I'm back from my year long or so hiatus!
Fear me for I am queen of the one shot! Not to mention spelling and grammar mistakes.. and unfinished multi chapter stories.. Wow.. I just realized what a sad territory I have staked a claim to. Well I have two people on alert for when I update and I decided they might like to actually get some use out of that feature. Woot! For them. I'm also queen of pointless angsty song fiction and/or future fics where either Dib or Zim has won. In case this subtle hint doesn't register, song fiction is what this fiction is going to be and it's also a future fic. Also someone's dead. Or some people. Heh. It's a future fic because I have no skill with keeping Zim and Dib in character when it comes to the present zim verse. Then again I'm not sure I have that much skill at this sort of thing at all.. (TT) fear me. Pity me.. Review me. Please?
I do not own Zim or any of the IZ characters, they are the property of evil evil oligopolies, and I don't own the song "Hurt" By Nine Inch Nails… sadly the oligopolies probably own that too…
It was raining.
He stood gloved hands out feeling each drop
"I hurt myself today"
"To see if I still feel "
Each drop burned a path down his upward facing cheeks. Each drop was an individual fire that singed his green skin black.
"I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real"
He stood there and received each for what they were: truth. In the madness around him it was the one thing he could understand. It was the only thing that had not changed. The pain never changed. It was all he had left after having it all.
"The needle tears a hold"
The old familiar sting" Each drop was sharp like the sharpest needle. Sharp like the shards of the glasses he had crushed underneath his boot. He had been so joyous that day. Only now he felt the pain of the shattered pieces, only now he knew how cutting it really was.
"Try to kill it all away"
No matter how many he hurt.. Destroyed annihilated….. No matter how many he made bow to his iron fist.. No matter how long he stood in the rain…
But I remember everything
The blood never washed away the memories.. Sharp like glass. Sharp like rain. Sharp like brown human eyes.
Chorus:
"What have I become"
He whispered through the sizzling of his own skin. He was the emperor of earth. A planet on the forsaken edge of the universe. A joke of a planet to his rulers.. And now even to him. But he had forgotten how to laugh.
"My sweetest friend" How could he have been so blind?
"Everyone I know goes away" the sound of the rain pounding the stone of his balcony, the highest point of his main fortress, shook him. As an Irken he would out live even the very stone beneath his feet. He had outlived so much that mattered more.
In the end" He was alone, but at this point it didn't matter. Maybe it never had. Why should it? Why did it?
"And you could have it all" He spoke to one who would never hear again.
"My empire of dirt "He shouted
"I will let you down" his voice faded to a ragged gasp as the pain of failing mixed with the pain of succeeding.
"I will make you hurt" He clenched his fist recalling the gun he had held that fateful day.
"I wear this crown of thorns" He turned unable to face the truth. Unable to take the pain. He the ruler of earth, the Irken who wore the golden crown of emperor, ran back into his throne room like a child. Like a human child. Unlike the human child who had not.
"Upon my liar's chair" He flung himself in to his large metallic throne the symbol of his power his self proclaimed superiority. Slaves rushed forward to attend to him but with a growl he dismissed them.
"Full of broken thoughts" All he could see was the human. Eyes begging. Hands reaching.
"I cannot repair" He couldn't forget. He was not allowed to forget.
"Beneath the stains of time" the burning rain lingered on his charred skin. So much of it was burned off. Not enough.
"The feelings disappear" He was left almost numb. Inside his nanobots were racing to undo the damage. But they couldn't reach the real damage. Nothing could. One slave, a human girl with brown hair and a pale face, persisted trying to reach him with a towel. She wanted to help him, to stop the pain that made him numb, he didn't know why, didn't understand, and his eyes narrowed with anger.
"You are someone else" With one claw he gripped her wrist and she squeaked with pain and surprise dropping the towel. His vision blurred and for a moment her pale pain wracked face looked far different. She looked like him.
"I am still right here" His eyes grew wet with a liquid that wasn't water, and he released her. She scrambled back away from him.
Chorus:
"What have I become" He pressed his clenched claws against his ruby red eyes smothering the tears.
"My sweetest friend" Emotions the Irken race had no names for swelled in his chest.
"Everyone I know goes away" He missed them. Even Gir had long since broken beyond his ability to repair with the limited technologies and resources the human planet had available. Not that he was really working correctly from the start.
"In the end" Even in that the planet had defied him.. Broken him.
"And you could have it all" He longed to give it back. Give back the mission he had desired so strongly once upon a time. He wanted to be rid of.. The look that haunted his every waking moment through it all.
"My empire of dirt" he would trade all of it, the power, the glory, his immortality.. For the chance.
"I will let you down" To fail. To be the one that lost the battle.. and not the war.
"I will make you hurt" to trade places. To give back this pain.. this human emotion that only death could give him.. that only death could release him from.
"If I could start again" And as the darkness of the forced unconsciousness came upon him, he could almost see it.
"A million miles away" He could almost see the stars he had desired once with all of his, as the humans called it, soul.
"I would keep myself" He could almost feel the joy he once possessed as they had battled. The thrill of an adversary that, despite his denials of it, was worthy of him. He was almost there, almost able to reach out and touch what he had lost He could almost see..
"I would find a way" Dib's face.
Oh and I might be updating some of the works I have not in a while… mostly because being self proclaimed queen of the one shot does not satisfy me. I make no promises because my life is very hectic and stressed filled.. But if anyone shows interest it might help me move my lazy butt.