Nomads United

A/N: Third entry/update... Woo-hoo!

Darkness-Aura: Thanks again.

hyperness: Uh-huh. Yeah. About the shounen-ai... I don't like the Guy/Matthew pairing, because it just doesn't seem too... ethical. Perhaps I'd like it more if Guy was proven to be a woman and Matthew actually found that the kinkiest thing he's ever heard. But besides that, no, I do not support the Matthew/Guy pairing. That was a joke, but, yes, it was funny. And there might be a hint at Eliwood/Hector in this chapter, but only as another joke. Okay? Good.

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Chapter Two -- Uh-Oh: Plot Twist!

"Geitz, please, please help me find my belt! I promise, after that, I won't make snide remarks about your bulky physique!" pleaded Guy, having already found his shoe, headband and hair-holder-thingy. Only his belt (which held the Killing Edge, not his sash... I'm not a pervert) and sword were missing, and he was resorting to some... drastic measures.

"No, girly-man!" Geitz refused.

Guy threw his arms out dramatically. "Whyever NOT, you sorry excuse for a pink-haired über-masculine body-builder??"

"Well, you called me... that for one thing," said Geitz. "Plus, I'm sure one of your girly friends could help you find it. Like... Farina!"

"But she's lost in Ilia! Didn't you read the last chapter?"

"...No. But, frankly, I don't care," said Geitz, poking Guy in the collarbone and succeeding at knocking the smaller man onto his butt. "Now get your curved hide outta here 'fore I do it fer ya!"

Guy grumbled, rose to his feet, then stomped to the tent flap. Then he turned. "I do not have curves, you pedophile." With that, he threw open the flap and walked out.

"...His hips move like a woman's when he walks..." said Geitz thoughtfully to himself, then smacked himself with an axe for thinking such a thought. "Dammit! I swore on Geese that I wouldn't think like that ever again...!"

--With Rath

Rath adjusted the ropes. "There, milady," he said. "That should hold you until I come back."

Lyn grunted in annoyance. Partly for being tied to a flag pole and partly for being gagged. Rath mounted Pierrdro. "Well, you know what we Nomads say, milady: Truth be told, those chips suck. I don't know what it means, but that's what we say."

And he left her there, in the middle of the camp, with a sign that said, Anyone who touches the rope dies taped above the Caelin noblewoman's head. She sighed, hanging her head in embarrassment.

Rath, on the other hand, had no problem with this, and wondered if even his sanity was at stake. Of course, since I like him too much to do that, no it will not happen.

"Ah, loopholes, loopholes..." sighed Rath dreamily. Pierrdro winnied. "No, Pierrdro, I don't think the author does like me that much. She's just making excuses for herself again."

Snort, winny.

"...Shut up, nobody asked you, horse-boy," replied Rath.

Neigh.

"I know we're supposed to further the plot, but how can we if the author switches plots like that?" Rath snapped a finger.

--With Eliwood and Hector

"SEE?" said Rath. "It's insane!"

"Shut up!" said the whole of the camp, waving him off.

Eliwood and Hector were with the tactition in the Tactical Planning Tent. The tactition was currently playing on her GBA, and was laughing insanely while muttering, "Guy shall be mine... Guy shall be mine... Heehee!"

Eliwood stared at her. "I can't believe she's straight."

"I know," sighed Hector. "It's almost like she's just itching to make one of us her sex slave..."

"I'm too young for that and you know it!" screamed the tactition. Then she carressed his chest. "But I wouldn't mind you guys coming to school with me one day..."

"Your school must be more evil than you," sighed Eliwood.

"WHAT?" said the tactition in an unbelieving way. "Are you guys gay?"

"Of course not!" said Hector, sighing and shoving the tactition away. "We're just... He has a girlfriend!"

"Yeah!" Eliwood pulled Ninian from behind his back. "See?"

"Dragon girl there? HA!" scoffed the tactition. "She's not your type! At least I'm human!"

"Your story persona is usually a wolf-person anthromorph!" said Eliwood, tossing Ninian away.

"What's your point?" said the tactition wryly, eyeing him nastily. "At least I'm not gay."

Hector and Eliwood were speechless. And, yes, if you're wondering, this is to move the plot along. 'Tis neither pointless nor off the subject, because this is precisely why this story was written: To entertain my public.

Suddenly, Erk ran into the tent. "Sires! Lady Tactition! We've just recieved a letter from Marquess Caelin... What the hell are you doing, Lady Tactition?"

