Chapter Nine: To Meet, Perchance to Love

"It's hot," Donkey complained. They'd been trudging through the undergrowth in the rainforest for more than two hours, with no sign of any landmarks or people, and the two-by-four was getting heavy.

"I know." Puss said.

"I'm sticky."

"I know." Puss said.

"I'm wet."

Jack paused to look at him. "Aren't you always?"

Donkey glared at him. The animosity between them had settled down to verbal sparring; they didn't have much energy in the hot, sticky, damp rainforest of Neverland.

"Jack, that was disgusting."

The man didn't bat an eye. "I like being 'disgusting.' Moreover, I would like you to be 'disgusting'… for me."

'Oh my god.' "Where are we?" asked Donkey, determined to ignore the statement.

"Check the map," Puss told him. "Make sure we're still on the right trail.

Donkey pulled a rather battered-looking map out of his beltpouch and unfolded it. "It says that we need to continue going this way, and eventually we'll get to a really big tree with animal shapes carved into it a little way in. Then we-"

"Animal shapes?" Jack interrupted curiously. "Did we need to turn at any point to get to that tree?"

"Uh, yeah, but it was only a fifteen-degree turn, and I figured that since that wasn't really a big turn, we could keep going and-"

"Donkey! Fifteen degrees is a big turn! What were you thinking?!" Puss burst out.

If Donkey had ears, they would have been drooping. "I'm sorry," he said in a small voice.

"Sorry?" asked Jack. "You're sorry? We're lost in a jungle full of pirates, Indians, and Lost Boys that will all sooner attack you than befriend you! You stupid, imbecilic-" It seemed that the heat had finally gotten to the bounty hunter.

"That's enough," Puss said sharply, interrupting Jack's tirade before the man could start screaming and alert every creature on the island to their presence.

Apparently the beginnings of the rant had been enough, because not twenty seconds later, before the party could get moving again, they found themselves surrounded by a bunch of boys dressed in animal skins and ratty clothing, with various weapons pointed their way.

"Er-"

A rooster call came out of the branches above them, and an older boy dropped out of the canopy to land between the bounty-seekers and the boys, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Who are you?" he demanded imperiously.

Donkey nudged Jack in the ribs, and the bounty hunter took the hint to take over. "Jack the Giant Killer, Puss in Boots, and… Donkey, here to find the Black Annis."

"That old hag?" one of the boys said, loudly. "What d' you want with her?"

"Books!" One of the boys exclaimed. "Don't speak when Peter's making a biz-ness deal!"

"Bounty," Jack said simply, if that explained it. Apparently it did, for the first boy to speak- apparently Peter- relaxed, and the other boys took it as a cue and relaxed as well.

"She's not here," Peter said shortly.

"She was here for a day and then she left," the same boy from before chimed in.

Now three boys exclaimed what was apparently the boy's name. "Books!"

Peter smiled at the boy indulgently, and the others snapped to rigid attention. "She left from the opposite side of the island than she arrived from. I think she was going to Narnia. You can check her hideout if you like."

"We would like," Puss said. "Can you take us there?"

"Can you fly?" Peter asked mischievously.

"Well- no," Puss said.

"I did!" Donkey volunteered.

"Can you still?" Peter asked.

"Well- no," Donkey said. "But I know you have to be sprinkled with pixie dust, and think happy thoughts! That's how it happened last time!" he said, remembering the time when that old woman had tried to turn him in to Lord Farquaad's men, and that pixie's cage had whacked him over the head, sprinkling him with pixie dust and giving him flight for all of ten seconds.

"Right, then," Peter said. "OI, TINK!"

A tiny blonde fairy flew out from a tree and landed on Peter's shoulder.

"Yes?" she asked in a surprisingly normal voice.

"Can you sprinkle these three with enough pixie dust for two hours?"

"Sure," she answered with a cheerful smile.

"Why're you so happy?" Donkey heard Jack mutter.

The fairy smirked and flew over to Jack, hovering in front of him, hands on her hips. "Wouldn't you like to know?" She asked.

"Yeah, actually. I would," Jack said. Donkey noticed that his eyes had glazed over a bit and he snickered. Either the fairy was working some magic that wasn't working on either Puss or Donkey, or Jack was seeing something in the little winged being that no one else saw.

