It had taken one night. Well, until lunch the next day, actually, for Eiji to realize that absolutely no good was going to come from worrying about how things were going to end up between him and Oishi.
Agonizing about how to keep his feelings hidden from Oishi was driving him insane. He couldn't concentrate on the court, or in class, and it was clear that this just wasn't going to work unless something changed. More importantly though, it just felt wrong, keeping something so big and important from someone he cared about so much. It was obvious to him now, and maybe it always had been, that his feelings were real, and he knew that they wouldn't go away no matter how long he waited. And more than anything, Eiji admitted, when he allowed himself to really think about it, he wanted Oishi to know. After he had come to this conclusion, dwelling on the problem was just not an option anymore. He had to do something. He had to figure out how to tell Oishi everything, if he ever wanted things to be normal again between them. He needed a plan.
One week laterIt was the beginning of a new week, and Seigaku had just finished a particularly tough practice. Everyone was in top form, motivated by the matches scheduled for the coming weekend. Though summer was over, and the air was finally beginning to cool down in the evenings, the demanding workout had left everyone exhausted, as out of breath and drenched with sweat as ever.
Eiji stood by the side of the court, twirling his racket through his fingers, trying to distract himself from staring at Oishi too much. Why can't he just answer me already, he was thinking, as his finger caught on a string and the racket clattered to the ground noisily.
'Nya…' he murmured to himself, huffing a little as he scraped his racket from the ground, annoyed at his uncharacteristic clumsiness. As he stood up, he snuck a look at his partner, out of the corner of his eye.
He was sure that Oishi thought it was strange, his wanting to meet so late, and away from school, but there didn't seem to be any other way. They had to be alone, and he couldn't run the risk of one of the regulars showing up on the courts at Seigaku, so he had chosen an out of the way court, across town. Luckily, Eiji figured Oishi was used to unpredictable requests coming from his doubles partner, so he hoped he wouldn't think too much of this one.
Eiji watched as a thin line of sweat passed from Oishi's hairline to his temple. His stomach fluttered a little, but he was getting used to the feeling, to the point where it had stopped fazing him quite so much. A lot had happened in the past couple of weeks, but Eiji was adaptable, and this seemed to be working to his advantage.
Their conversation in the hallway the day Oishi came back to school had been all but forgotten. If Oishi seemed slightly distant and a little busier than normal, Eiji hadn't noticed. He was too busy plotting, planning and scheming the perfect way to solve his problem. And even if it did seem that Oishi had been less…attentive lately, it didn't seem to matter, Eiji told himself. He knew that everything would be perfectly in synch again after he carried out his plan. Either that or…Eiji stopped his thoughts immediately. The important thing was the plan.
Eiji's heart had been pounding since the end of practice but this wasn't really bothering him. In fact, he kind of enjoyed the feeling. As he continued to stare at Oishi, he realized that more than anything else, he was happy. This was it, this was the day, he was thinking to himself. Finally, it seemed, though it had only been a week since he had decided that, without a doubt, he would have to tell Oishi how he felt.
Eiji was so pleased with his plan that he could hardly wait for Oishi's answer anymore. Was it really that hard to agree to a practice session with your doubles partner? He watched Oishi, who was apparently weighing the pros and cons of his invitation in painstaking detail. Eiji sighed impatiently. This was exactly why he had to follow his sister's advice and get this over with.
"Oishi!"
Oishi glanced up for a second, shaken from his thought process by Eiji's over-zealous tone.
"You'll come, right?" Eiji asked again, frowning. "You have to promise me." He added, with a note of seriousness.
"Eiji, I just don't understand why we have to go all the way across town. The Yamato Line terminates at Nansei Park, so I'll have to…"
It would take him at least two subway transfers to get to their destination. Not that he minded, it was just… Oishi paused to glance at his partner, who was busy performing his best stern impression. He smiled for a second, amused, before his brow furrowed again, as he mentally reviewed his route.
