Warning: Words and words.
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Queen of the Paperclips: Love your name. Thank YOu!
daea: What does lmao mean? ThAnk YoU!
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Intro: As we all know, getting into a relationship requires a lot of things. Trust, fidelity, and all that crap. Moreover, with relationship comes a whole load of problems. Many of you, dear readers, have probably already been in a relationship and know the hardships that one must face from their prospective partners. We'll try to tackle them one by one in the following chapters after this one. Any suggestions and info will be well received. Especially info about Cloud and Leon. Jealous ex's and so forth are also welcome to come forward. As well as, any perverted secrets you kept in your black little book.
For the moment, enjoy these:
One
(In battle)
"YOU CRAZY SICK FUCKS! You fuckin' dare touch my Cloud! You dare! Bastards! Die!!!"
Woah.
Two:(Going for a summer vacation to the beach)
"No. I'm going to drive. The last time you drove blah, blah, blah." This was Leon ranting his head off.
This was Cloud giving him the come-hither look.
Leon promptly forgets everything else.
Three:
(Going to the beach)
"Aaaaugh!"
"YOU BASTARD! Get off the road! Stop hogging it!"
Leon is clutching the sides of his seat with eyes wide open.
"Look out for that perso—"
The aforementioned person jumps off the road, as Cloud will not slow down nor swerve around the poor pedestrian.
"YOU ROAD-HOGGERS! Stop fuckin' being so slow!"
"STOP! I WANNA GET OFF! I wanna live!"
Cloud calmly answers. "No time." Then he does a threatening u-turn that causes sparks to jump underneath the tires.
"Fuck, I missed the exit."
Four:
"No."
Leon glared at Cloud.
Cloud stopped his window shopping and stared at him.
"We will not go out for ramen tonight."
Cloud stared at him devastated. This was time for desperate measures. Arsenal number 301: puppy eyes look.
Leon twitched.
"No. We've had it for five straight days. I'm sick and tired of it."
Arsenal number 298: whining.
"But you can try other flavors! Miso, chicken, beef, shrimp, heck even crab!"
Leon covers his ears.
"No. I have explored every flavor available and I don't think I'll be able to stomach it."
Arsenal number 194: come-hither look.
But Leon had already closed his eyes. "I'm not falling for that again."
Cloud sulked.
Arsenal number 54: bodily movement.
He pounced on Leon and, as the technique says, began to bodily move Leon. Ah, but 'tis foolishness as Cloud is more slender and has less body weight than the brute...er...brunette.
Leon smirked.
Arsenal number 3: cry.
Cloud then promptly burst into tears.
Leon looked around wildly.
Everyone in the street was looking at them. They were muttering. Some were looking with pity at the blonde. Many, however, were looking angrily at Leon for making someone cry. Leon did get a bad rap.
A few were already making there way over to them to give their indignant speeches about abusing one's own boyfriend.
"Fuck! All right, all right, we'll have ramen! Just stop!"
Cloud immediately stopped. He could, after all, cry on cue. Even blush at will.
Five:
Evidently, Cloud could not hold his liquor. As Leon considered this, he knew he should not have allowed the blonde anywhere near the alehouse.
However, as he carefully sifted through his thoughts, only one thing came to mind.
Lap dance. Cloud. IN HIS LAP.
Yes. He should let the blonde near alehouses. Empty, locked alehouses full of sextoys. And full of liquor.
Yeeeees.
Six:
Snoring, the single most irritating habit of one's own partner. Cloud stared darkly at the wall. Snoring... Loud, nose-plugging snores.
He had read ways of stopping this loathsome...thing. Suffocating said person, pinching their cheeks, throwing pillows at person, rolling person off bed, rolling person off cliff...That sort of thing.
"Zzzz—gggkkkth..."
He slid the rope back into his pockets and closed his eyes happily. Finally.
Seven:
Leon was still unfortunately alive. He stared at the wall darkly. Snoring. No matter, what the blonde said, he knew he did not snore.
But Cloud did.
Well, fine. It was more of a soft breathing than a snore. But it still irritated him to no end.
The fact was...whenever Cloud snored or breathed, he got horny. Now, he wouldn't be able to sleep.
His hand began to creep up the said blonde's thigh. The blonde's very white thigh.
Which was slapped away.
Cloud was very tired and grumpy after the alehouse incident. And very, very sore.
Leon was still horny.
As Leon assessed the situation, there were two options. Seduce Cloud or fix it himself.
There was no hesitation in this decision. Cloud must get up. (Hahaha, stupid pun.)
It was time for Leon to bring out his own arsenal. Chocolate...
Cloud was not very happy about this. But, ooh, it's chocolate and strawberry...
You should know what happens next.