Sixteen
I was in the shower when he came in. The worst possible place for me to be. And of course, what was I doing? I was singing.
"Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away," I called into the shower room that I had thought was empty.
"Hermione?" Ron asked. "What the hell are you doing?"
I recognized the voice and screamed. I peeked my face out from behind the shower curtain and gasped.
"What are you doing here? This is the Head Girl's bathroom!" I shrieked.
"I know, and that's why I came here," he stated quite simply.
"You came in here to watch me shower?!" I cried, disgusted.
"Of course not! That's not what I meant. I came in here to find you," he said.
"Well, could you wait a second? I'm a little busy here," I hissed.
Ron sighed and said, "Hermione, I need to talk to you now. If you don't get out here now, I'll . . . I'll open the shower curtain!"
I screamed and shouted, "Okay, okay, I'm coming!" I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair as quickly as I could and shut off the water, reaching for the towel I had draped over the bar.
After wrapping myself up, I came out of the shower, my hair dripping and my body soaking wet.
"Now, what is so incredibly important that you threatened to open the shower curtain and made me get out while I was in the middle of it?" I asked.
Ron stared at me, as though he had never seen me before.
"You have a beautiful singing voice, Hermione," he said randomly.
I blushed and said, "Well, thank you, Ronald, I mean . . . wait a minute, you're trying to distract me! You don't want me to be mad at you!"
"No, really, Hermione, you do. I mean that," he said quietly.
"Oh, come on, Ron, I can see right through that little smile of yours. You forced me to get out here in nothing but a towel! What did you need to say so badly?"
It was as though Ron was seeing me in a whole new light. He suddenly looked at me, his eyes all aglow.
"You are in nothing but a towel, aren't you?" he said, grinning. My jaw dropped and I tightened my grip on the towel.
"Ronald Bil –"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" he cried, throwing his hands up in warning. "Don't even say it! You know how much I hate my middle name."
I folded my arms across my chest and made a small, "Hmph!" noise.
"Oh, come on, Hermione, don't be like that! I was only joking!" he said.
"Were you, Ron?" I asked, the one to grin this time.
He frowned and said quietly, "I thought we had agreed not to repeat the events of our third year."
"Yes, we did, but that doesn't mean we can help it, now, does it?" I said.
If anyone had walked into the room at that moment, they would have thought our minds had switched bodies. Suddenly Ron had turned into me, the logical, conservative one. I, on the other hand, had become Ron – the sarcastic, mischievous marauder.
"What are you insinuating?" Ron asked.
"Absolutely nothing. I'm just saying I think that you might be a bit jealous because I'm seeing Draco," I answered.
"Jealous?" he roared. "JEALOUS?! You're fraternizing with the enemy! I am not jealous – I am horrified! Ashamed! Disgusted! I am feeling many things right now, but definitely not jealousy!"
Despite his seemingly confident reply, however, I saw a small flicker of something in his eyes. What was it? Was it horror? Shame? Disgust? Or could it have been jealousy?
"Anyways, why on Earth would you go out with him? What about him is so appealing to you?"
This was what I had been waiting for – a chance to show Ron my true devotion to Draco.
"He's so cute, with that silvery-blonde hair of his. And he's smart – unlike you, Ron – so we can actually have an intelligent conversation, and he has a wonderful sense of humor. And, of course, he is the most amazing kisser."
Ron rolled his eyes and said, "Bloody hell, Hermione, is that all that matters to you? Looks, book smarts, and kissing ability? I mean, I'm sorry if I wasn't the world's best kisser, but, come on! It was my first kiss ever! And Draco probably has had a hell of a lot more practice –"
"You forgot a sense of humor," I interrupted.
"Well, it all depends on your definition of a sense of humor. If you find emotional and physical beating on people and being a dirty, rotten snitch funny, then yes, I would certainly say he has a sense of humor."
"He does not beat on people!" I cried defensively.
"Think about it, Hermione. Just last year he called you a . . . a . . . ."
"A Mudblood?" I finished.
"Exactly!" Ron shouted. "And now, he only wants you because you suddenly have huge sex appeal and share the same room, so he can . . . you know . . . any time he wants!"
"Ronald, how could you say such things! He has no intentions of doing anything I don't want to do! He respects my boundaries, and of course realizes that anything that goes on between us will permeate the school within about two hours and his rep would be completely ruined. Sure, he is a bit egotistical, but you can't just go around making up lies like that!" I yelled.
"But that's just it, Hermione!" Ron bellowed. "They aren't lies, and you know it! Sometimes, I think you're only going out with him to . . . to . . . ."
He stopped. I stood there, waiting for him to finish. He just sat there, his arms out like he had no clue what to say. I know he did, though, he just didn't want to say it.
