Sword-chan- - Hi. This is my newest fanfiction… I like the title, for some odd reason… Once Upon A Mew Mew. Catchy, eh? The fair maiden/kings/princes/queens will vary, or maybe they won't. I just don't wanna ruin anything for you. This will be in script-ish form. Because I'm feeling lazy. The object of this fanfiction was to be funny, and to re-do as well as shed some light on not-so-well known fairy tales. Enjoy teh weirdness.
X.x.X- Tale 1- The Brother And The Sister -X.x.X
You see Taruto and Ichigo in rags. They are on a stone path, seems to be in front of a small house. They both have bruises on random parts of their bodies.
Taruto- C'mon, wench, our stepmom has been beating us up every day. So we've gotta roll.
Ichigo- WENCH? HOW DARE YOU CALL YOUR SISTER THAT YOU LITTE——!
Taruto- Shut up. Do you want her to hear us?
Ichigo- … fine.
Both- :: start walking into the forest ::
A bit later…
Ichigo- Eep! This forest is so deep and sca… sca… SCARY!
Taruto- A dead bird… Cool…
Ichigo- :: screams at sight of dead bird :: :: faints ::
Taruto- :: kicks Ichigo :: Come on, get up. We have a 'fairy tale' to do.
Ichigo- u.u Fine, have it your way, red haired little brat.
Taruto- Wench!!
Ichigo- Midget!!
Taruto- :: gasp :: HOW DARE YOU?
Ichigo- :: sticks out tongue ::
Little did these two… big, sparkly eyed… individuals… know that their step-mother was… :: gasp :: A witch. She bewitched every body of water, blah blah blah… All that evil stuff.
Taruto- I'm pooped.
Ichigo- This is a fairy tale, dunce!
Taruto- Point… not… taken…
Ichigo- Well, DUH, you have to talk weird.
Taruto- …? n.n
Ichigo- Like this- Whres't art thou going, and whes't art though coming from?
Taruto- You sound like you're on crack :D
Ichigo- Fine! FINE! Have it your way- again. Midget!
Taruto- Whatever… back to the point. :: dramatic pose :: Ah, sister… I'm so thirsty, soooo thirsty! I must drink at this brook!
Brook- NEE HEE HEE! DRINK FROM ME AND YOU SHALL BECOME A WOLF!
Ichigo- :: moves in slow motion :: No-o-o-o!
Taruto- :: stops slow motion :: What?
Ichigo- You'll become a wolf and make me into an Ichigo dinner!
Taruto- … I know n.n
Ichigo- :: drags him by arm :: You are NOT drinking from that brook!
Taruto- Fine, I'll use the next one… bitch…
A bit later…
Taruto- Right, now I'm on the verge of dehydration and will surley die!
Ichigo- YES!!!
Taruto- :: listens to brook ::
Brook- :: sinister laughter :: I WILL TURN YOU INTO A TIGER IF YOU DRINK FROM ME!
Taruto- :: raises eyebrow :: O.K, then. :: bends down to drink ::
Ichigo- Nu-u-u!!
Taruto- I know I'll be turned into a tiger and turn you into an Ichigo cut up…
Ichigo- I know but… Tigers have stinky breath, and I have a sensitive nose…
Taruto- Oh good GODS! JUST so we can go with the story, I'll go to the next brook but I HAVE to drink from that one!
Ichigo- … Fine… :: mumbles :: Midget…
Taruto- WOULD YOU SHUT UP?
Later, again…
Taruto- :: bored tone :: Oh look, a stream.
Stream- MWAHAHA! I WILL TURN THEE INTO A… Fawn? Aw, come on! That's not big and scary and evil!
Taruto- I don't CARE, I'm DEHYDRATING out here, I'm DRINKIN'!
Ichigo- … Don't…
Taruto- To late… :: turns into fawn :: Aw, crap! He wasn't lieing! I'm… I'm…
Ichigo- :: eyes are 50 more sparkly :: YOU'RE CUTE! :: gets on back of Taruto :: Ride 'em, cowboy!! Oh, and to add some bling-bling, (YO!) here's a pu-u-urdy golden… :: checks book :: garter? Isn't that, like, underwear? Uh… O.K. Bottom line- It's something so you won't run away from me, even if I'm not on your back…
Taruto- Man you're heavy! I mean, jeez, lay off the strawberry pocky, will you?
Ichigo- Everyone knows I'm a super skinny whatever year old! You're just a midget oO Now walk around aimlessly until we find a dwelling, translation for the non-fairy tale reading- Crib to chill in, house, a place to crash, and so on! FORWARD, SOLDIER-FAWN-TARUTO!
Taruto- I don't get the soldier part…
Ichigo- Me neither. JUST GO!
Hours and hours later…
Ichigo- Hurry up and find the house, my butts starting to hurt…
Taruto- Yeah, well, you're butt's hurting my back!
Ichigo- :: in flat, fake, wooden voice :: Oh look. A house. It seems to be empty. :: gets off Taruto and looks inside :: It is empty! Oh my. Let us go in fawn, where we shall live happily.
