Author's Note: Once again I find myself apologizing for the delay in updating. I'm just so damned busy! I hope you understand . . .
And I'm laughing at my stupidity: Lady R pointed out that the lyrics to the David Bowie song include the word, "strange" not "strain". Next time I double-check my sources, LOL.
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Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strange)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
~From the song, "Changes" by David Bowie
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Chapter 7: Changes
Harry stared transfixed as Malfoy stabbed a chunk of grilled chicken with his fork, raised it to his nose while sniffing suspiciously, and then reluctantly took a bite. It was a ritual that had repeated itself everyday for the past week. He would lift a forkful of food to his nose and inhale hesitantly, before consuming it.
"Do you have to do that?" Harry asked irritably.
"Do what?"
"Sniff your food. It's driving me barking mad."
"I'm soooo sorry, Mister 'The Himalayas-Are-A-Brilliant-Place-To-Hide-Out'. Sniffing food is a Malfoy Family Tradition."
"Not another one," Harry groaned.
Draco predictably and completely ignored him. "It dates back to the time when Great-great-great-great-great-great Uncle Ballard von Bigriffe-Malfoy ate a poisoned leg-of-lamb, which was very stupid of him as everyone could smell the poison at 30 metres." Malfoy sniffed again and took another bite before continuing, "In fact, his very last words to his wife were, 'This is all your fucking AAAAACK!'"
Harry rolled his eyes, but thought the story explained a lot.
"So that's where the 'When-All-Else-Fails-Blame-Someone-Else Gene' originated in the Malfoy gene pool," he mused to himself. No doubt Ballard von Whatsits drove his enemies crazy to where they had to kill him in order to preserve their own sanity. "I'll be stark raving before this is all over," he thought grimly.
Malfoy continued, oblivious to Harry's tortured inner musings. "We've been sniffing our food ever since and you'd do well to follow my example. After all, we don't know where this chicken has been."
"That chicken was happily roaming Dho Tarap village this morning, you milksop. And I'm tired of hearing you whine. All you ever do is complain, complain, complain. It's very unmanly."
Draco sighed, once again ignoring Harry's insult, as it was just another one in a long line of insults. "I could do with a good banger," he said dreamily. "Doogy, our house elf, makes the best sausage." He lifted a spoonful of Alu Tama, a Nepalese soup, and sniffed again. "I think I recognize potatoes in here, but Merlin's glass eye! There must be fifteen different spices in this stuff, which, by the way, is producing calluses on my tongue. And I can certainly think of better ways to get tongue calluses," he finished smugly.
"Spare me the details," muttered Harry. He got up to lie down on his pallet, careful not to cross the magical line that separated the cave into two completely equal halves.
It had been the only way to keep from killing each other. He had his side of the cave and Malfoy had the other.
As he crossed his arm over his face to rest after his meal, Harry thought about the events of the past week.
After the initial shock of suddenly Apparating to Nepal had worn off, Harry had cast a Disillusionment charm on himself and Malfoy and had Apparated with Draco to the village of Dho Tarap. They'd made their way to the outskirts of town, where there was a small wizarding community. Legend had it that the best sherpas came from this village, as the men were known for their strength and stamina in carrying gear up the mountains.
Of course, what the Muggles didn't realize was that the sherpas used Feather-light spells on the gear, when the mountain trekkers weren't looking.
Harry had come to Nepal in the aftermath of the Final Battle, subsequent to his flight with Hermione from the battle scene. While he knew that he would never completely get over Ron's death, coming alone to Dho Tarap had been very spiritually renewing.
On this latest trip, Harry and Draco found Chepal the Sherpa putting up prayer wheels next to a new school that had been built in the village. Chepal had been most helpful on Harry's previous visit, and the older wizard had been very clever with the Translating Spell. Chepal had told him that it was a lot easier to use the spell than it was to actually learn English. That first time in Nepal, the sherpa had accompanied Harry up the summit of a particularly magnificent mountain and the two had become fast friends. Chepal had been delighted to be climbing the mountain with a fellow wizard.
He told Harry that most foreign wizards did not concern themselves with climbing mountains.
When Harry and Draco had appeared in the village that first evening, Chepal had been very surprised to see them, and had graciously put Harry and Draco up for the night before taking them deep into the high valleys of Dolpo. They spent that first evening reminiscing about their trek up the mountain and Harry told Chepal about Draco's current situation. The following morning Chepal showed them an abandoned cave at the foot of an unnamed mountain, which was their current home.
