Author Notes: I WISH I owned DB/Z/GT! But I don't, I own nothing, nada, and the only thing I'm getting out of this is laughs. The blame for this goes to Vegeta's lil Princess. Yeah, you sis! This is alllllll your fault! And also to Nicholas Bledsoe, because it's his dedication to his fic that somehow resparked my interest in writing too. =^.^=
This is one of three of a Trilogy type thingy. The next part will be written by Nicholas Bledsoe and the third by Vegetas lil Princess Of course, that will be a while, but still… check them out when they're done, and the other fic(s) by these two awesome writers!
Mashed, Mangled, and Mall(ed) by a Princess
"Remind
me again why I'm here?" It was NOT a whine. After all, the formerly evil,
bloodthirsty and egotistical Android 17 Did NOT whine, just like he did NOT
make bets if he wasn't sure of the outcome.
"Because you choose to like the wrong team?"
Bright and perky as she eyed not a clothing store, but worse- a shoe store. Which meant BOXES, lots of them. Smiling sweetly, like a cat
that was about to shred someone's favorite chair and would glorify in the
horrified scream that came of it, she walked through the open double doors and
into the aisles, leaving him to collapse on a bench outside.
And he had been so sure of himself that he had agreed to be the spawn-of-evil's bag carrier for the day, if his team lost. Which he had known it wouldn't.
Unless of course, his opponents father happened to be an over protective psychopath, and all it had taken had been the words, 'boy, hitting on me, sooo scared daddy!' her violet eyes filled to the brim with -fake- tears, and the main quarterback had been out of the way, the alternate too afraid to throw the ball straight.
'Dear Dende,
I have a small complaint. It was my understanding that the purpose of life was to experience the good and the bad, and to become a better, morally strong person there of. It's come to my attention that as of late, there's been a strong lack of the good, and I would appreciate it if you would rectify that as soon as possible. What have I ever done to deserve this?!'
Signed, 17.
Mentally stamped and sent wherever such thoughts go, he blinked at the sight of
one green Nameck, dressed oddly in cargos and a red cap standing calmly against
the side of a Suncoast.
"Besides
the whole, trying to take over the world thing?" He demanded calmly as
what looked like Mr. Popo in a Hawaiian shirt shuffled past, a couple of bags
in one hand and a mocha frapachino in the other. "And would have succeeded
if it hadn't been for Mirai Trunks?"
He'd never taken the guardian of the earth as a mall crawler... Then again, how
many times could someone wear the same robe before they wanted some change?
"Oh. Yeah. Kind of hoped you'd forgotten about that..."
Well. At
least there was nothing more he could do to him for the day. He was already in
hell as it was.
"Oh Seventeeeeeeeen" He shuddered, looking at the double doors where the voice originated before turning hopeful eyes back towards Suncoast, the idea of becoming a monk under the guardian of the earth more appealing than spending another second in the superficial princess' evil clutches, only to find...
Dende gone. The smart bugger must have fled as soon as that seemingly sweet voice broke through the mall's halls.
Stay here...
Run for it, sacrificing his pride and letting her know she'd won...
Stay here....
Ah, screw it. With a last, mournful look at the hard metal bench, he stepped carefully through the double doors and into what looked like it was in the running for the largest shoe store in the world- not that he'd know. Interweaving through halls, avoiding falling boxes and stilettos thin and sharp enough to cut through bone, all the while avoiding small children and their fazing stares of cuteness.
"Which one of these looks better?" She demanded, holding up what looked like two identical shoes.
"...They're
*exactly* the *same*!" He snapped after a moment of disbelief, fighting to
not just blow up the mall and run for his sanity, his last nerve currently
being danced on by the saiyajin princess.
"They're NOT exactly the same. Look! These have two thick straps going
straight across and two square sparkly clippies and they're all black, and
these have crossing strappies and one lil heart clippie, and look!" She
held the shoe up to his face, "the heel is made to look like wood!"
Had to prove the whole, there's nothing more he can do to me wrong, didn't he? Dende was a sadist. And normally, he would have utmost respect for that, but not when it was directed towards him!
