Remind me to never, ever get so cocky again. Fuck, my head is killing me. What did they hit me with, a tree?

"Kayli! Kayli, melisse, wake up!"

Legolas is shaking me and calling my name. He sounds kinda panicked, and he's patting my face. Maybe he thinks I'm dead.

"Ow."

I hear him sigh. "Thank Elbereth. I'd feared you wouldn't wake up."

"No, no, I'm alive. I can tell because of the pain." I crack my eyes open. "Ow."

Legolas smiles and smooths my hair back. "You said that."

I somehow manage to push myself into a sitting position, mostly by leaning on the Elf, who's being very helpful. Probably because he knows I have a concussion. I can tell because of how the room's spinning. It's either a concussion or blood loss. Lots and lots of blood. I have had far too many of both of those things over the last year.

After a couple seconds, the world stops spinning, and I take a look around. Gee golly, a cave. What a surprise. Have I ever mentioned that I fucking HATE caves? Hate them. Hate them.

Yes, I am babbling. I just had my brains stewed. You try not to babble when your brains have been turned to mush.

"Where are we?" Yay, coherency! Brownie points!

Legolas shrugs, and the gesture makes him wince. "I don't know."

I frown at him, even though it hurts my face. "You're hurt."

He smiles wryly and rubs his shoulder. "I tried to get past the guards. It was rather stupid of me, as they outnumber me six to one."

I roll my eyes. "That was stupid."

The Elf cocks an eyebrow at me. "Yes, I realize that." He rolls his shoulder and winces. "Now."

I manage to move towards him and start to poke at his shoulder. "Ouch! Kayli, that hurts!"

"Good," I say viciously. "You deserve it. Didn't they teach you NOT to attack orcs when you're severely outnumbered?"

"I wasn't thinking," he mutters, turning his face away.

"Well, that much is obvious."

"Must you?" the Elf snaps, turning back on me, eyes blazing. "I was angry, Kayli. As far as I knew, they'd killed you."

I wince and touch my head. "They almost did." I frown at him again. "But I'm sorry if I don't see how getting yourself killed was gonna help me."

He growls. I seem to drive him to do that alot. It should warn me, but once I get rolling, nothing much'll stop me. I really need to learn when to shut up.

"Where's everybody else? I mean, did she kill them all, or did they get away? Or --"

"They were interested only in us," Legolas interrupts. "Leilanni hasn't changed much."

"I hate that bitch," I say cheerfully. "I'm going to break that pretty bow of hers over her head. I'm going to rip her guts out with my bare hands."

"Well, it's so sweet to know you've missed me," she says sweetly from the doorway.

"Like syphilis," I shoot back.

Legolas shifts closer to me, keeping his eyes on the bitch in the doorway.

Leilanni smirks at us. "Aw, isn't that sweet. My prince, protecting you."

"I am not yours," Legolas says slowly, like he's talking to a child. Short simple words, and maybe it'll get through. Unlikely, but we can hope.

"You would've been, if not for her," she hisses, and points at me.

I give her the finger. "Sit and spin."

Legolas takes my hand. "Kayli, you are not helping. And I could never have loved you, Leilanni."

I snort. "She's not looking for love, she's looking for sex."

Leilanni glares at me. "She's turned you against me."

"No," he says. "You did that on your own."

"Oh, like you really care about HER," the Sue says, making a dismissive gesture in my direction.

Oh, this should be funny. Bitch doesn't even understand friendship. As you can see, she's all broken up over Mitanna. He'll explain it.

"I love her," Legolas says softly.

See? What'd I say? He always --

Whoa, whoa, hold the phone. What did he just say? I think that Orc hit me harder than I thought.

"WHAT?" Leilanni shrieks.

"What?" That was me.

"You're lying!" Leilanni again.

Legolas shrugs. "I do not lie. I love her."

Leilanni sputters.

"Did any of those orcs hit you on the head?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes at me. "Kayli, hush."

"Don't tell me to hush!" I snap. "You can't just drop a bombshell like that and then tell me to HUSH!"

The Elf claps his free hand over my mouth and keeps his eyes on Leilanni. I glare at him.

Leilanni sputters some more for a second and then points a finger at us. I think it's supposed to be threatening, but her hand is shaking. "I'll deal with you LATER!" She turns and storms out. Has to have a dramatic exit.

The Elf gets up and starts to pace, very carefully not looking at me.

"Now she's probably using what little imagination thinking a horrible death for us. Thanks a lot." I frown and scuff my toe in the dirt. "You just had to go and piss her off, didn't you? Something a little less dramatic would've been OK, you know. You didn't really have to lie to her."

He stops pacing and rolls his eyes heavenward. "Elbereth, grant me patience. I didn't lie to her, Kayli."

"You love me?"

He sighs again. "Aye."

Once more, curiousity overwhelms commons sense, beats it to death, and buries it in a shallow grave. "Why?"

He stares at me blankly. "Why?"

"Yeah. Why?"

He just stares at me. Meanwhile, my brain is approving my questioning of motives, and my heart is going 'who the hell cares! He loves you!'

The Elf mutters something obscene and runs his hands over his hair. "I do not know WHY. You think I chose this?"

When in doubt, go with the most insulting of all possible meanings. That way you can be pissed and avoid all the emotional confusion. "Oh, thanks. I realize I ain't the pick of the litter, but you don't have to be insulting, Legolas."

He sighs again. I seem to make him do that alot. "That is not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

The Elf shakes his head. "This really is not the time for this discussion, Kayli."

"No time like the present, hon."

There's a long pause. I'd say I'm watching him intently, breathlessly awaiting his reply, but we all know that's a big fib. I breathlessly await nothing. Not even him, which is pretty sad. What I'm actually doing is carefully retying my boots.

