I Wouldn't Change A Thing (5/?)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing. You know the drill by now.
Reviewers:
Makalani Astral- I agree, Harry probably wouldn't call Lily 'mother.' More of this will be explained later. He never met her, all he knows of his mother is from what people tell him. So, he doesn't know her well enough to call her anything else. As for the softer side of Lucius and Severus, we'll just see about that.
A/N: I've decided to jump ahead from the middle of October, when last chapter ended, to the beginning of December, when this chapter begins.
Chapter 5:
Harry had long given up hope that Draco would come around and accept the news of fatherhood. This would be better in the long run, or so he prayed. The Malfoy heir had been avoiding his former lover at all costs. In the weeks since Draco had found out, he could do nothing but think of Harry and the baby. He was starting to cozy up to the idea of being someone's father and teaching him (or her) things and doing things that fathers and sons did that he never got to do. Hell, most of his teachers had given him detention due to his constant daydreaming. The Slytherin only avoided the Potion master's son because he wasn't entirely sure about what he wanted and didn't want to lead him on, thinking that everything was fine and dandy.
As November passed into December, Harry found himself more and more fatigued but he would take that over the morning sickness any day, which had thankfully abated just a week ago. The weather was growing colder and the Yule ball was fast approaching. Harry had begun to think about Draco again and found himself wanting to be with him, despite his reaction to his pregnancy.
Every morning was the same except now Harry was starting to show so mornings were now filled with tears as he thought about how his baby wouldn't know his father. Draco had made it all too clear that he didn't want the child.
"Harry, I love you more than anything but I'm not ready for this and I don't think you are either."
"What are you saying?" His hands were clasped protectively over his still-flat belly.
"Get rid of it. It was a mistake. We'll know better next time. It wouldn't be right to bring an unwanted child into this world. This was an accident Harry, that's all this is."
"How can you say that? It's not like some object that you can get rid of. It's a person. It's your son or daughter, whether you like it or not. You helped to create it. I don't think there's going to be a next time, Malfoy. Our child is not unwanted." The emerald eyed boy turned sharply on his heel and strode quickly down the hall, fresh tears pricking the corners of his eyes.
Harry replayed the conversation from a month and half earlier in his mind as he wrapped his arms around the slight bulge at his mid-section. Another month and he would need to start using concealing charms. A tear rolled down his cheek thinking of what the young man he loved had told him. It was later that day when the elder Malfoy had dropped by and apologized profusely for how badly Draco acted and that if there was anything he could do. 'It should have been Draco holding my hair back when I was sick, not Lucius.' He thought angrily. It wasn't that he was not appreciative of the older, dashing blonde but it wasn't his responsibility to help him. At this point he couldn't help thinking that Lucius would make a better father to his son (he had a suspicion that it would be a boy) than Draco would. In fact, Harry knew that despite how he acted in public, Lucius would be a much better father than Draco. But as he thought on that again, he came to the conclusion that practically anyone would make a better father that Draco.
The deep, red bed hangings were still closed around his bed. He wasn't sleeping, nor had he slept that night. He couldn't sleep, no matter how hard he tried. All of a sudden, a brunette head peeked in. Seamus. Harry yawned and stretched his body out. His back was starting to cramp after hugging his knees to his chest for who knows how long. "Come on, Harry, breakfast." When he saw that Harry was making no attempt to get up, he climbed onto the bed. "Everything alright there, mate?" He asked.
"Get off my bed, you dunderhead." Harry smiled, got up and put on his uniform. "Where's Ron?"
"Oh. Yeah, Ron didn't come back to the room last night. Saw him in the common room just before and said he'd meet us at breakfast."
The two walked down to the Great Hall chatting amiably with the occasional complaint about how a teacher was being unfair again.
Ron and Hermione were already at the table in their usual spots when their friends arrived. "I heard you didn't come back to the room last night, Ron." Harry grinned at his friend but found himself frowning as someone kicked him in the shin under the table. "What the hell was that for, 'Mione?" He asked, rubbing his leg.
"Don't think I didn't know what you were thinking, Henry James Snape." He cringed at her motherly tone and usage of his full name. She turned to her boyfriend, "And you! You'll be spending a lot of time with your right hand for the next month, Ronald Weasley." Harry and Seamus snickered as their buddy cowered in fear.
The sound of dozens of flapping wings was heard, followed by the entrance of dozens of owls carrying mail. An unfamiliar bird dropped a letter off at Harry then passed by the Head table, dropping a letter with his father then flying away.
"Who's it from?" Ron asked, trying to get a better look over his friend's shoulder.