'Dear Dende,
Forget I said anything. Life is completely fair! I love and enjoy every moment of it! Couldn't be happier, and there will be no need to intervene in the future!'
-17'
In a quick, unknowingly brilliant moment of logic, where he would have torn his hair out if he hadn't valued it more than most lives, he barked, "Just Get them BOTH!"
Of course it had been what she wanted to hear.
Of course when she turned around to put them back in their boxes, he bolted like a bat from hell, back into the safety of the crowd where he was suddenly glad he hadn't killed them all, for they were walls between himself and the monster in that shop.
As the gratitude dissolved rather quickly, 17 found himself in a mood to torment. He had just showed enough patience and restraint to last him 10 years, which is why he sneered at that little chibi-thing when it asked for its ball back.
The 80 percent of his conscience that remained malicious cheered as he crushed the purple and pink thing and chucked it over the second floor railing, calmly ignoring the wailing of the chibi-thing as it ran across the walkway.
Smirk back in place, he leaned next to the doors, arms crossed as he watched a television through the glass window of some electronics store. The Grinch seemed to be playing, even though Christmas was a few months away, and he entertained himself by humming along to the theme song.
You're a mean one, 17.
Yes. A (formerly) evil, cold hearted *******, he could overcome this. Which is why when she *Finally* glided (Yes glided, all witches/demons glided) out of the damned store, he walked with his head held high, and sent a death glare to anyone looking in their direction. That is, almost everyone; the other poor suckers dragged to the mall by their wives/girlfriends/blackmailers sometimes shared a knowing glance. He wasn't about to kill kindred spirits, those who would might revolt with him, at the moment.
When this whole thing was over with, however... there were too many witnesses to his torment. That needed to be rectified.
"I
love my shoes!"
"I noticed."
"I LOVE my shoes. And I have really pretty hair." In fact, she paused
to check her reflection in the window of a Funco, bringing out a lipstick
container to re-apply the deep, almost violet purple.
Ick. "Uh huh...." Remember not to make eye
contact.
"And... Pooocky!" Voice rising an octave, she quickly chucked the two bags of shoes into his hands and hopped through the doors to the Asian food store, not asking or caring if he wanted to follow.
...He had a funny feeling it would be safer to just wait outside.
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*
"And
I couldn't believe how much I got that shirt for-"
The exit was so close, so blessingly close! He could see the sunset through the glass doors (Had 8 hours really passed? 'Shopping trips start early and end late, and it doesn't count if you don't go to at *least* two malls!' -sensei Bra.) and could practically feel the freedom, so close and yet so far. He didn't think he could stand another hour of the walking, walking, all the while hearing her chit chat about something or other. (I missed my soap you know, but I taped it, so it's okay I guess... not that I, like, watch it *that* often. I'm only watching this week because Brian finds out that Sheryl is pregnant with Brent's baby, who is really Briant's twin sister!) And there was something about being glomped by a teenage girl on a pocky high that made his last nerve fall over dead.
"I
love my shoes. And those heels? 6 inch! 6! And-"
Ten meters... ten meters and he could drop these in the car, go home, forget
this ever happened until he broke down and paid some psychiatrist 30 bucks an
hour to figure out his phobia of shopping centers...
"Not
to mention I broke my all time shirt rec- Ohmygod!"
She stopped so abruptly that he would have passed her, if not for the fact that
she grabbed the end of his hair as a sort of leash.
"Oy! Hands off the hair!"
But she wasn't listening, even as she latched onto his arm and proceeded to drag him towards what looked suspiciously like a small store. With puppies in the window.
And if he strained his ears, he could have sworn he heard a song coming from inside: "How much is that doooogyy in the window? Arf Arf! The one with the waaaaaaggly tail? How much is that dooooooggy in the window? Arf Arf! I do hope that doggy's for sale!"
Almost anyone else might have thought, Oh my dear god! How cute!
He just
thought, Oh my dear god! "I am NOT going in there!"
"Why not?!"
"I
am not spending anymore of my time in this god forsaken place just so you can
kill off small animals! Pick off a grandmother in a wheel chair in the parking
lot after I'm gone or something! Besides, what are you going to do, drown
them?!" But this fell on deaf ears, as she had already dragged him inside
and ran to the puppy pen, catching the fluff balls and hugging them close.
