Usagi thinks about Rei's confidential suicidal tendances.

A.N: A random thought becomes a random idea, forming a random story. Mind the awful spelling...

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon belongs to various people and companies. Lets let them keep it. I write this only for fun and out of respect and admiration for the original characters, script, show, creator blah blah blah etc.

Thinking About The End

Usagi wondered sometimes what life would be like if Rei committed suicide. It was a gruesome thought but not without reason. Usagi would remember the times when she'd walk in on Rei crying. Rei didn't like to cry in front of people about her life, she didn't need their sympathy, so she'd only have a serious cry when she thought she was alone and no one would come. When Rei caught Usagi standing in the doorway, she always knew if she were there, she'd blush and would say some quick excuse. Usagi would bound over through and cuddle her friend, tell her "you'll feel better tomorrow. Things will work out", in which Rei would be quick to snap, "Things will work out tomorrow, you say!? Tomorrow never comes!! Stop being so cliché Usa-chan!"

Usagi would always ask her to talk about what was wrong, knowing that talking it out was better then anything else. Rei nearly always point blank refused.

"I don't need your pity Usa"

But there were the odd time when she'd talk.

"My father cares not for me. He doesn't even send birthday cards!"

"Everyone who I've cared about has left me", she'd clutch Usagi side as if Usagi was about to go poof and disappear, "My mother, my father, my first love, most of my friends…soon grandpa will die, Yuu will move on, you guy will abandon me…I've never really been able to see me place in the future, Usagi. What is to become of me?"

"Most people fear or hate me. They don't even try to get to know me"

Usagi would hug her tighter. She knew these things were more then just vanity. She was deeply hurt, Usagi knew. She also knew there was more to it then what Rei was saying. Usagi just wasn't one to pry.

"Usa-chan…I just want to die"

If it had been the other way around, Rei would have slapped her and told her to stop being childish. It wouldn't be the first time. Rei would have made her talk about her problems until they begun to get small and insignificant, where they could see the core. Rei could be an excellent phycologist, Usagi thought, through only with a dim idea of what that was.

Usagi didn't do that. She encouraged crying and being a baby, mainly because she saw it as the right thing to do; after all she did it all the time herself. She provided herself to Rei and others simply as she were, a calming presence with kind words.

"I think about it all the time Usagi. It makes me able to reach the next day, that it may be my last"

Talk like this did make Usagi uncomfortable. It just didn't matter. Rei needed her, so she would stay.

"I'd miss you Rei-chan"

"I just can't take anymore!"

Life without Rei would be fairly dull, Usagi would think. She and Rei spent lots of time together. Or rather most of the time. Other then her family, Mamo-chan and Naru, Rei was her closest friend. Lately through, she had been spending more time with her, then with Naru. That was all right. It gave Naru more "alone" time with Umino.

Usagi couldn't picture a life when he couldn't go over to the shrine and hang out. She'd laugh on the floor hysterically about a manga while Rei yelled at her randomly. No matter how much Rei would say she hated her, deep down Usagi knew it was quite the opposite. It still didn't stop Usagi from crying through.

Usagi would miss the constant battle companion too. Rei would always be there till the end. Usagi would remember the battle against the NegaForce, when after everyone had died and it was just the two of them, Rei gave her life up for Usagi. It wouldn't be the last time either. Rei would always try with the very last of her energy to protect her. So even through when the others gave up it was heartbreaking, Usagi always felt it tearing her apart when Rei died. Rei was not only a strong warrior, but a strong friend.

The other times, if a battle foe had made the girls sacrifice themselves, Usagi would always somehow conjure them up again when the fight was over. They would just be reborn. If Rei killed herself…there would be no way to bring her back. No magic wave of the sceptre, crystals or whatever Sailor Moon had handy would work. You could only bring soldiers back. You can't save people from themselves.

The thought that it could happen brought tears to Usagi's pretty face. Life would mean so much less.

"If we are reborn into another world we'll see her again"

Usagi knew the future. There was no other world after that.

"She'll be better off"

Whatever. That thought just didn't comfort Usagi. How could you be better off dead? You'd feel nothing, not even love or friendship or even happiness. Usagi thought those feeling made up for all the ugly emotions.

Besides it would make Rei even more selfish then usual. What would happen to Usagi? She needed Rei, just like she needed everyone else she knew. What about her grandpa? Poor Youruuchi? The more Usagi thought about, the more circles she ran around, the more emotions she felt. Damn Rei!

"Usa-chan…I got too many muffins. You want some?"

Hell yes. Thinking made Usagi hungry.

This got weird towards the end. #shrugs#

R&R!!

… # Rei Ant # …