Taruto- Works for me.
Ichigo- :: still in wooden voice :: Oh look, hay for you to sleep in, and a bed for me. Oh! And a little stove. How lovley.
Taruto- Shut the hell up. As long as I don't have to eat your cooking I'm fine.
Ichigo- Grr… Fine. We'll live off nuts and roots and berries and all that.
A few days later…
Taruto- OHEMGEE! THERE ARE PEOPLES HUNTING!! GASP GASP GASP! I WANNA JOIN, I WANNA JOIN! I WANNA JOIN!!!
Ichigo- They'll kill you!
Taruto- … I WANNA JOIN!
Ichigo- Wait- They'll KILL you… Alright, go on, and if you're back by sunset I'll let you go again, so I can have another chance at you being killed.
Taruto- Done!
X.x.X
Taruto- :: running along forest all fast-ish :: HAHA YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! MWAHAHA! FUH-WEEE!!!
Hunter (Masaya, stupid as usual :D)- HUZZAH! A FAWN! LET'S TRY AND KILL IT! :: throws stick ::
Stick- :: hits Taruto, but does no damage ::
Masaya- I give up. Pack it up, guys.
Taruto- Oo I'm going home. :: runs back to house ::
House- :: groan :: Not HIM again?
Taruto- Shaddup. :: runs in house ::
Ichigo- Damn you're still alive!!
Taruto- Whatever. I'm going back tomorrow. Better rest up.
Ichigo- … why won't the authoress let me kill him in my sleep?
X.x.X
Taruto- :: wakes up, still as fawn. Duh :: Oh sister, the hunt is still a'goin'!! I gotta go, gotta go, goooooooooottttttttaaaaaaa go!!
Ichigo- Fine, if you'll shaddup… And get killed… maybe.
Taruto- :: runs out door all happy ::
X.x.X
Masaya- WE BROUGHT THE KING THIS TIME! Cuz the king… I dunno… :: under breath :: Cuz he's a girl stealing bastard? :: in normal voice :: HUZZAH! THERE BE THE FAWN! :: points like a little kid to presents ::
King (Kishuu XD)- Golden GARTER BELT!
Masaya- You mean GARTER. A garter belt is womens undies… oO
Kishuu- oO Oh yeah. I like garter belts better (All fear da pervieness)
Masaya- I BROUGHT A SHARPER STICK THIS TIME! PH34R ) /- - 3!! :: throws sharp stick at Taruto ::
Taruto- Ow. That stings. And you talk like an idiot… Wait, he is an idiot.
Masaya- !! GASP! YOU DARE? :: prods Taruto with stick ::
Taruto- … Ooh, blood… I mean… RETREAT! :: runs back to house ::
Kishuu- FOLLOW THAT FAWN! MWAHAHA! :: scampers after Taruto, who is scampering into the house ::
Ichigo- :: comes out of house :: OHEMGEE! YOUR BLEEDING! :: to self :: It's a start…
Taruto- Saaavveee meeeeeeeeee!!!
Ichigo- Shaddup and get in the house :: kicks Taruto in ::
Kishuu- :: runs up to house and knocks on door ::
Ichigo- :: looks out window :: Ohemgee… he's so… SHEX-AY!! :: walks to the shmex-AY alien ::
Kishuu- :: thinks :: Hot-maiden-with-cat-ears-ohemgee!
Ichigo- Hello?
Kishuu- We were pursuing your fawn…
Ichigo- My idiot of a brother! Yeah, yeah…
Kishuu- But you're MUCH more interesting! :: draws self up all formal like :: Wilst thou be my… Ah, screw it! Marry me?
Ichigo- Duh. But I've gotta bring my brother- fairy tale rule. n.n
Kishuu- Sure, whatever! :: carries Ichigo out with Taruto following, looking like he had been smoking his hay-straw-whatever ::
(Auidience- … What?
Sword-chan- Forget it, forget it. BACK TO THE STORY!!)
x.X.x
(At the castle)
Ichigo- Kay, short, furry, annoying, you can sleep in the royal stable, I screw the ki—Uh, the king and I sleep in there. Got it?
Taruto- The fairy tale says I MUST sleep in a room near you.
Ichigo- :: grumble :: Fine. Sleep in the bathroom u.u
Taruto- The BIG bathroom?
Ichigo- Sure, whatever! :: shoos him into bathroom :: :: locks door ::
Kishuu- You know, this outfit is rather warm…
Ichigo- And I can't let you see me in these rags, now that I'm your fiancé…
Kishuu- YAY! :D
Page (the dude who delivers messages to and from the king or something)- DELIVERY DELIVERY! :: in AOL computer guy voice :: You've got royal mail.
Kishuu- Aw, man… I was just about to… Yes?
Page- You have to keep her a virgin or else she can't marry.
Kishuu- Shit… LETS GET MARRIED NOW!
Ichigo- - Yay.
And so, within the next day, they were merried, and the wedding was cele—Who am I kidding? They ate CHICKEN WINGS, got drunk off EGGNOGG, and danced with a FAWN! It was critiqued by the Royal Inquirier, and afterwards they 'slept' for a very long time and while they 'slept' they made really strange noises.
