The space port on Alderaan was not as busy nor as noisy as many of the places Padmè had been over the years, but it came very close. Everywhere there were beings, tallking, singing, laughing, bartering, and simply living. Beings of all races, species, and religions liging and working in harmony with each other. It wasn't a utopian situation, far from it. But at least each was allowed to make their own life, set their futures up as best they could amidst bustling crowds.
A Dug stumbled out of a tavern near the entrance to the Spaceport and slammed another being in a dark cloak against a wall in his haste. Padmè winced within her own concealing garment. The crowd proceded to walk over the small being until it stood and growled at a particularly loud group. After that, the crowds parted around the little guy until it had righted itself and continued on it's way.
Though she was no longer the naive fourteen year old who had crash loanded on Tatooine all those years ago, it was still all she could do to keep from getting herself in trouble. A moment ago she'd nearly stopped to help that little creature who'd nearly been trampled. If she had, it pobably would have killed her before it even recognised her as a benefactor. Even if she had survived the encounter such an action would have drawn unwanted attention to herself. Now, she was stumbling around the spaceport looking for the bay number Bail had given her.
Slipping into an unoccupied corner, Padmè pulled a tiny datapad out of the pocket in her sleeve and concealed it in her hand while she studied the display. The bay she was looking for should only be a few more slots away. With her head bowed, the former queen stumbled and staggared down the street, trying to make herself appear both taller and meaner than she actually was while at the same time pretending she was a bit drunk. She'd been told long ago that no one would try to steal from a drunk, they never had anything that was worth the trouble. It seemed the remaining meters to the correct bay took hours to traverse, though it had probably only been a few minutes.
Arriving at her destination, Padmè slipped into the bay as inconspicuously as possible. She strode confidantly toward the ship. The light freighter was of an indeterminant design and, from it's blocky shape, had probably been patched together from a half a dozen different ships. The boarding ramp was down when she approached and Padmè headed straight for it, hoping to get out of sight quickly. One never knew if an imperial spy might be watching. It was too much to hope that Vader hadn't sent anyone ahead to make sure she stayed put.
Unfortunately, in her haste to be out of sight, she missed the telltale that said a security system was in operation. She no sooner had both feet of the ramp then a siren sounded and a mechanical voice warned her not to move or she would be subject to turbocannon fire. Both feet planted firmly on the floor, Padme froze every muscle in her body, not daring to even exhale. Through the interminable seconds that followed Padmè faught desperately with her own body.
I'm at a diplomatic function, she thought to herself. If I make even a subtle movement it might be misinterpreted. I have to stay still. I have to pay attention. I can't let my guard down even for a moment...
It worked, and in a few moments the siren was silenced and an aging human male trotted down the ramp to her. "You can move now. Wasn't expectin you so soon, or I'da been here to meetcha."
Padmè breathed a long sigh of relief and stepped forward to greet the man, who was apparently Redge. "Thank you. Bail sent me, I'm..."
"I know who you are missy. Bail told me he was sending a friend of his. Said you was green, but you can fly."
She stared to nod sharply, then realized he couldn't see it under her thick hood. "Yes, sir."
"Name's Redge, remember it cause I ain't gonna say it again." He turned toward the doorway left by the lowered ramp. "C'mon, let's see what you can do."
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That night, long after her children had gone to bed, Padmè sat on her balcony and stared out at the garden as she had so many nights past. The balcony overlooked a courtyard, in the center of the Palace and in the dark she could almost imagine that nothing had changed. In the past, this particular space had been filled with trees and raised beds of blossoms. In the wintertime, she had often enjoyed the snow here where her security didn't rush her indoors everytime a bird chirped. She remembered snowfights with Sabè and Sachè, the only two of her handmaidens who were willing to participate. She remembered dragging everyone out here for picnics on holidays, when she wasn't required for some ceremony. She remembered late-night, moon lit walks while he whispered jokes into her ear...
