Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Poo.

Amehana's Note: The chapter title means believe. Wicked is the coolest musical eva.

"Darkness goes on without us long after we're dead and gone…just hold to what you have."

–The Ataris

"My Reply"

Chapter XVI– Shinjite

Inuyasha let out a short breath of relief, and realized that he had been very tense. Then he drew his legs in front of him into a criss-cross position.

For a moment he just sat there, wondering where to start. There was so much to tell…how to even put it in sentences was a mystery. What was he going to say to her? How could he ever explain himself? The situation? Anything?

What was he doing, anyway?

He swallowed to clear his throat. "I didn't change my mind, Kagome…"

Anger flared in Kagome like fire in reaction to his words, she raised her clawed hand as if to attack. "What is that supposed to mean?! That you've always thought of me as–"

But Inuyasha, suddenly alert, reached forward and grabbed her wrist, firmly and gently, which stopped her with surprise. "No…please, please, let me explain…then I'll leave you alone or whatever you want, I swear it." His eyes were begging in a way that would have seemed impossible for him.

He let go of her, and she lowered her hand back into her lap. And then she waited silently, looking at him in a way that could freeze rushing water. It was awful.

"I didn't change my mind about you when you were turned into a hanyou, Kagome…"

She looked directly up at him, telling herself not to believe his words but finding it hard to ignore the way the heaviness in her heart seemed to lift a little…

He continued, striving to keep his voice steady. "I-I don't think of you as a shard detector, or Kikyo's replacement, or anything like that…" His words ran together.

He broke their eye contact, and then smiled, very slightly. "I never have…"

He looked up at her, his slivery white bangs falling away from his face. "I wasn't lying when I said I liked you, and all those other things…"

Inuyasha sighed, allowing himself to be distracted by the world that ticked quiescently around them. Trees swayed silently in the breeze, as if hiding a secret. He blinked, and let the peacefulness pull his emotions out and shape them into words. "I know saying 'sorry' is futile now, but I am, for everything, not just for what's happen recently but for…everything." He tilted his eyes up to the dark blue blanket of the heavens.

Suddenly time was passing slowly. Her flight into the woods seemed like years ago. If Kagome had any anger left, she couldn't stop it from vanishing at his last confessions; she looked at him curiously.

He met her glance, and he rushed to explain, despite how vulnerable it made him. "I'm sorry. I was so horrible to you, I was mean to you, and acted liked I hated you, and…and I betrayed you…" once again he looked down and his bangs covered his eyes.

Kagome blinked in shock…was he…ashamed of himself? No way, not Inuayasha…

Slowly, uncertainly, Kagome reached out and gently touched his cheek, in reaction he looked up at her, surprise written clearly in his eyes. "Go on." she prompted softly as she removed her hand. He hadn't won his forgiveness yet.

Seconds passed and he said nothing, until…

He looked at her, smiling painfully at the irony of it all. "I really fucked up all those times, huh?"

She didn't answer, which meant yes.

The boy looked away for a short time, as if wondering what to say next.

"Kagome, I…

"I don't deserve to be with you, Kagome"

Her eyes widened at what must have been the craziest words she had ever heard him say. "What?!"

Suddenly pouring his heart out didn't seem so difficult a thing now. "You've always stayed with me…no matter what, you cried for me, you stayed here and fought with us even though you have a home somewhere else, you taught me how to trust others, and… I don't know how many times you've saved my life…" he said shaking his head a little to emphasis his testimony.

She stared at him.

He continued. "The reason I've been so mean you to is because I want you to leave…"

Her silence broke suddenly and she had lapsed back into defense mode, "Why? You said you wanted me to stay here!"

"I do! More then anything, I really want to be with you," He explained quickly without thinking about his words before they spilled out.

She calmed down. "Then? …"

"Because…" he trailed off, then clenched his fists.

