Chapter 13 - Snape the incensed
Hello! Sorry this chapter is kinda short, but the next chapter will be pretty long! I know I'm an infrequent updater, but you see, I never know how long a chapter will take. I hope you don't mind this one.
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Snape opened his eyes. What the hell was going on in his mind? He was sure he'd revisited his own school days, if it hadn't been for the all-too- recent faces. His armed ached. As his pain brought him back into the realm of the living he sighed. The room was warning up in such a way that it made him edgy. He liked his rooms cold. They made him stay awake, they made him think. The heat relaxed him, made him unfocused, unaware. He stood up against his better judgement, and creeping like a child after his parents had put him to bed, walked to the door. He felt stronger than the last time he'd woken up, but his legs shook like he'd just been hexed. He was practically pulling himself along the wall, but he heard voices, voices he knew he had to find out about. People whispering about him. Well, less whispering than ranting furiously.
As Snape peered out the door, he saw his other self, robes swishing magnificently, pacing up and down, black eyes almost burning with rage.
"Now, Sev, do calm down." Said Professor Dumbledore, who was sitting in one of his armchairs with no self-consciousness at all.
"But a Deatheater! " exploded Sev, spiting in anger, "A Death Eater! Why on earth would the man sink so low!?"
"You should know better than I." Replied Dumbledore Coolly.
"We're not the same man Professor, I don't know what his parents did that made him as he is, but I'm almost glad my father threw me out of the house when I was sixteen!" he snapped. Snape's thoughts suddenly stopped in their tracks of self-righteousness. When he was sixteen, well, that was his best year. The only year that he had got his fathers approval. The only time when he'd had associates. But his other self had obviously done something wrong. It was obvious that he hadn't become a death eater by the way he was shouting, but Snape's mind grew strangely curious about his doppelganger.
If Professor Dumbledore had been curious he hid it well, replying with a simple, "You had different choices. You had to choose differently...."
"Yes, yes, Alternate Universe theory, my actions change his actions and visa versa, but a Death Eater? What could drive a man to do that?"
Snape growled under his breath. Hatred could drive you, I bet you had loads of friends and girls, thought Snape bitterly; I bet even James Potter was Jealous of you! I bet that you've had a great life, I bet your.....
Snape's thoughts were interrupted by Dumbledore's voice. "Sev, I'm sure your life was very different from his. I doubt if he had the same choices as you."
Sev grunted, and like an eagle coming into land sat on the other armchair. "I bet he did. I bet he was some bored rich kid who swanned through his life easily until he got a conscience. I bet he never had to wake up one morning to find his mother dead in the kitchen. She hung herself, y'know, " he said, sadly, "Couldn't take father any more. He was a cold heartless man, even worse than your professor here, even worse than how the pupil's descibe him behind his back. Father knew the spells that didn't leave marks. He also knew how weak the human mind was. I'm sure that his Father relented on him. I bet he stopped when he began to cry."
He didn't, answered Snape in his head, he went on until he passed out. But he never used spells that left marks. He'd rather watch you squirm and cry for mercy than get all his rage out at once and have people ask questions. Considering how sadistic his father was, he was surprisingly cool headed. But maybe his other self was exaggerating. Maybe his alter ego's childhood had been better than his own. Maybe Mother had died later. Snape couldn't bring himself to believe that anyone else had suffered as much as he had.
"Sev, I never knew...." replied Dumbledore in that sickning piteous voice that Snape knew ever human had.
Enough was enough. He wasn't going to let his double spill any more secrets about him to the old man. Focring his legs along he flung open the door, metal doorknob clanging on the cold granite wall.
"Of course you didn't know, " snapped Snape, looking livid, "I never told you. I don't want your pity. I don't want anyone's pity."
"Oh, look who it is?" sneered Sev, his eyes narrowing as he pulled his face into a sarcastic leer.
Snape walked in, pulling himself up to his full height, even though his bones felt like jelly. "Do you want to know why? Do you really want to know why?"
"Yes, why don't you tell us!" exclaimed Sev, all concern for the man rushing out of him, "Why don't you let us all know what goes on in the mind of a traitor?"
"I never betrayed anybody!" spat Snape, "Except the Dark Lord."
"And I bet you never killed anybody either, " snapped his double, almost as if he had read his mind, "I suppose the thousands of muggles and Wizards just killed themselves!"
"Oh, and you haven't killed anybody as an auror?" said Snape, suddenly feeling invincible with anger, "Or do the ministry give it another name?"
