Title: Rory Gilmore, This Is Your Life!

Chapter 7: The Cusack Game

Summary: Rory stresses over yet another ex-flame; Luke confesses something to Lorelai; Paris, still work obsessed, shows up, along with Greg's parents and brother.

Spoilers: Oh, my goodness, the biggest one in the world! It involves the brunette guy, and the blonde girl, and their marital status. It's so huge! And stupid! Only this guy could be that stupid!!!

You've been forewarned.

Disclaimer: (sung to the tune of "I'm stuck on Band-Aid Brand)I own everything, and everything owns me! (sorry 'bout that. Too much caffeine.)

Distribution: I LOVE E-MAIL!!! Sami57peace2u@hotmail.com

And peace to you too!

A/N: I'm cruel, hee hee. But if I were really cruel, I wouldn't start out this chapter with the last one, but I am. So this chapter starts at the Inn, and Rory has just spotted the ex-boyfriend. Go!

Oh, and a few little notes. If you really desperately want to know the final pairing, please e-mail me and I will tell you. And if you really need the boyfriend boxes explained, you can e-mail me. I'll try to explain a little more at the beginning of the next chapter, though.

Okay, Go again!

~~~~

"Oh, my God!" Rory whispered again, still staring at the couple. Lane noticed that the guy's eyes were starting to roam around the room, so she pulled Rory behind the front desk, and they squatted next to Clara.

"Oh, sorry," Lane apologized as she bumped into the girl. Clara looked down at Rory and Lane weirdly.

"Uh, you still want your room?"

"Sure."

"Okay. I'm still working on it."

"Good."

Clara shot them another weird look and then turned back to the computer. Lane looked for Rory and found her almost all the way on the floor, peeking out from behind the desk at the couple that had just walked in.

"Oh, my God," she whispered again. Lane pulled the back of her shirt—hard—and Rory came sprawling back behind the desk.

"So that's him?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"And that's her, right?"

"Yeah, that's her."

"God, they're still together? How random is that?"

"You and Dave have been together the same amount of time."

"But we haven't been married the whole time. And we had our share of obstacles."

"Oh, right."

"So they're still together."

"Yes, yes, it's weird. What the hell's he doing here?"

"I think we're about to get our answer." Lane pointed. The couple had spotted Clara and were walking over.

"Shhh!" Rory hissed, and she and Lane tried to make themselves smaller.

"Just a minute," Clara held up one finger as she heard someone walk up to her. She kept her eye on the computer screen—it was practically impossible to figure out.

"I need a room," the guy said. Clara's eyes lit up and she looked up.

"Dean!" She squealed, ran around the counter and threw her arms around her older brother. Dean laughed.

"Hey, Clara. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm great! How have you been? I mean, other than too busy to talk to either your parents or your favorite little sister."

"Sorry. I was fixing something." Dean slid his arm around the waist of the blonde girl next to him, who looked up into his eyes and smiled.

"Lindsay!" Clara squealed and hugged her sister-in-law. "You're back!"

"I'm back!"

"My stupid brother made up with you, that is so thrilling," Clara said, extracting herself from Lindsay and smiling at the couple.

"Okay, apparently they haven't been together this whole time," Lane whispered to Rory behind the desk.

"Dean's the kind of person to do that. She probably didn't tell him that she loved him."

"Well, whatever. I need to stretch."

"Me, too. Maybe we should try to crawl to the kitchen."

"Or at least your mom's office."

"Oh, my mom's office, that's a good idea."

"So we're crawling?"

"We're crawling. But wait till Lindsay stops staring over here."

"I bet you wish you didn't still owe her for that Mark Twain magnet."

"That was fourth grade."

"And she was such a classy fourth-grader."

"Stop quoting me from my moments of insanity, it's not fair."

"Oh, fine. Oh, they're not looking! Crawl!" Lane crawled on her hands and knees as fast as she could from under the desk. Rory followed her.

"Whew, that was close," Rory said, stretching as she closed the door to Lorelai's office.

"How weird is that? You come back to Stars Hollow to plan your wedding and you run into your first boyfriend. And he's just gotten back together with his wife!"

"Yeah, it's weird. It's very weird. You know what else is weird?"

"What?"

Rory looked around and, seeing that there was no one else in Lorelai's tiny little office, said, "I got a letter from Jess two days ago."

"Mariano?"

"My mother said the same thing, and yes, Jess Mariano."

"That is weird. Two ex-boyfriends for the price of one fiancée."

"What does that mean?"

Lane shrugged. "I dunno, but it sounds cool, doesn't it? I should write that down. Hand me a pen."

Rory obliged, stealing a pen from a cup on her mother's desk.

"Thanks." Lane started writing on the back of her left hand. "'Two boyfriends for the price of one fiancée.' Actually, it sounds better as 'two boyfriends for the price of one,' doesn't it? Okay." Lane licked the back of her thumb and rubbed the spot on her hand where she'd written fiancée. After she'd sufficiently wiped the word off, she nodded and handed the pen back to Rory, who dropped it back in the cup.

"You always write on your hand?"

"Only when inspiration strikes."

"Ah. How many songs have you written now?"

"Lyrics only: Four. Music only: none. Music and Lyrics: one. Joint songs: two with Brian, four with Zach, and about a thousand with Dave. Although not really. I just tell him when his ideas about a song suck."

"That counts."

"Good. Speaking of Dave, I wonder where he and Greg are?"

"Maybe they got lost. Let's go find them."

"Wait! What about him?" Lane asked, pointing to Dean. Rory waved a hand dismissively.

"It doesn't matter. I can face him and his stupid wife. I just couldn't face them when I was crawling on the floor."

"Oh. Well then, let's go."

"After you," Rory said, holding the door of Lorelai's office open for Lane. Lane nodded her thanks and walked out of the room and past the front desk, holding her head up and ignoring the three adults standing there. Rory followed her, her head up also, just not quite so high.

