Disclaimer: Wheeeeeee . . . .
Author's Note: In case you didn't already notice, it has now changed back to Hermione's POV.
Twenty-Three
I didn't know why I was crying. After all, I wasn't planning on staying with Malfoy to begin with. I guess it just hurt that someone thought they could toy with my feelings and use me like a doll – only to be played with every so often, and then play with another one in between. Perhaps that was why he was always calling me "doll" – because that's what I was to him. I didn't want to be sad. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be a big, brave girl, but it hurt. My confidence, which had been built up so high, had suddenly come crashing down.
I was in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom when I decided to go for a walk. I thought no one would come in there, and I could be away from everyone. Of course, there was always Myrtle, but I didn't expect her to talk to me. However, I was so very wrong.
"Why are you crying?" she asked nosily.
"Because, Myrtle, please go away."
"Why should I go away? I finally have someone to share my misery. I want us to be miserable together."
"Well, you wouldn't understand. You weren't the type to get a broken heart, since no guy could get within a foot of you before you burst into tears," I said rudely.
Her lower lip quivered as she said, "What do you know?"
"A lot more than you. I know that you should never go out with someone you don't like, especially if you're doing it to make someone else jealous. I know that you should never trust a guy, because they're eventually going to break your heart. I know that you should never do something for a guy to make him happy, because it's never enough, and he's just going to end up cheating on you anyways. And the number-one thing I know is that you should never ever never let go of love once you find it," I hissed through clenched teeth, my face streaked with tears, my hands trembling.
"Who did you love that you let go of?" she pursued. I really wanted to strangle her – bringing up Ron was not going to help in the least.
"Why should I tell you?" I sneered.
"Because, maybe I can help. I know some stuff. You wouldn't believe how many people come in here when they want to tell other people secrets. Sometimes people even stuff notes and diaries down the toilets in other bathrooms, and then they clog and end up here," Myrtle said matter-of-factly, happy that she finally knew something more than I did.
"Well, I don't care anymore. I'm graduating in a couple of months, so it doesn't matter. I'm never going to see him again anyways."
"Please tell me! I want to know! I want to help!"
"NO, MYRTLE, JUST GO AWAY!" I howled.
With that last comment, her eyes filled with tears and she burst out crying (even louder than me, might I add). She turned and flew away, leaving a cold chill in the cubicle in which I resided.
I sat there a couple of minutes, wondering what to do. I couldn't feel sorry for myself when Myrtle was over in the cubicle a few feet away, bawling as though someone was sawing off her arm. Instead of waiting for her to leave or to shove off, I emerged from the bathroom, fixed my make-up so no one would notice, and walked out towards the grounds.
I walked around for awhile until I found a nice private place – a small, enclosed garden on the side of the castle. It was right below the window to the Gryffindor Common Room. I looked up there, and I thought I saw a flash of red hair. That was Ron, my Ron. Well, he wasn't my Ron anymore, but he had been in our third year. I tried to remember what it had been like when he kissed me. I remember I had been extremely nervous, seeing as it was my first kiss ever. Also, I had been nervous because it was Ron I had been kissing. In addition, we had just basically listed all the reasons why we couldn't be together.
"Don't you get it, Hermione? It just wouldn't work."
Looking back on the day, I realized that he was absolutely right. Maybe we weren't meant for each other after all.
But if he wasn't the one for me, why had I spent so much time going after him all these years? And if he wasn't the one, why did my heart do this odd little flippy thing every time he smiled? And why did my pulse rate increase whenever he walked by? And why did I put Operation Jealousy into action in the first place? I was Hermione Granger, after all. And Hermione Granger would never go chasing after a guy unless she really liked him. And the only guy Hermione Granger had ever chased after was Ron Weasley.
All this did was make me cry again. Both times, it had been because of a broken heart. They were both by different people, however. The first time was from a guy I could barely even call human. He was so cruel and unkind that I don't know why I ever even decided to dance with that jerk. The other, however, was completely different – he was smart (well, sort of), adorable, a kind person, and had always been wonderful towards me. He could make me laugh, and had never said anything unkind to me (at least, nothing that he really meant). Why I had ever gone out with anyone else, be it Krum or Malfoy, I don't know.
