Chapter 7

~

We all very, very quietly creep inside. Gimli is bragging to Legolas just how great this joint is. Poor guy.

"Soon, Master Elf, you will enjoy the famed hospitality of the Dwarves. Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone!"

Legolas looks absolutely revolted. Probably not an Elf's idea of a good time. Or maybe it's the smell of this place, thick and heavy, almost solid. God knows it's making ME nauseous.

"This is the home of my cousin Balin. And they call it a mine. A mine!"

Mitanna catches sight of one of the dead Dwarves and turns a very interesting shade of chartreuse. It does nothing for her complexion. "This is no mine!" she exclaims, one hand pressing over her heart like she's about to swoon. "It is a tomb!"

"We should never have come here," Boromir says, voice quietly authoritative. "We must make for the Gap of Rohan! Get out! Get out!"

Everybody else runs. I follow behind, a little slower. Just then, the damn...tentacled...octopus, Kraken thing grabs Frodo.

Watcher! It's a Watcher! A Watcher in the Water! I remember now!

"Strider!" Sam yells. One of the giant tentacles flails off to one side, near Merry and Pippin, who seem to terrified to move. I swear, run over, and grab them both, dragging them back towards the mine. I leave Sam, hacking at the tentacle, and Aragorn, just the bestest Ranger ever, to save the day. I'm getting the huggable two out of danger's way.

Besides, what else am I suppose to do? Rush out and single-handedly defend us all from the huge, many-armed water monster? With my stick?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

A few minutes later, everyone else rushes in. The gate collapses behind us, and Pippin attaches himself more firmly to the collar of my cloak. Merry clutches my hand.

I realize they're not little kids. Hell, they're not even all that young. But sometimes, you just need a hug, or your hand held. It's just the way things are, no matter how old you are.

Boromir comes over to check on us. He gives the Hobbits a reassuring smile, and Pippin manages to detach himself from my cloak and take my hand instead. Boromir touches my shoulder. "Are you well, Kayli?"

I smile and nod, keeping the Hobbits close. They're not the only ones who need the comfort. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

Boromir nods and steps away. Mitanna turns to me as Gandalf checks the surroundings with his staff. "We must be on our guard," the Wizard says. "There are older and fouler things in the dark places of this world than orcs."

I give Mitanna a condescending smile. Yeah, we call them Mary Sues in my world, there Gandalf. I hope that bitch knows why I'm smiling.

"And where were you during the battle, hand-maiden?" Mitanna asks, her voice ringing out impressively.

Oh. Yay. "Staying out of the way, like someone who doesn't have the right kind of weapons to fight that..." I pause and look back at the door. "Thing."

"We would've been fish food if she hadn't grabbed us," Merry suddenly pips up. "She grabbed us and hauled us back this way. I think she saved us."

"And she covered us up when the rocks fell, so we wouldn't get hurt," Pippin adds. He gives Red a distrustful look. This may not be what he means to do, but the look clearly asks 'Where were you when the rocks were falling, beetch?'

OK, the last part was just me. But if the shoe fits...

Leilanni takes a step forward. Boromir steps in her way and glares.

Aragorn leaps in to save the day. Surprise, surprise. "We must keep moving."

Mitanna looks wounded. Leilanni glares at me like it's all my fault.

We move on.

~

So, here we are, sitting on the steps, just hangin' out, while Gandalf tries to figure out where in the hell we are. I'm splitting an apple with Pippin, one of those dried ones from Sam's pack, which are actually pretty nasty. Aragorn is smoking, and I'm trying not to choke. Only years of eating out with my mom and stepdad after their bowling league keeps me from hacking up a lung. Then everybody at the table besides me, and Todd and Sherry, smoke. Eating out with my family is like sitting in a giant smoke cloud. So it was adequate training for this.

And this is better! No...like, rat poison or jet fuel in THIS tobacco!

In other news, Legolas has maneuvered his studly self into a place that Leilanni can't get at unless she's willing to punt a Hobbit off the cliff. If she didn't think it would be a mark against her, poor Merry would be a goner. Mitanna is all sulking, because Aragorn keeps shooting her down.

Ah, blessed be true love. Arwen will be so happy I didn't get blood all over her knitting needles.

Not that I probably won't have another opportunity.

I half-listen to Frodo and Gandalf have that conversation about Gollum. Mostly, however, I am 'just spacin', as Benji or Kristen would put it.

"What is that you sing?" Legolas asks suddenly.

I look up. Everyone is staring at me. "I'm sorry? I was singing?"

He nods.

I shake my head. "I don't sing."

"You just were," Boromir points out.

I glare at him. "You're delusional."

Pippin, this time. "It was pretty."

Legolas hums a short piece of music. "That."

I look at my shoes. God, way to go, Kay. Go out of your way to become more of a Mary-Sue than you already are. "It's called 'Yesterday.' I don't remember very many of the words."

Dad would be so proud. His daughter, the Beatlemaniac. God.

Gandalf stand up. "Ah, it is this way!"

Merry looks so relieved I want to hug him. "He's remembered!"

"No, but the air smells less foul this way! When in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose!"

We're going to die, aren't we? Well, not everybody else, but me and Gandalf? Yeah, I think we're toast.

Check please.

~

OK, so, in case you were wondering how I knew I wasn't supposed to survive my trip through the mines, I have something special for you.

~Oh, come on, you know you've missed this!~

I was trying to sleep, sandwiched between Boromir's area and Gimli's area. Mitanna had done everything but plop down on Aragorn's lap, and Leilanni practically had tried to shimmy into Legolas's blankets with him.

The Elf had volunteered to keep watch. All night. So everybody else could...get their rest.

Right.

But anyway, I could hear the doofus twins muttering amongst themselves.

"All we have to do is take her into the caves. She won't last a second against those things."

Have I ever told you how much I hate stupid people? They were MINES. MINES, not caves. And they were orcs, not things.

I mean, come on. If you're gonna invade somebody's universe, at least get the names of the bad guys right.

"What if she survives?" Mitanna asked, sounding worried. "She seems like she knows stuff that we don't."

Well, yeah. An amoeba knows stuff they don't.

"Then we kill her ourselves. You honestly think she would be able to defend herself against the orcs AND us? All she has is that stick," Leilanni replied, trying to sound reassuring.

Well, yeah, I had more than a stick, but THEY didn't know that, and I was trying not to whip those out until I absolutely had to. Someplace like...Amon Hen.

Me? Interfere? Never. Absolutely not. Well....Maybe just a little.

Just as I heard the idiot twins settling in, I caught some movement of shadow in the trees, and a glimmer of brilliant jewel eyes.

Legolas. He had heard them! He knew!

Maybe I'm not gonna die...

~

I am not, however, going to get my hopes up. I sighed and followed the rest of the Fellowship up the stairs.

TBC...