Nomads United

A/N: I HAVE TWO REVIEWS! From...

Nightmare and Darkness-Aura: Yes, we've all wanted a fic where Lyn finally snaps. Thank you for the compliments.

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Chapter One -- Something Slightly Like a Plot

"..." said Rath to Pierrdro. Pierrdro snorted in return.

"...No, Pierrdro, I don't think Lyn is sane anymore," he told Pierrdro, running his fingers through Pierrdro's mane. "But, we have to give her a chance..."

Pierrdro snorted skeptically.

"What'd ya mean she had a dark look in her normally soft, warm gaze? That's ridiculous, Pierrdro!" said Rath.

Pierrdro cocked an ear at him scornfully. Then he neighed.

"Yeah, where are Farina, Fiora and Florina? I haven't seen them all day..." He thought for a moment. "Oh well. I'm sure they're fine."

--MEANWHILE, IN A REMOTE PART OF ILIA...

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" asked Fiora to Farina.

Farina scoffed. "Of course we're going the right way!"

"I think we need a map..." said Florina quietly.

"Map? We don't need no stinkin' map!" laughed Farina.

The three Pegasus Sisters had been traveling through a forest in Ilia for well over two hours now. Farina was still cocky and a little out of it (cuckoo), Fiora was grumpy, and Florina found entertainment in little things, like birds and squirrels. Their pegasi had been left outside of the forest, but now Fiora was starting to think that it was a bad idea...

"But if we can't scout out ahead, how do we know we're Northeast of Pharae?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Because of... women's intuition!" replied Farina, her eye twitching.

Florina was currently on her knees, talking to a squirrel. "Oh, how cute you are!" she cooed, petting it. It purred.

Wait- it purred?

I didn't know squirrels could pur... Oh well! Best not to ask questions.

"Aw, you're so sweet!" she said, picking it up. The squirrel nestled itself into her arms, closing its eyes to fall asleep.

And thus began a miniplot.

--Back with Rath...

As Rath passed through the camp, he noticed Priscilla trying to talk to Lyn, who hissed at her like a cat.

"Poor, diluded thing," said Rath, shaking his head. He rode Pierrdro to where Lyn was.

"HIISSSSSS!!" hissed Lyn, ducking behind Rath on his horse. He cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Milady, are you all right?" he asked her slowly, as if asking a child.

"She-- an outsider-- is trying to converse with me!" hissed Lyn.

"...You were so social when I met you, but you've become quite a bitch, milady," Rath told her, not really caring if she heard or not.

"Have I? Have I?" asked Lyn, getting into it. "Rath, do you realize how they'd treat us if we weren't in Sacae?"

"Yes. I used to serve under that one dude until he said we sucked."

"...Well, besides him I mean!" said Lyn.

Priscilla looked hurt. "But I'd do nothing to hurt you... In fact, I quite enjoy Guy's company..."

Raven popped in from nowhere. "Are they bothering you?" he asked dangerously, eyeing Rath and Lyn in an irrate manner.

"NO, Raymond, they're NOT," said Priscilla, not caring about using Raven's alias.

Raven sighed, then stalked off to brood about random crap.

"Like I said, Lyndis, I would do nothing to hurt you guys!" said Priscilla, smiling politely. "In fact, I take care of you guys when you're hurt!"

"...HISSSSS!!" said Lyn, spurred Pierrdro, and then pushed Rath off of his horse.

Oh, no she didn't.

"Oh yes I did!"

Well, Rath didn't take to this too kindly, so he pushed Lowen off of his horse and rode after Pierrdro.

Lowen's horse's name was Yancy. He'd brag about that name day in and day out. So, naturally, everyone in the camp knew about Yancy the horse.

Rath spurred Yancy until the horse was in front of Pierrdro, then made Yancy stop.

Pierrdro reared, knocking Lyn off.

"MY (censored)!" screamed Lyn in pain.

"..." replied Rath, leaping off of Yancy and onto Pierrdro. "You never should've stolen my horse, Lady Lyndis."

"(censored)," said Lyn, getting up and rubbing her butt. Sain stared in fixated awe.

"Lady Lyndis, if you use language like that, you won't be considered much of a noblewoman," said Rath calmly.

Lyn then whipped out...

Rath cocked an eyebrow.