It was a home that was beginning to feel worse than Azkaban, if Harry was any judge.
Harry closed his eyes to shut out Malfoy and his peculiar eating habits. He relaxed further and let his mind drift to memories of his first visit to the village.
Visiting Dho Tarap was like visiting the past. Out in the tiny terraced fields villagers would thresh the barley with wooden flails while others ploughed the dusty soil with crude, wooden, metal-tipped ploughs dragged by yaks. Children with large wicker baskets on their backs prowled the nearby slopes collecting yak dung, which was then spread out to dry before being used as fuel for fires. It was the only fuel there was in that treeless land.
At dusk, herds of goats, sheep and yaks would come back from distant grazing grounds. The people, especially the children, were friendly and curious, watching everything Harry did while he was in town. Trekking groups visited Dho regularly so foreigners were not totally unknown. Even so, Harry was clearly of great interest to many of the locals.
And much to his dismay, he found that he'd caught the eye of many of the local girls, as well. He learned quickly not to look directly at them or he found himself facing the wrath of one irate father or another. It got rather tiresome moving through the village with his head down, eyes pointed resolutely at his feet. Chepal had been most amused by it all, until he noticed his youngest daughter, Dolma, batting her eyelashes at Harry.
Harry took great pains to explain to Chepal that he was currently celibate and would probably be celibate for the rest of his life, if recent history were any indication. Chepal had slyly suggested monkhood, saying that the sanghas of Nepal were revered amongst his people.
Harry pointed out that the last thing he wanted was to be revered.
And so it was that Harry had come to love Nepal. The friendly, curious people and the mountains gave him a feeling unlike anything that he'd experienced before. For all of his life he'd been hailed as something bigger than he really was, yet the mountains told the ultimate truth: He was rather small and insignificant.
And he liked it that way.
He could hear Malfoy chattering away in the distance, but Harry was becoming more and more relaxed. Finally, as he felt himself drifting off to sleep, a loud voice rudely interrupted him.
"Potter! Are you even listening to me?"
Harry opened one eye to see Malfoy's annoyed face peering at him from across the Great Divide. Suddenly something broke inside of him and he bolted straight up, startling the blonde wizard.
"I don't think I can do this," Harry said tersely.
"What this?" asked Malfoy.
"This, this, you damned fool!" Harry shouted, gesturing around the cave. He pointed to the magical line. " And THIS!" I feel like an idiot! All we do is bicker and fight and it's over the stupidest stuff! Aren't you ever tired of fighting? It's exhausting! And why? Why are we really fighting?"
He got up and began to pace with agitation. "I'll tell you why," he said quietly. "It's because of Ginny Weasley."
Draco's face froze in surprise. They'd never spoken of her before.
Harry let out a sudden snarl. "I get it already! She loves you. You love her. So why don't you leave me the fuck alone?"
The sullen words echoed inside the cave. Malfoy raised an eyebrow before answering quietly. "I'd gladly leave you alone, but seeing as we have to share a bloody cave in bloody Nepal, that's a bit difficult. And this is not about Ginny," he added. "I honestly don't like you."
Harry stared at him for a moment before he began laughing. Malfoy looked at him dubiously, as Harry continued to laugh hysterically. After a bit, Draco actually started worrying for Potter's sanity.
"That's enough, Potter. It wasn't that funny."
Harry's laughter had been reduced to uneven stuttering and eventually he had to concede the point. "Maybe not, but it's the most honest thing you've said all week." He walked over the Magical Line and muttered a Vanishing spell, making the line disappear.
"If we're going to survive this, we're going to have to come to some sort of understanding, otherwise I may have to kill you in your sleep. Of course, half the wizarding world would hunt me down, while the other half would cheer my actions."
Draco smirked. "A good monarch has many friends and just as many enemies," he remarked.
"Whatever, Malfoy. In fact, that's what I'm going to say to every ridiculous thing you utter. Whatever. I have a feeling that I'll be saying that a lot. And maybe if we keep saying it, we'll stop insulting each other."