"At least I was killing for the greater good! I wasn't just obeying the orders of a mad man!"
Snape growled. He could think of a thousand answers to this, but he didn't want to answer him, he wanted to hurt him. He wanted to take his other self by the throat and slowly throttle him. He wanted to show his other self pain, not by Crucio, it was too simple, he wanted to show him that he could kill him by force. Instead he replied with a lot more force than his body should have let him had, "Why don't you just go back to where you came from, Snivilus....."
There was total silence. Snape inwardly cheered with joy. He's performed the first damage. This other self's eye twitched. Laughing angrily he exclaimed, "What did you say?"
"I called you Snivillus, Snivillus!" replied Snape, enjoying every moment of it.
"Well, at least I'm not He-who-must-never-be-named's Lapdog!" Sev exploded, "did you follow him because you liked it, or because you were a coward!"
Snape yelled back before Sev had even finished the sentence "Well, Snivillus, why haven't you done what you were sent here to do yet? Or frightened that you might have to die for your job!"
"At least I got the job because I was qualified, not because I'd done a favor to the ministry!"
"Why don't you go back to your perfect life and leave me alone!" shouted Snape, juvenilely.
"Yeah, go back to your friends, " scoffed Sev, "But you can't because you betrayed them!" Snape was taken aback, but in desperate attempt to wound him further Snape said, "Looking at you, I now know why father hated me!"
Sev finally dropped his bombshell, worse than Snape's Snvillus remark, worse than his remark that father hated him. He dropped it to hurt, to kill. With a half grin on his face, he said coldly and slowly, "Looking at you, I can see that you turned out just like him."
Snape was beyond even this unreasonable arguing. A vein stood out on his forehead he bared his teeth, his black eyes angry. There was nothing to stop him. "LEGILIMENS!"
As the spell hit his Double he saw memories, memories that he would have described as running past his eyes like a silent film if he had been adept at using muggle termlogy. He saw His father shouting at his mother, he saw himself in his room when he was fifteen, shooting down flies, he saw his mothers dead body, hanging above his head.
Sev threw him out of his mind, and and suddenly Snape was hit, the sheer force of the spell forcing him backwards. "LEGILIMENS!" his double shouted.
Suddenly Snape felt his own memories being dragged out of his head. He saw himself when he was sixteen getting the dark mark burned on his arm, he saw The Dark Lord disposing of Rya's body, he saw the first time he ever met Harry Potter.....He summoned the strength to shut his double out before his double could go any further. In retaliation he shouted, "LEGILIMENS!"
Again, he saw his double's memories in his head. He saw himself, running into a house, the Dark Mark hanging in their air over the door. But his double shut him out before he could see more. Falling back, before his double could shout again he screamed, "LEGILIMENS!"
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Notes -
1/ I'm hopefully going back on topic. But don't trust me on that point. I have an idea where I'm going, but I don't know the path and what might happen on the way there.
2/ Right, Snape and Snape are at Stale mate at the moment, if no one had noticed. This rift in what little of a relationship they had is going to allow them to truly show their feelings. And probably a lot more bickering later.
3/ I know a lot of Snape fans are going to have a go at me, but as I count myself among them, I'm going to try and explain my opinion. I know Snape had a bad life, but I don't think the Snape we know could ever let go of his past properly, he still sees himself as a part of it, rather than as the result of it, if that makes any sense. So as a result he cannot cope with the idea of having a past such as his and moving on. I suppose it's a little jealousy and a lot of inverse snobbery coming out (gawd, snobbery is bad enough, but inverse snobbery hurt my head.)
4/ Okay, the insults they throw at each other aren't that good, I know, sorry!!!!! But I couldn't think of anything that hadn't been used before. I'm an idiot. I also kinda took a lot of ideas from that Red Dwarf episode I mentioned earlier (ME2) for the argument. It was one step away from having them shout 'Mr Gazpachio!' at each other (sorry, I can't spell the name of the cold soup I'm talking about). But I think Sev's line is quite freaky. If I'd had Snape's Dad, then I'd be adopted XD, but on a serious note, the less said the better about him.
5/ There are going to be plenty of chances for us to get little snippets of background, but for now this will have to merely wet your appetite. Or something like that.
Thank you for reading and getting this far! I promise this will have at least one vaguely interesting revelation to make you question my sanity! Thank you again (and reviewing me wouldn't be too bad either, but thank you all the same) Xandra the Blue.
