Ok people! Well, some of you have probably already identified the large amounts of cliched fics, not all of them applying to this fan-verse. The following chapter will all give a brief look over the basic ideas and faults of these cliches, and stories that have become cliches. My advice is this: Take these lessons with a grain of salt, they are meant in fun for the most part, though you may learn something from them. ^^

Also, if your story is becoming too close to this, STOP NOW! You most likely have a cliche in your hands, though it IS possible to write some of these as non-cliche stories, it's not something I would feel confident in attempting myself. Though, if you think you HAVE a story that is not a cliched rape-fic or such, feel free to tell me, though if I get someone who can't be bothered to at least TRY to use correct English and spelling, then don't be surprised if I can't be bothered to read it.

On a side note, Demyrie also wrote a story with a similar idea, titled "A Fic Like Any Other", if you wish to read it. She mentions me in the intro!!

Now that we have the perfunctionaries over with, shall we get on with the lesson?

DISCLAIMER: You need one of these, even if we ARE writing on a place called fanfiction.net, which would indicate that we don't own this material, but apparently some people just don't seem to be able to grasp the concept unless it's in bold letters....

WARNINGS: My sense of humour comes to full-power in these things. If you don't like it, feel free to complain, provided it's a legitimate complaint. I'm very picky. ^^ Also, there will be hints of male/male AKA two guys in LOVE/lust in this fic. If you still complain about this afterward, I get to laugh at you, post your flame in the next chapter and in my journal, so that all my friends can laugh at you, and then ignore you. If anything, it will amuse me for a bit, I don't know what you'd get out of the deal though. XD

Onward!

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The Rape-fic

Daxter walked through the streets of Haven City. He was, for an unknown and unexplained reason, humanoid, rather then his well-known ottsel self, though this could be attributed to the current boom in plot holes in Haven City. But anyway, Daxter was human, and was, for an equally unknown reason, walking through Haven City.

But we can't let little details stop us, now can we?

So while Daxter was going for his unexplained walk, he was musing about Jak, as he seems to do a lot. Most males think about sex on average of about every eight seconds, according to scientists anyway, and Daxter spent as much time again thinking about Jak, even though he would apparently have other important things to think about, like running his bar, managing his employees and getting rather drunk.

Still, he was musing about Jak. Let's describe Daxter, shall we? Even if he IS a character from another person's game, and everyone who reads this will have an idea of what he looks like ANYWAY, we can still describe him. Fangirl style.

Daxter was, and he pretty much always is in these things, boy-ish in his appearances, almost feminine, with his slim body, tapered waist (excentuated by his belt, obviously) and fine features. You could almost over-look his rather protrusive front teeth, particularly if you decided to gloss over them in favour of, say, his hair. You might be able to describe it as silken to the touch, except you'd need to get someone to touch it, and seeing as this is Haven, it's not likely that anyone walking around outside for more than one minute could possibly still have clean hair. Greasy to the touch doesn't much cut it though, does it? It WAS a rather shocking shade of red, shading to orange at the roots, though. And this, combined with the slim, affore-mentioned-girl-like-body, gave the impression that someone had used the boy as a paintbrush at some point.

Don't ask why Daxter is still around the same age as he was in the first game, and still looks the same, even though at least two years have passed.

Or where his clothing came from. Possibly the same place Jak's did at the start of the second game...

So Daxter, slim, girly-looking, buck-toothed and with his interesting hair, walked the streets and thought about Jak. It isn't really important WHAT he was thinking about Jak, as it was generally either angsty or romantic (depending on the writer), but he was thinking about Jak. This is important.

It was only after Daxter took a few turns and wound up in a dead-end alley that he didn't recognize that he stopped thinking about Jak, and got onto thinking about where he was. Which was; in Haven City, an unknown area, in a dead-end alley and it was getting dark.

Daxter whimpered a little, he knew how these stories went. No one ever wound up in a dead-end alley, close to nightfall, in a part of the city they didn't know, without something bad happening to them. This just goes to show that characters aren't as stupid as some people make them act.

Almost on cue, the rapist turned up. After all, this IS a rape-fic, so naturally, he was a rapist. You can tell by the way he is taller than Daxter, is more menacing and is most likely carrying a concealed weapon somewhere. Also, like most rapists in these stories, he apparently had nothing better to do then stand around in an alley-way and hope someone rapeable came by.

"What do you want?" Daxter quavered, backing away from the rapist. The only answer was a smile, and a knife was produced from somewhere.

"Leave me alone!" Daxter tried, though it didn't do any good. What's a rape fic where someone doesn't get raped?

The rapist did some more random, supposedly-threatening posturing, before lunging forward to pin Daxter to the wall. He seized Daxter's lips roughly with his own and forced his tongue into Daxter's mouth.

Daxter closed his eyes, he knew what came next.

*~*~*~*~Insert graphic lemon/rape-scene here~*~*~*~*

Daxter staggered out of the alley, and the rapist went off to do whatever it was rapists did after raping fictional characters. Which is probably, against all known real situations, stalk them. Daxter's clothing was torn in several places, and he was bleeding from various wounds. Pained and exhausted, Daxter sank to his knees and leaned against a wall, tears welling up in his eyes.

'I wish Jak were here...' he thought, proving that narrative can override normal processes, else he would have not been thinking nearly as much, or at least not as coherently, and it most likely would have been more a sort of shocked 'why did this happen?' type of thought...

Coincidentally, possibly because he fell through a plot hole or something, Jak happened to be walking along that very street, at that very moment. Rather than, say, on a Zoomer he obtained 'legally' in another section of the city.