"Whatever," muttered Draco, trying it out. He made a face. "It's a distressingly American use of the word, but you're right. This can't go on. I'm so pissed off at you that it's beginning to affect my digestion. I've been burping for days now. Yeah, yeah, I know, Potter." He waved his hand at Harry. "Whatever."
Harry grinned. "This might work after all. How silly is that?"
Draco grinned back. "I'd say it's pretty ridiculous. And you know what I think the real problem is here? We're bored."
Harry thought about this for a moment before he nodded. "I do believe you're right, Malfoy. We're bored out of our skulls. I really wish I knew what Snape had in store for us. And communicating through crystal balls is a giant pain. Every time I ask him what happens next, he holds up a cue card saying, 'In due time, Potter. In due time.' I think I want to murder him as much as I want to murder you. Ooops. Sorry . . .
"Whatever," Harry and Draco said in unison.
"It's amazing how much of our conversation is spent in insulting each other," observed Draco. "Perhaps it is indeed a colossal waste of time. The question is, what should we do to fill our time, now that we've pledged to hold back on the insults?"
Harry's face broke out into a brilliant smile.
"I don't know if I like the looks of that," began Draco.
"We duel, Malfoy."
"I beg your pardon?
"You heard me, you . . . sorry. What I meant to say was that we need to practice our dueling. We haven't had to do that since I kicked your arse second year."
"Whatever," pouted Malfoy.
"That doesn't count," answered Harry. "That was not an insult, it was the truth!"
"You did not kick my arse, it was a draw!"
Harry decided that since it was so important to Malfoy's ego that he believe that, he left it alone. He decided it was his first magnanimous step in finding a way to get along.
"Alright, Malfoy. It was a draw. And you're missing the point. We haven't dueled together in over ten years. I think it's important that we bring our skills up to speed. In fact, I don't know why I didn't think of it before."
"Perhaps it's because you're a . . . . erm, sorry." Harry glared at him. "Hey! I'm trying here," said Draco defensively.
Harry pulled his wand from his pocket. "Maybe we ought to do this outside."
"Like nobody around here would notice two pale white boys dueling at the foot of a great mountain," said Draco sarcastically.
"Well, we can't do it inside, that's for sure. I can imagine the state of the cave after we finished hurling hexes and curses at each other. And I hate to say it, but you're right, Malfoy. We can't risk drawing attention to ourselves." He took note of the look on Draco's face. "And stop preening, you won't hear me say it often."
Draco drew his wand as well. "I suppose we'll just have to use a Concealment Charm."
Harry nodded and began walking out the cave entrance, but Draco put a hand on his shoulder to drive him back.
"His Royal Highness always leads the way," he said with snotty conviction. "You're to follow a minimum of five paces behind me."
Harry stared at Malfoy as if he'd completely lost his grip on reality. He quickly found his voice.
"First . . . you're not the Prince yet, so don't get all full of yourself on me. Second . . . don't ever touch me again without permission."
Malfoy had the audacity to smirk at him.
"AND THIRD . . . WHATEVER, YOU PIDDLIN', BRAINLESS SON OF A HAIRY DICKWAD!"
Draco's hoots of laughter were heard echoing off the cave walls.
"You're so predictable, Potter," he wheezed as he finally caught his breath.
Harry allowed himself a small smile and a shake of the head.
"So are you, Malfoy. So are you."
"Whatever."
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It was early evening back at Snape Manor and Hermione and Severus were getting ready to sit down to their supper. It had become their usual custom to bring out their formal dinnerware on those occasions when they were working feverishly on some project or another. It forced them to relax and enjoy their food, instead of quickly gulping things down before going back to work.
They'd discovered that such a slow-down was essential for their mental health, as they both had a tendency towards the obsessive when it came to their work. That would certainly have to change once the baby was born.
As Severus unfolded the napkin onto his lap, he asked casually, "So, are you having any more luck with the counter-spell to the Antequam Eructo? Malfoy and Potter are counting on you."
Hermione shook her head. "I'm still trying to figure out what magical changes cause the spell to be delayed," she said in exasperation. "What is so damned hard about it? It's just an Avada Kedavra, with a twist. The key is in the delay, but I just don't know how that's done!"
Severus looked sympathetic with regard to her frustration. They'd been through this many times when they were developing the Soul Shattering Potion.
"At this rate, it is going to take forever," she said forlornly.