"Tink!" Peter barked, and Donkey noticed that the fairy had the same moonstruck expression on her face that Jack had on his, and she jumped. "Yes!" She flew up into the air and circled the three outsiders and then landed on Jack's shoulder. "Want me to take them to Skull Rock?" She asked Peter.

"If you want." The green-clad boy shrugged and flew off, and the Lost Boys followed him, leaving the fairy alone with the three men, seemingly not caring about Tink's fate.

"Now think happy thoughts," she instructed once the boys had all gone.

Puss had an expression on his face that reminded Donkey of that one time Shrek had been complaining about the baked beans before he'd run off into the woods, but Jack rose up into the air not three seconds after Tink had given her instructions. Determined to beat him, Donkey immediately closed his eyes and started thinking of happy things. Fiona's face when they'd burst into the chapel to save her from Farquaad… his mother… Puss's eyes… the time he'd become a stallion… He felt the ground drop away from under him but didn't open his eyes or stop concentrating. Shrek's face when he'd seen Fiona in ogre form for the first time… trotting in place… flying for the first time… his kids' faces for the first time… his kids' faces when Dragon had torn them away from him…

His feet and chin met the ground abruptly as the happy thoughts left. A footstep an inch from his nose made him open his eyes to meet the concerned green ones of Puss. Puss's back, pressed against his stomach, legs wrapped around Donkey's own legs…realizing that Donkey was safe after the Chupacabra attack…

"You alright?"

"Just… Just thinkin' about my kids, that's all." Puss's face grew slightly blurry as Donkey's eyes teared up. "It's nothing. Go back to practicing. I'll meet you up in the air as soon as I can."

Puss looked confused. "Donkey… we're in the air."

Huh?

Donkey looked down to see the top of a lot of trees floating around way too far below them. He uttered a startled yelp before Jack started laughing, and Donkey saw the bounty hunter do a few loops around the fairy before zooming straight up into a cloud. He fell out, drenched before Puss caught his hand to keep him from making a sudden introduction to the rainforest floor.

"So why was Peter so happy?" Donkey heard Puss ask Jack as he released the bounty hunter.

"Something about his current girl," the other man answered. "Tink said something about her staying for good, and that she's realized that Peter's as fickle as a man can get. She said that Rapunzel- that's the girl- is really vain and obnoxious and bitchy about her long golden hair. Says they deserve each other."

Jack seemed really happy too; happier than Donkey had ever seen him. Briefly he wondered why before he cast the thought from his mind in favor of flying. Tink sped off in a seemingly random direction with Jack following. Puss glanced at Donkey. "Vamos!" And sped off after the other two. Donkey tucked his two-by-four more firmly into his belt, and with happy thoughts firmly in mind, followed Puss to Skull Rock.

"Nothing."

"I wouldn't say that," said Puss.

Indeed, there was quite a lot in the small room; a lavish bed complete with curtains drawn to the sides, a large writing desk in a corner, and a large vanity mirror hanging on the wall.

"This is nice," Donkey said appreciatively. "Why didn't the Never-boys take any of this?"

Tink answered the question nicely, though the answer was really… dry. "Because they never came here. The castle holds no interest to them, and they are more content to fight with each other and the pirates."

"Oh."

"Well, let's have a look. Maybe we'll find something telling us where she's gone. She could have very well gone to somewhere other than Narnia," Tink said. She'd obviously been apprised of the situation by Jack.

"True."

The four split into two groups; Puss with Donkey and Tink with Jack.

"So Narnia, huh?" Donkey said, trying to initiate a conversation with Puss.

"Yep."

"What's in Narnia?"

"No idea."

"Cool."

After an hour of searching, they'd found nothing except for a small map of Narnia with some writing on it.

"It looks like she's hiding in the woods with the lamp-post," Tink said. "Although she could have left that here to throw us off. She could be in Cair Paravel, too."

"Cair whatsit?" Donkey asked, confused. Lamp-post? Cair Paravel? What the heck was Cair-thingy?

"Cair Paravel, idiot." Jack said. "It's a place in Narnia. You should know that."

"No I don't know that," Donkey said, fed up with all the references to places he knew nothing about. "What the hell is Cair Paravel?"

That simple sentence initiated a sit-down in which Donkey, Puss, and even Jack, though he knew more than the other two, learned more about Narnia than they ever wanted to know about Narnia and its long history, thoughtfully provided by Tink, who's real name was Tinkerbelle, as Donkey soon learned.