"What has he been feeding you?" he asked, his eyes wide with bewilderment. "What has he been saying to you to make you so gullible?"
"He says that he loves me, and I fill his world with color," I responded.
Ron laughed. "He said that? He really said that? He is so full of it. I swear, Hermione, I thought you were smart."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"He's just using you! He doesn't really like you. If he really liked you, then he wouldn't embarrass your friends in front of the school. He would respect your friends and respect that you don't want them to be embarrassed."
"Well, if you really liked me, you'd respect my boyfriend!" I yelled.
"WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING HIM THAT? HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU! GET IT THROUGH YOUR SKULL, HERMIONE, HE'S USING YOU TO GAIN THE RESPECT OF EVERY GUY IN SCHOOL! AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IT'S NOT WORKING! BECAUSE THERE'S AT LEAST ONE PERSON'S RESPECT HE HASN'T GAINED – MINE!" Ron screamed. "EVERY GUY IN THE SCHOOL THINKS YOU'RE HOT, MYSELF INCLUDED, AND PROBABLY HIM, TOO. BUT THAT'S THE ONLY REASON HE'S STILL WITH YOU!"
"Just leave, Ron, just leave! Can't you accept that someone else got to me before you got the chance? It's not Draco's fault you're a coward and can't get up the courage to ask someone our since you were rejected by Fleur!" I cried.
This was too much. When I put Operation Jealousy into action, I had no idea it would go this far. I had thought that this was going to be a short thing, like one week long. It had turned into a lot more than that now, and there was no turning back.
He just stood there, his mouth wide open, like I had done something like what Malfoy had done.
But instead of just standing there, he moved closer to me and planted a huge kiss on my lips. I was instantaneously brought back four years in the past, to the day when he had kissed me for the first time. All this time I had thought that my love for Ron was fading, but it hadn't faded at all. I had just been in denial once I had begun to realize that my plan wasn't working. Now, it had come back to me, and it had been thrown into sharp relief. I didn't love him less – I had just forgotten. I remembered now. That kiss brought me back down to Earth, and made me realize that everything Ron had said about Malfoy was true.
"Whatever you're trying to do, Hermione, it's working," he said after we pulled away. My eyes were wide. When he had interrupted my shower, I hadn't thought that it would come to this. What was he trying to do to me?
"I think you'll find my kissing has improved since four years ago?" he said smugly, not a hint of a smile on his face. "You know, I came in here to talk to you about it, to ask you why the hell you would go out with such a bastard, who not a year ago called you a – a Mudblood. I had no intentions of verbally bashing him, only bashing him in my mind. I wasn't going to say those things to you because even though I had no idea why you would see Draco Malfoy, I didn't want to anger you. You brought this all upon yourself, Hermione."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, still shocked from the kiss.
"Once you get a boyfriend (or girlfriend, in my case), you make some serious sacrifices. I hope that when you accepted Malfoy's invitation, you considered those sacrifices. Either you didn't think that you would lose me as a friend or you just didn't care, because you did it anyways.
"Whatever you're trying to do, it's working," Ron repeated. "But I can't go around associating with you if you treat me like this. Maybe it's Malfoy's influence. Maybe you haven't only changed on the outside, but on the inside as well. I dunno what it is, but this is definitely not the Hermione I wanted to keep as more than a friend in my third year."
Without another word, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me to internally bash myself. I had started out trying to make him jealous, and he had said it had worked. But it had overworked. It was like the end of my third year, when I watched Ron walk away with his family, knowing that what I wanted would never come true. Only now, it was about ten billion times worse.
Once you get a boyfriend, you have to make some serious sacrifices. Apparently, one of those sacrifices that I had completely overlooked was having Ron as a friend at my side.
And now, I sat there, wondering. All this time, this entire month or however long it had been, I had thought that Draco actually liked me. Did he? Or was he just going out with me to gain the respect of every other boy in the school, like Ron had said?
I knew I had to talk to someone about it. In my stupidity, I had not only lost Ron as a lover, I had lost him as a friend.
(Yes, I did just say that I was stupid.)
I knew someone who could fix my problem. I could only hope that I was not in the same boat with him, as well.
He was with Ron the next day when I found him. Of course, they were in the Gryffindor Common Room, where there was absolutely no privacy.
"I'll see you later, Ginny," he called after Ron's sister, who was disappearing behind the portrait hole. I caught a hint of a devious smile on her face as she vanished.
He looked at the watch on his wrist and said, "Damn, I'm going to be late! Ron, I've got to go. I'm meeting someone."
"You're not going after Hermione, are you?" Ron asked, a horrified look on his face.
"Of course not," he said. Just the way he said it – as if with scorn – made me realize that what I was about to do would be a lot harder than I thought.