No matter how many times she forgave him, the memories still hurt. When she was with Luke and Leia, it was easy to talk about him, but when she was alone like this the memories drew streaks of ice across her skin, sometimes cutting through to her heart. Sitting alone and staring at the stars, new memories surfaced. Instead of seeing him chase glowbugs in the courtyard, she saw herself crying, alone, on a balcony on Alderaan. Images of the star-lines of hyperspace swirling while she imagined where her children might be right then passed her eyes like a morbid scrapbook. A senator who was married to a Jedi expects to spend some lonely nights, waiting for him to come home or waiting to return herself. Never had she imagine so many lonely nights were in store for her.
Nor had she imagined just how lonely being alone could be. It seemed the more one tried to remember the good times, the more nightmares emerged from her subconscious to plauge her. Like the clock slowing perversely when one was waiting for something, then speeding unexpectedly when one wanted to savor the moment. Sometimes fate could be cruel indeed.
Padmè gave up on the stars and the gardens and went inside. She'd seen far too many stars over the years and the garden had long since grown over. Instead, she went to their kitchen to make some tea.
It seemed tonight was the time for musing, for the kitchen was already occupied by her son, who was doing just that. She walked in to find him sitting at the table in his sleep clothes, a mug of something fragrant cupped in both hands.
"Tea?" She asked him.
"Tea. Would you like some?" Luke asked, standing to fetch it before she could respond.
"Yes, please." With the cup settled on the table, warming her fingers, Padmè started to relax. Or perhaps it was her son's presence that calmed her. They sat in comfortable silence for sometime, neither needing to speak and both caught up in their own thoughts.
"Luke, can I ask you a question?" She said suddenly.
He sat up straighter, as if to prove she had his full attention. "Of course."
"It's Leia, is she okay?" Padmè had worried about her daughter many times over the years, but Leia's recent behavoir didn't seem to fit with what she'd thought she knew of her daughter.
"Why do you ask?" Luke responded, not sure what the right answer was. Yes, Leia was fine, physically. She was not in any kind of leagal or political trouble, though she might be when word of who her father was got out...
He'd tried to control his face, but a mother always knows. Padmè saw the brief flash of concern in his eyes and pressed her question. "I know this all must be difficult for her, but I still feel that Leia is acting a little strangely. It hurts to say this, but you know her better than I do..."
Luke did not make her trail off, he picked up the question quickly. "And I would know if she was behaving strangely. The truth is, I'm not sure." He sipped his tea, looking for the right words. "A week ago, I would have said yes, there is something wrong. But now? I'm just not sure."
"What changed?" Padmè watched her son with interest, hoping together they would be able to help Leia.
Luke set his mug down and thought for a moment. "When I first met Leia, I found her in a detention bay on the first Death Star. She was schedualed to be executed. I walked in wearing a storm trooper uniform and she immediately started insulting me." He grinned at he memory. "Then she rescued Han and I and immediately thereafter helped to command a major space battle."
He looked, to Padmè, as if he wanted to fidget. This conversation was bothering him as much as it was her. She didn't interrupt though, he was coming to a point soon, she hoped.
"Leia has always been the strongest person I knew. No matter what was happening, she was always calm, always sure of the right course of action. Everyone called her Princess, even after Alderaan was gone, but she was never anything like what I thought of as a princess. It wasn't untill a short while ago I realised what she did... took a toll on her. She was wearing herself out. I guess, in order to be so perfect, so in control, she had to forget about herself. Recently she stopped eating and she wasn't sleeping well. I think she'd finally had one too many personal problems to just push them aside."
Padmè knew, she'd lived that. "All the things she woldn't let herself worry about started wearing at her, didn't they? She tired to bury herself in her work to avoid them but that just wore her out physically. It didn't solve the problem."
Luke nodded. "Finally, just before you arrived, Han and I bullied her into taking a vacation, on the condition that I was to go with her. But then you came back, and that added one more emotion to the mix. Leia just kind of broke down."
He stood and took his cup to the sink and returned to the table. "I'm worried about her too, but at the same time I'm glad. I don't think she'll ever be the same person she was during the war, but maybe that is a good thing. Leia's more real now, like she was just a holo before and now she's a real person."
Padmè smiled, knowing Luke was worried she would be upset with him for feeling that way. "I understand. It's hard when you care so much about some one and they don't seem to care about anything, not even themselves."