She was eyeing him in a playful manner. "Oh, nothing hot stuff!" she giggled maniacally, pouncing at him. He dodged with ease, and she crashed face-first into a table, into an unmoving heap.

"OOOog..."

"Okay," sighed Erk. "Well, anyway, the letter from Marquess Caelin states..."

--With Guy...

I'm bored... thought Guy, having found his missing items and was now drawing circles in the dirt. GOD, I'm bored... If I were any more bored, I'd be... Really, really bored! I gotta think about something...

The image of Matthew laughing over Guy appeared.

Nono, not that...

Matthew kicking Guy's ass from here to Pharae appeared.

Ugh, no...

Matthew and Leila snogging appeared.

Ew, where'd that come from?! No, can't think... negative... Matthew-filled thoughts...!

WHUMP!

"AAUGH!" screamed Guy as he fell off the rock he was sitting on. A woman with dark hair and eyes the same color was standing over him. One of her sleeves was short and poofy, and was rainbow-patterened. She wore a black leather leotard, one long green boot and one short green boot, and had on brass knuckles.

"Oops, sorry about that," said the woman. "Wrong game."

She ran off, feathers fluttering around the spot where she'd been standing.

Guy was silent. "...Did she have peacock feathers?" he asked himself at last. He shook his head. "NO! Of course not... But... I am smitten by her oddly good looks."

He stared after her, and the screen around her grew pink and cloudy. Romance music played in the background.

"I must know her name!" he said to himself, punching one hand with a closed fist. "If only I could do so without it looking like I was stalking her..."

The woman looked back, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Erm, kid? You all right?"

"Huh? Yeah..." mumbled Guy, drooling.

"..." said the woman. "You need a tissue or something, you know. You're drooling."

"Huh? Sorry," said Guy, taking out a hanky and wiping his mouth. "Sooo... What's your name?"

"Savyna," said Savyna. "What's yours?"

"Guy."

"'Guy,' huh? Funny name," laughed Savyna.

"Er... I'm a Nomad, that's the only reason why my name is Guy," said Guy.

Savyna laughed again. "Okay, Nomad-boy. You know what? You're kinda cute..."

Ah, young love... Well, actually, Savyna's twenty-six and Guy's sixteen so that makes them kinda... ten years apart, right? Yeah... But still. They'd make a cute couple. Besides the impending rape lawsuit thrown out there by Guy's mom.

"Tell me, Guy," said Savyna, walking up to him. "Where am I, exactly?"

"At the border of Ostia and Caelin," explained Guy. "Where're you from?"

"Waterfall Village, Anuenue," replied Savyna. "I was just attacking a monster when I was pulled into a dimensional rift and got pulled in here..."

"I think the author has something to do with that," Guy pointed out.

"I think you're right."

Silence.

"Wanna go grab some coffee?" suggested Savyna.

"Sure," shrugged Guy.

And into the sunset they walked, although it was only eleven in the morning. Don't ask me how they did that; maybe it was Savyna's peacock feathers!

--Rath...

"Toldya so, Pierrdro," said Rath. Hey, that rhymed! Toldya so, Pierrdro... Heheh. "The author's more random than Rikku on a sugar high."

Snort.

"Yeah, who is Rikku, anyway?" Rath shrugged, sighed and waved it off. "Doesn't matter. Anywho, let's check on Lyn."

Lyn had somehow gotten loose from her bonds, and was currently dancing while Serra shared a duet with her.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout!" they sang together. "Here is my handle, here is my spout!" Lyn twisted her arms in different positions. Rath stared in disbelief. "When I get all steamed up, here me shout! So pick me up and pour me out!"

Before Rath could do anything, they started another song: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!"

Rath sighed. This really was going to be a looong week.

--Eliwood and Hector in the Tactical Planning Tent...

Eliwood and Hector stood, mouths agape. Erk pushed their mouths shut. "You heard right... Nergal's found out how to take over the bodies of other people... With the help of Sonia, I mean. Anyway, some bodies handle it better than others... If he were to, say, take over... Priscilla or Serra's bodies, then they would become unspeakably evil. A stronger person, however, like Raven or Jaffar, would expell it and become..."

There was a pause in the words. Eliwood and Hector stared at him expectantly.

"...Unspeakably... insane," he finished.

They stared at each other.

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TO BE CONTINUED...

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Ooooh, plot twist! How unexpected. (rolls eyes)

Anywho, Savyna is copyright to Namco. So is Baten Kaitos. I own that as much as I own Fire Emblem, although I do have a copy of Baten Kaitos...

Plus, that just shows how much I like to torture some of my favorite characters! Yeah, randomnessness!