How he can stand worrying so much all the time? Eiji was thinking. Sure, it was endearing, but… didn't Oishi realize how important this was to him?
"Just promise me, ok?" Eiji tried to forget his frustration for a second, as he flashed Oishi his very best and most convincing smile.
Oishi was suddenly distracted from his apprehension. Didn't Eiji realize how disarming it was when he looked at him like that? Oishi had always thought that Eiji's eyes could easily swallow him, and everything around him, if they wanted to. How does he do that? Oishi studied his friend for a second, wondering if Eiji's eyes had this same effect on everyone. He mentally shook off a slight twinge of jealousy.
"Nya, O-i-shi! Come on!" Eiji could have jumped out of his skin, he was so anxious. "This is important. Promise me. Now!"
Mixed in with the bubbling enthusiasm, he detected a hint of apprehension in Eiji's voice, as if he thought maybe Oishi might actually refuse. Oishi couldn't help but laugh a little.
"Ok, ok. I'll be there." Oishi watched the light spread across Eiji's face, and smiled, any other thoughts in his mind dissolving almost instantly.
…………………………………………………………….
As Oishi walked home, he realized what it was that was nagging at the back of his mind. It was impossible to reconcile the ecstatic grin Eiji had been wearing just now with how upset he had been when Oishi had watched him on the playground. All week he had been having similar thoughts, and in the end, he just couldn't make sense of any of it. Maybe that was why he had been having trouble looking at Eiji lately.
He honestly couldn't help but wonder if he had imagined the whole thing in the hallway, and what he had seen after they left school. If Eiji was still upset about anything, he certainly wasn't showing it. In fact, it was the exact opposite. All week Eiji had been overly energetic, and just now, he had seemed genuinely happy. And if Eiji was happy, Oishi told himself, pushing his thoughts and questions away, that was all that really mattered, right?
……………………………………………………………
It was already mostly dark, and the breeze carried a slight chill, indicating that fall was fast approaching. Eiji stretched his long legs out in front of him, as he leaned against the fence, staring at the empty court, waiting. This has to be the first time I've ever gotten anywhere before Oishi! Eiji laughed for a second before his face turned contemplative again.
He was thinking of Oishi, naturally. Not of what he would say to him, he had already gone over that so many times in the past week that he could say the words in his sleep. Instead, he was merely thinking of him.
The play that had won them the practice match this afternoon had been flawless, as usual. It was wonderful, Eiji thought, being able to play doubles with someone who read his movements so perfectly. He realized suddenly that he was extremely grateful to his coaches, who had realized the potential success of their combination. He certainly would never have played doubles with anyone if he had had a choice. Eiji had been furious when his coach had taken him out of singles, and assigned him to be Oishi's doubles partner. He never imagined that there was someone so perfectly suited to support him on the court. Of course he knew now that he was a thousand times more successful as Oishi's partner than he could have ever been on his own in singles.
Now, Eiji jumped at every chance to play next to Oishi and this is how it had been, pretty much since the first time they had stepped on the court together. It hadn't taken more than two or three plays for Eiji to realize how perfectly they complemented each other. He couldn't even remember now how he had played tennis before Oishi, or what it had been like on the court without him there.
Everything seemed so transparent now. He couldn't believe that he hadn't seen it before. It had been inevitable, Eiji decided, standing up strait and stretching his arms into the night air.
…………………………………………………………
After a few minutes, Eiji recognized familiar footsteps approaching. It was all he could do to keep himself from running to meet them. He wasn't nervous, he realized, just excited, and this surprised him a little.
Eiji counted to ten before turning his head, and greeting his friend with a smile, not being able to stop himself from bouncing a little.
"You're late, Oishi!"
Oishi denied this good-naturedly, and Eiji's smile grew even wider.
Oishi set his bag on the bench next to them and glanced at Eiji, holding his eyes for a moment, searching, genuinely curious. Eiji's expression was hard to decipher at first, but Oishi recognized the familiar intensity. "So are you going to tell me what we're doing here?"
