Time, like a wave of darkness, crashes into me and slows.
I fall into it's clutches until it swallows me whole.
I notice his presence. I try to run, but there is no way I can escape him.
I flee, but guilt and rage weigh me down, giant stones across my shoulders, willing me, forcing me to fall.
I cannot fall. I will not. Yet my other self begs me to. Screams at me. Threatens me. Forces me.
I move on, but he follows me like the shadow of the damned. I cannot escape. I cannot escape. I am falling toward his grasping hands. If he catches me, I will surely die.
I near the beginning. The dark fog parts before me, but remains present to consume my future. I notice for the first time the smell. Burning flesh. It was unmistakable. Repulsive. Tempting. Overwhelming. She is here. Her eyes are upon me. I feel her accusing stare boring into the depths of my soul, in the only way the dead can look upon their killers. She is beautiful.
Her grey lips murmured in my ear.
Why?
I had no answer to give. It was the question that damned me. The most important and valuable one.
I screamed denial at her. I cursed her. I killed her again and again, but she remained a phoenix reborn. I begged her forgiveness.
She fled. Away from me. I couldn't let her go. I followed. She was fast. Too fast for me. I couldn't keep up. She streaked away, leaving echoes in her wake.
I stumbled after her, knocking over stretchers and IV stands, spilling boxes full of papers, scalpels, bandages, and bullets onto the grimy walls and floor, splattering them with her blood. I followed her through the halls of tattered photos. They were all of her. Lying there with her hair fanned out like a halo matted with blood and torn tissue. I followed her through the morgue, stepping on the bodies of the fallen. Their fire blackened fingers grasping at my ankles, their cries both piteous and accusing.
You killed us. You killed us all.
You deserve this. You should be here with us.
Mommy, make the bad man go away. Make him die.
Xiao, you're out of control.
Surrender.
Traitor.
I ignored them, like I always did.
A door to a morgue slab opened. She lay there, among them. Above them all, upon a table of light. I slowly reached for her.
Xiao.
Her voice was husky, her tone was playful. She sat and opened her arms to me. I took her embrace gratefully.
Her cold fingers traced my face, pleasing it its familiarity even as it left the blood streaks upon my cheek. Her voice took on a pleading tone that broke my heart, wounding me mortally like a bullet wound in the belly, promising slow, lingering, and loving death.
Why, Xiao?
I'm sorry.
Please…don't.
Why?
Don't kill me.
Let me go.
Please.
I sobbed on her shoulder, a broken man. Was it any wonder I loved her? She forgave me. She forgave me. I wasn't worthy. Not of her. Not of love. Not of life.
Please.
I echoed her, but for my own reasons.
I sensed him lurking just beyond my vision. I couldn't stay. I couldn't let him seeing me with her.
I ran.
I woke.
I remained silent.