Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha…or Kagome or Shessy or Rin or Shippo or Miroku or Kirara or Sango or Jaken or Kouga or Ginta of Hakkaku or Kikyo (Arigato Kami!) or Sota or Kagome's Ji-chan or Eri or Yuka or Ayumi or Hojo or Kanaa or Naraku or Kagura or Kaede or Mrs. Higurashi or Myoga…

Aren't you glad you asked?

Amehana: KONICHIWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure how I'm going to do this; I have no plan…

But, then again I never do…

Hehehehehe

"In a heart full of dust,

There's a creature called lust,

It surprises and scares…"

-Björk

"Isobel"

Chapter XV– Deep in My Heart

The wind blew gently across the green grass in some lone field in some incoherent place on the way. The sun shined high in the blue afternoon sky.

Kirara could be seen now and then popping out of the field, trying to snatch an unsuspecting butterfly from the air.

Sango sighed happily. She had no idea why she felt so happy being with Miroku but…she did. And it wasn't simply a happy feeling; it was a safe feeling and…a right feeling.

The slayer wasn't sure what day it was; it didn't really matter. What she did know, however, was that the trio would be at the shrine of Miroku's master in about one more day of travel.

She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head on her arms, folded on top of her kneecaps. The huntress continued to stare out at the field. "You know Miroku…I've liked being with you. It's been fun," she admitted, not shyly, to her own surprise.

"So have I," he answered as he too took in the meadow around in which they had been sitting for a short while before continuing.

Seconds passed in peaceful silence.

"You know…before I meet Kagome-chan and the others, I didn't stay in one place for a long time, because I was called to exterminate demons all the time. So I never got to stay home much." Sango said suddenly.

He nodded in agreement as he watched her talk. The monk defiantly knew how that was…never staying in one place seemed to waste a person away. They didn't have any roots.

Miroku had found that he took much enjoyment when she told him about her life, and her views on things…he liked the way she would smile when he replied and how she would listen to what he had to say too, as if she had a curious desire to know him.

And that was the scary part. He wanted to know her too, he wanted to tell her everything; things he had told no one before. As he thought about that, he knew he wanted her to confide in him as well.

Also…it didn't matter what she was saying because he also just liked listening her voice.

Suddenly Sango stopped and that brought Miroku back from his musings. "Sorry…" she said with a smile. The huntress could feel the warm sunshine of the afternoon all over her…or was it the blood rushing to her cheeks that made her so hot?

"You probably don't want to hear about all that…" she said, looking away, her face reddening a bit.

"Iie!" The hoshi protested.

Miroku sat down right next to her in grass, and setting his staff down at his side. "Tell me everything, dear Sango…"

For a moment Sango just looked at him. Why was he acting like this? He hadn't touched her in an inappropriate way in days…a week maybe. She had always known there was a better side of him hidden beneath those charming blue eyes. Was she finally seeing it?

The slayer smiled. "Okay…"

Before Sango knew it, they were sharing life stories what must have been the millionth time since there departure from Kaede's village…and she didn't even mind as he draped his arm around her shoulders. She didn't mind so much so that she actually leaned into him. She liked being in his arms.

(A/N: Well, that last bit was for Kakarot-chan because she swears that S x M stuff is the best, so I hope she liked it. Now…must get into a dark mood)

Kagome reached up and wiped the tears from her eyes. Why was she crying? It was stupid and useless to cry. Nothing would be solved from crying.

The hanyou leaned forward a little to look into the stone pond at the back of their house. Still a hanyou, still Kagome. But she wished she wasn't, she wanted to be somewhere else…she wanted to be someone else, something else…

Not here, sitting on the thick stony lining of the pool, not in Feudal Japan, not having constant fights with the person she loved more than anything else in the world…

She felt so alone…Shippo was there, of course, and he wasn't in any way oblivious to what was going on, so he tried to help the best he could. But, Kagome had to admit, he didn't prove to be much comfort no matter how hard he tried.

Sango and Miroku were gone, and Kirara too. They had been gone for…what? … four, five days?

The miko tilted her head up to the deep blue, star scattered, night sky. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't things be…different, to say the least?

New tears welled up in her eyes but as soon as they surfaced she bared her fangs, growled slightly to herself and harshly wiped them away before they had a chance to fall.

After unbearable moments of just thinking Kagome clenched a fist of the arm hanging idly at her side.

