So, I've finally decided to get back to some of you on your reivews. Here we go:
Yuki: Oh, thanks, your so sweet! But to set the record straight (and I am sorry if it was confusing) the last chapter took place after the battle at Minas Tirth not the final battle.
Lindorien: Your my hero! I love you! And I will keep your comments/suggestions in mind as I continue my writing.
Daw the Minstel: THANK-YOU! Finally someone agrees with me! Authors are allowed to be AU, or else it would be the same exact story. (Sorry, many a arguements with this topic...apparently some people dissagree with me...heh)
And thanks all go out to: Raina and Nayana, TheBarrelRacinChIcK, Sunni07, Lady Eleclya, and my "faithful fan lways" Nirobie!
Later that night, they stood out in the darkness beneath the white tree of Gondor. It was bittersweet, seeing each other again, and so unlike how each imagined returning to each other. Both had changed so much, so much, in fact they barely recognized themselves anymore.
They stood several feet apart from one another, just staring absent mindedly at each other's eyes. "You've changed, Ness," Legolas finally stated his mind.
"So have you, Legolas. More then you know," she commented, putting her arms around herself. It was funny, being with him again. The silences that used to comfort her were now so awkward and unnerving. Those eyes that used to intrigue her, now were dark, and she couldn't help but think she might have started this change. It probably wasn't her complete fault, from what she could see, he had been through a lot more in the time that she had been absent, but she had probably started this changed in him. And that wasn't exactly comforting.
"What happened to us?" He finally asked, remembering back to what things used to be like.
She shrugged, "We imploded, Legolas. So much happened so fast, I just," she paused not wanting to finish her sentence. "I was scared," she finally admitted.
"Scared of what? You never really did explain to me why exactly you left, you simply said that you needed to think some things through. And I curse myself everyday for having let you go."
She shook her head, "I was never yours to let go of."
He shallowed hard, he knew she had told him this before, but the words where still harsh. Had he fallen in love with someone else, someone who didn't exist. Would he fade from existence over a dream?
"The reason I left was because I didn't think I was in love with you," she finally whispered, breaking his thoughts.
"What?"
"Wait," she held up her hand, "let me finish."
He nodded slowly, feeling his eyes swell up again.
"You met me at a bad time, Legolas. I don't know if I just liked the idea of being in love, or that I needed to feel loved, or if I was truly in love. I needed to leave and find out. That was something I had to do alone, Legolas."
"But you love me, now, don't you? Is that not why you are standing here now?" He looked at her softly, hoping that she would say yes.
"Things are so complicated, Legolas."
"Look, we don't have much time," he sighed, "I'll be leaving tomorrow. I need to know."
"Need to know what?" She croaked out, "need to know how I feel about you before you go riding off to your death!"
"Stop dancing around it, Nessa!" He said harshly, countering her anger with his own.
"I was going home, Legolas! Don't you understand that! I was going to go home!"
He smiled faintly, never taking his eyes off of her. "Then the attack happened," he finished her thought for her, smiling hopefully and letting the darkness leave for a moment.
"Legolas, you don't understand! I never got that chance to see if I could return to you! You came to me!" She jerked her head back up to face him, tears streaming down her face. "And I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," she yelled at him, her hands shaking wildly.
He watched her as she began to break down, somehow something stopping him from taking her into his arms. Then again, his heart was shot anyways, pierced with perfection and she stood there holding the bow. He always knew he would be dammed if he ever fell in love. Things just always seemed to work out that way with him.
"I never got that chance to see if I could actually go through with it," she said softly, somewhat calmer now. "And now, now there are bigger things happening, I can feel it. You would not ride if there wasn't."
Legolas offered a small smile, but not really succeeding in his efforts. "You always knew how to cheer someone up, didn't you, Ness?" He said a little bit more harshly then he had intended it.
"Legolas! How can you be like this! There are other things happening, bigger things! And yet you stand there just thinking about us! Open your eyes! Stop being a fool!"
He stood there, for one of the first times in his life out of words to say. Out of words to describe what had happened to him over the time that she was absent from his life. During the time that he had lost her. "Did you ever wonder why?"
"Why? Why what!"
"Why we met? Why we went against what everyone was saying? Why we ended up like this? Why do we even bother!" Legolas's blood rose, his anger finally kicking in, "When we are so incredibly wrong for each other, why do we bother!"
"I don't know! That's the reason I left, Legolas! To figure why!"
"Nessa! Since you left all I was able to think about was you! You weave your way into someone's life, and as much as they want to, they can never forget you! You're a sickness! A sickness so vile that you are both the sickness and the antidote!"
Nessa started to walk backwards a little, her face still streaked with tears, her eyes full of pain. This wasn't the Legolas she had left. This version of him was so much darker, more cynical. More like her Atar. And just that thought alone was enough to scare her, even bring back her pain. But Legolas didn't see her pain, she had unleashed a part of him that he had never wanted her to ever see. And there was no turning back now.
"You need to make up your mind! I cannot," he paused, re-thinking his words, "No, I will not, wait for you any more! I need to move on, with or without you!" He fumed, glaring at her harshly.
