Author's note: Sorry it's been so long. Trouble with my PC.
MeryKey: Yay! Thanks for the review!
Previously on Angel: Cordelia reveals her pregnancy to a shocked Angel Investigations.
Jasmine Players
"I know it's a bit of a shock." she hurried on. "And no one was more shocked than me. OK, maybe him." She smiled at Connor as he rose, moving to her side.
Angel stared at them standing together, but he didn't move, didn't speak.
"Um…sorry to be so…" Fred gestured helplessly. "But I'm…like you said, kind of shocked."
"Yeah," Gunn agreed, "'cos hasn't it only been, like…definitely shocked."
"I haven't been hiding." Cordelia told them. "Or ashamed or anything. It's just, with the Beast and his psycho Master, and then Faith and Willow and all that dram'o'rama, not to mention…"
"Angelus." Angel said.
"Everything's just been so…Clash of the Titans around here. I didn't want to be a distraction."
Everyone looked up when the hotel door opened and Lorne came in. He made it all of three steps before stopping dead.
"Wha…put me on the short bus and send me off to Clueless school! A mystical pregnancy right under my beak, and not even a tingle? " He moved past Cordelia and she turned back to look at everyone else.
"How long have you known?" Wesley asked.
"Some time after we brought forth Angelus." Cordelia told him.
"But that's a couple of weeks! Looks more like eight months." Gunn protested.
"The last time Cordelia was impregnated she came to term overnight." Wes mused. Gunn shot him a bemused look.
"That was a crawly evil demon thing. This is different." Cordelia insisted. Connor came to stand quietly behind her.
"Still, shouldn't we try to find out…what's in there?" Fred suggested.
"We already know." Connor told her. "Our baby."
Behind them, and being ignored, Deirbhile made retching noises. After a brief alarmed look from Lorne, they kept ignoring her.
Everyone stood in silence for a minute until Gunn said, too brightly, "Well, congratulations!" Looking at Angel, he added, "You're gonna have a grandspawn."
"You don't know what it's like." Connor accused him. Gunn looked confused. "How scary it is?" Connor went on. Deirbhile stood, but he ignored her and continued, "I'm going to have a child, and all you can do is joke 'cause you don't like me."
No one had anything to say to that, and with a muttered, "We shouldn't have told them." he turned and went upstairs.
"Cordelia…" Fred started.
"I know it's hard to understand." Cordelia said. "None of you have ever had a living being growing inside of you. And this…my sweet baby…we're connected. I feel what it feels, and I can't explain it but I sense its' goodness. Its' love. You'll see. My baby will be here soon, and then you'll all see."
"You people are all idiots." Deirbhile said clearly, heading for the stairs.
"Excuse me?" Gunn asked.
"You heard me." She didn't stop, continuing up the stairs and out of sight.
"Stephen?"
"Go away."
"Open the door."
"Go away."
"Not gonna. Open the door."
"Go away."
"You don't have a parrot in there do you?"
"Go…what's a parrot?"
"Ah. Not a parrot. Are we getting anywhere near you opening the door?"
"No! Go away."
"Already said I'm not gonna."
"Then you can sit out there. I'm not coming out."
"Who said anything about coming out?"
There was a long pause. Finally the door scraped open. Deirbhile didn't stand, instead craning her neck to see him properly.
"What's a parrot?"
"That's a start."
"This isn't even your room. Why are you here?"
"Everyone knows where my room is."
"Good point."
They were sitting on opposite sides of a room used for storage; Connor was sitting on the edge of a chair, and Deirbhile was slouched on the floor. For the most part they were sitting in silence; Deirbhile had quickly realized Connor wasn't feeling talkative, even by his standards, and so she was simply keeping him company as she had Merrick, several years earlier.
She glanced up from her attempts to get comfortable—there was only one chair, and Connor didn't seem likely to give it up—to find him watching her. "What?"
"It's just you…"
The door opened, and he turned to see Cordelia coming in. Glancing back at Deirbhile, he realized Cordelia couldn't see her from where she was. He felt oddly reluctant to reveal her, even to Cordelia, so he said nothing.
"I've been looking all over for you." She closed the door and came further into the room. Connor deliberately didn't look at Deirbhile, hoping not to draw Cordelia's attention. "Connor, what they said? You can't let it bother you."
"I don't care what they say." Connor told her.
