First of all I'd like to say that I'm not really so loyal to either story line(didn't watch the movie and watched the series last time like 11 years ago )…so here are things as they will be in my storyline( I hope this doesn't upset anyone). According to memory and research the family line goes Scott-John-Virgil-Gordon-Alan….I sometimes get confused whether John or Virgil is older, but I'll stick to John being older unless someone can confirm to me otherwise. Ok, so here we go:

At the time of Lucy's death Scott was 9, John 7, Virgil 4, Gordon 13 months and Alan 0, but their birthdays are the same as according to thunderbirds online

So the first of the stories will be taking place in that age frame ,as it happens shortly after Lucy's death( all the stories are flash backs…well except that last chapter, but you'll have to wait to see that)…so here it goes

Night has crept in and I head into the garden to take a little stroll. The wind feels cool and refreshing to my face as I walk silently with my hands tucked in the pockets of my windbreaker, protecting myself from the harshness of the March nights. Then I see him. Sitting there on the grass with a note book, in which he is taking notes and a telescope to his left, in which he occasionally glances.

John.

From the moment he was born I knew he was different

From the moment I glimpsed his blue eyes that were just a shade lighter then mine I knew it.

But I was wrong about one thing.

I thought he'd be like my father. Tough. Hard. Unbreakable.

While in fact he is just the opposite. Soft. Sensitive…….Lonely.

Yet he is still different.

He is special.

When I look at him, I realize that I saw it right away.

I saw it in the moment I caught sight of his eyes.

Stars…..His eyes are full of them

And when I see the stars twinkling in his eyes, I remember Lucy.

And I remember the day he feels in love with the sky.

In John's eyes: a graveside story

It had only been a week and I was already feeling like it had been a life time . At the beginning I was merely sad and angry , but after the funeral I fell into shock. I think it was the fact that she was in box 6 feet below the surface that made me realize the finality of what happened. I came to realize what her death truly meant. I would no longer see he cheerful hazel eyes. I would no longer be able to stroke her lively chestnut hair. I would no longer feel the softness of her cheeks as I wiped the tears that sometimes fell from her eyes. I would no longer smell that simple lavender scent that she always wore. I would no longer hear her playing our song or laughing her heart out. It was over. She was never coming back

The kids, except Scott, didn't really realize what was going on. Virgil thought it was just one of mommy's long trips to far away lands and Gordon didn't comprehend anything…just that the hand that rocked him , changed him , and fed him his food was different. John was another story. I think that though he was too young to understand the funeral service, something in his heart told him that this wasn't one of mommy's normal journeys abroad…..he sat by the window for hours at an end, just waiting. His small button nose was continuously pressed against the window in the living room. I think he realized that something in the atmosphere of the house was different. I was rarely home, and even when I was I know that I was distant and absent minded and all I did was lock myself up somewhere to be alone. Scott locked himself up too, in Alan's room for hours, especially when I was gone. The house was like a grave yard. There was no sound, except of tears. Tears of babies crying to be changed or fed. Tears of children hurt but not knowing why they felt so. Tears of a grown man, dwelling in the past , wishing he could retrieve it. Tears caused by the absence of the same person. Lucy. She was gone.

I hated sleeping in our room because every where I looked I saw memories. The bed was still covered with clothes I had tossed out in our hurry to get to the hospital; her nightgown that she was wearing that night was folded carefully and laid on the chair of her dresser….so like her, that organization. Her dresser was covered with her favorite fragrances and makeup. Her wooden carved jewelry box was sitting there, opened, and filled with simple, elegant jewels. I could spy her flowered pearl ring that I gave her for our third anniversary. I could see her set of birthstone rings, as she had one for each member of the house. I could see my Garnet, John's opal, Virgil's peridot, Scott's Diamond and Gordon's amethyst. Alan's would have been an aqua marine……..would have been.