~~~~HowHHoHasdfm

"Hi," Lorelai said in a normal volume, calmly setting her purse on the counter and sitting on a stool in Luke's. Luke stopped wiping down the counter and looked at her.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Can I have some water?"

"What the hell? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm feeling fine, thank you very much for your concern."

"Okay, you're now officially scaring me. Why are you acting so normal?"

"Why, Luke, I'm appalled that you're appalled that I'm acting normal."

"That's a little better. You're headed in the correct, crazy direction."

"Can I just have some water, please?" Lorelai asked slightly desperately, trying as hard as she could not to break character.

"Okay." Luke walked away from her to get water but turned back immediately. "Are you sure you don't want coffee mixed in with the water, only not so much water, lots of coffee?"

"No, just the water will do, thanks. And maybe a small salad."

"I'm calling Rory." Luke said, picking up the phone and starting to dial.

"No, you idiot! I mean," Lorelai tried to correct herself, blushing slightly. "That won't be necessary."

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head or something? Because really, Lorelai, you're scarily normal, and for you that's…not normal."

"What do you mean? It's perfectly normal."

"No, it's really not."

"Okay, fine!" Lorelai yelled, sagging a little. "You caught me!"

"A-ha! Whaddya want?" Luke leaned onto the counter and looked into Lorelai's eyes.

"I…learned some very interesting information yesterday, and I was wondering…." Lorelai trailed off.

"Wondering what?" Luke asked suspiciously.

"Well, I guess I was really wondering if it was true."

"If what was true?"

"The thing I found out."

"What did you find out?"

Lorelai sighed again. "It's about—" Lorelai cut herself off, looked around, and then leaned into Luke and whispered, "Jess."

"Oh? What about Jess?" Luke asked, stressing the last word and making it louder. "Jess my nephew?"

"Shhh! I thought I heard somewhere that he…had a kid."

"Don't say that so loudly!" Luke hissed, grabbing Lorelai's arm across the counter and leading her past the counter and then upstairs. As he slammed the door to his apartment behind them, he crossed his arms and looked at Lorelai. "How do you know about Adam?"

"Adam? It has a name?"

"Yes! Jess' son is Adam Mariano, and he's two. His mother is Kristen…something, but Jess proposed the other day and so they're gonna get married soon. Adam's a great kid, too."

"Oh, really? The self-proclaimed kid hater is admitting that his two-year-old grandnephew is great. Why don't you just say cute and get it over with?"

"Because I don't say words like cute. I say words like great, and besides, Adam is great. And being a great-uncle's just like being a grandfather."

