A Changed Dojo
"Where have you been?" Sano's voice was harsh when she returned to the dojo. He was sitting on the porch, waiting for her. Despite his question, he knew very well where she'd been. Kaoru knew her eyes would betray her guilt.
"The police needed some help, and they were willing to pay for it. I could handle it. We need the money, Sano." She was right, they did. Kaoru had taken to collecting children, and now they filled the dojo, eating them all out of house and home. It had started the night she came home with the cut on her cheek, she knew, although the first child didn't come until several weeks later. Sano was the only person who knew about what had happened the night she'd gotten the scar beneath her right eye, the same way he was the only person who knew she was still going out at night, being Hitokiri-dono of Tokyo, the paid hunter and manslayer for the police. For weeks after that night, the night of her first kill, Kaoru's eyes had lost all their life. Their blue depths had gone flat. Until she met Keiichi, a tiny orphaned boy, and brought him home. It was as if playing mommy to the small boy helped her cope with what she'd done. Ever since then it was as if all of Tokyo knew, 'Orphans welcome at the Kamiya Dojo.' Her eyes had that same flat look now, telling him that she had killed someone that night.
"Listen Jou-chan, do you know how I knew you left tonight?" Sano asked. "Kasumi-chan had a nightmare. She woke us all crying for her Mama Kaoru."
"Is she all right?" Kaoru was instantly concerned. Kasumi was the newest member of her makeshift little family. The girl had watched as her own father killed her mother in a drunken rage. The police had brought her to Kaoru's door, terrified of any man. Kaoru had been the only one who could comfort her; the poor child was scared to death of Sanosuke.
"She's huddled in a corner in your room, Jou-chan. She won't let anyone near enough to even touch her." Sanosuke sighed. "Next time the police have work for someone, I'll take it. Do you understand me, Kaoru?"
He only used her given name when he was very serious, and she knew how much he hated working with the government. But Kaoru wouldn't give in. "There's plenty of work for both of us, Sanosuke. But I will be sure to let you know next time I leave." She turned away from him then, hurrying to her room and the sobbing little girl therein.
In the morning, the house was a den of chaos and pandemonium. Seven children between the ages of four and ten came clamoring out of their rooms. Toru was the eldest, followed by Minako and Yoko, both of them eight years old. Then came Keiichi and Kasumi, seven. Mikado-chan was five, and his little sister Mori-chan was four. Kaoru smiled as they all came in to hug her. It had become a sort of informal morning ritual, that she greet them all first thing. As she felt all their little arms wrap around her, all the sticky kisses on her cheek, she felt her self-disgust subside to a tolerable level.
"Mama Kaoru!" Mikado-chan and Mori-chan came running to her. And she knelt down to wrap them both in a tight hug.
Sanosuke watched it all happen from his normal position on the porch. His mind was working at depths that were well hidden by his fish-bone chewing façade. Kaoru seemed to be the same compassionate girl she had been when he first met her, but he knew she had changed since Kenshin left. And the recent killings weren't the only thing, though they were a big part of the other changes. Aside from beginning to collect children, Kaoru had decided not to teach her students her addition to the Kamiya Kashin. Which made sense. It wasn't likely any of them would ever come up against a real sword, especially since those were outlawed. And she herself wore the sais only when she knew she would need them. She had matured, not giving in to Yahiko's teasing anymore, at least, not as much.
As for the 'work' she did for the Police and the Government… Sano was of the opinion she both hated and loved it. Kaoru needed to feel like she was strong, like she could take care of herself, she could protect herself. She needed to feel like she didn't need Kenshin. A whole year, and Kenshin's departure was still affecting the dojo. Even the title she had become known by, Hitokiri-dono, Miss Manslayer, seemed to be her way of tarnishing the ideals he lived by, yet also keeping his memory close and fresh. Sano shook his head disgustedly. Damn that Kenshin. Poor Kaoru was putting herself through hell, running the dojo, raising seven kids, and this night work that she sometimes had to do. Hunting bounties left her sick to her soul, he could see it in her eyes.
"Uncle Sano?" It was Keiichi-chan.
"What's up, Keiichi-chan?" Most of the kids loved their Uncle Sano, recognizing him as someone who was always ready to play. All but Kasumi-chan, who was petrified of all men.
"Mama Kaoru says that you can stop standing there looking grumpy and come have some breakfast." The little boy giggled at the look on Sano's face when the man glanced at Kaoru. Sanosuke had to grin at the kids as they all settled down to the table, pushing each other into their seats.
