I stand by that statement. Weirder and weirder.

Our weapons actually are where the orc said they would be. Legolas's bow, his knives, and three of my daggers. The two Elladan and Elrohir gave me are gone. When I find Leilanni, I am going to chop her head off. I'm actually surprised she left Legolas's bow.

I want my knives back, though. It may sound stupid, but I am very emotionally attached to those knives. They were gifts from good friends, remember? Way back when? Those knives and I have been through alot together, and she will pay. Think of Aragorn's reaction if somebody took Anduril. Or Boromir with his sword. Or Gimli and his axe. You get the idea.

I sheath my knives. I'm a little steadier on my feet, but Legolas is staying close to me, ready to catch if I start to faint.

And I'm not even gonna start to go into the confusion there, y'all. It's one thing to be in love with someone you consider beyond your reach. An impossible dream. It's something else entirely for that dream to drop into your lap. Metaphorically speaking.

What the hell do you do with it? There is no way this can be an easy relationship. He has his duties, and I -- well, I don't have DUTIES, per se, but I have responsibilities, to my family. They're all I have here, and I won't sacrifice that. Not even to be with him.

See what I meant about this not being easy?

Legolas lightly touches my arm. "We must hurry."

I nod. When he takes my hand, I don't object. I hold on for all I'm worth.

111

"We're lost," I say for the tenth time.

Legolas hisses something between his teeth. "Yes, Kayli."

"What are we gonna do about it?"

"What do you want me to do?" he snaps. "Stop and ask for directions?"

I giggle. I can't help it.

Next to me, Legolas goes very still, then claps a hand over my mouth and yanks me back into the bushes.

Oh, ug. Fast moving still makes my head spin. Ouch.

Ah, now that the ringing in my ears has toned down, I can hear the approaching orcs. They're grumbling, but what else is new? Every soldier alive grumbles when he marches. Trust me, I've marched with enough armies to know. Even the Oathbreakers complained, and they were dead. Some things not even death can stop.

"Why are we working for her again?" one of them asks.

"Because she's evil?" suggests one of the others.

"Well, yeah, but...Sauron was better."

One of the others makes a rude noise. "Anybody'd be better than workin' for her." A sigh. "Evil's takin' such a turn for the worst. True evil doesn't spend that long in front of a mirror."

Silent laughter, silent laughter, must not laugh out loud. Oh, but her minions know her so well!

Legolas has his face pressed into my neck, and his shoulders are shaking. See? When you're scrambled, everything's funny.

The complaints of the Orcs are abruptly cut off by the sounds of arrows. "Leave some of them alive!" a familiar voice bellows. "They can't tell us where your brainless prince is if they're dead!"

"Brainless prince?" inquires another voice mildly.

"Aye. Brainless," Gimli returns.

"My father and a Dwarf," Legolas mutters. "The world has turned upside down. Any second, the Earth will crash into the sun, and Aragorn will leave Arwen for Gollum."

I crack up. Legolas shakes his head at me and calls out to his father..

"There ye are, laddie," Gimli says gruffly. "Next time yer plannin' on gettin' nabbed, let us know. Had us worried."

"What about me?" I ask. "Weren't ya worried about me?"

Gimli grins at me. "Nah. Knew you could take care of yourself, lass."

I laugh and throw my arms around him. "Gimli, I missed you." And I proceed to press loud, smacking kisses to his cheek until he blushes and pushes me on my ass.

The Elves around us give strange looks to the bloody human girl laughing hysterically with her ass in the dirt, but that's okay. They're not the first Elves to look at me strangely, and I have doubts they'll be the last.

Thranduil issues a few orders to his people about the disposal of the Orcs, then comes over to us. He looks Legolas up and down, then pulls him into a rough hug. "Idiot," he mutters.

"Seems to be a common opinion, lately," Legolas says drily.

"Let go of me! I DEMAND you let me go!"

"And I DEMAND you shut up. We can't always get what we want, now, can we?"

Have I told you yet that I love Faramir? He's so spiffy. He and Boromir drag Leilanni into the open.Gimli helps me to my feet and I walk over to her. "Hi."

"Bitch," she hisses, and Faramir cuffs her upside the head.

"You are speaking to a Lady of Gondor," he snaps. "Show some respect."

I reach out and pluck the knives from her belt. "These are mine." I turn my back on her and start to walk.

"Slut," she mutters.

And the next thing she knows, she's on her ass in the dirt, blood pouring down her face. Boromir looks so proud. Faramir looks impressed.

"Remind me to insult you from a safe distance," he says, and grins at me.

I rake my hands through my hair. "What do we do with her?"

"I have an idea," Thranduil mutters, hand on sword hilt.

Faramir nudges her with his boot. "Do we kill her, or do we take her back to Elessar?"

"How about we kill her, and take her HEAD to Elessar," Boromir says.

I shake my head and find a log to sit on. I have a feeling they're gonna be at it for awhile, so I plop down and lean my head in my hands. Maybe I can take a nap.

A few seconds later, Gimli stomps over and sits down next to me. "Nice little adventure," he says drily, and pulls out his pipe. He glances at me out of the corner of his beady little black eyes. "Must'a been interestin', bein' trapped in a cave with the Elf."