"Oh, my God! So, you're like a grandfather now?"

"Shut up, Lorelai. Rory's old enough for you to be a grandmother."

"Thank God I'm not. I'm not even forty yet!"

"Yes, you are."

"Dammit! How'd you know?"

"It's called math, Lorelai."

"Yeah, well, how'd you figure it out?"

"You were sixteen when you had Rory, and Rory's…twenty-something. So obviously you're at least forty."

"Stupid smart people."

"Yeah. You want your coffee now?"

"Oh, yes please!"

Luke nodded and led Lorelai down the stairs, who started singing "The Coffee Song" by Frank Sinatra halfway down.

~~~~

Later that afternoon, around five, Rory, Greg, Lane, and Dave were sitting around a table near the back of Luke's. Luke had kicked Lorelai out over three hours ago, for singing about coffee way too loudly, and she was now stamping up and down in front of the diner screaming the words to "The Coffee Song" at the top of her lungs. The four adults would burst out laughing every once in a while, causing varied patrons to look at them in varying ways.

Dave was singing the band's newest song and Lane was tapping along as the door to the diner opened once again.

"They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil!" Lorelai screamed as the door swung slowly shut. Luke muttered something about how lucky he was to have the bells on the door.

"God, this town is even more hick-worthy than it was the last time I was here," the newest patron muttered, soliciting glares from the few loyal townies scattered around. Rory, however, sprang from her seat.

"Paris!" she yelled, running up to the girl and throwing her arms around her neck. "You came!"

"Of course I came, Gilmore, I wouldn't miss it for anything. Congratulations."

"Thanks. Come on," Rory led Paris to the table and pulled up a chair. "Sit."

Paris obliged. "You I know," she said, pointing to Lane, and then Dave. "And you I know, but you I don't. Greg?" Paris extended her head toward the man, who took it.

"Greg Adams."

"Right. Rory's fiancée, the whole reason we're all here."

"Actually, Rory's the whole reason we're all here, I'm just the reason she's here." Greg said.

"Actually, the town's the reason I'm here, you're just the reason I'm getting married." Rory said, smiling at Greg.

Paris nodded. "Good points."

"Oh, she said 'good points'," Dave groaned. You gonna make us debate each other?"

"Depends. What about?"

"Uh, I don't know, the effect of rock music on the culture of the U.S?"

"Oh, that's a good one. Maybe later."

"Oh, good, later."

"Are you supposed to interview me?" Paris asked Rory, ignoring Dave who was groaning into Lane's shoulder about debates.

"Uh-huh, at some point."

"But not right now, cause she needs to rest," Greg said pointedly.

"Too much stress, huh?" Paris asked. Rory nodded, and Paris snorted. "You try looking for a cure for cancer, and then tell me you have too much stress."

"That's so cool. You're looking for a cure for cancer!" Lane said.

"Someone's got to." Paris shrugged.

"So why'd you get nominated for a Nobel Prize?" Dave asked.

"I switched a couple of things around in the formula for chemotherapy and came up with a form that doesn't give you nausea and doesn't cause your hair to fall out."

"Wow," Lane said appreciatively.

"No, wait, stop talking!" Rory suddenly yelled.

"What?" Dave asked. Rory just shook her head and continued digging in her purse. Finally she emerged with a small tape recorder. She smiled and pressed record.

"Okay, repeat that."

"No, don't." Greg said. He turned off the tape recorder and stuck it back in Rory's purse. She pouted. "Sweetie, I'm sorry, but you need to relax."

"You are so mean!"

"Relax, sweetie. After we've been here for a week, then you can interview Paris."

"Okay." Rory continued pouting. "But everyone has to remember what they said! I want to get this whole conversation on tape."

"Sure," everyone said. Rory, satisfied, nodded.

"Good."

The door to the diner swung open once again and Lorelai could be heard in the background.

"Luke! Lukey! Lucas Danes! Luke 'I'm a Trekkie' Danes! I need coffee!"

"No!" Luke yelled back.

Lorelai fell to her knees. "Luuuucaaaaaaaas!" she screamed, a la A Streetcar Named Desire. The group in the back burst out laughing as Luke stalked out the door. All five immediately ran to the door and held it open, so they could hear the following conversation.

"Lorelai, stop screaming and go home."

"But I don't have any coffee at home."

"Good, you need to control your caffeine intake."

"No! I can't! Luke! You must help! Luke 'I wear a stupid backwards baseball cap' Danes must help me! Lucas 'I'm a Buffethead' Danes! You must help! Beam me up, Scotty!"

"Lorelai!"

"Cooooooooooffeeeeeeeeee!" Lorelai repeated her Streetcar stunt, complete with the falling on her knees.

"Lorelai!!"

"Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee is good."

"Rory! Come get your crazy mother!" Luke finally noticed Rory standing in the door to the diner.

"Only if she gets coffee," Rory called back to Luke.

"Ugh! Fine! Come on, Lorelai." Luke turned and walked into the diner. Lorelai bounced in after him, singing.

"Way down among the Brazilians, coffee beans grow by the billions. So they've got to find those extra cups to fill. Man, they got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil."