But anyway, Jak was there now.

Jak narrowed his eyes, trying to make out the slumped form in front of the alleyway, he felt strangely drawn to investigate this figure, even though this was Haven City and slumped figures were most likely a very normal occurrence. But this one was different.

Jak blinked as he suddenly realized who he was staring at, and gave a definitely un-Jak-like girly-gasp. "Daxter!" he cried, rushing over to his stricken friend. "What happened to you?! Who did this?!"

Daxter groaned a little. "Jak? I...I.." he broke down in sobs, clutching at his friend's tunic.

"Shh, Daxter... I'll get you back to the Naughty Ottsel. Everything will be alright..." Jak whispered and gently scooped his friend into his arms and carried him off. Of course, Jak COULD have stolen a Zoomer and gotten his friend back faster, but apparently he felt like carrying him today and showing off his friend's bleeding form to everyone in Haven.

While they walked, Jak thought. 'How could I let this happen?' he wondered. 'Daxter's my best friend, how could I have let this happen to him? I should have protected him, I should have been there to save him. Who could have done this to him? I wonder if Keira is free later...'

These and other such thoughts danced through his head, showing that most people don't think practically. After all, even if Jak was there, what's to say that the rapist didn't have a gun, shot Jak and then raped Daxter anyway? Still, those were the types of things Jak thought about, also proving that apparently he had the ability to tell that Daxter had been raped without asking or having a professional check for signs.

Eventually the duo reached the Naughty Ottsel, the bar that apparently ran itself, as Daxter hardly seemed to spend any time in the place, and the only other person around was Tess. Still, reality often gets ignored in fiction, so what's a little more minor details?

Inside the bar, Jak showed no signs of fatigue from walking half-way across the city carrying someone, and carried Daxter towards their bathroom, where he carefully lay him down and ran a bath.

"Here Dax, take a bath, you'll feel better. And we can dress your wounds later." he said, then left Daxter to undress himself, and drown in the tub for all Jak knew.

Jak himself then went into the main bedroom that they shared (separate beds, people). He completely failed to call the authorities about the rape, and thought about Daxter, washing away all the genetic evidence that could have arrested his rapist. But Jak had more important things to do, didn't he? Jak had to angst.

Angsting is very important. Why? Without Jak angsting about what happened to Daxter, and Daxter angsting about everything, then we wouldn't have a good rape-fic format, now would we?

So Jak sat and angsted. He angsted about what happened to Daxter, he angsted about what would happen to Daxter now, and through his over-flow of angst, Jak came to realize one thing that the authoress had in mind right from the start. He loved Daxter. Amazing how all it took was his best friend being raped for him to realize that he cared for him. Maybe if Keira got raped next, Jak would go back to liking her...

Jak knew he loved Daxter. He was horrified at what had happened to Daxter, his closest friend had been abused by a random stranger, and it was all very tragic, but it probably wouldn't stop the two of the boinking in the next chapter or so. After all, rape victims have an amazingly fast recover time, don't you know?

So, while Jak sat and got on with his angsting, Daxter sat in the bloodied bath water and... made it bloodier. But while he did that, he also got to angst. Seeing a pattern here? While Jak angsted about his feelings for Daxter, Daxter angsted about his feelings for Jak. 'After all, I'm so dirty now, he won't ever want me. I'm not worth it...'

Daxter looked up as the door opened, his eyes alighting on Jak's form filling the doorway. There to either provide belated emotional support, or to see if Daxter really had bled to death in the bath water.

"Daxter? Can I come in?" Jak asked, even though he was technically already in the room.

"Uhhh sure Jak.." Daxter stammered.

Jak walked over to the bath tub and started helping Daxter wash himself down. This lead to much physical touching that caused Daxter to sigh and close his eyes a little, even though he'd been raped a little under an hour ago. Go figure.

"Daxter.. I.. I've been meaning to tell you something for a while now.." Jak began as he helped Daxter out of the bath water.

"Jak?"

"Daxter... I.. love you." Jak said, apparently deciding to ignore his friend's horrendous ordeal in favour of his own feelings.

"You.. do?" Daxter said, not believing his own overly-large ears.

"I do." Jak said looking deeply into Daxter's red-rimmed eyes.

"But I'm so dirty.." Daxter began.

"I don't care about that! I love you Daxter!" Jak stated, dragging the other boy to his chest. He was right though, if he HAD cared about what happened, he probably would have called the authorities, or waited until a less traumatic moment to profess his emotions. Chances were that Jak was just horny and Keira was out of town.

Daxter wept into Jak's shirt, and allowed his friend to lead him to his room and put him into bed.

"Good night Daxter." Jak whispered. "I won't let anything hurt you ever again."

And with that, Daxter fell asleep.

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I think I've managed to cover most of the basic ideas of the 'rape-fic cliche'. Of course, many of them manage several chapters, so you may find it's been built out using some basic plot twists, such as the rapist decided to stalk the victim for no apparent reason; the rapist turning out to be another cast member, generally the one the writer has a grudge against; or having one or all of the characters die.

Please don't take this too seriously, I meant it mostly as a bit of fun, though you do tend to get a lot of these fanfics around the place. Praise and worship will be accepted, flames looked over, but ignored if they contain bad spelling/grammar or belong to an unidentified reviewer. I don't care if you flame this, as chances are you're doing so because your fanfic is almost identical to this cliche, but I do care if flamers don't have the guts to let me know who they are when they flame me.

Well-written reviews will be saved and looked over, because I love having the chance to improve. ^^