"I-I," Nessa stammered with her words, unsure of what she really wanted to say. It had been so simple that morning, she was going to leave and live happily ever after with him, but now, now that he stood there, she wasn't sure if they could ever make things right between them. She wasn't even sure if there ever was something to begin with -something stronger then friendship.
Legolas's gaze was intense, his emotions taking over his body for once, "I can't take anymore of this, this, this madness!"
"I was right," she said harshly, words finding their own way out of her mouth, "You have changed." She turned around, not giving the satisfaction of knowing that he had gotten to her, even for one second. Not letting him see that she was crying again.
And he let her go again, his anger controlling him. "Oh yeah! Well I'm not the only one!" He yelled after her, his frustration was finally let loose. All those nights and days standing there, just thinking about her, he had realized he had wasted. He was dreaming after someone else. Someone who didn't exist, or at least not in Nessa. He was thinking of a dream.
She walked stiffly through the upper levels of the city, her arms wrapped around herself again. Not because she was cold, but more because she was alone. And how she wished she had never left, she should have just stayed in Rivendell. At home. With her family. Where she belonged. But here, here was cold. Everything reminded her of him, and thinking of him reminded her of her family. And that scar, that awful scar that would never stop haunting her.
"Lady elf, are you, are you alright?" A blonde woman made her way over to Nessa, wrapped in many blankets and looking rather ill. A lot had been taken out of her that day, that much was apparent, but she could still see Nessa crying. Something everyone else overlooked, whether on purpose or not.
"I'm fine," Nessa choked out, not really wanting to confess her deepest emotions to some woman that had come up to her in the middle of the night.
"I beg your pardon for my rudeness, but tears do not lie, lady elf."
"I'd rather not talk about it."
The woman looked hesitantly at Nessa, unsure as to either walk away or try and comfort her. "I saw you talking to Legolas, you're that she-elf he pines after, are you not? Lady Nessa, if I remember correctly."
Nessa turned to look at the woman, not really understand what was going on. This woman apparently knew a lot more then her. "Aye, that is me, but, if you don't mind me asking, who are you? And how do you know Legolas?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, this must be terribly rude, I am Lady Eowyn of Rohan. Legolas and his company stayed in Rohan and fought beside us. I have spent many nights talking with him, or rather me talking to him and he, with what little he spoke, was in incomprehensible riddles."
"Lady Eowyn, I appreciate your concern, but Legolas and I, are, are," she paused, unable to think of any words to rightfully describe what they were. She really wasn't all too sure herself where they stood.
"You must forgive me for my boldness, but I really would prefer to intervene this once. Lady Nessa, that elf is very much in love with you. While in Rohan, when I talked with him, the little he spoke of, he always spoke of you. Lady Nessa, you are walking away from love. And I for one am not going to sit back and watch it happen."
Nessa shook her head, smiling faintly, "Lady Eowyn, that is where you go wrong in your conclusion. This is not the first time I have walked away, nor do I fear it be the last."
"Why did you walk away the first time?"
She gave the woman an annoyed look, whether she knew Legolas or not did not matter to her. She did not know this mortal woman, and even if she did she was not in the mood for confession.
Eowyn looked down, "I am sorry, lady elf, I am prying again, aren't I?"
"Again?" Nessa questioned, fearing the worst for any others that had come in her path.
She nodded sheepishly, "I never mean to offend."
"And you haven't offended me," Nessa reassured the mortal woman, "I am just not in the best of all places right now."
Eowyn nodded, as both of them fell into an uncomfortable silence. She studied the she-elf in front of her, trying to remember all of what Legolas had told her about this elf. But then again, he really didn't divulge much information to start with. "He loves you, you know that right, Lady Elf?" She broke the silence, hoping that just maybe that would somehow help the she-elf.
Nessa shrugged, "So he says," she muttered.
Eowyn shook her head, putting her hand on Nessa's shoulder. "No, Lady Elf, he loves you. I can see it."
"And what do you know of love, Lady Eowyn?" Nessa said harshly, not really wanting to deal with the mortal woman anymore. She knew nothing of the situation, why was she so set on trying to make things better for her.
"I know that Legolas did not rest while in Rohan, and that he thought of you often. He may have been with us physically, but mentally, mentally he was with you. Lady Elf, I know you must think I speak of something I know nothing of, but please, listen to me."
Nessa shrugged, stepping away from the woman, not wanting to continue on with the conversation. She turned, looking back down the path she was originally walking down.
"Lady Elf!" She called after Nessa, not letting her go so easily. "You must believe me, you are not helping things by leaving."
"Helping who? Legolas?" Nessa hissed, turning around to face Eowyn again. "Well let me tell you something, he is not the only one that goes without sleep, that hurts, and that cries! Have you forgotten about me? How do you think it feels to walk away? Do you think I enjoy doing this!" Nessa yelled at the woman, all of her building frustrations flying out.
"I-I'm sorry," Eowyn apologized, having not expected that kind of reaction.