~~~~

"Paris! Get your ass away from the books and join us for a movie!" Lorelai called from the living room.

In the kitchen, Paris groaned. "I've got pages of things to do!"

"Hello! You can do them after the John Cusack marathon obviously!" Rory said.

"Yeah, come on, Paris." Lane called.

"Don't be a movie pooper." Sookie giggled. Lane slowly pulled the beer bottle from Sookie's hand as she giggled again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Paris called, and she could be heard gathering up all of the work she'd brought with her and placing them in one of her three briefcases.

"I love John Cusack," Lane said dreamily.

"I've loved him longer," Lorelai also said dreamily.

"Yes, and we all adore the man. Throw me some Red Vines."

"Of course, guest of honor." Lorelai said, throwing the Red Vines to Rory. Rory caught them and ripped them open.

"Am I going to be the guest of honor at everything until after the wedding?"

"Yes," Lane, Lorelai, Sookie, and a newly arrived Paris responded at the same time.

"Okay. Just checking." Rory laughed and settled against the couch. Lorelai pulled Rory to her with one arm and squeezed. Sookie, sitting on the couch, reached towards her beer bottle, held away from her by Lane, on the floor. Paris grabbed the bottle from Lane and handed it to Sookie.

"Don't drive home," she advised as she sat on the couch. Sookie nodded and giggled.

"Shh! It's starting!" Lorelai hissed, standing up to stick the movie into the VCR. All the girls giggled, already silly.

"MGM…" Rory started as the lion showed up.

"Movie history in the making," Lorelai ended, plopping back onto the floor next to her daughter.

"This is fun," Paris decided.

"Movie nights are always fun," Lane said. "Especially with Lorelai."

"Aww, you guys are sweeties."

"And baby dolls?" Rory asked.

"What?" Lorelai asked, confused.

"Careful, Babette, don't wanna give yourself away." Lane said.

"No more beer for you two," Lorelai yelled.

It was at this moment that the doorbell rang while someone knocked on the door. All the girls paused, and then giggled.

"I'll get it," Rory said, standing up and working her way past the piles of junk food on the floor. "Hello, Crazy Alcoholics Without A Past Anonymous! Welcome!" Rory threw the door open to reveal an older couple and a grinning twenty-two-year-old guy. Rory's smile disappeared. "Mr. And Mrs. Adams. Hi."

"Hey, Rory," Steve, Greg's little brother, grinned.

"Whoooo is iiiit?" Lorelai stumbled to the door, two beers in her hand to go with the whole 'crazy alcoholics' joke. The girls had pulled the joke many times before.

"It's my future in-laws," Rory gestured to the shocked older couple.

"Oh." Lorelai hid the beers behind her back. "Won't you come in?"

"Uh, actually, we're looking for Greg." Mrs. Adams said.

"Yeah, he should be at the Inn. Uh, the Dragonfly. You just go down this street a ways, and then you turn left on Maple, right on Peach, and go over the bridge with the mean duck family, and there it is."

"Thank you." Mrs. Adams turned to go, pulling her husband with her.

"Bye, Rory," Steve grinned.

"Bye, Steve."

"Bye, Rory's older sister," Steve waved at Lorelai and left.

"Did you hear that? I'm your older sister!"

"I'm so thrilled for you." Rory groaned and shut the door behind her. The girls walked back into the living room.