"Is everyone here?" Kaoru asked, bringing in the food from the kitchen. Yahiko took a quick head count; he'd found he was surprisingly good at keeping all seven youngsters organized.
"Is Kasumi-chan still sleeping?" He asked, noticing her place still empty. "She had a really rough night without you, Kaoru. Where were you all night?" Yahiko, at least, was as tactless as ever. Kaoru decided to ignore his last remark.
"Yes, I decided that Kasumi-chan could use the extra rest. She's in my room." She replied calmly, giving a large bowl to Toru, who proceeded to serve the others. Only when everyone was seated and quiet did Kaoru signal that they could begin eating. The second that Kaoru picked up her chop sticks, everyone, Yahiko and Sanosuke included, began digging in to their food as if it had been a week since any of them had eaten rather than just the night. She suppressed a happy sigh as she took her first bite. She loved to see all her children together, and happy. Their innocence helped her to remember her own. She could relate to them all, having lost so much in her own life. First her real family, her mother and father, had died leaving her to run a dojo and whole new style of swordsmanship all by herself. Then Kenshin, who had been the first member of her new family, abandoned her. The scars on her leg and side ached at the very thought of that. If Kenshin had been there, she wouldn't have nearly died that day. But she didn't need him anymore. Now, she could take care of herself, she could protect herself and all her children from everything that was evil. I don't need him. I do not need Kenshin.
"Who will go shopping with me today?" She asked the group, pushing those thoughts of the violet-eyed man into the darkest depths of her mind. Minako and Yoko immediately jumped at the chance. The two little girls were best friends, and they liked nothing better than visiting the market place. Kaoru nodded, smiling at them, though she knew they would want to spend every second there ooh-ing and aah-ing over hair ribbons and kimonos. Which meant that a shopping trip that would normally take about an hour would end up lasting all morning.
"Yahiko, you'll take care of this morning's students then? Drills until lunchtime will be just fine." Kaoru knew that Yahiko loved leading the classes, and jumped at every opportunity. He nodded happily through a mouthful of food.
Kaoru spent the rest of breakfast dividing the daily chores between the seven children, until everyone was happy. Each of the children had chores, whether it was helping to make or serve meals, to straightening up their rooms, to helping with the dishes, or helping with the laundry. It took some careful working out, but somehow, it always managed to get taken care of.
Kaoru and the children were already preparing dinner before she remembered that they'd be having guests.
"Oh!" She exclaimed, nearly cutting her finger. "Megumi-san and Dr. Gensai are coming to dinner!"
"And Ayame and Sazume too?" Minako immediately wanted to know. When Kaoru assured the little girl her friends would be coming also, she did a little dance in the kitchen. "May I go tell Yoko?"
Kaoru nodded, laughing. She couldn't help but remember when she had been nothing but a tomboy living alone in her dojo. Then, after Kenshin, Yahiko, and Sanosuke joined her there, she had been a tomboy living with a bunch of guys in her dojo. Now, the ratio was more even. Four little girls, three little boys, plus Yahiko and Sanosuke, and Kaoru. Five on five seems a little fairer. Minako and Yoko are so girlie, too. I don't think I was ever like that. I must not have been, Minako is only eight years old, and she's already a better cook than I am. Oh! I'd better not let her spend all evening chatting with Yoko by the laundry!
"Don't take too long, Minako-chan! You still have to make the sauce!" She called after the girl.
"Okay, Mama Kaoru! Don't worry, I'll make it really good!" Kaoru had to laugh again. At least I can cut the vegetables all right. The children loved her, whether or not she could cook. Dinner was eventually finished, and just in time for Megumi, Dr. Gensai, and the girls to appear. Minako and Yoko, and the little tag-a-long Mori-chan warmly greeted Ayame and Sazume. The little one might have been only four years old, but she loved to play with the 'big girls.' Kasumi-chan on the other hand, preferred to stay by Kaoru's side, whether she was practicing alone with her sais or teaching swordsmanship classes. Kaoru had caught the shy girl playing with a stick, practicing the forms of the Kamiya Kashin. Maybe when she's older, I'll let her join the classes. But for now, I think she's too young. Toru had already begun taking Kaoru's classes, and he was a dedicated student, determined to make her proud of him. The sweetness of all her children brought yet another smile to Kaoru's lips as she greeted her friends.
