Title - Elves, Hobbits, & Mary-Sues, Oh My
Author - Paige Darke
Rating - PG-13
Disclaimer - Not mine. I don't even particularly want them. Too much stress.
Distribution - Ask, and ye shall receive. Really, I'm flattered.
Summary - A teenage girl is dropped into Middle-Earth. She finds herself the prisoner of a pair of Mary-Sues, with a complete lack of modern conveniences, reading material in ENGLISH, and everything she knows. And she most DEFINITELY does NOT want to be there.
~*~
Welcome to the Council of Elrond. Now, if you'd just come and take your seat, the meeting will start in just a moment. Perhaps you would like to take the time beforehand to gawk at all the extremely pretty blondes?
Uh, wow. All Elves are blonde, did you know that? Elrond and his family must get the dark hair from their human blood, because I have yet to see another Elf without blonde or silver hair.
~*~
But, anyway, back to the big meeting. Aragorn and Legolas were there, sitting with their own people, or whatever. Elladan and Elrohir sat on either side of Elrond. Gandalf and Frodo were at one end. And Boromir and Gimli were there, too, but I wasn't suppose to know who they were yet.
~*~
And that's what brings us to...more or less now.
~*~
Elrond says they whole thing about doom, and the Ring has to be destroyed, and that one of them has to do it. Boromir says how it would be a great gift to be used against the enemy, and then Leilani and Mitanna start to glare at him. Aragorn snaps back at Boromir, Boromir snaps at Aragorn, Legolas leaps to Aragorn's defense, yada yada yada. I tuned out for a while.
~*~
You'd think I'd learn my lesson, wouldn't you?
~*~
Next thing I heard:
"Have you not heard Lord Elrond? The Ring must be destroyed."
Oh, yeah, studly. You tell 'em.
"Oh, and I suppose you think you're the one to do it?" Gimli hollers back.
And cue the brawl. Dwarves start yelling, Gandalf gets into an argument with one of the pretty blondes (I think it's actually Glorfindel) Legolas is holding back his companions, and the men get into an argument with whoever'll listen, which makes Gandalf jump up and scurry over there. Aragorn starts rubbing his temples. Elrond looks pissy. Elladan and Elrohir leap to Aragorn's defense over...something.
"I will take it!"
Continued pandemonium. Makes me wish I had a whistle, just so I could help out a little.
He tries again. "I will take it!" Silence. Frodo takes it as a good sign, and continues. "I will take the Ring to Mordor." Another long pause. "Though I do not know the way."
Gandalf walks over to Frodo, puts his hand on his shoulder. "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, for as long as it is yours to bear."
"If by my life, or death, I can protect you, I will." Aragorn knelt in front of Frodo. "You have my sword."
"And my bow."
Cue Gimli. "And my axe."
Legolas does not look happy. Poor baby.
I suddenly have a very, very bad feeling about this.
Boromir steps forward. "You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is truly the will of the council, Gondor will see it done."
Good ol' Boromir. The Twits might not like him, but I do.
Sam bursts out of the bushes. "Hey, now, Mr. Frodo's not goin' anywhere with out me."
Elrond frowned. "Indeed, it is hardly possible to separate the two of you."
"Oi, we're comin' to!" Merry and Pippin come running out to stand with Frodo. "You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!"
Elrond glares at them.
Leilanni and Mitanna stand up. Leilanni grabs my arm and hauls me up with her. Ah, yes, this would be that bad feeling.
"Besides, you need people of intelligence on this mission...quest...thing!" God, Hobbits are so damn cute.
"Well, that rules you out, Pip."
The Twits step forward, dragging me with them. "We, the Ladies of the Hidden Lands, wish to add our skills as well."
Skills? What skills? I don't know about THEM, but I don't HAVE any skills that would be useful on this trip.
Elrond smiles. It's disturbing. "Very well. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."
I resist the urge to find a knife and slash my wrists.
"Great!" says Pippin. So young. So innocent. "Where are we going?"
"Hell," I mutter. Legolas gives me a LOOK.
~*~
A few hours later, I'm wandering around the Last Homely House, investigating the various nooks and crannies, when Elladan and Elrohir manage to catch up with me.
"Kayli! Are you INSANE?" Ah, that must be Ellladan.
"Oh, hey, I was looking for you two." I smile at them. "I really need your help."
~*~
Can I fight?
Well, no. Why do you think I was looking for the twins?
~*~
"You want us to teach you to fight?"
Elrohir looks fairly incredulous. I can't really blame him. Elladan and Arwen did as well.
"Yeah, look, just enough so that I can defend myself."
"Defend yourself from what?"
Oh, new voice. I spin around, about to panic. Oh, it's Glorfindel. Pheew. That's a relief.
"Um..." I stutter a minute. I am NOT a good liar. "Just... y'know, the average, run of the mill bad guys. Orcs, goblins, trolls, other baddies."
