Title: The Ways We Deal

Author: Scarred

Disclaimer: I obviously own nothing. Not a thing.

Summery: Buffy's gone. We've all lost something. Dawn especially. What can he claim to have lost?

A/N: Takes place in the summer between seasons 5 and 6. Dawn is pretty OOC. My only defense is that she'd been through a lot and in my mind she was abnormally bubbly about everything in the beginning of season six (not that I'd dare question the minds behind BtVS -bows down- because I am not worthy).

Everybody lost something that night. When I look around and see their faces I can see it. It's there. And I'm not even sure what it is. But it's purely visible in all of their actions. It's the absence. The absence of her.

Willow lost her best friend.

Xander lost his too... And let's be honest, the girl that he measures every other woman up against.

Tara lost a new friend, with the promise of a best to be added.

Anya doesn't even know what she lost. Anya still doesn't really understand these human feelings yet. But still she cries. So it's obvious that Buffy was something to her.

Giles lost his slayer. But he lost more than that. He lost a daughter that night.

And me? I lost a sister. Only I guess she wasn't really my sister was she? She was what I was made from. She was me. And I lost her. I'm not even sure what I am anymore. I think I lost myself when she jumped.

But him? What can he claim to have lost? She who belonged to so many people? But she didn't belong to him. Never. She would never allow herself to belong to him. But still he cries. And mourns just like the rest of us.

His pain is so raw. So violent. He smashes things. He doesn't bother to try to cover it. Or look strong around me.

He is the only one who'll meet my eyes now. The only one who doesn't see her when he looks at me. He doesn't see an empty part of her in me. Because he could never compare me to her. In his mind no one can compare to her. And no one ever will. But still he sees me. And he sits with me. And we cry. And we scream.

Sometimes when I feel like I can't cry or scream any longer I bleed. I have to bleed the Summer's blood. Just to prove to myself that it's still flowing. Just to prove that I'm still here. That I didn't die with her that night. Most times I wish I had.

He doesn't know about the blood. Or at least if he does he's not saying anything. But I suppose we both have our ways of dealing. He has his bottles covered with paper bags. As if I don't know what it is he's drinking. As if I can't smell it. But it's not as though I mind. Sometimes after he's been drinking for a while he'll let me have a sip. Or twenty. Says a girl's got to learn to take her alcohol or else some chap's going to get it in his mind to take advantage of her someday. Considering the circumstances that statement strikes me as hilarious. There I am getting drunk with a vampire. That's verging on suicidal. But then again maybe I don't mind.

But he'd never hurt me. He couldn't do it. He thinks I don't know about his promise. The one he made to Buffy. But I do. I know that he promised to protect me. Funny how the person I trust most in this world now isn't even a person. He's a thing. He's a vampire. A monster. Wouldn't Buffy be proud? My only friend I've got is someone who tried to kill her. On numerous times and occasions. But she's the one who made him promise so maybe that's her fault.

I like to think that even if he hadn't promised he'd still stay. But deep down I guess I know that's probably not true.