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(A/N:) Enjoy. Tell if you are confused beyond measure, because I am myself.
Chapter 15: Growing Up as Enemies
"I can't believe you guys," Kagome said hotly, clenching her fists unintentionally. Sesshoumaru got up and started pacing slowly, testing his legs.
"Wasn't my idea," Shippou cried.
"Even you too, Kaede?" she asked, ignoring Shippou.
"I was only walking past," said Kaede.
Kagome sighed, and rolled her eyes.
"Ok, I'm not mad..."
"Great!" chorused Miroku and Inuyasha,
"... At Sango and Kaede," finished Kagome. "You three boys... OUT!"
"I need to check on my herbs," Kaede said, and left.
"I'm taking Kirara for a walk," announced Sango.
"She's a cat, not a dog," pointed out Inuyasha.
"Would you like me to take you instead?" Sango asked sarcastically.
"I'll volunteer!" piped up Miroku. "Inuyasha can't go; he needs to... umm... find... umm... something."
"No thanks," groaned Sango, beating a hasty retreat. "I remember, Kaede asked for my help."
"She asked me too!" Miroku claimed and followed quickly.
A lengthy silence pervaded the room.
"What were you two talking about before we interrupted?" asked Inuyasha through gritted teeth.
"Nothing important," Kagome answered.
"More like, nothing that concerns you," muttered Shippou. He was still in a bad temper from being trampled on, and not being allowed to eavesdrop.
"Kagome," pleaded Inuyasha. "Couldn't you tell me as a friend?"
"Maybe... Shippou, could you excuse us for a moment?"
"Why?" demanded Shippou, ready to throw a tantrum should the need arise. "I want to hear, I want to listen!"
"You know," began Sesshoumaru, who'd stopped walking. He eyed Shippou irritably, barely giving him a glance out of the corner of his eye. "You know, in my day, they had a good way of disposing of children who became extremely annoying."
Shippou gulped. Thank god Kagome was in the room – he had a nasty feeling that without her, the two brothers would have ripped him apart.
"Don't frighten the poor guy," Kagome said in a fit of exasperation, "Just kick him out." She picked Shippou up and opened the door, setting him on the doorstep. "I will know if you eavesdrop, and if you do, I'll let Inuyasha chase you."
He looked wounded. Inuyasha dug around for a lollipop in his sleeves and threw it to Kagome, who handed it to him. "I'll tell you later, ok?" promised Kagome.
"You promised," warned Shippou solemnly before skipping off with the candy in his mouth.
"Stupid brat," said Sesshoumaru in disgust. "No child worth his name should ever accept toys or treats as a means for adults to send them away."
"Not all children were as mature as you," pointed out Inuyasha.
"That's besides the point here," said Kagome.
"Indeed. As we were saying, before we were so nicely disrupted," Sesshoumaru said, his words coated with sarcasm. "Were you going to talk to me about something, Kagome?"
"Shut up, Sesshoumaru," barked Inuyasha. "You're impossible. Still as pompous as you once were."
"God, still as impudent as you once were, Inuyasha. Didn't anyone teach you good manners? Oh, my fault. I was so busy getting into trouble for your mistakes I couldn't be the model older brother."
Kagome groaned. "Why don't you two ever stop arguing?"
"Because that's not what we were brought up to do!" snarled Inuyasha. "Ever since I was born he's been jealous! Jealous of my sword, my position in the family, my responsibilities... I don't know, my ears!"
"Don't be ridiculous. Why would I want your sword? A useless piece of metal you protect like it's your life. And your position in the family? Last time I checked, you were the one born out of wedlock. Well, it goes to show who had the better upbringing – I don't go around throwing silly facts as my arguments."
Inuyasha quickly switched tactics. "You've need felt real love, have you? Since the moment you were born, your mother pushed you aside. Father wanted the best in you as his heir, so he pushed you to learn almost to the point of cruelty. The rest of the household – they only wanted to be your friend because sometime in the future you would become their master."
Kagome's eyes, which were darting from the younger brother to elder, caught the momentary flash of pain that fleeted across Sesshoumaru's features. But if anything, a set look reappeared on him.