"Like Leilanni and Mitanna," he says, and raises an eyebrow at me.
"Them, too."
"Do you truly think they would attempt to do you harm?" he asked.
Elladan and Elrohir exchanged disbelieving looks. "Glorfindel, did you WATCH them last night, at dinner?"
Arwen made a quiet growling noise.
~FLASHBACK~
When we were all sitting down to dinner, last night, Leilanni was crawling all over Legolas, who looked absolutely desperate to get away, and Mitanna was trying to talk to Aragorn, who only had eyes for Arwen.
And Arwen was attempting to glare holes in Mitanna.
Meanwhile, I was stuck between Boromir, who looked uncomfortable, and Elladan, who was greatly enjoying the show.
"Should we help him?" This from Elrohir, who was on the other side of his brother.
"Nah, he's a all grown up, he can take care of himself." Elladan took another long drink of wine.
Boromir shifted uncomfortably. When one of the silver haired Elves leaned over to talk to him, I could've sworn I saw his shoulder twitch.
I winced as Leilanni laughed at something Legolas said, very loudly, right in his pointed little ear. He winced too. "Oh, that's simply delightful! Why, our handmaiden, Kayli..."
I tuned her out after that. Whatever she was gonna say, it was bullshit. .
Boromir looked at me. "You are their...handmaiden."
Elladan snorted into his wine. "Not likely."
I smiled at him. "Why do you ask?"
"You do not carry yourself as a servant does. Your head is always held high and you carry yourself with pride. I have never seen a servant who moved so," he explained.
I kind of stared at him for a second. "No, I'm not their handmaiden. They probably think it makes them look good."
Mitanna turned and glared at me, her hand tightening on her fork. Elladan laid his hand on my arm, his body tensing, ready to defend me if necessary. Well, that was sweet of him. Instead, she just huffed and went back to being ignored by Aragorn.
"Vile women."
Gotta agree with ya there, Elrohir.
~END FLASHBACK~
"Yes," I tell Glorfindel suddenly. "Yes, I think they will do everything they can to hurt me if I try to step in their way."
"So how do you know you'll get in their way?" Elladan asks.
I shrug. "It's a skill. I'm always in somebody's way."
Glorfindel nods at the twins. "I believe you should teach her. 'Twould do you two a lesson in patience that is needed, as well."
I grin at him. "Thanks, my Lord."
He nods. "Learn well. You will need it."
TBC...
Author - Paige Darke
Rating - PG-13
Disclaimer - Not mine. I don't even particularly want them. Too much stress.
Distribution - Ask, and ye shall receive. Really, I'm flattered.
Summary - A teenage girl is dropped into Middle-Earth. She finds herself the prisoner of a pair of Mary-Sues, with a complete lack of modern conveniences, reading material in ENGLISH, and everything she knows. And she most DEFINITELY does NOT want to be there.
~*~
Welcome to the Council of Elrond. Now, if you'd just come and take your seat, the meeting will start in just a moment. Perhaps you would like to take the time beforehand to gawk at all the extremely pretty blondes?
Uh, wow. All Elves are blonde, did you know that? Elrond and his family must get the dark hair from their human blood, because I have yet to see another Elf without blonde or silver hair.
~*~
But, anyway, back to the big meeting. Aragorn and Legolas were there, sitting with their own people, or whatever. Elladan and Elrohir sat on either side of Elrond. Gandalf and Frodo were at one end. And Boromir and Gimli were there, too, but I wasn't suppose to know who they were yet.
~*~
And that's what brings us to...more or less now.
~*~
Elrond says they whole thing about doom, and the Ring has to be destroyed, and that one of them has to do it. Boromir says how it would be a great gift to be used against the enemy, and then Leilani and Mitanna start to glare at him. Aragorn snaps back at Boromir, Boromir snaps at Aragorn, Legolas leaps to Aragorn's defense, yada yada yada. I tuned out for a while.
~*~
You'd think I'd learn my lesson, wouldn't you?
~*~
Next thing I heard:
"Have you not heard Lord Elrond? The Ring must be destroyed."
Oh, yeah, studly. You tell 'em.
"Oh, and I suppose you think you're the one to do it?" Gimli hollers back.
And cue the brawl. Dwarves start yelling, Gandalf gets into an argument with one of the pretty blondes (I think it's actually Glorfindel) Legolas is holding back his companions, and the men get into an argument with whoever'll listen, which makes Gandalf jump up and scurry over there. Aragorn starts rubbing his temples. Elrond looks pissy. Elladan and Elrohir leap to Aragorn's defense over...something.
"I will take it!"
Continued pandemonium. Makes me wish I had a whistle, just so I could help out a little.
He tries again. "I will take it!" Silence. Frodo takes it as a good sign, and continues. "I will take the Ring to Mordor." Another long pause. "Though I do not know the way."
