No More Empty Conversations
Ellie stared out the window as Marco slowly pulled into the driveway of the house she once shared with Sean. Looking out the window she brushed away a stray tear that rolled down her cheek as Marco pulled the car to a stop.
"Ellie.." The sound of Ashley's voice came from behind her.
Ellie looked over her shoulder, and gave Ashley a sad smile. Ashley climbed out of the car as she walked around and opened Ellie's door for her.
"You know..if you don't want to stay here, my mom said you can stay with us for as long as you want." Ashley said as she took Ellie's hand and helped her from the car.
"Thanks but this is my home now." Ellie said softly.
"Well don't worry, we'll make the best out of it." Marco replied as he walked around the car and up to the front door.
Ellie followed him up the steps as she approched the front door. Ever since Sean left, everytime she felt a little bit more hopeful that someday she would open the door and there he would be. Sean. Standing in the middle of the room, several bags on the ground at his feet. A giant smile on his beautiful face as he saw her walk through the door. She would walk over to him, and before she could get a word out he would grab her and kiss her. The one thing she had longed for daily. After several minutes of a passionate kiss, he would pull away, look her in the eyes and tell her he loves her too much to stay away.
Yet everytime she opens the door...nothing.
Ellie pulled out her keys as she opened the door, her heart beating a mile a minute, she almost felt scared that she would open the door and this time, he would be there. Yet as she pushed the door open..it was just as empty as ever.
"You wanna order some dinner?" Marco asked as he pushed his way past her and into the house.
"Yeah we can go to the Dot. Get you out of here and to someplace with real food." Ashley said with a smile.
"No..thanks I'm just gonna..take a shower." Ellie said as she finally stepped into the house.
"Ok well..do you need anything? Want us to try and cook something for you?" Ashley asked.
"Yeah and I could run to the video store and pick up some movies if you want." Marco said with a smile.
"Sure." Ellie replied as she walked down the hall and into the bathroom.
As she closed the door behind her, Ellie rested her back up against the door. Tears welling in her eyes as she tried to chase away the taunting thoughts, chase away the words Sean said. I want to be here. With you. I'm not going anywhere, Ellie. Why couldn't he just go ahead and leave? He said those words before. He told her he was not going anywhere and yet he did. His word used to mean something to her, when he would promise her something, Ellie would never second guess weather or not he was going to keep his promise. She used to actually believe that he was, that he would never break a promise to her. But he did, and nothing will ever change that. Not the fact that he is here now, and certainly not the fact that he won't leave when she asked. He can stay now but in the end, Ellie knows he will be gone again.
Ellie walked over to the shower, turning it on as the sound of rushing water filled the room. She walked over to the sink, leaning on it she hung her head as she tried to stop the tears. "Its ok.." she mumbled through a shaky breath as she let out a slight whimper. Ellie rolled up the sleeve of her black shirt, the freshly wrapped white gauze was wrapped tightly around her newest scar. Little specks of blood covered the spot, she raised her hand as she ran her fingers over the gauze.
Even though the scar was covered Ellie wanted nothing more at that moment then to see it, touch it, feel it beneath her fingers. As she let in a shaky breath Ellie quickly tore the gauze from her arm. The sight of the freshly made scar caught her eye, little drops of dried blood surrounded it. She let tears roll down her cheek as she ran her fingers over the raised piece of skin. The second she touched the scar, all she could still feel was the cold blade run across it, the warm blood wrap itself around her arm...the feeling of freedom and the release of pain washing out as quickly as the blood had done.
Out of the corner of her eye Ellie could see a razor. Not just any razor...Sean's razor. Ellie picked up the razor as she tried to remember back on a time when she had actually witnessed Sean shaving. His skin was always so smooth..she could not remember him ever shaving. As she glanced from the sharp razor and down to her newer scar she slowly lowered it, hovering above the scar.
"No.." She whimpered.