Ichigo- I've got news…
Kishuu- Yez, my darling?
Ichigo- We're gonna have a kid, even though we were protected, but there are just rules to fairy tales.
Kishuu- Sucks.
Ichigo- yup.
And so, the queen bore a little boy… But her stepmother, who soon heard of her wedding to the hawtie, and how they had gotten a kid and all that, was mad. She had a daughter, who was, of course, really ugly. She only had… ONE EYE!!
Stepmother (Ryou in a wig. O.O;;)- :: sneaks into castle as grandmother or something with daughter ::
Daughter (Pai, who took out his little hair things)and stepmother- :: take the sleeping queen and put her in a barrel, then push her out the window while laughing all evil like ::
Ryou- Kay, so we're gonna put you in bed and I'll bewitch you to look like a queen. :: does so :: Aw, I can't replace the eye (which is really there, but Pai used his smartness to make it look like it wasn't. However you do that). Dra-a-at. Well, we'll just push you over to your side, be careful that your panyhose bosom doesn't fall off, and cover that side of your face.
Pai- … I despise this fanfiction. I'm in drag, for Pete's sake.
Ryou- PETE? I don't know anything about the Pete at the gay bar! Uh-uh!
Pai- … u.u O…Kay…
Meanwhile-
Ichigo- You know, I'm not going to drown, and I can claw my way out of this… But fairy tale rules forbid me to. Drat. Now I've gotta die… Boo.
X.x.X
Kishuu- :: comes in later in the morning :: How's my darling?
Ryou- I am her mother, come to take care of her. She's very weak- please, leave her be.
Pai- :: stiffles giggle ::
Kishuu- o.O She had a stepmom. And evil stepmom.
Ryou- Ah… um… I'm… her aunt! She just called me mother because I was much nice… Yeah…
Kishuu- O… Kay. See ya! :: walks out ::
Later that night…
Chamber maid (Purin)- :: is sleepily watching over the 'queen', the 'aunt' having gone to her separate room ::
Ichigo- :: comes in all ghosty :: How fares my child, how fares my fawn :: strokes fawns back, cradles kid :: I will come two nights more but never again. :: mumble :: I hate this part…
Purin- OHEMGEE OHEMGEE!!!!!
Pai- I'll report you to the king if you don't SHUT UP!
Purin- Uh, you can't… this is… a DREAM! :: wiggly fingers ::
Pai- u.u If you say so. :: goes back to sleep ::
Purin- :: goes off to tell king ::
Kishuu- OHEMGEE! I must see this myself!
Dah next night…
Kishuu- So, we have to wait till midnight?
Purin- … I brought cards!!
At EXACTLY midnight…
Kishuu- Got any 4s?
Purin- Go fish xP
Kishuu- Damni—HOLY!
Ichigo- :: all ghosty again :: :: mumble :: I really, REALLY hate this part! 'How fares my child, how fares my fawn, once more shall I come, but never again' … :: fake gags while vanishing ::
Kishuu- OHEMGEE! That ain't mah queen! :: snaps :: Oh servent?
Minto- :: grumbles about small parts :: Yes?
Kishuu- Get the old hag and her daughter into a barrel in the morning, then push them out the window, as the did Queen Ichigo.
Minto- Gladly. :: malicious grin at killing :: :: goes to get barrel ::
Purin- … So, got any 8s?
Kishuu- Damnit!
The next mornin'
Minto- They hath been pushed out the window, SIR!
Kishuu- Yaay!! :: goes around all happy :: This is the happy part!
Ichigo- :: appears quiet solidly :: Whee I'm solid!
Kishuu- REJOICING TIME! :: calls everyone in his castle to gather in circle and rejoice ::
And so, all the people in the castle sang a song…
Zakuro- :: boredly throws flower petals around ::
Retasu- :: sings song :: OH THE QUEEN HAS COME BAACCK! QUEEN ICHIGOOOOOO!! :: her glasses break :: Damnit…
And so, they lived 'happily ever after'… With protection when they 'slept'.
X.x.X
Sword-chan- Whoa. I finished this chapter super fast, but it's… 5 pages long…
Kishuu- Because it was in script form.
Sword-chan- Fine, we'll go with that. But it sounds kewler to say it was because it was fun. Which is was - So please, review if you liked it, hated it, or just did this because you were bored!
Pai- … I despise you.
Sword-chan- I know, I know! :: laughs ::
Pai- … I mean it. :: gets out knife ::
Sword-chan- AAAH!! :: runs around room, screaming ::
Kishuu- While the idiots run around, not knowing that is a RUBBER knife, I'll say…
Sword-chan does not own the fairy tale or Tokyo Mew Mew. Her brother owns the rubber knife, she owns the deck of cards, flower petals, and her baby cousin owns the doll used for the child. Don't sue, idiots. -.-;;
Sword-chan- Rubber?? :: bends blade back and forth :: Kewlio!! See ya next time!