Sitting here wouldn't help anything. But then again…what would?

Once again feeling hopeless and lost the demoness stood and walked unsteadily toward the woods. Perhaps she would find comfort there.

(A/N: uh-huh. rolls eyes)

For what seemed ages (but was truly only a few minutes), the heaviness in Kagome's heart made almost everything around her seem worse than it was in order to match her current situation.

The days went on without fail but it was nothing to her. With the angst that hung like a cloud in her heart the rising of the sun was no different from the sinking of the sun. She would die soon if it continued. And it was too much to take already.

Kagome idly walked on. Little did she know, a certain other hanyou harbored the same feelings she did…

Above, in one of the many trees, one of Inuyasha's white ears flicked at a sound.

He shifted his gaze from the night sky above to the forest floor below where he saw Kagome walking slowly to nowhere in particular.

Ever so slowly he let a smile cross his face. He had just now caught a sign of her presence; she was adjusting to her hanyou powers better than she thought, hiding one's aura from detection and being deathly silent being a few.

The girl had a painful look in her half lowered, beautiful silver-blue eyes, and the same look overcame his own at the sight.

'Naze?'

He wanted more than anything to stop ignoring her, to stop being a jerk to her as often as he could. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her he was sorry a thousand times and that he loved her and only her and he would forever.

But he couldn't; it was impossible. He had to continue…

Kagome had to hate him…

Because she couldn't stay in the Warring States Era any longer.

She had to go back to her time and stay there forever, no matter what.

Maybe…maybe if Kagome could fully purify the jewel (she did a little more every time she went to the village but it drained energy so it couldn't be done all in one shot) then she could ask it to remove her demon powers and restore her back to a full human, then it may or may not disappear. Either way, she had to go back.

It was really hurting him; day after day the youkai attacked the village and she would get hurt. She never said anything about it, but that didn't matter to him; he hated the smell of blood on her.

It was going to kill her if it went on like this.

And if Kagome died it would be the end for him too, but this act wasn't out of selfishness; he just wanted her to be safe. This was the first time since the last time Inuyasha had devised a plan to keep the object of his affection free from harm, many being simply telling her to stay behind during a fight, a few others consisted of triggering an attacker to dual him instead of them both, and once he had actually thrown her down Bone Eaters Well and shut off her return with a giant tree. But none had worked as efficiently as his present arrangement, that being the reason it had to continue.

Even if he couldn't ever see her again, just to know that she was alive was enough. Besides…he didn't deserve to see her, did he?

He had decided that she should go back to her time and stay there while Kagome had been lying asleep in a coma-like state for five days, her body changing by the second.

Why couldn't he have been born a real youkai? With his half-demon body he couldn't protect her, so she continued to get injured. She continued to fight.

If he used the Shikon No Tama to become a full youkai he would lose his soul, and most likely kill all who approached him, like he did when accidentally transforming once in the past. And he would rather go through hell a thousand times than to have Kagome die at his hands.

If only things were different. If only he wasn't a worthless half breed. If only …

His amber eyes glassed over but Inuyasha blinked the tears back before they had a chance to proceed with their task, very angry with himself for such a foolish reaction.

This had to end. Kagome had to leave. Soon. Still a hanyou or not. He was moving too slow with his plan.

The demon could sense something bad was about to happen and he couldn't risk Kagome's life over it, whatever it was. So there was a new threat one the way, paired with their everyday duties of protecting the little village and the Shikon Jewel.

Even if she didn't leave tonight, he would be closer to his goal. And whatever was going to come was coming soon, so it would be best if she left soon. This was not her time, she was not born here; she had no ties to this dangerous place. She had so much going for her, and she deserved so much more than he or Feudal Japan could ever offer. Inuyasha knew that Kagome would never come to that conclusion on her own, so that is why the hanyou boy had to act as he had been recently.

Or so he thought.

With that matter where it was Inuyasha forced himself to jump down from his high branch and landed easily on the ground below without making a single sound.

Inuyasha leaned back on the tree from which he had just descended from and crossed his arms over his chest causally, trying his best to put up his emotional barrier once again.

After many minutes Kagome walked up through the trees next to him, as he had expected.

She caught his scent and said "Hey" without even thinking while she idly gazed up at the night sky through the dark green canopy of the trees.