"Exactly. I used to wonder if she had any emotions at all. But then, of course, I got to know her and I knew differently. But she still kept everything bottled up inside. I think part of the reason she's letting some of those things out now is because you are here."
"What do you mean?"
Luke shook his head. "You have no idea how much it means to both of us that you are here. The past few years we've both felt a little lost. I used to think that's why we seemed to connect so well. Leia lost every one she knew when she lost Alderaan. After Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen died I did not have anything to tie me to Tatooine. It just seemed like I had no ties to anything, anywhere. Then I started training with Yoda, and that was something. Then I found father and I had connections again, but it didn't mean anything because it wasn't quite real.
"All that time, Leia had nothing. She had no past, she couldn't foresee a future past the war because she had nothing to go home to anymore. I think she was fighting strictly for revenge for a while there. But the war ended and she had no focus. It was just one more thing she lost."
"She had you." Padmè interrupted.
"But she didn't. She didn't have me for the same reason I never had Father. I was there but suddenly I was off limits. She couldn't admit to her relationship to me without admitting to father too and Leia just couldn't do that. She still can't."
"But on the ship..."
"On the ship she made the decision to, but that came from emotions. It still isn't real for her."
Padmè lowered her face and stared at the table. Luke reached across and took her hands in his, afraid she might cry again. "Leia will be alright. We will both help her."
"It's just that, there's so much she won't accept. I can't help her move on if she won't accept the past."
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The next day started with breakfast. Padmè made a run to the ship for rations in a speeder borrowed from Telia. She'd woken early, something she tended to do when ever she'd been awalke late the night before. Not surprisingly, Luke woke shortly after she reaturned with supplies. He found her standing at a counter, assembling some light fruits while she waited for the pastries she'd made to finish baking.
Luke didn't speak, he just poured some tea and sat down. He was still in his pajamas and Padmè couldn't help but grin. Before too long, Leia appeared. She was fully dressed and had aparently done her best to put her brother to shame. Where he was wearing rumpled sleep clothes, she wore freshly pressed trousers and a new-looking work shirt. Luke's hair stuck out in every direction, but Leia's had been braided, then looped about itself again and again, forming a complex knot on top of her head.
Turning back to her fuits, Padmè sing-songed a cheery "Good morning children!"
Leia reponed with, "Good morning Mother." Looking for all the world as if morning were her favorite part of the day, though Luke knew it wasn't.
Luke tried to answer in kind, but all he managed was a "G'morning" and a smile that turned into a yawn. He stared when Leia giggled at him, but seemed to catch on to some private joke and smiled back at her.
Soaking up every moment, Padmè continued making breakfast. She slid the pastries off their tray and onto a platter, setting some into a napkin lined basket for Telia. The fruit and the pastries went to the table along with the teapot and a third cup for Leia.
"Breakfast is ready." She announced, setting plates and serving utensils on the table. Leia delicately scooped up a couple slices of fruit with the server and frowned when her brother ignored the utensils and snatched several pastries with his bare hands. Much to her amusement, Luke immediatly dropped them on his plate and blew on his slightly burned fingers.
When he had sufficiently recovered and noticed Leia laughing, Luke smirked at her. A moment later a pair of the hot treats floated into the air and settled on Leia's plate.
"Touchè." Leia responed, as if they'd been having a conversation.
Padmè served herself and spoke into the comfortable silence only once everyone had started to eat. " I was thinking today that we should meet with the local leaders, see if there is anything they can tell us that we don't already know. Telia said the that local govenors were still around."
"That sounds good to me." Leia said. "But at some point I would like to find some clothes. I only own two outfits that aren't gowns or uniforms and I wore the other one yesterday." She glanced across the table at her brother and grinned. "I think while we're out we should buy Luke some clothes that aren't black."
"I like black."
"But you look so nice in cream and brown really sets off your eyes."
Luke bit into a pastry while Padmè said, "Now, really! Let's not argue." She froze, then grinned when Leia turned back to her breakfast. "I think I like being the Mom. Now I'm supposed to remind you to finish your vegetables, right?"
Leia smirked and Luke nearly choked on his tea when he tried to laugh and drink at the same time.