Any levee that had been holding back his feelings suddenly broke. "Why did you have to change?! It should've been me, I was supposed to use the Shikon No Tama to change, to protect you, but I couldn't even do that…"

Kagome stared. He wasn't angry that she used the Jewel instead of him…she could see that in his eyes, he was…

"Wait a second! You wanted to become a full demon…so you could protect me?" she asked, sitting up straight, having just realized what he had said. A delayed reaction.

He looked up at her, blinking as if that one was a given. "Well…yeah…"

A small smile crossed her face. She couldn't help but think that was sweet. "Since when?"

He thought. "Ever since…" instead of finishing he suddenly blushed involuntarily, then mumbled. "A long time…"

Kagome cocked her head to one side.

Silence swept over them, then Kagome remembered the subject at hand. "So…I transformed and you wanted me to leave because?" she provoked; Inuyasha never had been good at conversations.

He met her eyes suddenly. "It's not because you changed, it's because we got attacked so much. And it got worse every day. And…you had it the hardest because you had to fight and purify the jewel…I know your strong but…you got weaker everyday…"

Kagome mused over this. True, it was getting hard, and then she remembered:

"This is going to kill Kagome, granny"

Suddenly she knew; he was worried about her. So much so that he would get her to hate him so that she would leave, so that she would be safe…

Kagome looked down at her lap. This was going way to fast; it was all a mad rush. Her mind continued to scream while her voice was silent.

This was all a knot, and the threads had to be untangled one by one.

She picked out a single string. "Inuyasha I think you're blowing this out if proportion."

He blinked, and a second later let his emotions run away with him. Since when had he liked plans anyway? "What do you mean? How can your life ever be blown 'out of proportion'?!"

He cut himself off, leaning back a little. Had he said too much?

Kagome looked at him, should she just stop asking questions now?

The girl sighed and slowly let her gaze wander to the black trees in the night, the shapes surrounding the clearing.

'But…' her mind wouldn't let up.

"Why, Inuyasha?" she suddenly inquired, looking back to him.

He looked confused.

"Why do you care about my safety so much, I mean, I don't mind risking my life…"

"I know." he replied steadily, wondering what she was getting at.

"Well, then why? There's defiantly something you're not telling me here." She paused, wondering if she really wanted to know the answer to her next question. "Why do you feel the need to protect me? You don't seem to care about any of the others, and they fight too, so why do want me to be safe? I don't get it…"

Inuyasha gulped. "Because I…"

He hadn't expected her to ask this but…when was he planning to tell her anyway? Was he planning to tell her?

This was it, no more pride or cowardliness. Who cared if she hated him for it or if she hurt him? It had been going on for far too long now. She had a right to know.

He took a breath, and then looked straight into her waiting sliver-blue eyes all the while surprised (and relieved) to find that he wasn't blushing.

He said it: "I love you."

The crickets could be heard singing softly around them as it hit her like a freight train.

Crash.

Kagome's eyes widened, she couldn't believe it. Perhaps she refused to believe it. Though she wasn't sure what she was expecting his answer to be, that defiantly was not it.

The demoness found that she couldn't stop her legs from giving out, so that she fell over in the grass beside her. But she scrambled to her knees quickly. "Nani?!"

Inuyasha smiled, and leaning closer to her. The half-demon unconsciously caressed her face gently. "I love you more than anything, Kagome. I mean anything. I love you for who you are. I love everything you do and everything about you and…I have for about three years now."

She just stared, could he be saying what she thought he was saying? What she had only dreamt of? But…that irrepressible doubt rose up in her again. She sat up on her knees once more. "But…I thought you loved Kikyo."

He jerked back a little in surprise at her words, but then he realized how easy it would have been for her to still believe that.

Inuyasha sighed, a shadow fell over his face. "Iie, Kagome, I don't…I did once, but lately I've just felt like I owed something to her, because she died for me, but then she almost killed you, and I told her that I wouldn't go to hell with her."

Kagome gasped. "You told her that?"