He "Keh"'d coldly and looked away before he let any of his real feelings through, as he had been doing for so long now.

There was a long pause in time, it seemed…Kagome didn't look at him, but she clenched her fist instead; she swallowed as her balled hands trembled. Her eyes narrowed at his unsuspecting form. That was it. No more. It was the last straw or whatever idiom you chose to use; she had had enough. His attitude had pushed her over the edge. She had put up with this shit long enough.

She spun toward him to face him, now both her hands clenched in anger, so much so that her claws were causing her palms to bleed.

"What the hell is your problem?!" she screamed as loudly as nature would allow. "You've been acting like more of a jerk than usual ever since I changed. What's wrong with you!?"

Inuyasha glared right back he stood straight up to challenge her attack as if he had been practicing for the moment. "You are!" he returned almost as loudly as she had screamed.

He let it sink in, and was about to leave when something unexpected happened: Kagome didn't take it. That was the first flawed step in his plan.

"What in the seven hells is that supposed to mean?!" the demoness growled threateningly, still clenching her fists.

Inuyasha didn't leave then, but decided to stay for reasons he couldn't produce. "That you should leave here and get the hell away from me!"

"Why should I?!" she screamed in order to hide the pain inside.

He thought up an excuse fast, he was and had always excelled in the use of insulting language. "Listen, bitch, the quest is over so you can just go back to your own time now. If you stay here then you'll just continue to be worthless and a pain in the ass."

Kagome stared for a second in pain and disbelief then her restored her anger. "So all that's all I ever was to you, a tool to help get the jewel back together and a fucking replacement for that bitch?!"

"Yeah, and I don't need you anymore for either of those things so leave already!"

It was if the world around her froze then came crashing down in a cataclysm.

Then Inuyasha finished his charade by crossing his arms saying "You weren't ever anything like Kikyo anyway…". Bringing Kagome's unofficial rival into his strategy hadn't been part of his original outline, but Kagome herself had supplied the idea involuntarily, and the moment he said it he knew it was going to work well.

And that's when Kagome slapped him across his cheek than ran from that place as fast as she could.

The wind blew a few fragile leaves from the trees across the lone boy standing there in the forest letting blood streak down his face.

Inuyasha stood, and let out the breath he had been holding in. When Kagome had hit him she also had cut him with her sharp claws, probably on purpose, and now blood was flowing from the five marks on his face and it was stinging his skin harshly.

He stood there and lowered his head in shame, knowing he had deserved that.

The wind blew through the trees once more.

His sliver-white bangs covered his eyes, he clenched his fists wondering even now if he had done the right thing and weather he should change it, but he unclenched his fists and stopped the debate without a real reason to.

At least she would be gone –and therefore safe– forever…

Forever…

Seconds passed as the realization sunk in.

But she would be out of harm, and her life was the most important thing to him, it had been for a very long time, and it would be forever.

She would be safe.

'Sayonara, my Kagome'

…

Slowly, with a heavy heart, Inuyasha turned to go back to the house. Then suddenly he stopped.

'Wait…the direction she ran…'

He spun around. She wasn't going to The Well! She was running toward some unknown direction to be alone.

This was all a huge mess; a whirlpool of lies that had finally caught up with him. In the end would this whole web of deceit be useless?

Maybe he was wrong about all this, maybe she would be okay but…probably not. And besides…she had to go back to her time to avoid what was approaching, she had to go back because her life was at stake here, she had to leave…

'Shit!' was the thought that ran through his mind and as fast as he could he darted after her in the dense trees.

"Kagome!" … Her name echoed throughout the forest, unable to reach her, the girl being miles away.

Kagome dropped to the ground on her hands and knees; she dug her fingers into the dirt between the dark green grass, and clenched she forced her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry.

'I hate him I hate him I hate him!' the girl screamed silently.

After moments of mentally cursing Inuyasha she gave up and slowly opened her eyes only to have them fill with tears after all.

"Naze?" she whispered in pain as her they slid down her face, and she didn't even bother to try and stop them. All her worst fears had been confirmed in a matter of seconds

No stars in the sky tonight…

Then her senses tweaked even as the cruel night wind blew a scent to her. She sat up, the sadness in her face gone but the tale-tell water still apparent in the deep blue darkness around her. It wasn't someone unknown like she had suspected, and she was in the mood for a fight.