Narnia was the country across the sea, which was in itself a branch of 'Aslan's country' though Donkey was still mystified as to what that could be. Its first leaders and only leaders were Kings Peter and Edmund and Queen Lucy, though there were also King Frank, Queen Helen, and King Tirian, as well as a bunch of other assorted Kings and Queens, but they had all ruled before Narnia had appeared on the Westernmost edge of the ocean, linking the rest of the world to Aslan's country. Now it was ruled by the aforementioned three, but mostly by High King Peter, even though there really wasn't much for him to do; there were no wars and no uprisings, really it was just a boring country where many people went to rest, and many old people made a pilgrimage to die there. Jack had said something about a cross and a religion, but Donkey hadn't really been listening by that point.

"Okay, okay, okay!" He said finally, interrupting Jack in the middle of, "and lo, He said unto Me-"

"Can we please get back to the ship? It's really late and Puss is already asleep!" Donkey pointed at the not-cat asleep on his shoulder. He wasn't exactly pleased to make them go back to the ship- he was rather comfortable with Puss on his shoulder like this, but his back would make him regret it later if he didn't sleep on a bed.

"Fine," Jack huffed. He looked annoyed at being interrupted, but Donkey just ignored it.

"Tinkerbelle, we're out of gas. Can you juice us?" Jack asked.

"Gas? Juice?" She looked confused.

"Can you give us more dust?" Donkey explained quietly as he picked Puss up.

"Oh, sure." She flew around them again, giving them enough dust (Donkey thought) to last for a few hours, at least.

Donkey shifted Puss in his arms and followed Tink and Jack out the window, buoyed simple by the feeling of Puss in his arms.

When they finally made it back to the ship, it was past midnight, and there were only a few sailors on the deck. All were startled when the three men landed on the roof of the Captain's cabin accompanied by a fairy. All were also ignored by the two awake (and one sleeping) men and fairy as they split up, two descending to their cabin and one man and the fairy choosing to remain on deck and sleep under the stars. Despite himself, Donkey did think it was pretty cute, and with a sense of relief, began to hope that Jack might have found something that was even more interesting than Puss. He gently laid the still sleeping man on one bed, then retreated to his own, content to stare at the sleeping form of his True Love, and then descended into sleep himself, even tethered to the bed by two belts as he was when he discovered that he kept floating off the mattress.

The golden cliffs in the distance were growing larger every second, and Jack marveled at their magnificence. Tinkerbelle had described them, of course, in minute detail, but not even the greatest poet or writer, or even the greatest painter could put to paper or canvas the beauty of these golden cliffs. They rose high into the air, and Jack wondered how they would dock or get into a port. Perhaps they would sail along the cliff face until a harbor came into view? He couldn't see anything at the moment, and gave up in favor of continuing his discussion with Tinkerbelle about Rapunzel. Perhaps it wasn't really much of a discussion so much as listening to the fairy rant about Rapunzel's vanity and apparent obsession with Peter. Not that Jack had a problem of listening to her, of course.

In fact… all thoughts of seducing Puss had flown out the window the second he'd heard Tink's voice, and Jack was wondering if he'd caught something in the few hours they'd been on Neverland. After they'd come back to the ship, he'd chosen to sleep on the deck; it was a nice night, and he wanted to learn more about the fairy that had seemingly entranced him. She personally had no problem with leaving her homeland, and seemed rather entertained at the thought of anyone missing her, which had upset Jack a little. He personally wasn't anyone to watch over, but Tink didn't look like she'd ever done any harm other than betray Wendy, and that was completely understandable. They'd left Neverland ahead of schedule, and changed course straight for Narnia. It had taken some persuading on Jack's part; Captain Sparrow seemed rather unwilling to do anything until Jack had bribed him with a few bottles of rum he'd picked up in Everland. The Captain had been amazingly pliant after that, and after the promise of more rum to follow had had no problems with changing the itinerary of the trip.

So they'd set sail, and a few hours out had run into a storm that had blown them a day off course, and they were now heading into port at the fabled Cair Paravel instead of Feldport, which was a few miles south of Cair Paravel and had been their planned harbor before the storm had struck. Now they could just go straight to Cair Paravel and ask assistance from the High King of Narnia. It stood to reason that such lovers of peace and prosperity as the Kings and Queens of Narnia were told to be should help outsiders in ridding their own country of a criminal. They might not like it, but surely they would help. Surely.