"Hello Megumi-san! Hello Dr. Gensai!" She wrapped her arms around each in a happy hug. "It's so good to have you here!"
Megumi's returning hug seemed to be a little tighter than normal, but Kaoru didn't have time to let it bother her. Keiichi-chan and Mikado-chan were having another of their little spats. Mikado loved everything about his new big brothers, and could get a little annoying when he followed them around. Yahiko and Toru dealt with him fairly well, but Keiichi had no patience for it.
After getting the whole affair sorted out, Kaoru herded the kids into the dining room, which seemed a little crowded with all fourteen people inside. Toru, Yoko, and Keiichi served dinner to everyone, but before Kaoru could give the signal that they could begin eating Megumi clapped her hands to get everyone's attention.
"I'd like to give everyone some very exciting news." She began, looking from Sanosuke to Kaoru and back again. She looked excited but nervous. "Dr. Gensai has decided that I have learned everything that he can possibly teach me. So I have decided to travel, to keep learning from doctors in Kyoto, and all over Japan. And perhaps…" She looked at Sano very hard. "Perhaps I can find out what happened to my family, or if any of them are still alive."
Sanosuke looked down into his lap as the rest of the family congratulated her. He knew that Megumi had never lost hope that some of her family might have survived the revolution, and he knew that she had worked very hard atoning for making opium. But he couldn't believe that his fox lady was actually going to search all of Japan for them. My fox lady… can I really call her that? It doesn't matter if I can; this isn't safe. Running all over Japan, all by herself, it's just asking for disaster. He looked up at her, at the woman who had always been his antagonist and… something else. Where Kaoru was his warmth and family, Megumi was a fire that threatened to burn him if he got too close, but he felt he would freeze if he were ever far from her.
"All by yourself, Megumi-san?" Kaoru's voice broke through his thoughts. "That seems rather unsafe!"
Kaoru had watched as Sano's face fell when he heard Megumi's announcement. Sano has been such a good friend to me… I don't know what I would have done without his help. He stayed with me when I was injured, when I forced him into practice session after practice session, when I became Hitokiri-dono, even when the children thought his only purpose in life was to be their climbing post. Kaoru thought wistfully. It is time for me to return the favor.
"You should take Sanosuke with you!" Kaoru smiled widely at Megumi and Sano.
"What?!" They both replied, in very much the same tones. Oh for Kami sake, would you two stop pretending that you can't stand each other?
"It's just not safe for a woman like you to go wandering all by herself." Kaoru continued, ignoring their exclamation, as she picked up her chopsticks. "And who would be a better bodyguard than Sano? Right? I'm sure he could use a change from hanging around here all the time."
"What do you mean a 'woman like me'?" Megumi glared at her.
"What do you mean 'hanging around here'?" Sano asked at the same time.
The children, after glancing from Kaoru to Sano to Megumi and back countless times, noticed that Mama Kaoru had picked up her chopsticks. They abandoned paying any attention to the adults, and set into their dinners with a profound single-mindedness.
"I'm sure I'll be just fine, Kaoru-chan." Megumi used her best, 'I'm bigger and older and more beautiful than you' voice. But Kaoru would have none of it. She proceeded to ignore any more of her protestations focusing instead on Yahiko, and how he had led class that morning.
Sano was sitting on the porch when Megumi came to join him; she stood by a post, unsure of what to say. She looked at him, still not knowing how she felt about him. She couldn't bear it if he really didn't want to come with her, which was how it had seemed at dinner. Megumi couldn't believe that Kaoru had suggested a thing so ludicrous as Sano being her bodyguard. Though, it wouldn't be so bad, would it? Even if he never has to protect me from anything, it would be nice to have some company. She was looking forward to traveling, to learning more of medicine in Kyoto. There were doctors there that were doing absolute amazing things with the new western theories. But still, Sano had always been so… infuriating.
"You're not going to leave her, are you?" She asked him quietly, trying very hard to cover the emotions she felt. "Because she's really not quite stable. I don't know what she'd do without you."
"Exactly. So who is going to protect you while you're traipsing all over creation?" Sanosuke asked, trying to keep his voice light. But Megumi could hear that he was seriously worried.
"I'll be fine. All this worry is so silly." She replied. He had agreed. He wouldn't be coming with her. Of course he won't. He can't leave Kaoru alone. I can't ask him too.
