listened to John. "I've read it about fifty times now. When we started to get serious, I started to write poems in it answering hers, and telling her how I feel. I was going to give it back to her one day, …but now it seams I never will"

A silence fell upon the room once more. In which gambit fell into contemplation. "She's, still alive in dere John. Don't ask Remy how he knows, he just does, his instinct tells him so….. give her de book, it is Christmas after all.", with that Remy left, leaving John in though.

Coming to a decision. John sat up, and stood. Remy was right. John's health had not been the only thing he was neglecting, he had also been neglecting Amara. Grabbing the book, he slowly made his way to the door, and opened it, stepping over the thresh hold, he made his way down stairs, finally emerging from his self-imposed prison.

XXX

AN: Yay, John's up. Thank you Remy. The competition is still going to name the baby, but I think I may have chosen. I bet you all thought I forgot about the diary, well how could I?, I did name the story after it. The plot is really starting to become elaborate, so keep reading.

Thanks to:

Valthraema (Arigato??, is that Italian?, because my aunty is Italian and I think she says that)

v son sayian (thanks for the names, I think it will have to be a French one as well)

Chasity (I'm glade you like my fic. And thanks for the name suggestion)

CrazySpirit123 (glade you like my story)

Prowler-125 (thanks for the name, and I will give pyro a chance)

CajunBelle (no, not more muses, I already have the three future chapters planed out in my head, it will just start to get crowed now, believe me I have enough ideas to write at least seven more chapters. And I have had this story line all planes out from chapter three, but I'm not going to tell you how it all ends, your just going to have to keep reading, and see what I do with Amara)

EmeraldKatsEye ( thanks heaps for the name, and you are very close with your theory about the cracks. Sorry about the spelling mistake. And thanks again for the name suggestion)

Lady Element (why must everyone cry over my fic. Not that I don't mind I think it's flattering, but I'm not that good a writer. Here is a new chapter for you to read)