Moving purposefully, Eiji bent over, unzipping his bag and pulling out his racket, his back to Oishi. He flipped the racket over his wrist several times with ease before turning to face his partner.
"I want you to play a match with me."
Oishi blinked, confused. He could tell Eiji was serious. His game-face was unmistakable. Still, he couldn't figure it out. "What! But, we could have just…"
Eiji continued, as if he hadn't heard the question. "But, you have to promise me that you'll keep playing, that you'll finish the match, no matter what."
"I don't understand…"
"Because I have something really important to tell you, and…" Eiji said the words as he'd rehearsed them… "And you have to finish the match after I tell you. Even if you're angry, even if you hate me and you want to leave and never see me again. You have to finish the match. Promise me."
"Eiji…" The look on Eiji's face had stopped him mid-thought. This was different than Eiji's game face, this was…this was a look Oishi had never seen before. Somehow he managed to regain his composure. "Why would I…What's going on? What are you talking about?"
"Promise me!" Eiji held out his hand, willing it to remain steady.
This is it. This is the only way I can do this. My only chance. And it will be ok, as long as we finish this match. I'll tell him everything, and he'll have to listen, and he'll have to take me seriously.
"Ok, I promise." Oishi stared at Eiji's face, trying to read through the layers of determination and apprehension and excitement that had flashed across his friends face, all in seemingly the same instant. He honestly had no idea what Eiji was thinking at that moment. Oishi was scared, he realized, though he had no idea why.
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Eiji opened his eyes, tentatively. He had said everything, exactly as planned, and without too much hesitation. It had actually been much been easier than he'd imagined. But now… there was no way he could really be hearing what he was hearing.
Oishi was doubled over, laughing, almost hysterically.
"Eiji, what kind of joke is this!"
Eiji could barely hear him. He kept a firm grip on his racket, though he knew that this was illogical. His balance had been shaken, and the racket wasn't going to help.
"Oishi, it's not a joke…" Eiji was confused. Maybe Oishi hadn't heard him properly. He briefly thought of repeating everything again, but Oishi had opened his mouth to say something else…
"Eiji, did you just try to tell me that you're in love with me? You're insane! And this isn't funny!" But Oishi was still laughing, though it seemed somewhat forced now.
Eiji froze, feeling his heart sink. No…impossible… He took a step closer to the net that divided them.
"OISHI! It's not a joke. I'm serious. I'm really serious."
"Eiji, you CAN'T be serious."
And Oishi wasn't laughing anymore.
"Oishi, please! I wanted to explain…" He strained to see Oishi's face, but it was dark, and he was too far away.
"EIJI! I SAID YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!"
"Why, Oishi? Why can't I be serious! I told you, I am! It's not a joke, I…Why won't you listen?" The shock of Oishi's reaction had left him defenseless. He was desperate for something more to say, anything…
"SHUT UP, EIJI! I'm trying to let you out of this, ok!"
Eiji's eyes widened and anything he might have come up with dissolved as he watched Oishi cross the court, walking over to where he had laid his bag. I can't believe this. This can't be happening. Oishi was unzipping his bag, his racket disappearing into the black padded opening.
"You…you promised…to finish…" Eiji's voice trailed off as he stared in the vague direction of the opposite court.
Oishi stopped, turning slightly so he was facing Eiji, his face still masked by the shadows on the outskirts of the court.
"I'm done with this match, Eiji. You win."
Oishi turned around quickly, picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. "I'll see you at practice tomorrow morning."
And he was gone.
………………………………………………………….
Eiji stood there in the dark for a long time, unable to move. His eyes followed Oishi as he walked off the court, and as his shadow disappeared down the street leading to the subway. It never occurred to him to go after him.
