February 4th, 3039

My life is forfeit. Mama died the very same night I wrote the last entry. She was the only person ever to protect me. Elfwine promised to at the funeral, but as always he is away with papa and can never fulfil that promise.

I am twelve years old now. After mama died, papa sent me to a lessons room with no windows so I couldn't run away. At the funeral when I tried to look to him for comfort, he glared down at me. I don't know why he did it. It made me cry.

I am in the lessons room all day. I am learning a lot but I am not happy at all. I don't think I've smiled at all since mama died. I miss her so much.

March 18th 3041

I snuck out last night. I couldn't stand being inside any longer. I had to do something. I put on Elfwine's old clothes again and climbed out my window. It was a hard climb but I made it. I ran the whole way to the gates. I was crying and fell a few times. I stepped outside the gates for the first time in my life. It's been three years since mama's death, and I need her now. Stuff is happening, and I am growing in different ways, and papa and Elfwine can't help me. So I found mama's grave among all the old king's graves. I cried for a while, and left a simbelmyne flower when I was done. I need Mama…

April 6th 3041

Dear diary,

Today papa took me and Elfwine to the royal stables. Twin Mearas were just born yesterday and papa showed them to us. He promised one to each of us. Since we have royal blood, we can ride them. Papa promised Elfwine the bigger, stronger, white colt. I get the regular brown colt. If I didn't know it was a Meara, I'd think it was just a plain horse. Oh well. It's name is Baldor, the same name as the child of the king that ran away and never came back. I hope my horse doesn't run away.

I've been sneaking out a lot, almost every night. I love being outside. There's no veil between me and the stars. The soft grass is like a carpet, the darkness a welcoming cover. And the wind… I swear it feels like mama's hand brushing my tears away when it blows. I miss her comforting touch, the way she used to hug me tight when I was scared. I wish she could somehow come back, or I could go to her. But it is impossible. I will have to wait, like she said.