"Really? That why you retreated to the Fortress of Solitude?"
Connor looked at her for a long minute before rising to his feet and pacing away. "It doesn't make sense."
"Freaking out over a pregnancy's pretty much the MO of the gang around here." Cordelia pointed out.
"Not them. You." Connor corrected her. "All that stuff you said about Angleus…and Willow, she didn't open a gate to evil, she put back Angels' soul. I almost killed him."
"But you didn't. Angel's back, everything worked out. Everything happens for a reason, even if it doesn't always seem that way."
"How can you say that?" Connor demanded.
"Think about it." Cordelia urged him. "You sinking Angel to the bottom of the ocean, getting kicked out of the house…me not knowing who I was and coming to you for help…all of those moments and a million others led to this miracle."
"And sending me down to the basement? I had the stake. What was the reason for that?" He moved towards her, using his height to crowd her.
"I thought our baby was in danger. And all of my instincts told me that killing Angelus was the only way to protect it."
"You were wrong." Connor said flatly. He dropped back into his seat, ignoring her.
Cordelia hesitated for a moment before hunkering beside him.
"What's important is that when I needed help you were there for me. Now I know I can trust you. Completely. No matter what. See? Everything happens for a reason."
She rose and wandered away. "Connor, before our baby comes…I might ask you to do some things. For us. And I want you to remember. There's always a reason."
Connor bowed his head. "I'll remember."
Deirbhile didn't move until Cordelia had left; then she scrambled to kneel beside Connor. He was slumped in the seat and didn't look up.
"Connor." she said, then, more urgently when he didn't answer, "Stephen. Look at me."
"What do you want?" His tone was dull.
"Why do you ask when you know? Stephen, please. Listen. I need you to tell me. The baby, Stephen. Do you want her?"
Connor looked up at that. "Of course I do. Why would you ask that?"
"To know, Stephen. It's not like you're falling over yourself to tell me."
"It's not like you've earned the right." he retorted.
Deirbhile sank back onto her heels. "That's not fair."
"Isn't it? What have you done, Deirbhile?"
"Everything!" She rose to her feet. "What do you want, Stephen? Tell me and I'll have it done. You know that."
"You say things. That's all I know."
Deirbhile laughed suddenly. "You think I'm crazy. All the time, I mean, not just when I really am."
"I don't think you're crazy." Connor muttered. "Except when you are."
"Then what? Stephen, help me out. Tell me what I have to do."
Connor shook his head, getting up and going to the door. "My baby is what matters. I have to protect our family."
"I'll help you."
"No!" He spun to face her. "I don't want your help. I'll protect our family on my own."
Before she could say anything else he slammed out of the room and away.
"Where did you go?" Connor asked idly.
She'd persuaded him into the house in Turtle Cove tonight. Her friends, minus Merrick, were sitting in the other room, talking and laughing amongst themselves. Deirbhile and Connor couldn't quite hear what they were talking about, but the sound was very relaxing.
They'd silently agreed not to talk about that evening; the fight was gone as though it had never been. Neither spoke about his family, either; Deirbhile accepted his need to protect them, and that was enough.
For now.
"Where did I go when?"
"When you left Turtle Cove. Before Cole was born."
"Which time?" She looked up at him. "I left twice. The first time I was running away."
"From what?" Connor sat forward, interested now.
"From them." She gestured towards the other door. "From the fear of losing them." She shrugged faintly. "The second time I went to San Francisco."
"What was that like?"
"Sore, mostly." She laughed at his expression. "I was there on business, Stephen. A demon was rising, Pyralis, and I needed help from some people there to stop him."
"You don't fight demons." Connor protested.
"I do fight Pyralis, when he rises. He attacks Earth, not people."
"So who were the people who helped you?"
"Witches." Seeing him wince, she added, "Good witches. They do…pretty much what you do. Kill demons."
"Who were they?"
"Piper and Phoebe Halliwell. Paige Matthews. Leo, Piper's husband…he's not a witch."
"Men usually aren't." Connor pointed out.
"Actually, they sometimes are. Why the sudden interest?"
Connor shrugged. "You've watched me all my life. All my life here, anyway. I don't know anything about you."
"So ask me something."
He studied her for a minute. "Tell me about your husband."
"Cerbhall? I met him…thirty-one hundred years ago, in…well, it's Ireland now."
"Never heard of it."