The air was getting cold, and Eiji shivered. His legs were shaking, so he sat down, laying his racket down beside him. He realized he had been gripping the rubber so tightly that it had made a strange imprint on his fingers. His mind was blank. For a long time he just sat there, staring at the court, at the net, at the place where Oishi had been standing.
Neither of them had even scored a point yet. He thought about how Oishi had told him that he had won the match, and how crazy that was. He started laughing, and couldn't stop for a long time. There seemed to be a wall in his mind that blocked out the rest of the words they had exchanged.
I wonder what time it is? He realized suddenly that he had probably missed the last train by now. It was getting windy, and he wondered why he hadn't thought to bring a jacket, or a sweater. Come to think of it, it was getting to be fall, and all he had worn was a t-shirt. He pulled his arms in as he lay back, on the pavement, closing his eyes. Surprisingly, sleep came easily.
……………………………………………………..
It was morning, and Eiji could feel someone touching his shoulder, trying to shake him awake. His eyes were heavy, and it took him a long time to open them. At first he was confused, and then he saw the sunlight shining on the empty court and he remembered. His whole body was aching as he tried to sit up.
A woman was leaning over him, asking him his name, what school he went to. He answered the questions without thinking, and after a few minutes, a man approached, handing the woman a thick blanket. She wrapped it around Eiji's shoulders firmly.
"My husband is going to call someone to pick you up. I'm a teacher at the school across the street," she explained, her face etched with concern. "Are you feeling ok?"
He nodded, suddenly embarrassed, realizing how ridiculous and crazy he must look to this person. He started to move to get up, but his head felt strange. "I'm sorry for troubling you. I can…" He glanced in the direction of the subway, wondering why his legs didn't seem to be working properly. He was dizzy, he realized, as the woman's face blurred in front of him.
The woman was pushing him back into a sitting position, gently. She smiled warmly. "Just wait here. It's ok."
Eiji accepted this, his mind feeling slightly jumbled.
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His parents arrived a few minutes later. No one spoke on the way home. His father practically carried him up to his room, and his mother helped to undress him and get him into bed.
His mother was talking as she carefully set Eiji's racket underneath his desk, and moved his clothes to the basket at the bottom of his closet.
"I called Ryuzaki-sensei and explained to her that you weren't feeling well, so don't worry about practice. And you can re-take your English exam later this week. There's nothing to worry about, ok?" She pulled the covers up to her son's chin, pausing to feel his forehead again. Still warm, but a little better, she was thinking.
"Your father and I will be downstairs, so if you need anything, just call us, ok."
Eiji frowned, confused. "You're not going back to work?" Nothing was really making sense to him right now, but he knew that it was a weekday, and…
His mother looked at him, smoothing the hair back from his forehead. "Not today." She smiled. "Are you warm enough in there?"
He nodded, feeling slightly guilty. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to worry you guys."
"It's ok, Eiji. Just rest for now, ok? It's fine." She smiled again, a warm smile that Eiji suddenly realized he hadn't seen in a long time.
He closed his eyes tightly. His eyelids felt warm, and he wondered if he had a fever.
…………………………………………………….
It was evening when he woke up again. Aoi was standing next to his bed, peering at his face, which was half-covered with blankets.
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up, but I thought you might be hungry."
Eiji eyed his sister suspiciously. She was sorry for waking him up? He was distracted from this thought by a curious smell…
Aoi was holding out a bowl of soup on a tray.
He sat up, realizing that he felt a lot better now, and that he was really hungry. Eiji looked up at his sister eagerly. "Did you make this, it smells really good!"
She smiled. "Of course I made it, who else?"
"Come down when you're done, ok?" Aoi glanced at him for a second before she walked out, closing the door behind her.
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After he finished eating Eiji sat in bed for a long time.
Why isn't anyone asking me where I was, or what happened? It was strange.
There was definitely some kind of conspiracy going on in the Kikumaru household. As he pondered this, there was a soft knock on his door. Eiji was again, taken aback. Since when is everyone so polite, he was thinking.
"Eiji, can I come in?"