I didn't feel like singing. Singing was for when I was in a moderately happy mood, or when I was in the shower. I was neither moderately happy nor in the shower, so I was therefore not in a place to sing.
The words and the tune just flew out of me like they were Apparating in my head. I don't know where this new, undiscovered talent had come from, but I was proud when it was finished.
It was sort of about Ron, and sort of about Malfoy. In the sense that it was about how she watched him walk away, it was about Malfoy because I had to watch him fall in love with someone else. In the sense that she wanted him back, it was about Ron, because I would have given anything to hold him in my arms again.
And as I wrote it, I started singing it, although I was neither moderately happy nor in the shower.
"It was not long ago that I held you in my arms.
And everyone knows there's nothing I can do.
Your skin beneath my fingers – so soft and warm.
Somewhere in the mist, I lost sight of you.
"Where did you go?
Why did you leave?
Will you ever be coming back?
"Maybe it's you, maybe it's me.
But when I was with you, I was wild and free.
Now that you're gone, I cannot find
The love that I though would last for all time.
No matter where you are, I'll never say never,
Cuz I'll be loving you for the rest of forever.
"Eternity seemed such a long way away
When you held me close and together we kissed.
But looking back as I lie here today
I know that there must be something I missed.
"Where did you go?
Why did you leave?
Will you ever be coming back?
"Maybe it's you, maybe it's me.
But when I was with you, I was wild and free.
Now that you're gone, I cannot find
The love that I though would last for all time.
No matter where you are, I'll never say never,
Cuz I'll be loving you for the rest of forever.
"What did I do wrong?
Why didn't you see
That I needed you
And you needed me?
Why can't I gain
The courage I lack?
Why can't I seem
To get you back?
"It was not long ago that I held you in my arms.
And everyone knows there's nothing I can do.
Your skin beneath my fingers – so soft and warm.
Somewhere in the mist, I lost sight of you.
"Where did you go?
Why did you leave?
Will you ever be coming back?
"Maybe it's you, maybe it's me.
But when I was with you, I was wild and free.
Now that you're gone, I cannot find
The love that I though would last for all time.
No matter where you are, I'll never say never,
Cuz I'll be loving you for the rest of forever.
"No matter where you are, I'll never say never,
Cuz I'll be loving you for the rest of forever."
"Once again, I walk in on you singing," a voice said from behind me. I whipped around to see Ron leaning against the door frame that lead out to the garden.
"My goodness, Ron, have you not heard of knocking?" I cried. I threw my hands to my face, realizing that my make-up was still smeared all over it.
"Don't look at me. I'm a mess," I said, wiping my hand down my face and washing the messiness away. I turned back to him and said, "Alright, I suppose you can look at me now."
"Thanks for giving me the pleasure," he said sarcastically.
"In case you didn't notice, I'm not exactly in the mood right now," I huffed.
"Oh, I'm sorry, 'Mione, I was only joking," Ron said, walking over to me, his hands in his pockets. "You're a lovely sight to gaze upon."
I looked to the ground. I could feel the tears coming on all over again. "Malfoy doesn't think so," I whispered. I buried my face in my hands and let them all spill out. There was no shame in it anymore.
I felt an arm around my shoulder. My heart did the flippy thing again. "Hermione, don't say that. Just because he cheated on you doesn't mean he thinks you're ugly. He wouldn't be in his right mind if he did. Anyone who thinks you are ugly should be put in St. Mungo's, and locked in a high-security room." His warm breath tickled my cheek.
He bit his lower lip and added, "You know, it was kind of out of jealousy that I was so mad. I mean, you never paid that sort of attention to me. And of all people to pick, it had to be Malfoy, the one guy I wished would burn in hell."
"Oh, don't give me that, Ron, I did too pay attention to you. You're my best friend. It's not like I could avoid you or anything," I hissed.
"You know perfectly well what I mean, Hermione."
"Well, did you just completely block out our entire third year?" I asked.
"To tell you the truth, I try to. I mean, we practically hated each other. We fought every waking moment, because of Pettigrew and your fat, stupid cat. I hated that year. I really liked you, but you didn't seem to feel the same way. That's why I decided to break up with you," he whispered.
