Chapter Four: Getting Un-Gooed

The man in the top hat stared at May queerly. "Yes?" He replied, his head at a slight angle. May's eyes widened and she tried her best to straighten herself out but the president of Wonka Candies didn't seem to care. She held out her hand but Wonka ignored it. A little confused by the informality she was being shown she pulled back her hand and noticed much to her vexation that she still had her gloves on. "My name is May Sonnate, I'm with the FDA. I apologize once again for the mess and inconvenience I have caused you Mr. Wonka." She murmured. "I was doing my inspection and I accidentally started up the machines."

May hoped he would believe her, she never had an accident on the job before and wondered what she should do next. "Yes, I know." He said to her disapprovingly. Wonka seemed angry and even angrier as he stepped past her and went to inspect the damage. "I heard the commotion from the licorice-twisting room and came running." He explained over his shoulder. May followed him carefully, peeling off her gloves like a wet bathing suit.

Inside the gummy room was total chaos. Little people, or Oompa-Loompas as May recalled, were running about every which way trying to get the mess cleaned up. She wanted desperately to address Wonka about these workers and that funny name he had called them but she was mortified at the disorder she had caused. May stood behind Mr. Wonka and tried her best to be a stoic as possible when in plain truth she was utterly confused and embarrassed. However as any person who is reading this tale can tell, May Sonnate had no reason to be embarrassed. Everything was purely accidental and our main character was almost killed, but May did not come to these conclusions at the time.

"But what now?" she thought to herself. Wonka stood silently in front of her, his head still tipped, his hands resting on an embroidered cane, his eyes overseeing the clean up. An Oompa-Loompa approached Wonka with May's discarded notepad and handed it to him. Miraculously it had been left un-gooed.

May's heart nearly skipped a beat as Wonka turned to her. She inwardly gasped, Wonka couldn't read her report - he can't! However Wonka merely handed the clipboard back to her with a nod and motioned for another Oompa-Loompa to grab her briefcase. "You're not even halfway through my factory." He pointed out. Behind him the tipped vat was being right-sided loudly.

"I suppose you want to send me home and reschedule the rest of this inspection." May assumed.

Wonka looked appalled. "Heavens no!" He cried white-faced. "And have the innards of my factory poked at and prodded again? No- I think you'll just have to finish up today."

May was dumbfounded. "I-I'm a mess Mr. Wonka!" She stammered. The gummy was beginning to congeal on her clothing and hair; it was not comfortable.

For the first time Wonka smiled at May, and she couldn't help but feel charmed. "Worry not, we can take care of that. Follow me." He said, stepping lively out of the room. Before May had time to ask she was handed her briefcase and was pushed along Mr. Wonka's path.

The FDA employee followed the elusive candy-maker through the winding corridors and strange paths of the factory, along the way being treated to the dancing and jumping about that Wonka did as he walked. He twirled along just like his expansive factory and skipped every fourth or fifth step or did a spin at a corner or a door he wanted to point out to May. He did a lot of talking, most of it she couldn't catch, but what she did manage to hear utterly confused and fascinated her.

"And this is where I keep the pepper for my peppermints and the canes for my candy canes-" The man seemed to go on and on about things that didn't make a lick of sense to May. As he pointed out different doors and hallways she felt as though she was on an acid trip through Wonderland and hoped that Mr. Wonka wouldn't dance his way out of her sight for intense fear of being lost. "Hurry hurry! Keep up!" He would occasionally call to her if it seemed as though May was lingering a second too long on some door or window. "A short-cut my dear, we're taking a short cut!" He reassured her even though May hadn't said a thing.

When Wonka finally stopped at a corridor crossroad May nearly ran into him again. She glared at him and waited for the man to pick a hallway. Instead he just stood there, an extremely puzzled look on his face. His brilliant eyes darted from one hallway to the next and he leaned on his cane as he peered down each path as if to find a clue to where they each lead. May did the same behind him but obviously wasn't seeing the same thing Wonka was; the corridors were identical to each other.

"Hmmm." He concluded finally. He turned to May and her multi-colored self and waved a hand in the direction of the two corridors. "Pick one." He told her simply.

"Pick one?" She repeated incredulously. Her job was getting seriously complicated.

"Yes." Mr. Wonka nodded. "Yes Ms. Sonnate, lead the way and I shall follow."

May hoped later that her mouth wasn't open in shock when he had said this to her. She swallowed and raised an eyebrow. "Is this some type of joke Mr. Wonka? I don't even know where I am or where I'm going."

"Those are major problems Ms. Sonnate. I suggest you take some time off from work to figure those two very important things out, but for now I would like you to pick a hallway." Wonka said. There was no hint in his voice to suggest a joke, in fact he seemed absolutely serious. May wanted to scream at the man or grab him by the coat and shake some common sense into him but he was already being more than understanding, especially since she probably cost him thousands of dollars by ruining his gummy room.

"OK." She said slowly, eyes drifting from the mild expression of Mr. Wonka to the crossroads in front of them. She approached the corridors and inspected them as Wonka had before, but still she saw no difference. May realized that she was just going to have to choose a path blindly and so with some hesitation pointed to the hallway on her left. "That one." She said as she turned to him, her hand still pointed in the direction of the corridor.

