Hello all! I know it's a freaking long time since I've updated, and I'm sorry!! ducks the assorted stuff thrown at her I've been really busy with school lately, so I haven't found the time to update, but gosh, 40 plus reviews already!! Thanks so much for your support, you guys!! Cheers!
Jarenna was dreaming.
It was her sixth birthday, and she was happy. Her mother held her in her arms and rocked her gently. Father had been yelling, about what, she didn't know, but it made her cry. And then her mother appeared and held her, whispering beautiful words and making her feel safe.
Nothing bad happened when Mama was around, and when Mama smiled, the world shone.
"Mama, I'm scared. Papa frightens me."
"Hush, my love." Her voice was like an angel's, soft and sweet. "There's nothing you should be afraid of. Mama's here, and she will protect you."
Jarenna snuggled deeper into her mother's arms and smiled. Mama was right. Nothing bad happened when she was in her arms.
"It's past your bedtime, love. Go to sleep."
"I can't sleep, Mama. I'm scared."
She felt her mother smile, and her feathery touch brush across her forehead. "Shall I sing you a song?"
She beamed. "Sing my favorite, Mama. My favorite." She loved that song. She didn't know what it meant, but everytime Mama had sung it, she always looked out the window. It was only when Mama was singing that song when her smile was the most beautiful. Mama had always said to marry a boy whom she loved with all her heart, but Jarenna supposed she would never get married, because she wanted to stay by her Mama's side all her life.
Silly girl, Mama had said fondly one rainy day. One day you will find someone who will steal your heart away, and you must follow him wherever he leads. He is your soul, as you are his. Never let anyone's wishes trap you into staying with a man you barely love. Always follow your heart and never, never be like me…
As she lay on her Mama's lap, she felt dainty fingers stroke her hair, and her mother began to sing.
"Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too
I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me
Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said 'I love you'
I love you too.
Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming with you endlessly…"
Jarenna dreamed. And in that dream, she smiled.
"I'm glad to see that you're better," Tokio beamed a few days later, wrapping a warm shawl around herself to keep warm. Winter was setting in, and snow would be expected sometime next week, or the week after.
Jarenna nodded. She'd been unceremoniously kicked out of the kitchens by Junko-san, who was adamant about not letting her do any more chores as she was a lady, after all. Jarenna had had a good mind to talk to her later, but now her mind was on her sister, as it had been for the past couple of days where Tokio had been taking care of her. "Thank you, Tokio-san."
Tokio frowned. "What's this 'Tokio-san' business? I'm your sister, remember?!"
"Gomen," Jarenna offered a small, apologetic smile. "I get carried away with manners sometimes."
Tokio watched her carefully. Her sister—younger than her by just seven minutes—seemed to be her entire opposite. Quiet, gentle, and unassuming. Then it struck her. In all her excitement in finding her long lost twin once more, she hadn't realized that she knew next to nothing about her. What was her favourite food? Colour? Any guy she liked? Did she get angry easily?
The list could go on and on, but nonetheless, she was determined to try. This was the other half of her own soul, how difficult could it be? Briefly, she remembered the time they'd spent together when they were children, playing with dolls, learning how to sew, being taught etiquette…then she had disappeared suddenly one day, and her mother had cried non-stop ever since, calling her father a beast.
Her mother died three years after. 'Suicide,' her father had said carelessly when she'd asked where her mother had gone to. At the time, Tokio did not know what suicide was, and it had been a blow to her when she finally knew what the word meant. What made her do that? More importantly, did the man who called himself her father have a hand in it somehow? An endless stream of women followed shortly after her mother's death, and she liked them even less. They were all simpering and false and vindictive. He brought them home one after another, and young as she was, she knew most of the cries from the room that they were in held no pleasure. They were more like pain or fear. Still, she had no feeling for them, because they had asked for it. And—
"Tokio? Are you all right?" Jarenna was gazing at her quizzically, wondering what had happened to make her look so angry all of a sudden.
Snapping out of her thoughts, Tokio managed a smile. "Yes, of course. I was just thinking."