"We don't have forever, my dear," said Severus. "You'll have to figure something out soon before they do serious bodily harm to each other."
"Or fall madly in love."
Severus stared at her aghast. "You can't be serious." He shook his head. "No, of course you're not."
"Of course I am. And don't call me Sirius." Severus sneered at her, but she was used to his sneers, so she resolutely continued. "Couldn't you just see them in their little cave? Hanging animal skins over the cave entrance . . . gathering yak dung for the fire . . . cuddling up together at night." She was really warming up to the subject matter.
"Crooning love songs to each other . . . "
Severus threw down his serviette in disgust. "Honest to Nimue, Hermione, I think pregnancy is making you batty! And thanks for that last bit of mental imagery . . I shan't get any sleep tonight. "
Hermione gave him a wide, faux-innocent smile. She was quite enjoying her husband's discomfort.
"Oh, there are some out there who think they'd make a beautiful couple. Think of it, Severus. They're always fighting, bickering back and forth. They're always trying to get a rise out of each other—"
"Gah," exclaimed Severus. "Do you mind? Don't say the word 'rise' in the same sentence as those two. I'm trying to eat."
"All that sexual tension—"
"For Merlin's sake!" he roared. Then he caught a glimpse at her laughing face.
"Oh," he said quietly. "I get it. This is an attempt to distract me from the fact that you're having no luck whatsoever in breaking the Antequam Eructo Spell." He gave her a superior smirk. "Two can play this game, Hermione."
"Oh really?"
He leaned over and whispered seductively, "Can you imagine the songs they'd sing to each other, when nobody was listening?"
"Like what?" asked Hermioine, intrigued.
"How about, 'Fifty Ways to Hex Your Lover," answered Severus, with certainty.
Hermione giggled. "How about, 'Stupefy My Love'?"
Severus snorted with amusement. " How about 'You Don't Bring Me Howlers Anymore'."
"Erm . . . In the Arms of a Niffler."
Severus raised his eyebrow at her. "Nifflers don't have arms."
"Oh, yeah, right . . . Erm . . . Erm . . . I know! 'And They Call It Faerie Love'."
"Good one," Severus murmured. "Let's see . . . how about, 'Pretty Seeker'?"
Hermione was quite hysterical by now. "You're much too good at this." She leaned across the table, meeting him halfway to give him a passionate kiss. "And thanks for trying to distract me from my project. It's just making me crazy at this point."
"Glad to be of service, my love. And if you tell anyone about this conversation, I'll make sure you regret it," he said, in semi-mock severity. "After all, I have a nasty reputation to uphold." He managed to look slightly aggrieved. "Just remember . . . Severus Snape does not know anything about 70's Muggle Music!"
"Yes dear," she answered placidly. Wait 'til Ginny hears about this.
She thought it best to change the subject. "So, have the arrangements been made for Harry and Draco's little surprise?"
Severus looked very pleased. "Yes, the 'surprise' should be arriving shortly. Oh to see their scruffy little faces when they get a load of what I've sent them." His smile was that of pure satisfaction.
"Poor boys," murmured Hermione. Bringing her attention back to her plate of stew, she was quite startled at what happened next:
Her plate changed into a bowl of what appeared to be chocolate fudge ice cream.
"What the hell?"
Severus looked over at her bowl and frowned. "Your sweet tooth appears to be getting the better of you, Hermione."
"But I didn't do it!" she protested. She waved her wand at the bowl, turning it back into the plate of stew. It immediately turned back into the bowl of ice cream.
"That is just the weirdest thing I've ever seen." She tried changing it back again, only to find herself staring into the same bowl of ice cream. A look of enlightenment came to her face.
"Oh . . . that little imp!" She rubbed her belly and admonished, "You change that back this instant, Arddun Snape!"
Severus looked at her quizzically. "You don't think that our daughter . . . no . . . it couldn't be."
Hermione made one more attempt to change the bowl of ice cream back into the plate of stew. Again, it immediately changed back into ice cream.
Severus groaned. "Oh for the love of Merlin! This is all we need . . . "
Hermione started laughing. "I think we're in for it now, Severus. I remember learning in university that it's possible for very powerful witches and wizards to do magic from the womb. It's extremely rare, but possible."
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and for the first time, it wasn't Malfoy or Longbottom who caused the gesture. "I'm never going to survive, if this is what I have to look forward to."