When a person tries to forget sometimes it is the little things that make it harder. Seeing pieces of her scattered all over the room was just the tip of the iceberg, the real problem was all over the place. Every place I went, I saw her. Every smell I smelled seemed to carry some lingering scent of her own. The children…..just hearing their presence was torture. I decided to take a step towards ending this pain. A step only a desperate person would take and a step with a more devastating result than I thought possible….it all started with the burning of the pictures.

I did it in our room. I picked every picture and tossed them in a cooking pan. Pictures of us dating, of our engagement party, pictures with the kids. All of them went in there and, with the single stroke of a match and some gasoline, evaporated.

The next step consisted of stashing all her private possessions away and giving them up. Perhaps to friends or to charity. I threw the doors of her closet open, my eyes flooding with tears, and stripped all the hangers of her clothes and threw them on the bed. I strode to her dresser and with a single motion swept all the items on it to the floor, her makeup containers breaking and staining the floor and her jewelry box breaking open, releasing its contents. I fell to the floor, my legs no longer capable of carrying my weary body that shook with violence and my hot tears broke through the dam of my eyes and suddenly I heard the door to the room opening. I turned my head slightly to see john there, holding his stuffed star tightly to his young chest.

John's eyes widened at the sight of the hurricane struck room. His young feet carried him to my side as he stood still and then raised his hand to my cheek to wipe away a falling tear. The act hurt me even more as his touch was like that of hers and I cried harder at the thought…I realized I would never be able to forget.

"Daddy", the low childish voice spoke, biting down his lip and a look of hesitation in his eye. I lifted my head to meet his gaze." Yes, Johnny?" I asked my voice haggard and weak. He looked even more hesitant now but said something to be that seemed no more than a whisper.

"Sorry, Johnny, I didn't catch that"

"Where's mommy, daddy?"

Silence.

I tried to compose myself. I tried to think of the best way to answer, but I couldn't. My mind was too foggy.

"She's gone Johnny. She's gone"

"When will she be back?"

"She won't be….she's gone….she has left us"

"Mommy wouldn't do that….she'll be back"

The anger that was ebbing inside of me inflated and grew. I could no longer contain the despair that was growing within me. I felt anguished and desperate. I held a startled Johnny by his shoulders and shook him with all my strength.

"SHE ISN'T COMING BACK, JOHNNY……SHE IS NEVER COMING BACK…." I screamed at his face and stared at his tearful shocked eyes as he broke free of my grasp with all his strength. The look in his eyes, a look of utmost betrayal, regained to me some of my senses. I reached out to hug him saying" I'm sorry, Johnny, I just….." Before I managed to complete my words the young boy turned on his heels and ran out of the room.

I watched after him, fresh tears springing from my eyes as I rose quickly to my feet to follow my son, but was stopped at the door way by Scott. He barred my passage with his arms with a look of disappointment in his eyes." I think you should leave him for a while" he said in a hushed tone as not to arouse the sleeping children. I fell against the wall in the hallway and slid to the ground, breaking once again into fervent tears, my face buried in my hands. I felt another figure sit down beside me and felt Scott's arm creep around my shoulder and pulling me to his already mature, strong chest. "It's okay to cry, daddy. It's ok to open up, daddy. I'm here." He whispered as he cradled me like a child and slowly I calmed down and in the arm of my oldest son found my first rest for weeks and slipped to the temptation of sleep.

I woke up later in the night to find myself sleeping on the floor of the hallway with Scott by my side. He had changed positions sometime before so that he was resting against my chest rather than me on his own. I carried him gently, looking at his tear stained face, and toke him to his and John's room. I put him down on his lower bunk of their bunk bed then looked at the upper bunk to check on John. The sight that greeted me spread a wave of coldness and fear within me.

The bed was empty.

"I'll try to be home as quick as possible" I said to Mrs. Mackenzie, our next door neighbor who came over as fast as possible. The hour was past one am and I had no idea of the possible hour in which Johnny left. I had to be quick, he could be anywhere and he could……a twinge of fear spread down my spine as I tried to evade the thoughts that were attacking my mind. He was safe. I was sure of it. I was trying to convince myself I was sure. I told myself Lucy would be watching over him.