Nessa sighed, "No, look, I'm sorry. You're not the one I am mad at; you didn't deserve that. You were just trying to help."
Eowyn nodded, "I suppose I really don't understand," she smiled faintly, still trying to act as friendly as possible with the she-elf.
Nessa sighed heavily, "look, Legolas and I have some problems that we need to work through. That is all that is happening right now, all right?"
"But I thought elves," Eowyn looked at Nessa embarrassed, "love only once," she said quietly.
Nessa smiled, "yes, that is true. But how can you know what love is if you have never felt a compassion so strong before in your life? A compassion so strong that when they leave you, it crushes you? How do you know what love is?"
"But how do you know what love isn't?" She countered, looking at Nessa intensely.
Nessa sighed heavily, "look, I don't even know why I am talking to you about this, you know nothing of me! Why are you so concerned?"
Eowyn shrugged, even she didn't know why she was so intent on bringing the two elves together. Maybe it was because she pitied Legolas–he had seemed so lovesick in Rohan. And now this she-elf, she looked as though the world had ended and she just wasn't quite ready for it yet.
"It was nice meeting you, Lady Eowyn, but I would rather spend this evening alone, if you don't mind." Nessa turned her back before the woman could say another word and walked away into the darkness. Still upset. Tears still threatening to fall. She had imagined her reuniting with Legolas to be so different. It would be happy, not sad or frustrating. It would be everything but what it had become.
She continued to walk through the dark city, paying no heed to direction or to the time. She needed to clear her head. But the only thing she could think of was the one thing she wanted to rid her mind of. Him.
"Why do I do this?" She mumbled to herself, pulling her arms around her small frame protectively. "I've become the biggest fool of them all, and I never even intended any of it. Why do I still love him? Why did I even love him in the first place?"
"Do you always talk to yourself, Lady Elf?" An amused voice asked from behind her. The man that she had talked to earlier ran up besides her, smiling cheerfully. "I was always told that was a sign of insanity."
Nessa shrugged, "I am not insane," she mumbled.
"I saw you earlier today in the city," he said, trying to make conversation, "you and that other elf. I take it that he was one of your old friends."
"Maybe," she sighed, "I don't really know."
"How can you not know?" He asked, amusement in his tone.
Nessa shot him a look, "Sir you don't even know my name, why do you even bother asking?"
"Because you looked as though you needed someone to talk to, Lady Elf. Most people do not generally talk to themselves, although you are an elf and that may or may not be common among your kin. That I do not know."
"What is your name, sir? I have talked to you on numerous occasions today, and yet failed to have asked that question."
"You have failed to asked me any questions, Lady Elf," he said with a grin, "and it's Faramir."
"Faramir, an unique name to my ears. Are you from Minas Tirth?"
He nodded, "yes, yes I am. And if you do not mind me asking, what is your name, Lady Elf?"
"Nessa," she smiled, "but I guess I really don't have a home anymore."
"How so?"
"I'd rather not explain."
He smiled faintly and nodded, "then why did you say that you were going home earlier? If your statement is true,"
"Then I should have a home," she finished his sentence for him. "I know, I know. Let's not remind me of it, shall we?"
"Words coming back to bite you, are they?"
"I guess you could say that," she smiled amused.
"Ah, you see, so it isn't so terribly hard to smile! I knew you had it in you!"
Nessa rolled her eyes at the man's antics, "You do not give up easily, do you?"
"Depends on the situation."
"Then what makes me so special that you would waste so much time? You won't be here forever, isn't your time better spent with those who you love?"
"Maybe so, Lady Nessa,"
"Lady, your kind," she interrupted him.
"All I know is that I passed you every day and never saw a smile grace those pale lips of yours. And for whatever reason, I feel compelled to help."
"That is where you are wrong, I do not need pity. Smiling is something reserved for happy times, and I am afraid to say these are not happy times."
"How so? Even with all the fighting, is there not something to smile about?"
"That is where you contradict yourself, sir, you see I have seen you passing me as well. And not once did I see you smile either, you have the look of a determined man. A somber determination is really what it is."
"And how do you see that, Lady Nessa? Humor me."
"Your eyes tell a story," she looked at him closely, "Like all eyes, and no matter how many smiles you force upon your face, your eyes will always be sad. They'll always give you away."
He looked down at her, gazing into her eyes. Trying to see in her own what she could see in his. "Your eyes show pain, milady."
"Pain is apart of life."
He looked her in frustration, "Then how can such a thing as sadness appear in one's eyes? How can sadness appear and not pain?"
"I never said pain could not appear, I just simply stated that pain is apart of life. A part that we must all go through," she looked away, realizing that she was starting to say too much.
"You need not go through it alone," he whispered, still looking down at her.
She shook her head, "sometimes you do."
Thank-you for all your guys support, espically since I am not the greatest updater of them all...or speller if we're really getting into it. And I also kinda have a little problem with finishing things. I have to start at least ten other projects during the time I am supposed to be working on a fic, because I can't make things hetic enough.
Oh well, I'll leave you alone now.
Please Review.