"New Orleans Nights"

By DJ Clawson

Note: This is fanfiction of fanfiction. The characters are derived from J. Lucy-Daisuke's fan fiction, "The View from the Storm's Eye." If you're not reading her series, you're not going to understand a word of this.

This is also SLASH. It features discussions of homosexuality. Pairing: Max/Ari. If you don't know what I'm talking about, this won't interest you and you shouldn't read it.

New Orleans

"Who is our contact here again?"

"I must have left the number in the hotel," Max said quickly.

"And what is Fuji doing in New Orleans again?"

"I have no idea," he said. "Just find something to order. I'm starving." The last part, at least, had been true. He hadn't eaten anything in the day of driving. Now, the part about Lupin being in New Orleans – that was largely a lie, but then again, he had no evidence that she wasn't in New Orleans, he just had no evidence that she was.

"What's good here?"

"How would I know? I've never been to New Orleans," he said grumpily. If Leo didn't start drinking soon, this whole plan was going to go to waste. "You're the guy who likes this town."

"And how do you know that?" Leo said suspiciously. "I don't remember saying anything about this place. I don't even remember a lot about it."

"Doesn't surprise me." Max buried his head in his menu.

New Orleans, 2 hours later

"We're not on duty 'til tomorrow, right?"

This was about the eighth time Leo had asked that in the past twenty minutes. It was really starting to get to him. "Right."

" – because, I don' wanna be drunk for a very very very important meeting."

"Yeah, it would be a real problem." Zenigata took another sip, but he was not gaining an appreciation for bourbon. "There's no very very very important meeting tomorrow, that I guarantee."

"I trust you, Zenigata."

Yeah, well you shouldn't. "So when exactly do you get to the point where you can't remember things the next day?"

"I don' know; I never remember." He fumbled for his current glass. "Shilly Max."

"And I'm really not shupposed to tell this story, so don' tell anyone," Leo said in the sternest voice he could muster at the moment. "Eshpecially not your dad."

"I won't. Continue."

"'kay. Hold on. I need to remember..." With a wild hand, he knocked some empty glasses off the table and onto the floor. No one seemed to mind. "'kay. Sho, my dad like, married a dude once."

"What?" Max spit out his drink, which was water.

"Hish name was – I don' remember his name. Anyway, he had a lot of neat shtuff to steal. I think some of it is still hangin' in the laundry room. We ran out of shpace – "

"Back to the story."

"Back to the shtory. Right. So, the guy's on some kind of single's cruishe. And mom's there too, but they're not working together. So, dad dresshes up like a woman to get on the ship. But Oni – Onabes? – he wants to marry her – him. My dad. He wants to marry my dad. So dad says, 'okay' because he wants to get the loot. My mom was a brideshmaid. And then dad shteals the stuff and gets away."

Very little of that made sense, but knowing Lupin the Third and Leo's unwavering inability to lie, it was probably all true. "So no one else knows this story?"

"Well, I mean, yeah they were there – Jigen and Goemon, they were around or shomething. But they don' talk about it. Mom tol' me to get back at dad for something once. I wasn' paying attention." He raised an empty glass, the only one left on his side of the table. "Can't a man get a friggin' drink here?!?"

"Yeah, it's a regular desert at this table," Max said with a content sigh. All right, Leo was about as drunk as he was going to get without passing out. "Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, you can ashk me a question."

"So exactly how badly would it completely ruin our friendship if I said something like – uhm, I don't know, that I liked you?"

Leo swerved happily from side to side, and made Max think for a moment that he was going to keel over, but he didn't. "Well, sure, Zenigata, I like you too."

"Yeah, I know you do. But I mean, if I liked you in the uh, romantic sense?"

It seemed to take Inspector LeBlanc a minute to really process this, probably because he had consumed enough alcohol to kill a racehorse. He rested his chin on his hand thoughtfully. "Maybe then I could get my shister to shut up about it. G-d."

"She talks to you? About me?"

"'slike all she talks about." He seemed to now be humming happily to himself.

"So you're okay with it?"

"Well, you know, you're a Zenigata and I'm a Lupin, so it's not so shurprising. You're supposed to be chasin' me."

He liked this happy-go-lucky Leo. Completely lying to him about the purpose of their trip and aiding him in getting smashed now seemed relatively worth it. "Okay, another question."

"If it's about my dad marrying a guy, I told you, I can't tell that shtory, I'll get in trouble ..."

"So is there the smallest, itty-bittiest chance you'd be interested in me?" He had his fingers crossed – that he wasn't going to get slapped and then left forever.