He nodded. "When you were shielding yourself, and we all thought you were dead."

Kagome looked away and forced herself to process this information. "…So you just thought you owed her something? …"

"Yeah… and I guess that tied me to her, so I thought I loved her… but I didn't…" Slowly he looked up and smiled slightly, which suddenly turned into a sad expression. He knew what he was saying probably didn't make any sense.

"I think I loved her, because she reached out to me after I was alone for so long, and I thought I would continue to be alone without her…but…I haven't been alone ever since I've met you". He was struggling to get right words out, his sentences stifled.

Kagome just thought for a long moment, not sure what she was feeling. But before she could work it all out a question surfaced: "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Inuyasha's eyes flickered with some new emotion that Kagome couldn't exactly make out as she waited for an answer. "I was… afraid…"

The girl blinked, "What?"

"I…just…" he couldn't finish. Inuyasha looked away.

Somehow Kagome knew. He was scared to put his heart on the line because Kikyo broke it when he did the first time. That made him a coward, didn't it? But…anyone would be a coward after having the person you love kill you, and then come back from the dead only to hate you, and only to find out that the love between you hadn't been true in the first place. She wondered if that was all to their story.

A knew thought rose in her mind: even through all that he was letting himself be vulnerable again, even given a second chance with Kikyo, he was giving it up because he loved Kagome now…and he didn't seem to want anything from her in return…

Kagome looked at him placidly. "So…if you only wanted to me to leave, so that I could be safe, then you didn't mean all that stuff from earlier, did you?"

"No! … Of course not…I was just…" He looked at her and sighed helplessly, "I'm sorry…I didn't mean it…well…"

Kagome suddenly found herself hanging on his words.

He looked at her. "I wasn't lying when I said you're not like Kikyo…"

"What?" was all she could stammer in return.

"You may be her reincarnation but you're not much alike." he cut her off as she began to ask what he meant. "What I mean is… That's a good thing, Kagome, iie, it's a wonderful thing…"

She stared at him, unable to do anything else.

His explanations came without Inuyasha himself being able to stop them, he spoke as if he had been thinking this but couldn't put the volume of it into words. He still couldn't meet her eyes but that fact didn't deter the effect of his words. "You've never hurt anyone until you've known they deserve it, you're strong, you're not afraid to love and trust others, you except me as I am, you never asked me to change for you, the only thing you've ever asked me to do was open up to you, and somehow…you got to me in ways Kikyo –or anyone else– never could have, you're not afraid of anything…I…I think you're amazing, for all the things that you do and put up with…I-I love you for not being like her."

Moments passed and Kagome really wished that she could stop staring with that look of astonishment on her face, but he refused to look in her eyes.

Suddenly, Inuyasha's emotions caught up with him and he blushed slightly, realizing that he had told Kagome everything that had been in his heart in this single evening. "I guess that's all…" he said quietly, and stood to leave, thinking that Kagome probably didn't believe a single thing he had said.

Kagome just sat there on her knees, still, just letting all thoughts in her head settle and make sense. Inuyasha loved her…and he didn't love Kikyo, for that matter…he wasn't going to leave her…he didn't think of her as Kikyo's replacement, and he loved her for it too…

Suddenly her clawed hand shot up and grabbed his just as it was about slip out of reach. Inuyasha turned to her and the next he knew was that Kagome was no longer sitting frozen on the ground, but that she had quickly stood, thrown her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his neck, before he could even react.

The inu-oni stared at the girl on his shoulder wondering how he was supposed to be taking her embrace, but slowly he relaxed…

Inuyasha could smell the tears streaming down her face. He wrapped his arms around her, the way he always had wanted to when Kagome cried.

"You better not be lying…" he heard her choke in between her muffled sobs.

"…I'll kill you if you're lying"

In reply he smiled a small smile. "I know, I'm not, I swear I'm not…"

And for the first time that night the wayward couple was as peaceful as the world around them. Inuyasha held Kagome in his arms, afraid to let go, until her tears ceased.