I stare at him. "You see way, way too much."

He nods complacently. "Aye, so the Elf says."

I shake my head. "I don't wanna think about this right now. I want to go home, take a long bath, and sleep for two days."

Gimli pats my back. "We're goin' soon, lass."

111

We eventually make it back to Minas Tirith. Boromir drags me to the Halls of Healing, but then I get back to my own rooms.

Eowyn, Arwen, Edana, and Galadriel are all gathered in the sitting room, Iariel serving them tea. When they see me, Iariel sets the tea tray down with a bang and rushes over to hug me. "Oh, milady, we were so worried!"

Arwen and Eowyn are right behind her. Eowyn hugs me quickly. "Are you hurt?"

I shake my head. "Boromir already drug me to see Ioreth."

"She's a good Healer," Iariel approvves.

"She's a dragon," I say, and yawn.

"So you're not hurt?" Arwen asks, looking concerned.

Galadriel interrupts smoothly. "Don't worry, Arwen. Her hurts aren't physical."

Eowyn frowns. "What do you--" She suddenly spins back to me. "The Elf! What did he do?"

I flop down onto the chair. "Confessed his undying love, basically."

Iariel drops a tea cup, which shatters. Edana is staring at me with her mouth open.

"Finally," Galadriel says, looking relieved. "This is lovely tea."

Eowyn finds her voice. "Is this a bad thing?"

"Beats me."

Galadriel sets her tea cup down with a thump. "Honestly, Kayli, can you two not work this out? Have you spoken to him?"

I yawn again, but they don't take the hint. "No. And I was trying not to until I'd had a week of sleep."

Arwen sits on the arm of my chair. "It'll all work out, Kayli."

You know, for being thousands of years old, Arwen can be very niave.

"Love doesn't always conquer all," I say softly, wrapping my arms around myself. "Sometimes it doesn't even win one battle, let alone the war. You're very, very lucky in that respect."

She leans down and hugs me. "So are you," she whispers. "You just don't know it yet."

TBC...

Catherine Maria -- I gotta say, I'm very proud of that line. And also of my Orc. I didn't know if he'd work out in the end, but he didn't turn out half-bad. sigh Him and his Gertha...Thanks!

Sylvia Viridian -- It was believable, I thought. Kayli's reaction, not the Orc, although I do like him. Thanks, you're awesome!

Andrew Joshua Talon -- I'm sorry, I was kidding! You do feel rather sorry for them, don't you? Thanks! You rock!

yuhi -- Here it is! Thank you so much!

essence of popsicles -- OK, here goes. As for the Gimli scene, sorry, only one interlude per Fellowship member, but most of the stuff he's thinkin', he'll be saying out loud, 'cause that's just how Gimli is. As for the Hobbity chapter, Frodo's POV is coming up soon. As for Lothiriel, I'm not entirely sure who she is. Well, I know she's Eomer's wife, but other than that, I don't know a whole lot about her. If you can fill me in, she'll be here. (My books are AWOL. Tiff, I want those back.) Is that everything? Whew. Thanks so much!

cthulhus smurf -- That's sweet. And I think Kayli would agree with you! Thank so much!

Aztec Raven -- Don't cry! Thank you!

Red-Devil15 -- School always sucks. I can't believe I'm going back to that pain. Thanks!

Miraen -- Thanks!

ryuujin dragon king -- Don't ever tell his Majesty and the Dwarf you think they're adorable. It might lead to pain. Thanks!

Lobo Diablo & Demonic Angel -- I seriously cannot imagine Boromir's reaction (or Thranduil's, for that matter) if they brought home an orc! Thanks, you both rock!

Sekushi-Chan -- I was trying to get away from the normal 'girl-falls-into-Middle-Earth' story. Did it work? Thanks!

Destiny-Goddess -- Don't worry, the Orc has us all confused. Thanks!

Iamaredhead -- Is it good? I'll have to check it out. Thanks!

SarcasmSage -- I was SO worried about Kayli being in character for that chapter! Thank you so much!

Zeus -- Shame on you! Although I am very, very flattered you read this whole thing in one go. And I think we're all hoping that they get it through their thick skulls! Thanks! PS How's the essay coming?

Elven Mischief -- Is that what he is? I was wondering! Thanks!

No1 -- She kept her distance, I would think. Thanks!

chelsey-pudge -- It's always great to know when I succeed at what I set out to do. It happens so rarely! Thanks!

Kat Hawkins -- Give the scalpel to Ardeth (he'll keep it hidden) and send 'em back over. In fact, you can come along. Set's nice right now. And EMPTY. I keep losing people! Thanks!

Hanna M -- Coffee truffles. Hmmm. Thanks!

halfblood princess & Summer -- Isn't he great? Thanks!

Trisana / Kara -- Weird is good. Thanks!

#1LL -- Thanks!

Laer4572 -- We've all got our fingers crossed! Thanks!

CHEESECAKE -- Thank you! You are also very awesome!

poolbum -- He appreciates it! Thanks!

elrohir lover -- blinks Um...thanks?

Someone -- Well, thank you! I hope your headache's better!