"You're more evil than I thought! You're not going to drown them; you're
going to smother them!"
Then the
cooing started. Then the baby talk.
He
shuddered and calmly stepped back, almost wishing that she was murdering them.
"I'll just... go over here now..." He stepped up his pace, talking in
that calm tone one used on rabid animals when she started spouting the word,
"Hi!" repeatedly.
It wasn't until he was almost at the exit that he saw... IT. IT was sitting in his path, probably had escaped from its cage.
IT was furry. A big, fluffy ball of, well, *fluff*. It had black ears and a black-ish nose, which it twitched when it looked at him, the lil whiskers bobbing up and down.
And it was cute. 17 shuddered, but rethought his options.
Bra= a girl. An evil girl with her own prospects of world domination, but still a girly girl. What did those types like? One could practically see the wheels of thought running through his head. It was stereotypical, but she did like 'cute-and-cuddly-and-ohhhhhhhh-so-fluffy!!' things.
"Come here." IT flattened its ears against its head and backed up, but he had it cornered in three seconds flat. After all, IT was a silly little puppy-thing, and he was an advancement of mankind that could move at the speed of light. Then why had it taken three seconds? Because he was lazy, and it had taken two seconds for him to process when he had stepped in the puppy's mess. Ick, by the way.
"I should have gone for a cat." He grumbled, and IT nipped at his fingers. "Now look mutt, I know this won't be... pleasant for you, and the bow is a bit diminishing on your masculinity," He gave the bright pink bow an extra tug to make sure he hadn't somehow loosened it. "But can you tolerate it for just a bit?" A small lick to the face, and he grumbled. Why was he talking to the dog again? He put it to the long day; the shopping had begun to sap his sanity. "I know it's not fun, but you're practically a brainless mutt as it is. In other words, you're the perfect pet for her!" He grinned at his plot, taking a moment to bask in its darkness and evil…ness, somehow missing it was actually sweet and something she'd appreciate. Ah, denial.
The
clerk raised a brow at the puppy sporting the pink bow. "Hello. I would
like to purchase IT."
"The puppy, you mean?"
"Yes. And I mean, I have named it IT."
"Nice
choice." Said person, whose nametag pinned him as 'Bret' smiled that fake smile
that some shopkeepers have because all they're interested in, is selling their
merchandise. "And if you want one that's had all its shots-"
"I'd rather it was rabid." 17 muttered under his breath, but the
shopkeeper heard him anyway, since evil-muttering is always overheard.
Sometimes, Bret thought, it was deliberate; the 'evil' person wanted to be
overheard, so the 'evil' plan could be foiled. It was all just a desperate cry
for attention, and he nodded to himself as he thought it. After all, that
'evil' young man, Sig-something or other, had come in just last week for
flea-shampoo and a new sparkly collar for that Chihuahua he sold him last month.
But the buyer had been staring at him while he invoked his inner monologue, and he realized the sale was slipping. "-You'll have to take it to the vet yourself!" The shopkeeper finished, cheerfully. Hey, if he wanted it for security, that was his business. "Would you like to purchase a *small* dog house to accompany it?"
17 paused and rethought his options. Her evil-ness might not be allowed to keep the thing in the house, and she would most likely rant and somehow blame *HIM* if it had to, 'sleep-outside-out-in-the-cold-without-a-roof-over-its-head!' And yes, she'd say it all in a chain.
So he just shrugged and didn't act like his sanity depended on this. "Whatever."
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*
The mall had closed, and the lamps outside were the only real source of light nearby. Tap tap tap. It took Bra exactly 10 minutes to start losing her temper. 10 minutes, 250 taps, two boxes of pocky and a stick of un-sweetened gum.
Oooh, he was one dead Android. She paused to admire her nails as she swore to kill him three times over is he lost anything she'd gone to the trouble of searching out. Shopping was an *art*, everything was carefully sought and hand picked! And if anything had happened to her shoes~! She wouldn't be held responsible for her actions!
A happy
couple took one look at the fuming girl and did a 180. It was like a bright
neon sign had been lit above her: do not come near the Saiyajin.