"Welcome to fatherhood, Severus."
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Harry and Draco stood outside their cave entrance and Malfoy stood impassively while Harry cast the Concealment charm. The sun glinted off the brilliant white snow and Harry made sure to also cast an Obliteration charm to hide their tracks, as well.
They cautiously approached each other, wands drawn so that they were exposed to the gaze of the other. In unison, they brought their wands to their chests and promptly brought them down to their sides. Then they turned and marched ten paces from each other before adopting the "en garde" position.
"Scared Potter?" Draco couldn't resist.
Harry rolled his eyes. "You wish," he predictably answered.
"On the count of three . . . one--"
In that instant, Malfoy cast a Fur Spell and Harry sprouted thick, black fur all over his body. He looked like a giant, unkempt Blood-Sucking Bugbear . . . with wire-rimmed glasses. Draco hooted in triumph. "I think we studied your species in Hagrid's class," he called out.
"Very funny, Malfoy. Avis!" Harry shouted. Immediately, a flock of twittering birds began flying around Draco's head and while he was batting at them distractedly, Harry cast a Blasting Curse, blowing Draco to the ground.
"Finite Incantatum," Harry muttered, pointing his wand at himself. Before he could fully recover however, Draco crawled to his own wand and pointed it at Harry yelling "Furnunculus!"
"Ow! Ow!" shouted Harry, as boils erupted on his body. "You'll pay for that, you bloody bastard!"
"Whatever!" yelled Malfoy, in obvious delight. Harry cast a Jelly-Leg Jinx, which Draco easily deflected.
"I'd say your skills are rather . . . " before Draco could finish the sentence, Harry pointed his wand at Draco's groin and shouted, "Reducio!"
Draco looked down in horror and pointed his wand between his legs. "Engorgio! Engorgio! Oh SHITE!"
Harry was howling with laughter. He quickly cast the Finite Incantatum on himself, and Malfoy gave a menacing snarl. "You're going to rue the day you were born!" He advanced on Harry.
Suddenly a loud, booming voice interrupted them. "Impedimenta!" it yelled and Draco and Harry were immediately thrown into slow motion. Malfoy was so startled that he tripped over his feet and went flying through the air in a good imitation of a dawdling bird. It seemed to take forever for him to land.
Draco began struggling to his feet. By now, the Royal Weenie was beginning to strain and it was causing him great discomfort. He looked at the person who had dared to interrupt the duel.
His first thought was that it was Flitwick's very ugly twin sister. Then he noticed the salt and pepper beard. It was obviously a little wizard, in dark green velvet robes and an immense black pointy hat.
Draco said the first thing that popped into his mind. "How dare you strike the Royal Heir! Guards, seize him!"
Harry just stared at Draco. "You've lost your bleeding marbles," he remarked.
The little wizard clapped his hands with glee. "Oh wonderful! Wonderful! You've been doing your homework! Good work, Potter! I'll take over from here!"
Draco couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Good work? GOOD WORK? But . . . but he's tampered with the Royal Bits!" he complained.
The interloping wizard pointed his wand at Draco's crotch. "Finite Incantatum," he murmured. "And all is fair in love and war, my boy."
"Just who the hell are you? And how is that you can see us?" Draco asked haughtily. "Did somebody send you?"
The diminutive wizard gave him an enigmatic smile. "I thought that would have been obvious. You have much to learn, Majesty. The fun and games are now officially over."
He gave Draco a formal bow as he introduced himself.
"Eldorf of Gwynedd, at His Majesty's service."
"OH, SHITE! "
"The Prince of Avalon does not say, 'shite'!" Eldorf admonished Draco harshly, whacking him with his wand. Because of his size, the wand caught Malfoy squarely on his kneecap. "It is most unbecoming!"
"DOUBLE SHITE, THEN!"
Harry shook his head in wonder as Draco clutched his knee, hopping up and down. This was going to be entertaining, to say the least.
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Author's Note: I was very anxious to get this uploaded, as it's been so long since my update. Therefore, this version is un-beta'ed. I hope there are no glaring mistakes, but if there are, I'll deal with them later. And sorry there's no Draco/Ginny in this chapter, but I promise to bring them together soon. (Poor Harry!)
Thanks for your reviews! I really appreciate the feedback.