"I won't argue with the likes of you," he said at last. "But you have no business talking about my childhood. Especially since you never had a childhood – instead, you spent the early years of your sorry existence devising ways to make my life more of a hell than it was. I never understood your problem. Now I think I do. You're a sorry attention-seeking brat, almost as bad as that – what's his name – Hippo boy. When you got me into trouble you could relish in the attention showered on you. Even up till now, you relished the thought that two beautiful women were rivals over who would have you. And the way you swing your sword, all that fancy movements with no real damage being done... It's pathetic. You think people will look at you because of it, but they don't."
Inuyasha shivered. He had never felt right around his brother. Every single move he made, Sesshoumaru countered. Every idea he had, Sesshoumaru had a better one. Every thing he thought about, Sesshoumaru knew.
Sure, he had gone out of his way to get his older brother into trouble. He'd tried hundreds of things, of which only very few were successful. And even then, after his punishment, Sesshoumaru would always come back to disturb Inuyasha's thoughts, with his face even more impassive and cold than ever.
Life hadn't always been so difficult. When they were little, surely they must've played together. Servants made sure to pamper them, and the adults couldn't have cared more or less.
But somewhere along the line, heaven had sparked a jealousy flint between the two women of the Western Lord's household. One was convinced that she could usher her hanyou son into the seat of taiyoukai, the other was absolutely unwilling to allow it to happen.
Everything changed. Both women forbade their sons to go near each other. The human against the demoness – with a catch. The former loved her son; the latter was too busy to care. When Inuyasha was old enough, his mother had actually sat him down to talk to him about women, something that simply didn't happen in those days. Sesshoumaru's mother hired a beautiful courtesan and left Sesshoumaru in that woman's tender care, forgetting about the woman completely. The last time Inuyasha saw emotion on his brother, it was a look of bland, pained shock.
Inuyasha's father had been an agile fighter himself, and wouldn't hear of his heir having anything less than that same standard. As soon as Sesshoumaru stood taller than a sword he was handed a blade and shoved into a dojo where the very best samurai there slaughtered him. Tensaiga itself was forged for that very reason – reviving Sesshoumaru whenever he died, which was very frequent when he first started.
Meanwhile, Inuyasha would sit on the rocks not far away, smell his brother's blood and pick up some basic fighting techniques from the scenes. The way he learned to fight even shamed his own self. He'd perched safely away at a distance and watched unabashedly, not caring if he ribbed Sesshoumaru later about his defeats. It wasn't until Sesshoumaru had flown at him that Inuyasha realized that his brother wasn't getting trounced because he was weak; it was because he was up against someone five times his age and size. Inuyasha still had a nearly-invisible, hair-line scar across his torso from a session with Sesshoumaru's claws – a scar that even his demon side refused to heal.
When the older generation died, without the protection of his mother he had felt helpless. On being given the choice to stay or leave, he left. He knew Sesshoumaru had no love or respect for him, and wouldn't care either way. If he stayed, it was just another mouth for the new taiyoukai to feed. If he left, well, that was ideal too. They said blood ran thicker than water. But Inuyasha was sure that given the chance, Sesshoumaru would let Inuyasha's blood run till he died from blood loss.
Sesshoumaru was right. He was a spoiled brat and had been coddled and loved all his life. All day long he craved attention.
Sesshoumaru's voice came at a distance to him. "Though I suppose you're not that bad," came his voice. "You've got courage enough, I should think, and some loyalty. At least you can think on your head... no, scratch that, you're too headstrong and impulsive..."
A part of Sesshoumaru hated his brother; another part knew that it wasn't Inuyasha's fault. He had been born with a natural childish charm, not to mention two hanyou ears. Women found them appealing – Sesshoumaru found them disgraceful, the mark of a lower class.