"Really? Holtz was English, right? Ireland's the next country over. And Angel's Irish—or at least, Liam was Irish." She glanced up as a burst of laughter came from the next room. "Cerbhall was a prince at the time. We met up, we spent some time together…we got married."
"So what happened?" Connor asked.
"He died an old man." She shrugged again. "Really, Stephen, there isn't much more than that."
"You've only married once?"
She nodded. "I don't do casual relationships. I married Cerbhall because I loved him. And I got to watch him die. Straight after that I met Merrick, just in time to watch his world fall apart and him get buried alive."
"You loved him." Connor said flatly.
"I thought I did. I don't know now. I was on the rebound, after all."
"Bullshit."
Deirbhile raised an eyebrow. "Where did you learn language like that?"
"Gunn." Connor grinned suddenly. "He forgets how good my hearing is."
"I see. Well, you probably shouldn't use words like that, but hey. Whatever floats your boat. Now, what don't you believe about what I said?"
"You always know what you're doing. Except for when you're crazy. Which you weren't then. So you do know whether you loved him or not."
"Damn. You're good."
"So tell me." He was sitting forward on the edge of his chair, leaning towards her.
"I…Stephen, I spent only a couple of months there. And in that time, I saw him for maybe a few hours. He was very nice to me, but I think…" She hesitated, looking around the room before looking back at him. "I think I loved the idea of him. He was the Princess' bodyguard, and he was brave, and strong, and kind and all those other fairy-story-prince things. But I didn't know him at all. So no, I wasn't in love with him."
"And in Turtle Cove?"
"He was…a link. To my past. The only link I've had in a long time. But he hated me, at first." She lifted one hand to touch her cheek. "He hit me, the first conversation we had."
"He hit you?" Connor repeated.
"He was angry and hurt and he hadn't expected to see me. He was reacting without thinking."
"Yes, but he hit you." Connor said.
"And I told him he had a right to. Actually, I told Cole he had a right to…Cole was playing the knight in shining armor, you see, to my damsel in distress."
"Is…that what I'm supposed to do?" Deirbhile looked up sharply. "Be your knight in shining armor?"
"Out of interest, if I said yes, what would you do? You're already protecting Cordelia and her baby. What would you do if I said yes, I want you to come protect me?"
Connor struggled with it. "I don't know." he said finally. "But you're not, are you?"
"No. I told you before. I'm not going to ask you for anything…nothing more involved than 'please pass the salt', anyway. You are mine, and most everything you do will be just what I would ask you to do anyway. So I don't need to ask you to do anything."
"I don't understand you. I never understand you." he said, getting up, pacing frustratedly. "What is…why do you stay in LA? It's killing you being there."
"That's true." She studied him for a long minute. "Since you came back, Stephen, the longest you've spent with anyone is the three months in the hotel, right? With Gunn and Fred?"
"Right."
"But that's the longest…no one's stayed with you." Connor shut his eyes, shuddering slightly. "I'm going to. I'm not going to ask you for anything. I'm just going to stay with you."
"But you don't have to do that here. You can see me no matter where you are, and I can sense you. You don't have to stay in LA."
She shrugged…fairly uselessly, because he hadn't opened his eyes yet. "You say that. But if I left, there'd be part of you saying see? See? No one ever stays with you. She didn't mean it any more than anyone else did. And then I'd never get you back."
"If you have to leave…"
"I can handle a lot." she said quietly when he trailed off. "I've been a lot worse than you've seen. I'm not leaving, Stephen."
"Hey!" Both jumped and looked up; Cole was hanging in the doorway.
"What's up, Cole?" Deirbhile asked.
"Max. He drank three bottles of Coke and now he won't sit down."
"Great. Max on a caffeine high. Take him outside and play something with a lot of running around. We'll be out soon."
"'Kay." Cole vanished. Connor shook his head slightly.
"This is a real memory?"
"Yes. And trust me, it's not one I want to relive. Max on his own is rambunctious enough; Max on a caffeine high? Not pretty. Anyway, it's about time you were waking up."
"Why?"
"Big stuff happening. Everyone's gone somewhere, and I think we need to be paying attention."
"What's going on?" He rose from his seat.
"I don't know. I can't tell from here. I really think you need to wake up."
Connor nodded slowly, vanishing as he did so. Deirbhile took a last look around the room and likewise faded.