After I called the police and they told me their usually line that I can't file a missing person's repot before 24 hours, I got into my car and waved to Scott and Mrs. Mackenzie , who stood by the front door. Scott had wanted to come with me, but I managed to convince him that he was better needed elsewhere. I drove all over the town in which we lived, just outside New York City, where my business was. I went to every possible place I could think of; I checked every hiding place with 2 miles of our house. Nothing. Not a trace. Tears flooded down my cheek as I find myself driving as if guided by some exterior force and the stopped as I realized where I was. The graveyard.

My body shivered as the early April wind swept over me as I left the car. I walked in the quiet night, hearing nothing but the crunch of the dried branches of trees underneath my shoes. I walked under the clear, star lit sky with a destination in mind and my heart aching and tearing within my chest. What would I tell Lucy, that I lost one of our children? That my grief blinded me of my responsibilities and that till now I hadn't carried Alan once? That I was trying to forget her rather that cherish her memories? That I had burned all her pictures and that her children would probably grow, not knowing the look of her face. I found myself in front of her grave and there I was met by a surprise. For lying there, cuddled in a jacket, was John.

A wave of relief spread through my body as I crept towards his sleeping figure, trying not to awaken him, but it seemed he wasn't even asleep as he got up as soon as I was 10 feet near him. He sat up, leaning against her bare tombstone that bore only her name and mine and our sons. He looked at me, fear in his eyes as he held his stuffed toy tightly against him. I got down to my knees by his side and combed his soft blonde hair away from his eyes." I was scared that I lost you too, Johnny" I said, my voice overcome by grief and relief. His lips trembled as he broke into tears and threw himself against my chest. I cradled as his brother did to me just hours before. I cried with him, expressing the mutual grief that we felt.

"She isn't coming back, is she daddy?" he asked his head buried in my jacket. I stroked his back and replied in a soft tone unlike that I used earlier" no Johnny, she isn't". He cried harder, his entire body shaking with it." And I didn't get to say goodbye" he wailed, trying to regain his breath that was lost in his heavy weeping. I held him more tightly than ever, realizing that I also had never said the proper goodbye that I would have said if I knew I would never see her again. "You can always say goodbye when you want to, Johnny. Mommy will always hear you" I said, not believing my own words myself. He pulled away from me, a new look of hope in his eyes, a look that tore at the root of my heart." How?" he asked and I was trying desperately to find an answer. I opened my mouth to explain but he interrupted me" please tell me how daddy, cuz I miss mommy a lot", he said it in such a pleading tone that my heart sank more and more.

" please daddy tell me how cuz I miss Mommy" he sat silent for a moment then added" I miss you too, daddy". His words left my dumbfounded. "What do you mean by that, Johnny boy?" I asked surprised by his comment. He looked worried that he said something wrong, but then a look of determination crossed his face, a look very much like his mother's and continued" you're never home anymore , daddy. And even when you are, you never play with us anymore, or eat with us anymore or talk with us anymore." I tried to explain my self" son I've been very busy lately"

"You were never this busy when mommy was around" he exclaimed.

" I know Johnny, but things come up and I need to spend more time at the office" It was an outright lie and somehow he knew it, because a look of betrayal and sadness crept into his eyes." You're not saying the truth daddy. We call you at the office all the time and your secretary always says that you didn't even come" he said this with an accusing look in his eyes. I was shocked; I never knew that the kids called me at the office." Why? I mean you can always talk to me when I'm home." I said." Daddy, that's the whole point, even when your home you don't listen. Did you know that Scott was suspended from school yesterday, that Virgil cries every night from nightmares? That Alan has rash and Gordon asks for you all the time. Did you daddy? Did you know that Scott drinks coffee now so that he can stay awake to feed Alan, did you?"