"What are you talking about? I thought you didn't like me anymore. You were the one who never forgave Crookshanks and I. And you didn't break up with me – I broke up with you."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Will you shut up? This isn't helping," I said.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'll stop if it will make you feel better."
"Yes, it will," I said. He smirked slightly, almost in a jestering way.
"What's so hysterically funny?" I asked.
"You are," he replied. "Your happiness is other people's misery."
"Is not."
"Is so."
"Is not."
"Is so."
"Is not."
"You're just as bad as I am."
"Am not."
"Are to."
"Am not."
"Are to."
"Shut up."
"No."
"Ugh, this is why I broke up with you, Ron," I hissed.
"Why, Hermione? Why did you break up with me?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Why did I break up with him? I honestly didn't know. Was it because we were too young? Was it because I thought we didn't really like each other? Was it because of Harry?
"Because . . . I was afraid, Ron," I said, standing up. He stood up with me and gently took my hands.
"Afraid of what, Hermione? Rejection? Abuse?"
"No, I don't know," I said. "I suppose I was afraid that we would go out, then break up and hate each other, and then never speak to each other again. I guess . . . I was afraid that this year would happen."
"Oh, Hermione, I didn't hate you this year. I just . . . I dunno. It was just Malfoy, I suppose. And you've changed so much. You're not just Hermione Granger, you're like Hermione Granger, new-and-improved, super plus version. You're gorgeous. I mean, you were good-looking before" – I glared at him – "and I always thought you were more so than everyone else, but now you're just . . . wow," Ron said.
I gnawed on my lower lip nervously. "Really?"
"Of course. That's why I was so mad at you – not because you were going out with someone else, but because you weren't going out with me."
"But what about Parvati? Won't she be heartbroken?"
"Not really. To be honest, I don't think she ever really liked me anyways. I think she just felt bad and she accepted me because of it. I broke up with her anyways, but if she was heartbroken, she didn't show it. In fact, she seemed a bit relieved. But none of that matters now."
I smiled a little bit and took a small step closer. He opened my hands and felt the inside. Gently, he laughed.
"Your palms are sweating."
The second he said that, I knew what he meant. Somehow, I wasn't nervous anymore. I knew what I was doing. I felt his hand move from my hand to my waist, and rested comfortably there. The other hand, however, moved to my back and gently willed me forward. I had no doubts about what I was about to do. I leaned forward and kissed him.
He was soft and passionate, and he was much different from Malfoy in kissing. With Malfoy, he seemed like he was only doing it to do it, not because he actually felt something different. With Ron, however, he actually seemed like he was enjoying the entire thing, like he really distinguished me as a different person. Maybe he actually liked me more than he liked anyone else. Maybe I was really different. And not because I had "grown" over the summer, but because of who I was.
"Hermione," he said, in barely more than a whisper, "can we just . . . forget about this entire year? Can we forget about whatever happened to make us break up? I can't go on not loving you." He traced my cheek with his square-tipped finger.
"Of course," I murmured. Even if I hadn't wanted to get with Ron, I was too blissfully happy to answer the other way.
He closed his eyes slowly and opened them again, as though he was trying to make sure he wasn't dreaming. I pinched him on the arm.
"Ow!" he cried. "What was that for?"
"You're really awake," I replied. He laughed, and then looked at the ground.
"Hermione, as long as I've lived, I have saved these three words for the person who truly deserved it. For the past seven years, I have known that it was you, but even when we were seeing each other, I was too afraid to say it. It sort of had a commitment sound to it, and so I wanted to save it until I found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now I know that that's you," Ron said.
"Well, you've explained to me everything about them without actually saying them, now what are they?" I asked nosily. I knew exactly what he was going to say – I just wanted to hear him say it.
He bit his lower lip, but finally said, "I love you."
"Oh, Ron . . ." I muttered. I threw my arms around him and placed a passionate kiss on his lips. I was on cloud nine. Nothing could bring me down to Earth.
That is, nothing except the shout of, "Ron, you dog!" coming from the opposite side of the grounds. In the middle of kissing him, I turned and looked to see who it was. My eyes widened as I ripped myself away from him.
Harry and Ginny were watching from afar.