Several others in the group gasped.

That accursed two-way radio that had the Caelin emblem on it...

THE WALKIE TALKIE OF DOOM! Or... ONE OF THEM!

She pushed the button on the side. "Guy, come in, Guy," she said.

--With Guy...

Guy sighed. What time was it...? Two in the afternoon? ...Meh. He didn't have a watch, and, frankly, he didn't really care.

Suddenly, his two-way radio started crackling. He reached for it, where it was wrapped in his sash.

"Guy, come in, Guy," came Lyn's voice.

He pushed the button. "Yeah?"

"Nonono!" Lyn nearly screamed at him through the walkie talkie. "You have to say something like, 'Guy here, over!' Something of that caliber!"

Guy sighed again. "Look, Lady Lyndis... I'm not really in the mood or proper situation for you to be yelling at me, okay? Please, forgive me for that."

"...What happened?" asked Lyn, sighing on the other end.

'Twas then that the camera flipped right-side-up. Guy was strung by his ankles on the lowest branch of a tree. His arms were hanging down limply, and the blood had rushed to his head, making his face seem more of a reddish color than it was supposed to. Plus, he could barely hear anything at all.

"...Let's just say... Matthew was using me as a sex toy not too long ago..." he said. He would've hung his head in shame. If he could.

"Matthew?" gasped Lyn. "What did he do? If he did anything inappropriate for a PG rated fic, I swear I will castrate him--"

"He undid my hair and my belt, for a couple things," answered Guy. "He threw my headband somewhere, and... Hey, I think one of my boots are missing..."

"..." said Lyn.

"...Milady...?" asked Guy cautiously.

Suddenly, there was a booming noise, and out of the bushes popped Lyn, looking pissed off. "WHERE IS HE, MATEY?!" she asked loudly.

Guy stared at her. "..." he said. "Lyn, I didn't know you could speak Pirate!"

"Arrgh!" replied Lyndis. She placed a bird on her shoulder. "How's that thar, me birdy?"

"Brawk," squawked Skippy from That's What Happens When You Don't Pay Your Bills, the author's Fullmetal Alchemist story. Yes, shameless selling out, I know, but still. "Skippy's hungry! Brawk! Skippy wants five bucks so Skippy can buy a proper meal! Brawk!"

Rath showed up behind her. "...Milady, why is there a raven on your shoulder?"

"Brawk! Skippy advises you not to ask stupid questions!"

"He's right, ya scall-a-wag," growled Lyn.

"...How long have you been hanging around Dart, Lyn?" he asked, not quite used to this behavoir but getting thar. There.

"None, matey!" answered Lyn, putting an eyepatch on.

"...Riiiiiiiiight. Well, help me get Guy down and you can go back to being... you..."

"I'd be right proud to help that thar youngun' down!" said Lyn happily.

"Why...?"

"Well, I dun rightly know, thar, Wrath!" answered Lyn, laughing.

"...Rath."

"That's what I said, Wrath."

"Nonono, it has no W. Rath. It's spelled like it sounds."

"A-HEM! I'm still stuck, you know," said Guy, becoming impatient.

I'm surprised Guy hasn't passed out yet, aren't you? I mean, with all the blood rushed to his head, you'd imagine that, at the least, he'd be kinda woosy, huh? Ah, well.

"Help me down and help me find my missing... headband, hair-holder-thingy and belt!" he said desperately.

Rath shot an arrow at the boy's ankles, snapping the rope and getting him down effectively. Hey, I didn't say it had to be painless. Just effective. And he didn't specify, anyway.

"Oooow..."

"Sorry, boy," said Rath. "But you should really think before you're strung up by the ankles."

"I agree with Rath," said Lyn, taking off the eyepatch, losing the pirate accent and shooing Skippy away. "You should think your actions through before you decide to do anything."

"...What? Is this Moral Friday?" asked Guy skeptically. He crossed his arms and went off to find his missing things.

"...What's up with him?" asked Lyn, jabbing a thumb in Guy's direction. She laughed. "It's like he saw a pirate-ghost!"

Rath didn't answer. Instead, he slipped some Asprin while Lyndis wasn't looking. This is going to be a loooong week...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

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Oh. My. God.

Lyn, thinking she's a pirate? Where'd I get that from...?

(insert Twilight Zone theme)