"Sure…" Oh no. He guessed that there was no way he could avoid a lecture from his father after being out all night with no explanation. He braced himself for the worst.
His father sat on the edge of Eiji's bed, smoothing the blankets around Eiji's feet.
"How do you feel", his father asked, a serious look on his face. "Should I call the school and tell them you'll be out tomorrow as well?"
Eiji blinked. He was hearing things now, for sure. "Uh…. Well, I think I'll be ok." He gave his father a slightly sheepish smile.
"You can give it another day, and rest if you need to. I have plenty of time to take off too, since we didn't go to the beach last summer, so it's no problem for me to stay home."
"Dad, I'm not in elementary school! Even if I'm sick…"
Eiji was slightly embarrassed, that even his father was obviously concerned. But, he had to admit that it felt kind of nice. He had always been the baby of his family, but since he'd become so busy with tennis, it had been awhile since he had really been around to experience this kind of attention from his parents.
"Eiji, that's enough. Your health is important, and someone has to be here to take care of you."
His father's tone was authoritative and affectionate, at the same time.
Eiji smiled slightly, "I feel a lot better, really."
"Well, just think about it and let me know before you go to sleep, ok?"
……………………………………………………………..
Alone in his room again, Eiji laid back, sinking into the pillows. Everyone's worried. What are they thinking about me? He wondered what kind of explanation he could really give them, if they did ask.
After a few minutes, he forced himself to get up, and took a long shower. He felt a little weak, but other than that, he was ok. He put on a clean pair of pajamas, and went downstairs. His parents would usually be watching TV, or asleep, but tonight they were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking tea, and talking in low voices. Aoi was standing in the living room, obviously listening.
Suddenly Eiji noticed what was so strange. The house was quiet. In fact, he wondered if his house had ever been this quiet before. Actually, it was kind of creepy, he realized.
"Hey…" he whispered, motioning Aoi over. "What's going on?" He nodded toward the kitchen.
"I don't know…"
"Are they talking about me?"
"Who else?" she smiled, but Eiji could see that her face was tinged with worry.
Aoi shrugged dramatically, but her face quickly darkened. "Eiji, we were all really worried when you didn't come home last night. You're ok, right?" Her eyes were searching, as she waited for her brother's response.
"Of course I am." He really didn't know what else to say, and Eiji mentally thanked her for not asking any more questions. He realized that he was lucky to have a family that seemed to understand him so well.
Aoi studied her brother's face for another second, and then smiled, apparently convinced. "You're the best, Eiji!" She gave him a big hug.
Grabbing his arm, Aoi was suddenly dragging Eiji into the kitchen, where he had to squint from the bright light overhead. "Mom, Eiji says he's ok, ok?"
"Aoi!" but then his mother couldn't help but laugh at the funny expression on Eiji's face. "That better be true, Eiji!"
It was just like his family to turn everything into a joke, he thought to himself, laughing. Though he couldn't help but admit he was grateful for this tonight.
…………………………………………………….
Eiji lay in bed for a long time before he finally fell asleep. The wall was still there, in his mind, blocking everything out. The events on the court were there somewhere, but they remained hidden. He wondered vaguely if it had all been a dream. There's no way that Oishi would really… He just couldn't bring himself to think about it. It had to be a mistake, a misunderstanding. Tomorrow, at practice, on the court, it would make sense. Definitely. It had to.
Because of all the things he had imagined that Oishi might say, or all the different ways he could have reacted, he had never imagined something quite as horrible as laughter. So, it had to be a mistake, it had to be something he could fix, because…it just didn't seem possible for him to exist in a place where Oishi would actually laugh at his feelings. It was just…impossible. He refused to allow his mind to go any further than that. He would fix it, he would talk to Oishi…he would do whatever he had to do.
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A/N: Well, initially I hadn't meant to drag this out quite so much but…it just sort of happened that way. I will resolve it though, I promise. Thanks for reading!