"I don't think you realize how much trouble will follow a fox like you." Sano grinned, but his words were serious. What was she thinking? "You can't go. At least not alone, fox."
"Well, Rooster-head, I am going. And… I guess I'm going alone." Megumi didn't know why she was fighting with him. She didn't want to, it just happened, the way it always did when they were close. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me." With that she turned away. The last thing she wanted to do before she left was get into a huge argument with him.
Sanosuke heard her bid goodnight to Kaoru and the kids before she left with Dr. Gensai. He listened as Kaoru set the kids to work on their dishes, and cleaning the table. Then she came to sit with him on the porch.
"Hey Jou-chan," he said quietly, lifting an arm around her shoulders, as she rested her head against his shoulder. They had spent many evenings like this, and her warmth against him was familiar and calming.
"Sano, you have to go with her." She said, her voice quiet and even.
"But, Jou-chan, I can't leave you here alone…" Sanosuke began his argument.
"I know what you're thinking, Sano." He could feel her smile. "You think I can't handle losing you after I lost Kenshin." It was the first time that she'd said his name aloud. "Sano, I know you have to go, and I know where you'll be going, and I know why you have to go. It's not as if you're going to be abandoning me, like he did." She was surprised that the memory of his cold farewell still sent that pang through her heart. "I won't be losing you, Sano. Right?"
He smiled down into her hair. "You'll never lose me, Jou-chan. I'll always love you." He knew that she understood what he meant. The two had become so close over the past year, closer than friends, closer than family; but they had never become lovers. They were affectionate with each other, comforting caresses, supporting hugs, and the many kisses Sano had bestowed upon her forehead, cheeks, even her lips, were very chaste. "But it's almost been a year since…" He stopped, afraid to remind her that the anniversary of Kenshin's final departure was approaching. "I can't leave you to deal with the dojo, and the kids, all by yourself!"
"Don't you see, Sano?" She asked, looking up into his face earnestly.
"See what?" He asked.
"If you let Megumi leave alone, you'll be abandoning her… and you can't do that Sano. You can't do to her what he did to me. I just can't let you." The pain Kenshin had caused was evident in her deep blue eyes. Sanosuke imagined Megumi, with the same pain in her eyes. But she didn't… sure they flirted sometimes, but she couldn't feel the way he did. Could she?
"But…" Sano tried to start another protest, but he was cut off when Kaoru stood up.
"I won't be alone, Sano. I still have Yahiko, and the kids, and Dr. Gensai. And it's not as if I need protection…" her eyes became hard with that last statement, taking a silver glint he'd never seen before. "You know perfectly well, I can take care of myself." He could see straight into her heart. The wounds Kenshin had left hadn't really healed at all. She just kept them buried, working for the police, teaching her father's sword style, caring for the children.
She'll never be okay. Not until she gets an explanation at least. As much as she tries to deny it… Kaoru's not whole without him. Sanosuke watched her go back into the house, back into the family she had made for herself and all those kids. A thought occurred to him, listening to everyone's happy voices. Kenshin doesn't even know what he did to her. He should know. He should face what he's done. If… if I go with Megumi, we might find him. And I can make him come back to her. Make him see her broken heart. Yes.
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Greetings loves!! Thank you so much for the reviews!!! I love reviews!!! *blows kisses to all her reviewers* Please don't be afraid to send a bad review. I need some constructive criticism.
Sorry this chapter took so long… but I kept getting new ideas about where I wanted to take the story, what I wanted to happen with the characters, how I wanted them to interact… The Sano/Kaoru thing took a lotta considering, and I was drifting back and forth on sending him off with Megumi, or having him stay with Kaoru. As you can see, he's leaving with Megumi, because she's the one he's really in love with, but their new 'affectionate' relationship will become an issue again… *grins at the readers* Also there were the effects that becoming a killer would have on Kaoru. When I first got the idea for this story, there were no kids, but I think I'm glad I put them in. Kaoru had to find a way to fill her heart, not only to fill the hole Kenshin left, but to cope with her own self-revulsion. She hates killing, because it goes against everything she has believed in her life up to now, but she also loves it. You might have noticed the silver glint in her eyes at the end of this chapter…
This chapter is the start of a lot of things that are going to be happening…
COMING IN NEXT CHAPTER!!!
Who was Kaoru's mysterious attacker? An unexpected visitor to the dojo explains, and Kaoru is sent away on her own journey. What could possibly make her leave her children?