"You're twenty years old, yes?"

I glance at him. "It's rude to ask a lady's age, you know." He gives me an annoyed look and I shrug. "Yeah, twenty-one, actually. Why?"

"I was born over five hundred years before the first Ring War." He goes back to pacing. "You're mortal, Kayli, and your time is short in Elven eyes. It wouldn't be very long before you were taken from me."

I roll my eyes. "I've done the math, honey. But you'll also have forever to get over it. You can't possibly tell me that I'd be your first lover."

He shakes his head fiericely. "Nay, not the first. But the only one I've ever been in love with." He walks over to me and crouches in front of me. "I did not choose to love you, Kayli, but I could no sooner end it than cut out my own heart. You say that I would have forever to come to terms with your death. I think perhaps it would not be long enough."

Damn him. Why'd he have to be so...so...sweet about it? Why couldn't he have been an asshole like the rest? I sniffle. No, I am not crying, dammit. I'm not. "Well, you know, when you put it that way..." I shrug. "I still say you've cracked, but hey."

The Elf narrows his eyes at me. Uh-oh, I think I've pissed him off. "Oh, that's very kind. I hand you my heart, and you throw it back in my face. Obviously I am cracked." He shoves away from me and starts to pace our little cell.

"Legolas --"

"You've said all you need say, Kayli. I'll embarass myself no more." Legolas shakes his head slowly. "I was right. I should never have let you know."

"So, what?" I ask. "I was suppose to spend the rest of my life angsting over you? Being around you and SUFFERING, because I love you and I didn't think you did?"

"Now you know," he snaps. "Feel free to get on with your life."

I gesture to the walls. "How? In case you haven't noticed, we're sort of locked up."

Legolas lets out a long-suffering sigh. It's another perfected Elven technique. "I meant when we're free of this, Kayli."

OK, now I'M pissed. "That's it? You drop that little bombshell and expect me to walk away, and, what? Never see you again?"

"Human memory is short," he snaps.

That stops me cold. "I thank you for your...opinion, my Lord. And mine is you're a fool."

"Aye!" he explodes suddenly. "A fool for falling in love with a foul-tempered, sharp-tongued SHREW!"

We sit there and glare at each other.

A long moment passes, and then someone clears their throat. An Orc is standing in the doorway, looking as uncomfortable as an Orc possibly can. "Sorry to interrupt." He shoves a food tray at Legolas. "Mistress said to bring this to ya. Didn't want ya starvin' before the big finish." He peers at us curiously. "You know," he says to Legolas, almost conversationally, if you ignore all the hisses, "if yer really that crazy about the girl, I suggest you make up. Ain't got that much longer to live, after all. And her tongue can't be all that bad. You've never met my Gertha. Tongue could whip the hide off an Oliphaunt." He sighs happily. "Consider yerself lucky."

He wanders out. Legolas and I stare after him for awhile.

"Did we just get relationship advice from an Orc?" I ask. I hope I'm hallucinating.

"Aye," Legolas answers, looking mystified.

Nope, no such luck.

111

I curl up against my wall after I eat the gruel (which Legolas SO kindly doesn't want his share of) and sleep for a few hours. I wake up, nice and warm, curled up against Legolas's chest.

I blink up at him. "Hi."

He brushes my hair back. "You were shivering."

I yawn. "Thank you."

The Elf nods slowly, still looking at me. "Aye."

"Hey! Psst!"

The two of us exchange glances. Legolas arches an eyebrow at me, and I shrug. "Yeah?"

The Orc from earlier pokes his head in. "Mistress has called us all out. Now's yer chance, if ya wanna get out."

We both stare at him. The Orc lets out an impatient breath. "If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'. Just go. Yer weapons are right outside the door."

"Why?" I ask.

The Orc looks at Legolas. "She always gotta have reasons?"

"Usually."

The Orc shrugs. "You remind me of my Gertha. Bright girl. Now go, will ya, 'fore I change my mind."

He leaves.

There's a long pause. "This is, by and far, the weirdest fucking day of my life."

Legolas nods. "Oh, yes."

TBC...

Catherine Maria -- Honestly, I think Eomer would've flipped and killed Faramir. It would've been very, very bad. And you really need to stop reading this at work. Shame on you! Thank you! PS -- Any ideas about Edana would be more than welcome.

Sylvia Viridian -- Kings lately have way, way too many names. It's like an epidemic. Yeah, she's back! Thanks!

prettyfoot -- Ah, Denethor. Well, you see, Boromir lived, so Faramir didn't have to take orders from a nutcase because his brother was home, and standing guard at the side of the bed when he was injured. I don't know if he'll be causing any trouble, though. Thanks!

BtchiChrissy -- Thanks again! You're awesome!

poolbum -- You're suggestion is under serious consideration. Kayli's all for it. Thanks!

RedDevil15 -- It's here, it's here! Thanks again!

Kat Hawkins -- Arg! I want them back! And do yourself a favor -- don't let Haldir near the Ping-Pong table. He cheats. And take away Carter's scalpel before he hurts himself. Thanks!

Elladan and Elrohir -- Thanks! You're awesome!

halfblood princes & Summer -- I have been told a great many times that I am evil. And don't worry about Leilanni -- I have a special fate in mind for her. Thanks!

Andrew Joshua Talon -- Should we decide that Leilanni should live (and if I can keep Thranduil's hands away from his sword or her neck), I'll give you a call. All in black...Do you carry a Noisy Cricket? Sorry. Thanks again!

Hanna M -- Geez, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Kidding. I'm protective of my food, too. Thanks!