Hello! Sorry this chapter is kinda short, but the next chapter will be pretty long! I know I'm an infrequent updater, but you see, I never know how long a chapter will take. I hope you don't mind this one.
***********
Snape opened his eyes. What the hell was going on in his mind? He was sure he'd revisited his own school days, if it hadn't been for the all-too- recent faces. His armed ached. As his pain brought him back into the realm of the living he sighed. The room was warning up in such a way that it made him edgy. He liked his rooms cold. They made him stay awake, they made him think. The heat relaxed him, made him unfocused, unaware. He stood up against his better judgement, and creeping like a child after his parents had put him to bed, walked to the door. He felt stronger than the last time he'd woken up, but his legs shook like he'd just been hexed. He was practically pulling himself along the wall, but he heard voices, voices he knew he had to find out about. People whispering about him. Well, less whispering than ranting furiously.
As Snape peered out the door, he saw his other self, robes swishing magnificently, pacing up and down, black eyes almost burning with rage.
"Now, Sev, do calm down." Said Professor Dumbledore, who was sitting in one of his armchairs with no self-consciousness at all.
"But a Deatheater! " exploded Sev, spiting in anger, "A Death Eater! Why on earth would the man sink so low!?"
"You should know better than I." Replied Dumbledore Coolly.
"We're not the same man Professor, I don't know what his parents did that made him as he is, but I'm almost glad my father threw me out of the house when I was sixteen!" he snapped. Snape's thoughts suddenly stopped in their tracks of self-righteousness. When he was sixteen, well, that was his best year. The only year that he had got his fathers approval. The only time when he'd had associates. But his other self had obviously done something wrong. It was obvious that he hadn't become a death eater by the way he was shouting, but Snape's mind grew strangely curious about his doppelganger.
If Professor Dumbledore had been curious he hid it well, replying with a simple, "You had different choices. You had to choose differently...."
"Yes, yes, Alternate Universe theory, my actions change his actions and visa versa, but a Death Eater? What could drive a man to do that?"
Snape growled under his breath. Hatred could drive you, I bet you had loads of friends and girls, thought Snape bitterly; I bet even James Potter was Jealous of you! I bet that you've had a great life, I bet your.....
Snape's thoughts were interrupted by Dumbledore's voice. "Sev, I'm sure your life was very different from his. I doubt if he had the same choices as you."
Sev grunted, and like an eagle coming into land sat on the other armchair. "I bet he did. I bet he was some bored rich kid who swanned through his life easily until he got a conscience. I bet he never had to wake up one morning to find his mother dead in the kitchen. She hung herself, y'know, " he said, sadly, "Couldn't take father any more. He was a cold heartless man, even worse than your professor here, even worse than how the pupil's descibe him behind his back. Father knew the spells that didn't leave marks. He also knew how weak the human mind was. I'm sure that his Father relented on him. I bet he stopped when he began to cry."
He didn't, answered Snape in his head, he went on until he passed out. But he never used spells that left marks. He'd rather watch you squirm and cry for mercy than get all his rage out at once and have people ask questions. Considering how sadistic his father was, he was surprisingly cool headed. But maybe his other self was exaggerating. Maybe his alter ego's childhood had been better than his own. Maybe Mother had died later. Snape couldn't bring himself to believe that anyone else had suffered as much as he had.
"Sev, I never knew...." replied Dumbledore in that sickning piteous voice that Snape knew ever human had.
Enough was enough. He wasn't going to let his double spill any more secrets about him to the old man. Focring his legs along he flung open the door, metal doorknob clanging on the cold granite wall.
"Of course you didn't know, " snapped Snape, looking livid, "I never told you. I don't want your pity. I don't want anyone's pity."
"Oh, look who it is?" sneered Sev, his eyes narrowing as he pulled his face into a sarcastic leer.
Snape walked in, pulling himself up to his full height, even though his bones felt like jelly. "Do you want to know why? Do you really want to know why?"
"Yes, why don't you tell us!" exclaimed Sev, all concern for the man rushing out of him, "Why don't you let us all know what goes on in the mind of a traitor?"
"I never betrayed anybody!" spat Snape, "Except the Dark Lord."
"And I bet you never killed anybody either, " snapped his double, almost as if he had read his mind, "I suppose the thousands of muggles and Wizards just killed themselves!"
"Oh, and you haven't killed anybody as an auror?" said Snape, suddenly feeling invincible with anger, "Or do the ministry give it another name?"