Or maybe that was the purple aura? Hard to tell, nowadays.
"17!" Bra snapped to thin air, hands on her fists, "If you're not here in 10 seconds, I am going to pick up your car and throw it into the fountain!" She knew he wouldn't hear it, but the act would help her temper settle down.
That is, until she heard the tsk'ing sound. So sure of himself, standing behind her, sitting casually on the edge of the fountain she'd threatened to throw his car in… He was the epiphany of smug, practically asking to be chucked into the cold water. She turned slowly, seeing with relief the bags that rested on the ledge, until she noticed, with wide eyes, that her shoes. Had. Fallen. In. Her brand new shoes. The ones she'd gotten on discount. That she hadn't even had the chance to show off yet! She wanted to scream when they fell deeper in, and she reached out as if they would somehow fly into her safe hands.
He chuckled. Features forming into a scowl that would have made her daddy proud, she glared at 17, trying to prove that looks really *could* kill, and if they didn't, she would!
"So ungrateful." He shook his head at her and grinned, more of a casual look; not a leer or a smirk, for once. "Maybe I should just hang onto this and give it to my niece?"
Before she could even snap a curse, a bundle of fluff was thrown rather haphazardly into her arms.
Blink.
She found herself staring into a pair of chocolate brown eyes, framed in a
fluffy face and felt her anger at the shoes melt into oblivion.
"Puppy…" She murmured, a small smile lighting her face. She sat on the edge,
staring off into space and he wondered if he'd done something wrong. She'd been
shrieking all over the ones in the pet shop, why not this one? Though it
certainly was a nice change, and he wasn't complaining. It wasn't *that* bad
sitting with her when she wasn't barking out orders or throwing things at him.
"Let's see……" She murmured to herself as she absently scratched behind its
ears, loosening the bow. "I've already got a Kitty Kenshin….. Ah! You can be
Sesshoumaru!" She cooed at the puppy, and pulled the bow off completely.
He abruptly lost all respect for the woman, and felt a pang for any dog that would have to go by such a stupid name. "What?! It's already got a name!"
"What?"
"IT!"
"…It what?"
"That's its name!" He snapped, before he found himself backhanded into the fountain.
"What kind of a person names a poor little dog IT?!" Bra demanded, staring down at him from her vantage point on the edge. He glared at her, but noticed the bright lights of a car speeding ever closer; it was one of her friends, or one of her parents, either way, he didn't like the idea of being killed for splashing back.
Besides, he had more dignity than that. So he 'accidentally' dripped water on the blouses she just bought when he got out, halfway expecting death threat or at least an indignant 'hey'! from the Saiyajin, but found her…
Talking with her older brother. "Shut it Trunksy, and help me put these in the car, or I'll let Sesshoumaru leave a mess in there!" She turned around, all smiles, still holding the puppy that would forever be doomed to bear the name of an Anime Character.
It was scary how she could do that. He shuddered, though it was partly because it was 60 degrees and he had just been swimming. Trying to look anywhere else, she noticed the box with the new home for Sesshy, and felt a small pang of… was that guilt? "Um… Sorry." She looked down at Sesshoumaru and smiled again. "But thanks."
Trunks chucked the box in the backseat and snapped something that might have been 'It's time to go,' or maybe, 'get your ass in the car' through the window, and she smirked.
Speaking loud enough for her brother to hear, "Thanks for a lovely day." She
smiled brightly, leaning forward to give him a peck on his cheek and whisper
"Let's do it again sometime?" Though that had probably been
to freak out her brother.
If it was, it had the wanted effect, as Trunks sent him a look that would have
sent a regular date running.
It just made 17 grin back at him. "Count on it."
After all. He had revenge to plot.
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*
Author Ending Notes: This whole fic is Vegetas lil Princess' fault, and she made several comments and suggestions that made this whole mess possible, and Nicholas Bledsoe suggested the puppy's name. ^^; Luv ya guys lots. Oh. And Pocky if you see the redvsblue part. =^_^=
Reviewwwww please? Feedback=good. I like feedback. It makes me happy, and that makes me write more! =^____^= Please this lil elf and review!