Wonka nodded and motioned for her to lead the way. May shrugged and entered the hallway, the light footsteps of the candy man skipping along behind her. They walked further and further into the hallway together, his scampering and her clickida-clicking, a thousand thoughts racing through the very confused woman's head. Just as she was beginning to wonder what in the hell Wonka was planning suddenly the floor dropped out from beneath her feet and she was sent screaming down what seemed to be a long smooth ramp or even a slide.

She continued to scream as she slid further down into the darkness, both hands trying vainly to grasp on to something to slow her having since lost her briefcase and clipboard in the shock of being hurled down unexpectedly. May continued to slide, but not straight down. The path twirled around much like everything in Wonka's factory and little lights suspended from the walls brightened up the path in front. Finally May could see what was ahead of her and what she was traveling down on, which turned out to be the very floor of the corridor itself.

Suddenly from above her on one of the loops she had already embarked upon came a yell, but not of surprise or like herself, terror. No, this yell was being cried out as if the person was on a rollercoaster. It whooped and yelled and laughed and it was then May understood that the man behind her was Willy Wonka himself. Well if he was having a good time then she figured she had nothing to worry about as the slide bounced her along and brought her closer to an unknown destination.

Finally there was a bright light at the end of the tunnel and May came careening out like rocket, flying right into a pile of strategically-placed pillows headfirst. She rolled over on top of the pillows and stared at the ceiling with her mind absolutely blank, her breath coming in short little pants. The yelling that was behind her had continued to grow louder and closer until it was interrupted by a, "Oomph!" as Mr. Wonka was thrown from the slide into the pile of pillows with May. He had landed almost exactly beside her.

Both May and Mr. Wonka sat up, Wonka's hair even more untamed than it had been before. He had lost the hat that had partly hidden the wild curls on the ride down. He grinned at May and laughed, jumping up to retrieve his top hat and cane as they came down the slide along with May's clipboard and briefcase. He picked up his hat and plunked it on his head unceremoniously.

"Oh, I was hoping you'd pick the left corridor! I don't get to do that as often as I'd like." He cried happily. Wonka looked down at May, still sitting in the pillows, still covered in gummy. "Well come on then!" He said with his hands on his hips. Without warning he grabbed his cane and continued out through another door.

May stared after him for a moment before once again jumping up, snatching up her things, and hurrying after the lunatic candy-man.

They finally reached their destination which was rather a relief to May who had been expecting something extravagant or odd or a grand mix of both judging from previous experience. The room was mostly white, long, and plain. There were odd things here and there, a large automobile-like machine in particular caught her eyes, but besides all that she didn't see anything that would clear her off all the saccharine slime. She turned to Wonka who stared back at her with his oh-so-amused blue eyes

"Now here is where I leave you." He said to her. May attempted to interject but Wonka placed a finger to her lips. "No no, don't be sad my little government pet. I have much to do and this little excursion has cost me much time." He removed his finger and pointed his embroidered cane towards a large, alcove-like portal. "Simply walk through that and you'll find yourself cleaner than you were before you entered my factory."

"Walk through the portal." May told herself.

"Yes, yes! Now you've got it. And from here continue through the door behind us, it should take you to where you need to go." Wonka said as he stepped to the side and gently urged May forward. "No more accidents thank-you and please stay out of trouble Ms. Sonnate."

When May went to turn around to thank him he had vanished, leaving nothing of his presence except for the soft echoes of a shutting door. She sighed and continued to walk towards the portal, mildly distraught because she believed she hadn't been able to make the best impression on the man. Even when she was younger May hated the thought of someone not liking her. She didn't know it yet, but there was more to it this time. The strange factory was doing something to her, breaking something in her that had been turned to stone many years ago. The complexities and bizarre nature almost reminded her of a dream she might have had when she was young.

She shook her head and placed her things down before approaching the portal. Once again there were was much staring and figuring out done by May before she decided that the portal was trustworthy. She didn't see how it would clean her, perhaps it would spray her with water. There was only one way of finding out and she hoped that it wouldn't end up injuring her.

May took a step through with her eyes shut tightly and ended up on the other side of the arch, eyes still closed. She was almost afraid to look down. What if this was some cruel revenge on her by Wonka for her previous accident? What if he was secretly watching her step through the archway like a fool expecting a miracle laundry service? Suppose he was laughing at her? Mocking her?

"But I can't just stand here with my eyes closed." She finally told herself, agreeing that she'd look even stupider standing still for an hour.

May opened one eye slowly, then the other, then looked down. She gasped and felt her suit, it was completely clean! Spotless even! In spite of herself she laughed, not out of amazement, no not that yet, but out of her own silliness. May walked around the portal (afraid that if she stepped back through it would reverse the process) and grabbed her things once again.

Before completely leaving the room she took a few notes on what she saw and experience so far and examined the automobile that had caught her fancy when first entering the room. Absentmindedly she checked her watch and did a double-take when she saw the time. It was almost eleven! She only had six hours until she was required to leave the factory. With a hurried pace she ran to the door Wonka had directed her to take and flung it open. She was almost out into the hallway when she looked back as if someone had tapped on her shoulder.

May finally saw the letters above the alcove that read, "Wonka Wash" cheerfully. Her eyebrows went up and she smiled to herself for the first time that day.

End of Chapter Four