I sat dumbfounded, more than ever before. I couldn't believe that I had been that neglective. "I'm sorry Johnny" but I knew my apology wasn't enough. "Why daddy? I just wanna know why?" I looked into my son's eyes , as for the hundredth time that day my tears fell" I miss your mother Johnny and sometimes it's hard to go to house that doesn't have her love". He sat silent for a moment then he held my hand" Daddy, you know that me and my brothers love you, don't you?" I nodded in response." Then why don't you come home to our love", he asked the question with a look of sincerity in his eyes as he placed his hand to my heart. A look of love so powerful that I almost felt that Lucy was speaking through him, telling me what I had to do.

I broke into a wet smile as his words reminded me that I still had the children

That I hadn't lost everything. Then, as I looked at his hand, I realized that I had the answer to a question he asked earlier." You know what Johnny, no matter what ever happens , mommy is still his us" I tapped his hand then placed my own on his heart." She's in our hearts, where she'll always be because of all the love she has given us, she's always watching over us". John looked up at me "daddy is mommy a star?" I looked perplexed at his question and he rushed to explain himself" in a movie I was watching one of the characters said that stars are our family that have passed away looking over us". I was touched by his simple explanation and I lifted him up to sit in my lap and pointed to Polaris, the northern star" you see that star Johnny boy, that mommy. It's the brightest star in heaven". he looked at my a look of happiness in his face as tears fell" that way I'll know that when ever I go to sleep mommy will be there

To check that I'm tucked in." I felt a lump form in my throat as I nodded then pulled him closer to my chest as we fell silent. Within five minutes he was a sleep, and then as I did for his brother before, I carried him in my arms, to my car.

From that day on, I usually came home on time after work. I always took time to spend with the kids. I finally got the courage to call my mom and ask her to stay with us. A request I knew she was waiting for and that she cried when I asked, because she knew it meant I was moving on. Until she manages to come I know that I have duties to look after and take care of. What happed taught me many things, but it still saddens me that I have burned Lucy's pictures; I despise myself for my selfish act which will punish the children and me. No one knew I did it, just John.

A few days after the mother's arrival, I returned home to find a gift wrapped on my desk. I approached it, gently taking the childishly wrapped paper off of it and felt tears in my eyes as I saw what it was. It was a picture of our wedding. I, in my sharp black tuxedo, had my arms around Lucy's slim waist, clad in her beautiful full length white dress. We were both smiling like crazy, a beautiful curly strand of hair framing her beautiful face. I touched the picture longingly. "Do you like it?" my mother's voice startled me "yes, but where did it come from?" She looked at me as though I was crazy "you do remember that I have a copy of the wedding picture don't you? Johnny just reminded me to bring it along". My heart grew warm at the thoughtful gesture of my son and I knew just how to repay him.

I hid it in his bed so that he wouldn't discover it till night time. I heard him shriek with pleasure as he found it and came running to me, his eyes full of amazement." For me?" he asked holding up his mother's burgundy telescope. I kneeled down " yes, Johnny. But promise me to take good care of it…it was your mother's you know" I knew I didn't have to tell him to take care of it. I knew, with that starry look in his eyes, that he would guard it with his soul. Still he looked into my eyes, a smile on his lip " I promise ". then he rushed up to the roof and sat there for a few minutes. He sat on a cushion he grabbed on his way up and crossed his legs just like Lucy used to. I stand there watching him like I used to watch her as he plays with his toy , a toy that would soon determine the rest of his life. I smiled as a tear slipped as I realize I did the right thing. Lucy would have wanted him to have it.

The End

AN: so what do you think?? Is it like totally unrealistic or did you manage to swallow it? Tell me what you think

Next up will hopefully be Scott's and I'm thinking of starting a new story hopefully .

To my reviewers:

First of all thanks to all those who read and an extra thanks to all thsoe who took the extratime to comment on my writing

Britanniaire: actually i'm not from an english speaking country at all ,plus don't worry the last chapter was just the question

Thanks Daria4 for pointing out my horrible mistake, i'll fix it as soon as i can but i'm on the run now

thanx to all the rest(ColorRado u better update ur story soon)