"Are you just askin' 'cuz I'm drunk?"

"Answer the question, Lupin."

Leo giggled. "Jeesh. Okay. Well, I just don' know what I'd tell Cecilia – "

"I don't think Cecilia's talking to us right now."

"Dat's right. She's pretty mad at me." But he didn't seem too upset about it. "You really wan' me to answer don't you?"

"What could have given you that idea?"

"Heheh." He was trying to stifle the Lupin laugh, but it wasn't working. "I guess I could think about it. You know, I am French. And my dad shays I need to be more open-minded."

"He really says that?"

"Well, about shex, sure. I thin' he means with women, but beggars can't be choosers."

"All right!" he said what was probably a little too happily, but Leo didn't seem to notice. "You're not gonna remember any of this, are you?"

"Prolly not." Leo was now trying to use his glass as a spyglass for some reason, holding it up to his eye. "Hey, I can see your pores!"

"Duh duh duh duh, duh duh DUH – "

"Leo," Max said as he carried him, "you cannot sing the theme song. There aren't any words."

"Yesh I can!"

"Well, at least don't do it so loudly," Max grumbled. Fortunately, their hotel was in sight, with its bright yellow sign. "C'mon, we're almost home." Which was good, because he wasn't sure how long he could keep carrying all of Leo's weight. He bypassed the strange look of the concierge and went straight the elevator, hitting the button with his shoulder. There was a tourist couple in it already. "Don't mind us – Interpol's finest," he mumbled with a wane smile.

By the time they got the room, Leo seemed to be half-passed out in his arms. "Well, at least he's not throwing up. Leo, you owe me for this one." He put him on the bed, then went to hang up his trenchcoat.

"Be gentle – it's my first time," Leo mumbled.

"Those had better have been song lyrics you just made up," Max said. G-d, could have killed the hotel to send up a cot like he requested? He was trying to do the honorable thing here.

"Just don't tell my dad – the irony'll kill him."

"Leo," Max said, "you're drunk."

"'cuz you got me drunk you sneaky inspector!" Leo pointed, but was way off-target. "Now you're gonna take advantage 'f me."

"I did – What? No!" It actually wasn't in the game plan at all, though now it was looking rather tempting. Leo, on the bed, drunk as a skunk and at least a little willing – What the hell had he gotten himself into?

"C'mon, Chaim – I know you wanna. You've had yer eye on me – "

"And you're drunk. Arsene."

"I love you, too."

"Don't make this any harder than it already is." It was nice, being able to talk to Leo because Leo was hammered would wouldn't remember anything. He needed to do this more often. He pulled a spare blanket out of the closet and laid himself on the couch. "Good night, Inspector LeBlanc."

Leo mumbled something and rolled over.

His partner was late in coming down for the continental breakfast, and Max spent the time going down a mental list of possible explanations as to what they were doing in New Orleans anyway when Fujiko Lupin wasn't even remotely here. Now that he was good and sober, Leo would probably want one.

When Leo finally did make his appearance, it was only while holding his head and moaning.

"Good morning," Max said neutrally.

"Yeah." Leo slumped into the opposite chair. "Ouch, not so loud."

"I got a call – Lupin's in Los Angelos. Doing what, I have no idea." This was largely true – though he'd gotten the call three days ago.

"I'm sure she's up to no good," his partner said. "Where'za coffee?"

"My G-d," Leo said, leaning against the window as Max drove them to the airport. "What did I drink last night?"

"Lots and lots of bourbon," Max said. "And some scotch, I think. I lost track."

There was quiet in the car, and Max suspected that Leo had nodded off until he spoke, "Did anything happen last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." Leo was back to his intense self. "And I feel really bad for having to ask, but did anything happen between us last night?"

"You were drunk."

"I know. Jesus, I know." He rubbed his forehead. "But you have to answer my question."

Max sighed. "I slept on the couch."

"I mean, it would be okay, if it did." Leo frowned. "I don't really know what I mean. I'm still a little hungover. I'm saying, I would be cool about it. You can tell me."

"Nothing happened."

"Okay then."

They said nothing for a while. It was now almost noon, and starting to rain.

"Thanks," Leo said. "I mean, for taking care of me last night."

"I probably should have stopped you around the ninth round."

"Well, at least I'm not a mean drunk. Or so I'm told." He sighed. "I meant what I said, by the way."

"About what?"

"About thinking about it."

"WHAT?" Zenigata screamed. "You remember that?!?"

"Vaguely. Also, you can never, ever tell anyone the story about my dad's wedding. Deal?"

Max smiled. "Deal."

The End