Gandalf walks over to Frodo, puts his hand on his shoulder. "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, for as long as it is yours to bear."
"If by my life, or death, I can protect you, I will." Aragorn knelt in front of Frodo. "You have my sword."
"And my bow."
Cue Gimli. "And my axe."
Legolas does not look happy. Poor baby.
I suddenly have a very, very bad feeling about this.
Boromir steps forward. "You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is truly the will of the council, Gondor will see it done."
Good ol' Boromir. The Twits might not like him, but I do.
Sam bursts out of the bushes. "Hey, now, Mr. Frodo's not goin' anywhere with out me."
Elrond frowned. "Indeed, it is hardly possible to separate the two of you."
"Oi, we're comin' to!" Merry and Pippin come running out to stand with Frodo. "You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!"
Elrond glares at them.
Leilanni and Mitanna stand up. Leilanni grabs my arm and hauls me up with her. Ah, yes, this would be that bad feeling.
"Besides, you need people of intelligence on this mission...quest...thing!" God, Hobbits are so damn cute.
"Well, that rules you out, Pip."
The Twits step forward, dragging me with them. "We, the Ladies of the Hidden Lands, wish to add our skills as well."
Skills? What skills? I don't know about THEM, but I don't HAVE any skills that would be useful on this trip.
Elrond smiles. It's disturbing. "Very well. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."
I resist the urge to find a knife and slash my wrists.
"Great!" says Pippin. So young. So innocent. "Where are we going?"
"Hell," I mutter. Legolas gives me a LOOK.
~*~
A few hours later, I'm wandering around the Last Homely House, investigating the various nooks and crannies, when Elladan and Elrohir manage to catch up with me.
"Kayli! Are you INSANE?" Ah, that must be Ellladan.
"Oh, hey, I was looking for you two." I smile at them. "I really need your help."
~*~
Can I fight?
Well, no. Why do you think I was looking for the twins?
~*~
"You want us to teach you to fight?"
Elrohir looks fairly incredulous. I can't really blame him. Elladan and Arwen did as well.
"Yeah, look, just enough so that I can defend myself."
"Defend yourself from what?"
Oh, new voice. I spin around, about to panic. Oh, it's Glorfindel. Pheew. That's a relief.
"Um..." I stutter a minute. I am NOT a good liar. "Just... y'know, the average, run of the mill bad guys. Orcs, goblins, trolls, other baddies."
"Like Leilanni and Mitanna," he says, and raises an eyebrow at me.
"Them, too."
"Do you truly think they would attempt to do you harm?" he asked.
Elladan and Elrohir exchanged disbelieving looks. "Glorfindel, did you WATCH them last night, at dinner?"
Arwen made a quiet growling noise.
~FLASHBACK~
When we were all sitting down to dinner, last night, Leilanni was crawling all over Legolas, who looked absolutely desperate to get away, and Mitanna was trying to talk to Aragorn, who only had eyes for Arwen.
And Arwen was attempting to glare holes in Mitanna.
Meanwhile, I was stuck between Boromir, who looked uncomfortable, and Elladan, who was greatly enjoying the show.
"Should we help him?" This from Elrohir, who was on the other side of his brother.
"Nah, he's a all grown up, he can take care of himself." Elladan took another long drink of wine.
Boromir shifted uncomfortably. When one of the silver haired Elves leaned over to talk to him, I could've sworn I saw his shoulder twitch.
I winced as Leilanni laughed at something Legolas said, very loudly, right in his pointed little ear. He winced too. "Oh, that's simply delightful! Why, our handmaiden, Kayli..."
I tuned her out after that. Whatever she was gonna say, it was bullshit. .
Boromir looked at me. "You are their...handmaiden."
Elladan snorted into his wine. "Not likely."
I smiled at him. "Why do you ask?"
"You do not carry yourself as a servant does. Your head is always held high and you carry yourself with pride. I have never seen a servant who moved so," he explained.
I kind of stared at him for a second. "No, I'm not their handmaiden. They probably think it makes them look good."
Mitanna turned and glared at me, her hand tightening on her fork. Elladan laid his hand on my arm, his body tensing, ready to defend me if necessary. Well, that was sweet of him. Instead, she just huffed and went back to being ignored by Aragorn.
"Vile women."
Gotta agree with ya there, Elrohir.
~END FLASHBACK~
"Yes," I tell Glorfindel suddenly. "Yes, I think they will do everything they can to hurt me if I try to step in their way."
"So how do you know you'll get in their way?" Elladan asks.
I shrug. "It's a skill. I'm always in somebody's way."
Glorfindel nods at the twins. "I believe you should teach her. 'Twould do you two a lesson in patience that is needed, as well."
I grin at him. "Thanks, my Lord."
He nods. "Learn well. You will need it."
TBC...