He could remember, barely, Inuyasha as a toddler. Probably Inuyasha had no recollection at all of the times they'd spent in the gardens. The time Sesshoumaru had been desperately trying to finish an unfair amount of calligraphy exercises while two little eyes stared wonderingly at him and two little ears tweaked at him. Then Inuyasha had tried to walk, but fell into the inkwell, spluttering both of them and all Sesshoumaru's hard work with ink. He'd had to redo them painstakingly, while his teacher gave him extra work for being sloppy and putting ink on his writing. Inuyasha simply frolicked in the pond, staining the clear water a dull grey. At least it looked dull grey to Sesshoumaru, who'd had to listen to his father's lectures and endured three hungry days.
Even better was the time where he'd barely turned seven in human years. His father had lent him a short sword with a deadly blade and entrusted him to the training of one of the toughest samurai in the Western Lands. Sesshoumaru had been promised no lasting harm would come to him – instead, Tensaiga was used to revive him again and again. Death became routine. The pain from gashes Tensaiga didn't heal, though, were barely 'routine'. Every time, they seemed to hurt more.
And every time he fell, and woke up to blinding pain and a rough hand pulling him back to his feet, he could see a spot of red and silver not far away – Inuyasha. It was bad enough his teacher saw him weakened and told his samurai comrades about their training sessions, Inuyasha seeing, then teasing, him didn't make it better.
Or what about when he turned twelve, when his mother sent him an elegant woman in a six-layered kimono as a form of a birthday present. His dismay had been obvious but his father seemed rather pleased – twelve wasn't that tender an age to be initiated into the rites of sex, after all. Sesshoumaru hadn't let the woman come close to him; for the first time he thanked his hours of tottering on the blood-stained dojo. His mother had ranted at the blood-stained tatami mats for days. In the end, he was packed off to a teahouse where patient, amused geisha tried to make him understand that everything was natural and there was nothing to be afraid of.
In between lessons and punishments and fighting with Inuyasha and more punishments, somehow his father dragged him to parties and engagements. At first, the colors and sounds had been amusing, but everything soon became repetitive. Everyone would praise his swordsmanship and calligraphy and geographical knowledge and literary skills (if he hadn't cultivated knowledge to last him ten lifetimes in all his lessons, he would have to be very, very stupid). Then, the adults would disappear into some boring room and talk, whilst the daughters of several prominent lords made sure he wanted for nothing. After all, though twelve or thirteen, he was very eligible from their point of view.
Sesshoumaru finally got his freedom after he was fourteen. His dojo sessions stopped after he killed his samurai teacher in a fight. His lessons ended when he stumped his tutor on a riddle he made up. It went along the lines of: Wisps of silver, flash of red, quite enchanting with nothing in its head. The teacher didn't think for a moment it could be Inuyasha, though the riddle itself was easy enough for a child to guess.
Anyways, his behavior, knowledge and skills were pronounced 'fitting for an heir' by his father, and he was left alone after that except for the occasional party.
Inuyasha, thought Sesshoumaru in somewhat resentment, had played around till he was fourteen, until he'd felt that some learning would do no harm. All attempts at learning, though, were disastrous, and Inuyasha quit soon after.
Then, within a year, the parents started dying. Inuyasha's mother was the first to go, then Sesshoumaru's, then his father himself.
After all the appropriate mourning periods, which Sesshoumaru kept as short as possible without appearing stingy, he set up rule in his estate. All the old servants simply were sent packing. Inuyasha was given the option to stay or go. He left, and ended up tangled in some scandalous affair with the miko Kikyo.
"You know, when you two stop staring at each other like you've never realized each other lived, we can actually talk," Kagome said, interrupting his thoughts.
"Go ahead," said Inuyasha idly.
"You idiots will be the death of me!"
"You're getting off topic again," Sesshoumaru reminded her silkily. "As I was explaining, you're not going to have a baby."
"WHAT?!" yelled Inuyasha. "You slept with Miroku?"
Sesshoumaru hid a sneer. "Please do not interrupt about things you don't understand, Inuyasha. Anyways, as I told you already, Kagome, you smell perfectly normal. And also, I don't think you remember as you lost consciousness a bit that night. But I pulled out of you before any drastically risky things could happen. After all, sixteen is rather young for children, don't you agree?"
"Oh my god!" spluttered Inuyasha. "You raped Kagome, then you act like you're talking about the fucking weather or something, or crying out loud."