"How could Harry go after me if I'm right here?" I asked. Four shining eyes – two bright green ones and two blue ones – snapped to me. Before anyone could protest, I blurted, "Harry I need to talk to you."
Of course, Ron completely ignored me. He just stared at Harry, as if sending a mental message to his brain warning him that if he went with me, even for two seconds, he would have some serious 'splaining to do. Harry, however, shot him a look back and whispered (though loud enough for me to hear), "Maybe we could sort things out."
Without waiting for an answer from Ron, he reluctantly replied, "I guess so."
"Thank you!" I cried, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the corner. I looked over my shoulder to see Ron slouch over and trudge to a large armchair by the fire, facing away from me.
"Alright, this is really important. I need to know what I did to make Ron so mad at me," I said the second we were far enough away that no one could hear.
"Well, think about it, Hermione. He's upset because you're dating Malfoy, and quite frankly, I can't blame him. Especially after the whole thing at lunch. I mean, your boyfriend was making fun of one of your best friends, and you just watched like nothing was happening. You, of all people, should know how that feels. After all, it was only last year that Malfoy called you a Mudblood. In the second year, he wished you dead. What does that say?" Harry said.
I sighed and said, "Well, maybe he's changed."
"That's just the thing, Hermione, he hasn't! And that incident at lunch proved it! If he had changed, then he wouldn't have insulted Ron's family like that," Harry stated.
"Well, can't Ron accept that I've found somebody who likes me for me?"
"But you haven't, Hermione! That's just what Ron's been trying to tell you!" Harry pretty much screamed. "Malfoy only wants you because, if you don't mind me saying, you've grown some seductive curves over the summer and are suddenly the object of every guy's desire. You're like his prize. He's basically just having you next to him so that he can say, 'Look at me! Look at me! I'm Malfoy, and I've got the girl everyone wants!' Not to mention he knows he can get everything he wants from you, because he knows you're only doing it to make Ron jealous."
"I am not going out with him to make Ron jealous! Why would I want to make Ron jealous?" I cried.
"Well, let's think about this. Ron admitted to me after the third year that you guys had had crushes on each other. He told me the entire story, even the part that you broke up and he didn't like you anymore. Everyone in the school could tell, though, you guys still had a thing for each other. Neither of you wanted to admit it, though, because you had a sucky relationship however long ago that was," Harry explained. "Now that it's your last year here and he still hasn't shown any signs of giving up his fight, you want to make him jealous and therefore make him come to you, because you don't want to give in either."
I just stared at him, wondering how long he spent figuring al this out.
"Both of you are just too blind to see that you liked each other all along, and you could have just admitted it and everything would have been all right. Mind you, I would have felt a little lonely, but you guys would have been happy. Then maybe I would have found a lover because I felt lonely without you guys and I needed some company.
"But instead of just telling each other, you had to go out with Malfoy and further complicate the problem. And to make matters worse, you let him insult Ron. Now you feel hurt because you were an idiot and lost the guy you were trying to make jealous. And Ron feels hurt because he thinks that you don't care about him at all, and no matter what I say, he won't listen to me. And quite frankly, I can't say I'd blame him for being mad at you, because you were (and I'm sorry to say it, but you were) a bitch."
I was still staring at him, but my mouth was open. "You knew about all of this?"
He raised his eyebrows and said, "Yeah. Ron told me about it."
"And everyone in the school can tell that we like each other?"
"Yep, pretty much."
I bit my lower lip. Tears were coming to my eyes. "And what does everyone in the school think of me, now that I, quote on quote, 'have seductive curves' and I am going out with Malfoy to make Ron jealous?"
"Do you really want to know the answer to that one?" Harry asked quietly.
I didn't know what to say. So Ron had liked me the whole time, but I was, once again, too stupid to notice. So instead of just asking him, I decided to ruin our entire relationship by going out with Malfoy.
I looked to the armchair in which Ron was sitting. He was just staring into the fire, not looking at anyone or anything. It was like he was trying to block out the world.
How is it that you don't know how to read people's emotions until after you already know how they feel?
"Look, Hermione, I've got to go. I'm meeting someone. They'll be really mad if I'm late. I'm sorry."
"No, Harry, don't leave! I need to talk to you still!"
"I'm sorry, Hermione, I've got to go!" he said. He silently turned and walked over to the armchair where Ron sat, muttered something to him, and disappeared through the portrait hole.
I stood there, alone, in the dark corner, and watched Harry walk away from me. I stared at the back of the armchair, wishing I could see through it to the heart of the person who sat there.
So in going out with Malfoy, not only had I lost Ron, but I had lost Harry, gotten a new reputation that I didn't want, and was stuck with a guy who only wanted me for sex.
My life was officially over.