Harry turned it over and groaned softly when he recognised the wax seal. "Malfoy Christmas party." He turned in the direction of his father and mouthed, 'I don't want to go' and went back to pushing his eggs around his plate.
"You had better eat everything off your plate."
"Hermione, do me a huge favour and SHUTUP!" He snapped. She gaped at Harry and watched silently as he stormed out of the Great Hall who was immediately followed by his father. The silence that had fallen over the hall broke as the doors banged shut but even then everyone spoke in hushed tones.
"HARRY!"
He stopped in his tracks at his father's harsh tone. He was in for it now. Severus had been watching his son throughout breakfast to make sure the boy was eating enough. He had noticed that at most, Harry had had a muffin and maybe a few forkfuls of eggs. They heard a third person running down the hall towards father and son. Draco. Severus was most definitely not in the mood to put up with his godson's antics at the moment. "Go back to breakfast, Draco." Severus ordered but the blonde didn't move. He stayed exactly where he was, gazing at his ex-boyfriend and god-brother.
Ever since he and Harry had last spoke, he couldn't get his former lover out of his head. It was breaking his heart that Harry didn't want Draco back. He couldn't blame him though. He had said some pretty horrible things and if he were in Harry's place, he wouldn't take him back, either. He was getting exactly what he deserved. This young man, the person carrying his child, deserved someone much better than him. Draco never showed just how hurt he was and how he longed to be able to fix everything so they could be together.
Severus saw the pained expression on the young Slytherin's face, knowing that the boy wanted to say something. He waited for Draco to say whatever it was he wanted to say but the blonde just shook his head and turned to walk back to the Great Hall to finish whatever was left of breakfast hitting his head against the wooden table. "Why did you storm out before?" He asked walking over to Harry who was now slumped down against a wall, sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest as best he could.
"I don't know, I just snapped." He sobbed.
"Come along." Harry followed his father down to his chambers in the dungeons.
Severus put some water to boil and sat down next to his sobbing son on the couch by the unlit fire. "Care to tell me what's the matter?"
"No."
"Harry."
"I miss him. I know he's the biggest prat, git, loser, asshole, wanker, jackass, prick, and so on but I still love him, despite what he said."
"Watch your mouth, boy!" He scolded. "He doesn't deserve you. You don't need someone who's going to, as you kids say, 'freak out' every time something happens unexpectedly. You have class with me first this morning. However, since the class work today might not be good for the baby, you can stay here and I'll give you a written assignment to do." Harry nodded as his father got up to pour the boiling water into two mugs. He handed Harry a cup of light coloured tea. "Chamomile. It should help you calm down. By the way, you're going to the Christmas party. I don't care what you say. You can protest all you want but you're still going. Lucius invited the werewolf and his pet that might cheer you up. I should inform you that this weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend. Go out with your friends and have some fun. Don't mope around here like you did during the last Hogsmeade weekend. Now, I have to get to class. There's an assignment on my desk. I expect it to be completed by the time I come back." He took up a stack of notebooks that needed grading and head for the door. "Oh and by the way, Draco found out his animagus form."
"What is it?"
"A blonde guinea pig." Harry was rolling with laughter at the thought of Draco as a guinea pig. It suited him though. Guinea pigs were skittish and squeaked and so was Draco, though the boy more whined than squeaked. As soon as his father left, Harry raided the small kitchen area; taking out a box of raspberry PIMS, milk, cherry butter, and toast the set to work on his assignment.
Harry had a free class after potions that morning. His father had come back to collect his assignment before going off to deal with 'those dreaded first-years.' There wasn't even a knock at the door before a hysterical Draco ran in and straight into Harry's arms. "What's wrong, piggy?" Draco looked up at him in shock.
"Who told you?" He asked as tears continued to stream down his face.
"My father." Harry dabbed at Draco's tears with a baby blue hanky. "What's wrong?"
"I just got called up to the headmaster's office because my father was there. I sat down and he told me that my mum is sick. I'm sorry but I didn't know where else to go and I figured you would be down here since you weren't in class and- and.." His voice trailed off as he was overcome by another wave of tears.
Harry pulled him close and rubbed his back in small circles. "Shh. It's aright. Your mum is a very strong woman and I'm sure she'll be fine."