"No..No.." Ellie lowered the razor so that it was just lightly touching the scar, her skin was still tender at that time, and the feel of the warm razor on her scar still stung her slightly.
Ellie took a deep breath as she prepared herself for the pain she knew would come.
"NO!" She screamed as she threw the razor across the room. She leaned on the sink as tears continued to flow freely down her face. Images of Sean washing through her head, the reminder of the pool of blood she almost drowned in haunting her...taunting her...
Ellie looked up as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, not realizing how hard until her mouth filled with the bitter taste of warm blood.
"Stop it.." Ellie whispered at her reflection.
Ellie continued to stare at herself, suddenly nothing seemed right, Nothing felt right, nothing looked right. Her hair..her eyes..her tear stained face..."Stop it!" She shrieked as she raised her hand and slammed it hard into the mirror, shattering it into a dozen pieces. The sound of the glass shattering shook her. Ellie backed away as she reached the tub, which was now full of water.
"Ellie?!? Ellie are you ok!?" The sound of Ashley's frantic voice filled the air.
"No.." she whimpered softly as she slid to the ground, and pulled her legs to her chest.
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Sean stopped as he looked up at the house he once shared with Ellie. The house that once he called home, once seemed so welcoming and once seemed to be the one place he fit in..now looked like something he had never seen before. The feeling of being home was gone, and all he felt now was as if this was the one place he was not wanted. Ellie tried to make that clear many times before.
He walked up to the doorstep, digging into his pocket he pulled out the key. He meant to send it back to her, but something inside of him would not let him do it. A part of him always knew someday he would come back. He knew he could never stay away for too long. Being away from this place, from these people..from Ellie..it was harder then he thought. Going everyday and not waking up to see her beautiful red head walk past the doorway..not be able to hear her laugh, see her smile, listen to her laugh...fell her kiss..everything about her...he could not go a day without thinking about her. Hell he couldn't go a minute without thinking about her.
Sean raised the key, prepared to unlock it..but then he lowered it as he realized walking in would not be good. He no longer lives here, he left this place to Ellie and walking in would only cause more damage then he has already done. Sean raised his arm as he knocked on the door.
Several seconds later Marco pulled it open.
"What are you doing, here?" He asked as he looked at Sean.
"Let me see her." Sean insisted.
Marco looked over his shoulder, as he pushed Sean back and stepped outside, closing the door behind him.
"Look Sean, you should just go." Marco said as he looked at him.
"No way. I came here to talk to her and I'm not leaving until I do." Sean insisted.
"SEAN. This is not a good time. Just go." Marco said.
"Why the hell did you call me if you're not going to let me see her?!" Sean asked, raising his voice in anger.
"I called you because I thought thats what Ellie would have wanted!" Marco yelled.
"Yeah well it is! I need to see her!" Sean could feel his blood begin to boil.
"Calling you was a mistake. Your being here only makes it worse. She's going through a lot right now and you being here is only making everything worse. When you left..like that...I don't know what happened to her but it messed her up. So you being here is only making it worse. Just go back to Wasaga, Sean. You can't do any good here." Marco said.
Sean opened his mouth to protest..but as he did nothing came out. He was right. Marco was right.Walking out on her like that has clearly done some more damage, and now her father's death only intensified that. Sean sighed as he threw his hands up in defeat.
"You're not welcome here." Marco said as he walked back inside and slammed the door.
Sean stared at the closed door, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small wooden box. Opening the box he stared down at the shiny pieces of metal. Her fathers medals. Sean had gone back to her house in search of a way to contact her father, but what he found was better. Ellie had once told him that she feared his metals were lost in the fire, and Sean always remembered the look in her eyes when she said that. She was fighting back tears. She had always kept that box close beside her bed, she once told him it was what reminded her that his not being there only meant he was out trying to make someone elses life better, bring someone else's father home safely. It was her reminder that he was doing everything for them, and that he would come home a hero..again.
Sean sighed as he bent down and placed the small box on the front step. Staring at the closed door one final time before turning around and walking away.