Finally Kagome detangled herself from him, but only enough to look into his eyes. He had the most amazing eyes, their deep golden color was amazing in itself, but the way they could harbor any emotion at any given time, and then a second later be wiped clean of feelings. She had always loved his eyes…but not just his eyes, of course…

Kagome had no idea what she was doing when she laid a loving hand on his cheek; she hardly ever knew what she was doing anymore. Slowly she studied him. "So…basically, you're objective was to protect me… even if it meant sacrificing your feelings…and before I transformed you wanted to turn into a full youkai to protect me…even though it was a huge risk… and it would be changing who you were…"

She looked at him expectantly, and he nodded once.

The half-demon girl looked away, her hand slipped away from his face. "I've always known that you were self-sacrificing…" she whispered, and then she turned her eyes back to his. "But I didn't think you hurt yourself that much." there was pain in her bright blue eyes, pain for him, suffering for his suffering.

Before he could even voice his opinion she was contradicting it; she knew what he would say. "And it is a big deal, Inuyasha, it is…"

Slowly Kagome slipped her arms around his neck and hugged his body close to hers. "You just wanted to protect me…" her voice was quiet.

She felt him nod indifferently against her. Then came a long pause. Slowly the demoness pulled away to face her companion. She seemed so much more lighthearted now. "That's either the stupidest thing I've ever heard…" Then she smiled, "Or the sweetest."

He watched her in silence as the wind blew softly, stirring her hair…. she was so pretty.

"But…you left one factor out of your equation." she said.

Inuyasha looked at her with cute curiously. "What?"

Step by step, the scene played. Kagome elevated herself on her tip-toes, softly she leaned against him, her hands on his shoulders, her head titled into his neck, close enough to make shivers run down his spine. Her lips formed a smile just before she whispered: "I love you too".

Just as hers had done earlier, Inuyasha's eyes widened. "Really?" was all that he could say.

She simply smiled at him, for that was all she needed.

And just when Kagome thought that everything would turn out right from here on…the atmosphere suddenly shifted away from its happy state.

In the deep darkness she could still see him with her night-adapted eyes. She could see him, but what she was seeing couldn't have been real.

He let go of her. Disbelief was the apparent reaction to her confession, it shone in his eyes as he backed away from her and shook his head 'no'.

Kagome watched him. This wasn't the reaction she had thought of. What did that mean? She started to get a little frightened.

He shook his head one more time and sank to the ground, the grass rustling as he did so.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome said, it came out weaker than she had intended. She sat down in front of him. "What's wrong?"

For a long time, it seemed, he wouldn't ever look up at her. His eyes were unreadable as they stared at the ground. She saw him shake his head slowly in distrust one final time before he got up the courage to meet her waiting eyes, eyes full of hurt, at the current moment.

"Kagome…how?" He whispered.

She stared at him, with features unchanging…he was completely serious!

Seconds passed as he waited –somewhat apprehensively– for her answer, his amber eyes never leaving hers.

Kagome swallowed…why was this suddenly so hard? What should she say? She had no idea how to give him a straight answer. So she didn't.

"Inuyasha, I…I don't understand…what do you mean?"

He looked absolutely taken aback for a second, but then he relaxed into that depressed state once again. "How can you love me, Kagome? I…" he looked away as if he couldn't face her any longer. "I failed you."

Once again she felt helpless to reply, and she could do nothing more than soak in his countenance. Failed? Failed at what, protecting her? She had never seen him so close to tears before– ever.

'Yes…' she stated mentally, 'and something else, something that he's even more ashamed of…but what it is?'

Then suddenly she knew. The thing that used to make her the most miserable person in the world. The thing that could be boiled down to one single word: Kikyo. There had been times in the past when the boy had been caught in some pretty questionable situations with his former love, just when things between he and Kagome were starting to settle into something significant.