"Take one down, pass it around, negative twenty-nine bottles of beer on the wall!" the other three sang, as was their custom during the joke.

"No numbers, John Cusack!" Rory yelled, forgetting her troubles. Lorelai nodded and jammed the play button on the VCR.

"Okay, we're gonna have a drinking game, only not so much drinks, but chocolate." Lorelai said.

"Ooh! The Cusack game!" Rory exclaimed.

"Exactly. See, every time we see either John or Joan Cusack's name or face, we must throw an entire Hershey's kiss into our mouth and yell 'Johnny boy' or 'Joany girl'. Johnny's for John and Joany's for Joan."

"Ohhh." Sookie nodded.

"And two Hershey's kisses if they're both on the screen," Rory added.

"What do we yell?" Paris asked.

"Cusack Cusack Cusack. Right?" Lane looked to Lorelai for affirmation. Lorelai nodded.

"Okay, then." Paris grabbed a bag of Hershey's kisses and settled back into the couch.

"Here he comes!" Lorelai yelled as the credits started rolling. "And…Johnny Boy!"

"Johnny Boy!"

~~~~

"Movie night?" Greg asked as Dave walked up to him in Luke's. Dave nodded.

"They'll be doing this at least twice a week the entire time we're here."

"That's what Rory said. So what is there to do around here?"

Dave shrugged. "Go to movie nights."

"Oh. Well, after my brother shows up, he'll probably insist that we go out to a strip club every movie night."

"What about a bar?"

"What?"

"A bar. I know this great bar in Hartford that's always got some band playing, and they're usually awesome. You wanna go?"

"Sure. But let me stop back by the Inn and get my phone."

"I gotta pick up something, too."

"What?"

"My wallet."

"Oh, that's important."

"Yeah." Dave followed Greg out of the diner.

~~~~

"And that whole riff on 'Don't'? That's a great riff." Greg gushed to Dave as they walked into the Dragonfly.

"Brian wrote that."

"Oh, speaking of Brian, how's he doing?"

"Pretty good. He's seeing a doctor."

"What for now?" Greg groaned.

"Oh, no, he's seeing her romantically."

"Oh. That's a better spin."

"That's our Greg, always looking for better spins."

"Well, I am your PR guy."

"That's why we love ya. Or at least, you know, put up with you."

"Right." Greg and Dave had made it to the front desk. Clara was still standing there, staring at the computer and typing frantically every once in a while.

"Hi. I—"

"Shush!" Clara held up a hand. "I'm trying to get a room for those people."

"Uh, which people?" Dave asked.

"Those people," Clara pointed, still not taking her eyes from the computer.

Greg followed her finger and groaned. "Oh, good, it's my parents."

"Yeah, parents. And the second guy is?"

"My brother."

"Cool! See if we can get him to come to the bar."

"Sure. He'll probably be disappointed it's not 'Topless, topless, topless', but he'll come anyway."

"Yeah, dude, that's what he's here for. Go on."

Greg walked over to his parents.

"Hi."

"Hello, Gregory." Mrs. Adams smiled, hugging her son.

"How've you been, son?" Mr. Adams clapped Greg on the back.

"Good, good."

"Your fiancée's drunk." Steve grinned.

Greg nodded. "Movie night."

"Ah. And that was her mother with her at the door?" Mrs. Adams asked.

"Yeah, Lorelai."

"Well, I'm sure she'll be a delight to meet when she's not at her 'crazy alcoholics without a past anonymous' meeting."

"Oh, they pulled that joke on you? Rory said they were gonna do that to whoever came to the door. I don't think she knew it was you."

"Oh, she realized who I was as soon as she opened the door."

"Oh. Well, when you meet her and she's sober, she's very sweet and reserved."

"I'm sure."

"Yeah. So, Steve, Dave and I are going into Hartford, and we wanted to know if you wanted to come."

"Where in Hartford?"

"To listen to a band and maybe…drink some."

"Yeah, man! I'm there! You're buying!"

"Okay, sure. Come on, Steve. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad." Greg grabbed his brother's shirt and pulled him to Dave at the front desk.

"Hey, Clara, I need a—" Dave was starting for the fortieth time.

"Shh! Hold on!" Clara said, holding up a finger again.