"I do not talk about the weather," said Sesshoumaru simply. "Sitting with someone and discussing how hot or cold it is does not strike me as good conversation skills."
"I did not understand that explanation," grumbled Inuyasha. "But I demand another – what the hell are you talking about?"
"I think you know, Inuyasha," Kagome said weakly, torn between embarrassment, horror at Sesshoumaru's frankness, and laughter.
"Certainly, NO! God, how stupid I've been!" swore Inuyasha. "How convenient that you disappear, and reappear in Sesshoumaru's palace! How interesting that you reeked of his scent! And how fucking coincidental that he appears everywhere nowadays, especially around you!"
"Hey, calm down," Sesshoumaru said in a placating tone that infuriated Inuyasha even more. "Kagome didn't disappear – she was taken by a youkai and ended up saving my charge, Rin. And I should be asking you, mister, where were you? You were supposed to be protecting Kagome, not off on a wild-goose Naraku chase! And she didn't appear in my palace, I brought her back because Rin asked me too. What would you have had me do, left her to die?"
"Yes... no! I don't know..." Inuyasha shook his head in despair. "I can't believe you would cheat on me, Kagome."
"Who's cheating on whom?" Kagome rapped out sharply. "I've never said a word about your moonlight rendezvous' with Kikyo. Which could be classified as 'cheating'... only if we were a couple. And we aren't."
"Besides, the circumstances were... extraordinary," added Sesshoumaru. "I'm sure Kagome will tell you another time."
Miroku stepped under a tall tree, the moonlight casting eerie shadows on the path.
"You knew?" asked Inuyasha from high above in a hollow voice.
"Knew? No. Guessed? Yeah, in a way," Miroku said.
"You should've warned me." He didn't sound loud and angry like he usually did. His voice held an element of quiet hurt and shock.
"I wasn't sure. It would have embarrassed Kagome if I had guessed wrong, yet told everyone."
Inuyasha jumped softly to the ground.
"You had your chance, Inuyasha," Miroku said softly. "Many chances. Why didn't you take them?"
"I don't know..." If he looked half as miserable as he sounded, Miroku didn't want to imagine it. "I wasn't sure. Maybe Kikyo was the right choice. Maybe Kagome was the right choice. But if you looked at it logically, Kikyo came first. She should've gotten my first attentions."
"But Kikyo died, Inuyasha. She died fifty years ago," Miroku said. "You died, in a way, too, until Kagome freed you from the God Tree. Then you had a new life. In this new life, you weren't and aren't tied to the clay figure of a past love. You owe it to Kagome."
"But Kikyo was reincarnated..."
"No, she wasn't. You've held her. Is she warm or cold? Her skin is freezing, yet yours is warm. You're living, not her. And Kagome's living too. Kikyo was a great woman, powerful and pure. Now, the Kikyo we know is a shell of that woman. Selfishness has clouded her heart. Was the Kikyo you knew ever selfish?"
Inuyasha started. "But surely she's allowed a bit of selfishness. She died thinking the world had betrayed her..."
"Stop avoiding the point, Inuyasha. If you'd gone to live with Kikyo now, Kagome wouldn't have died hating your guts. She'd have accepted it, maybe cried a bit; but she would have understood and moved on. And she did. You weren't there, always with Kikyo, and when you were, you were only snapping and snarling at her. She gave up. She moved on."
"And I have to come to terms with that?" asked Inuyasha bitterly. "The person you're talking about is Sesshoumaru, for god's sake!"
"What's wrong with your brother? He's a youkai lord powerful women want to get in their beds. Wealth, power, and affluence are his, and will belong to his mate, too. Kagome could marry him and stay protected forever, instead of traipsing around the country getting slashed at by demons. I heard Rin talk. You know what she told Kagome? She said that she hadn't cut or bruised herself in a long time, especially not since Sesshoumaru took her in."
"Your point?" inquired Inuyasha.
"Can you offer her the same security?" asked Miroku. When there was no reply, he continued. "Now, she hasn't committed to anything. If you want to win her back, you have to do it now."