'Inuyasha…'

Kagome heard herself growl deeply.

So he had come for more, huh? Well then, there was no way in the seven hells she was going to let him do that!

The hanyou stood, wiping away her tears as she did so– and that's when Inuyasha caught up with her.

Hesitantly he approached her, the two potential courses of action to take wresting for dominance in his mind. One was to continue to provoke her to go, so that she would leave, the other being to drop this whole stupid thing and explain everything to her.

He was still deciding when he spoke. "Kagome, I– "

But she cut him off before he could continue.

The miko wasn't looking at him; her dark bangs were covering her eyes, rendering them unreadable "I didn't think you were that kind of person, Inuyasha…

"I guess I was wrong…

"I always thought you didn't care about what someone was like on the outside…but…"

In a flash she looked up at him "It really bothers you that I don't look like Kikyo anymore, doesn't it????!!!!!!" she screamed in a mix emotions, then she raised her hands in front of her, palms open to attack. Her fighting instincts took over, the instincts she wasn't even used to, perhaps wasn't even aware of.

The next thing that Inuyasha knew was that he had been knocked to the ground by a force that had raveled faster than the speed of light.

Kagome was standing over him, at his side, flexing her claws. "Doesn't it?!"

Before he could even deny what she had proposed, Kagome spoke again "I knew there was something up with you but I didn't think it was that ".

Inuyasha sat up to explain, his eyes wide, his voice half determined, half pleading, "Kagome, listen I–"

Once again he was cut off.

"Iie, you listen!" she screamed. "You lied! You told me that you liked me for who I was and that I wasn't a replacement! You said that you wanted me to be with you, you told me that I wasn't alone because you were with me, you asked me to trust you…and…I did"

(A/N: yep, he said all those things in either the anime or the Manga )

At that moment her anger shield broke. Kagome sunk to her knees and the grass rustled softly beneath her.

She bowed her head as fresh tears cascaded from her eyes "And I did…I believed you…

"I'm alone…I used to have two homes, and now…I don't have any…I'm so alone…and I don't want to be alone anymore…" Her voice was a trembling whisper.

Inuyasha listened to her pour out her soul with pain in his eyes, but so many more emotions mixed up inside.

That's when he realized something. She may have been screaming and cursing at him –things she rarely did– but he found that he couldn't feel the pain that should've been there from when she had blasted him with her chi only minutes before. He didn't feel it because it wasn't there; she had only hit him with enough force to knock him down, no more. She wasn't really trying to hurt him.

Kagome may be angry with him…but she couldn't ever completely hate him. And she never would, because that's who she was. She may get mad at him, but never enough to not ever want to see him again. So his plan wasn't going to conclude in effectiveness after all.

"Kagome" was the only thing he could say through his many thoughts.

Unconsciously he reached out to her in an attempt to wipe away her tears, but she sensed it and jerked away before he could touch her, glaring.

The boy drew his hand back.

Unbearable seconds passed in silence, then Inuyasha broke it.

"Can I least…explain myself?" Inuyasha dared to ask.

"Why should you?!" she screamed once again and suddenly raised herself onto her knees, her fists clenched once again. New tears spilled down her cheeks. "I trusted you, you shallow bastard!"

Kagome bowed her head, sinking back down as before. "Why did you change your mind? Why can't you accept me like this? I…I like myself like this…"

For a second Inuyasha wondered if he'd heard her right or not. "What? …"

But Kagome just kept her head down, and her voice was weak as she spoke. "I hate you…"

He saw the drops of her tears splash on her hands.

After a while, slowly she looked up at him, she had stopped crying for now. "It's not like I'm going to believe you anyway," she said as coldly as she could muster, then she turned her head away from him sharply.

"You…don't have to…" Inuyasha answered with both sadness and shame in his eyes, but determination in his voice.

Kagome blinked and turned back to him, and her expression wasn't exactly easy to understand. She looked as if she was trying to decide what he had meant by his last remark.

Finally the girl gave him a piercing look. "Fine. Try."

Owari Chapter Jūgo

Amehana: MURHERHERHER! Cliffhanger! GO ahead! If you all are mad me then HATE ME. Bring it on.

Guess what! "Deep in my Heart" is a song! gasp It's by DJ Mystik!

But in utmost seriousosity the next chapter will be up soon. If you are nice to me HINT HINT REVIEW HINT HINT.