"No, she won't. She went to both a medi-witch and a muggle doctor and both say the same thing. She dying, Harry. They said that if she had gone to see someone earlier, she could have gotten some form of treatment but now it's too late. Both agree that she has a year, tops, to live. And surgery won't help, the tumour is too deep in her brain…Harry, I'm scared." By this time, Harry, too, was crying. Narcissa Malfoy was a strong, determined woman. It wasn't like her to just resign to death. She and Lucius had divorced a year and a half earlier because she just wasn't happy anymore and Lucius had finally come out to her that he was certain he was gay. She felt tied down at home and at work. Her sister, Andromeda, had opened her home to her baby sister. The first time Harry had met the vivacious cousin of his godfather, she had been so kind and welcoming and seemed to be the perfect mother, even though she was just a bit stuck up. It was hard for Harry to imagine that this intelligent, confident, warm, beautiful woman who just seemed so full of life was dying. Since he and Draco had been together, Narcissa, or Cissy, as he called her, had been like a third mother to Harry. From what Draco had told Harry, Lucius had said his ex-wife, who had remained a very close friend, was wasting away. She was just a shadow of the woman he had been married to for nearly twenty years.
When Draco had calmed down significantly and had decided he didn't want to think of his mother's pending death, he changed decided to change the subject to a happier one. His hand rested on the growing bulge of Harry's stomach. His face lit up and without thinking, he kissed Harry, long and hard.
"Draco, it's over between us. I'm sorry. I love you very much but you can't take back the things you said. You can't kiss me like that anymore."
"I love you, too. I wish I could redo everything so I could be with you again. I know I said some pretty nasty things-"
"Pretty nasty? Pretty nasty?You told me to get rid of our baby. Correction, MY baby. I'm sorry about your mother but I would very much appreciate it if you would leave." Harry got up off the couch, tears stinging his eyes. 'Please don't leave! I need you!' he wanted to yell. As Draco was leaving, Lucius entered Severus' chambers and saw Harry, slouched in a corner with his head in his hands, crying. He ran over and gathered the boy in his arms and carried him to Harry's bedroom.
Harry wasn't sure who it was that was holding him but he did know that he felt safe. He clutched onto the collar of the person's soft shirt and continued to cry.
"Do you want to tell me why you are crying and why my son ran out of here?" Lucius handed Harry the pillow he wanted and ran his fingers through Harry's hair. Harry hiccupped as he saw who was sitting with him and blushed. The last thing he wanted was for Lucius to see him like this.
"I miss him." He choked out.
"Who? Draco?" Lucius asked dumbly. Harry nodded.
"I know h-he d-di-did s-say some-some really…horrible things…b-but I l-l-love him." He sobbed, unable to control another stream of tears. Lucius wrapped his arms around him and let him cry, all the while trying to soothe him.
"I know you love him. He feels absolutely dreadful because of what he said and how you don't want to be with him anymore because of it." He couldn't bear seeing him so upset but Lucius had to admit, Harry was gorgeous when he cried. He only wished he wasn't crying for the reason he was. All he wanted was to hold him and kiss him and make the tears stop.
"W-were you crying, Mr. Malfoy?" Harry asked, seeing the slightly bloodshot, steel grey eyes.
Lucius wiped away the tears from Harry's face and nodded. "Yes, I was crying. It was the first time I cried since I was a child. I suppose my son told you about Narcissa? And Harry, I believe I told you to call me Lucius."
"I'm sorry about your wife, sir. Draco came in crying and told me." He answered once he had calmed down a bit.
"I've known she was ill for a while but we only knew that there might still be a chance of recovery. Am I correct in thinking that this is not the only reason you are crying?"
"Draco kissed me. It was nice, familiar but I just can't be with him."
'How dare he! How can he hurt him like this?' Lucius thought, breathing the distinct scent of Harry. Lucius thought Harry smelled of peppermint soap, sage shampoo, and just a hint of sweat. 'I am not letting a 17-year old boy affect me like this!' "He kissed you…"
"Yeah, I told him I still love him then told him to leave and that it was over between us. I don't want to love him but I just can't help it."
"You can't help who you love, Harry. Love is very strange in that way. Draco should have never said those things to you. I know he's my son but you deserve so much better than him. You don't need someone who's only going to be 75 supportive. You need some one who's 100 supportive all the time." 'Like me.' He wanted to add. "Will you and Severus be coming over for Christmas? I know I shouldn't be saying this but this will be Narcissa's last Christmas and I know she'll want to see you and Draco could always use a friend."
Harry told him they would visit during the holidays and gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek that made the older man blush slightly. "I'll go see if your father's in his office." He gathered up his long, black, wool robe and left for Severus' office. Harry sat on his bed and remembered how it felt to be held in Draco's arms the way Lucius had just been holding him. The image of him and Draco in his head gradually shifted into an image of him and Lucius.
More to come!