"Inuyasha!" the girl protested, catching his attention, "I thought that you, of all people, would know me better than that! …"

"I do know you, Kagome!" He returned. "But–"

"I think that all people deserve a second chance!" Kagome interrupted, hurt.

"I know you do, but…" he broke off, and then Inuyasha moved closer toward her. Kagome felt his hand wrap around hers; it was warm and comforting.

"Kagome" he began in a pain-filled whisper. "My hands have been stained with the blood of betrayal…how, how can forgive me for that? Don't you feel it when I look at you? Doesn't it disgust you when I touch you? Doesn't it haunt you like it haunts me? …"

The wind blew threw their large vacant clearing, rustling the trees, the grass, tossing leaves into the electrified air.

At that she would've screamed at him for being so…so ignorant, if she hadn't known, if she was still a human, but she wasn't.

She was just like him, an inu youkai. Not only had he defied the one thing he held precious in this world by betraying it like a dog in heat, but he had also defied himself, and his race; loyalty was written deep within his roots, it was an ancient code, a law in his instincts. The guilt of what he had done was physically destroying him.

Not for the first time and certainly not the last Kagome's eyes brimmed with tears. "Oh, Inuyasha…" were the words she said before throwing herself on him once again.

After catching his balance due to the impact, Inuyasha found himself once again staring down at his love crying, crying because of him, and this time he couldn't stand it.

A second later he had slipped his arms around her despite the fact that she was practically stopping his breathing from holding him so tightly– her arms securely around his chest.

Inuyasha buried his face in Kagome's soft hair. "Please, don't cry, Kagome…I hate seeing you cry…please, please don't cry…"

But Kagome couldn't stop. How could she tell him how much he meant to her? How could she ever let him to know how wonderful he was? How could she ever express how much she loved him when he despised himself so?

Then she realized: He must first stop hating himself so much, for him to see how much she cared for him.

Slowly she slipped away from him, but only slightly, only to look at his emotion-filled eyes. The hanyou leaned her forehead against his, her dark hair fell eloquently fell over one side of her face, and her tears were visible in the night. "Inuyasha, what I see when I look at you is my best friend." She smiled through the silvery tears on her face. "I see my protector…I see the handsome boy I fell in love with quite some time ago."

She was blushing, but only slightly, he noted. For a second she looked away, then back at him, her eyes full of warmth. "I forgive you, Inuyasha."

His eyes got wide, just as hers had earlier.

"I forgive you with all my heart and all my soul." Slowly he saw that enchanting smile of hers. "We cannot change the past, but we can always try for a better future…always". The last bit was no more than a whisper.

She rested her chin on his shoulder and let her eyes close peacefully. " I want you, iie, I need you in my future."

Inuyasha closed his eyes too, he felt like crying, truly. Kagome had forgiven him, forgiven all his trespasses…his Kagome had forgiven him, and that was the only thing that would finally allow Inuyasha to forgive himself.

"Kagome."

The miko heard him whisper her name as if she were a saint, and he the unworthy pilgrim, all his sins she had just pardoned, washed away in love…

Willingly, she answered his implicit plea.

Kagome meet his eyes and –for the first time in too many days' count– they were happy. Gently he rested his clawed hand on her cheek, as if out of a pre-rehearsed movie scene, he kissed her, gently, sweetly, perfectly.

Kagome sighed inwardly. It was the best feeling in the world.

The wind blew around the clearing once more, but softly this time. Things were about to change.

Owari Chapter Jūroku

Amehana: whew, that effing chapter took me a butt load of time to write and I'm glad it's over! But…I still liked it a lot . I'm so glad things have cleared up…now the fun stuff starts, hehehe

I want to say thank you to all my wonderful readers. I will try my best to make my chapters longer, as you have all requested. I will also try my best to answer all your questions that you type up in your reviews.

Nothing much to say except REVIEW OR I'LL KILL YOU!