"At least I was killing for the greater good! I wasn't just obeying the orders of a mad man!"
Snape growled. He could think of a thousand answers to this, but he didn't want to answer him, he wanted to hurt him. He wanted to take his other self by the throat and slowly throttle him. He wanted to show his other self pain, not by Crucio, it was too simple, he wanted to show him that he could kill him by force. Instead he replied with a lot more force than his body should have let him had, "Why don't you just go back to where you came from, Snivilus....."
There was total silence. Snape inwardly cheered with joy. He's performed the first damage. This other self's eye twitched. Laughing angrily he exclaimed, "What did you say?"
"I called you Snivillus, Snivillus!" replied Snape, enjoying every moment of it.
"Well, at least I'm not He-who-must-never-be-named's Lapdog!" Sev exploded, "did you follow him because you liked it, or because you were a coward!"
Snape yelled back before Sev had even finished the sentence "Well, Snivillus, why haven't you done what you were sent here to do yet? Or frightened that you might have to die for your job!"
"At least I got the job because I was qualified, not because I'd done a favor to the ministry!"
"Why don't you go back to your perfect life and leave me alone!" shouted Snape, juvenilely.
"Yeah, go back to your friends, " scoffed Sev, "But you can't because you betrayed them!" Snape was taken aback, but in desperate attempt to wound him further Snape said, "Looking at you, I now know why father hated me!"
Sev finally dropped his bombshell, worse than Snape's Snvillus remark, worse than his remark that father hated him. He dropped it to hurt, to kill. With a half grin on his face, he said coldly and slowly, "Looking at you, I can see that you turned out just like him."
Snape was beyond even this unreasonable arguing. A vein stood out on his forehead he bared his teeth, his black eyes angry. There was nothing to stop him. "LEGILIMENS!"
As the spell hit his Double he saw memories, memories that he would have described as running past his eyes like a silent film if he had been adept at using muggle termlogy. He saw His father shouting at his mother, he saw himself in his room when he was fifteen, shooting down flies, he saw his mothers dead body, hanging above his head.
Sev threw him out of his mind, and and suddenly Snape was hit, the sheer force of the spell forcing him backwards. "LEGILIMENS!" his double shouted.
Suddenly Snape felt his own memories being dragged out of his head. He saw himself when he was sixteen getting the dark mark burned on his arm, he saw The Dark Lord disposing of Rya's body, he saw the first time he ever met Harry Potter.....He summoned the strength to shut his double out before his double could go any further. In retaliation he shouted, "LEGILIMENS!"
Again, he saw his double's memories in his head. He saw himself, running into a house, the Dark Mark hanging in their air over the door. But his double shut him out before he could see more. Falling back, before his double could shout again he screamed, "LEGILIMENS!"
**********
Notes -
1/ I'm hopefully going back on topic. But don't trust me on that point. I have an idea where I'm going, but I don't know the path and what might happen on the way there.
2/ Right, Snape and Snape are at Stale mate at the moment, if no one had noticed. This rift in what little of a relationship they had is going to allow them to truly show their feelings. And probably a lot more bickering later.
3/ I know a lot of Snape fans are going to have a go at me, but as I count myself among them, I'm going to try and explain my opinion. I know Snape had a bad life, but I don't think the Snape we know could ever let go of his past properly, he still sees himself as a part of it, rather than as the result of it, if that makes any sense. So as a result he cannot cope with the idea of having a past such as his and moving on. I suppose it's a little jealousy and a lot of inverse snobbery coming out (gawd, snobbery is bad enough, but inverse snobbery hurt my head.)
4/ Okay, the insults they throw at each other aren't that good, I know, sorry!!!!! But I couldn't think of anything that hadn't been used before. I'm an idiot. I also kinda took a lot of ideas from that Red Dwarf episode I mentioned earlier (ME2) for the argument. It was one step away from having them shout 'Mr Gazpachio!' at each other (sorry, I can't spell the name of the cold soup I'm talking about). But I think Sev's line is quite freaky. If I'd had Snape's Dad, then I'd be adopted XD, but on a serious note, the less said the better about him.
5/ There are going to be plenty of chances for us to get little snippets of background, but for now this will have to merely wet your appetite. Or something like that.
Thank you for reading and getting this far! I promise this will have at least one vaguely interesting revelation to make you question my sanity! Thank you again (and reviewing me wouldn't be too bad either, but thank you all the same) Xandra the Blue.