"About…our parents?"
Tokio flinched and stared at her. "How did you know that?"
Jarenna looked just as mystified herself. "I-I don't know. It just occurred to me…" She peered at Tokio curiously. "Was I right?"
It must be a twin thing, Tokio thought, remembering the times they'd tried to read each other's minds more than ten years ago. For years after that, Tokio had desperately tried to reach out to her sister and find her using their twin link, hoping that maybe Jarenna would be found, but nothing worked. Resigned, she'd dismissed it as a naïve childhood game and never thought about it after that. But now…
"You can read my mind?" Maybe it worked, after all, Tokio thought, a thrill of excitement rushing through her.
Jarenna was confused. "I can't read minds. I mean—"
Tokio laughed. "We're twins, Jarenna! I heard twins sometimes have strange powers between themselves, like reading minds or feeling each other's pain. Or something."
"Oh." She paused for a moment, then asked quietly. "How is…Mother?"
Tokio stiffened at the sudden question. How should she go about it? "She is dead. Three years after you disappeared, she…passed away." She saw the pain that flared across the other girl's face and was relieved that at least she hadn't told Jarenna the whole truth. No point dredging up the past and making Jarenna feel worse. Tokio had not been very close to their Mother, so the loss hadn't affected her too much, but to see that look on Jarenna's face…
"You remember her?"
A pause. Then, "Hai. She was always singing to me." Unbidden, her mind travelled back to the dreams that she had, dreams where she almost felt her mother's loving touch, heard her beautiful lullaby that whisked her to sleep…the onslaught of memories had brought her a strange, bittersweet feeling that she savoured. And now, that would all there would ever be, memories.
She would never see her mother again.
"No use crying over something that's long past, Jarenna," Tokio said with a small smile. She knew that despite everything, it was time to repair the link between them. They had been separated for so long, who knew what the other was like anymore? "Let's just look to the future, ne? I mean, we've been separated for like what, thirteen years? We've got so much to do and talk about!"
…
By the time dinner rolled around, the two girls were conversing like old friends and by next week were virtually inseparable. It was as if Time had pulled back it's vast curtains for them and sent them back to where the separation had never happened.
Junko-san even had to arrange another futon for Tokio to sleep in because she did not want to leave her sister. The old woman didn't mind at all, and even joked that she would need a cosmic crowbar to pry them apart. Even so, she had also noticed that Jarenna looked considerably happier. Not as happy as Junko would have liked, but happier nonetheless.
And then there was that awkward first meeting with Saitou that, for the first time in a long while, that made Jarenna laugh. They were carrying trays of tea, and Tokio had run headlong into him, sending most of the tea spilling on his clothes. Tokio almost died from the embarrassment, but Saitou had assured her quietly that it was all right. And if things weren't bad enough, she tripped over him in a bid to reach for the cups, and he'd had to grab her around her waist to stop her from having an up close and personal interlude with the ground. That particular move had made Tokio's heart skip a few beats and provide ample entertainment for her younger twin, who was watching the entire thing with avid interest.
Of course, Tokio had seen Saitou Hajime before, the mystical, aloof man that captured her heart the first time she laid eyes on him at the Daimyo's residence, but it was during that fateful first meeting alone with him that Jarenna realized that Tokio's usual exuberance and confidence seemed…subdued, somehow.
The outgoing, cheery Tokio was suddenly shy. And that amused Jarenna all the more. On her end, she was glad that Tokio had someone she could love—it was obvious that in some way, Saitou-san had returned that interest—but a pang of jealousy would come upon her now and then, emotions that try as she might, she was unable to stop.
At least Tokio had something to offer to Saitou-san. Jarenna had nothing to give to Okita; the greatest gift a woman could ever give a man had been torn away from her.
If things turned out differently, she had thought wistfully on a few occasions. If I hadn't been the one who was sold…would Okita and I be together by now?
Then she would push the thought away, knowing that thinking about what could have been was emotionally draining and useless. What was done could not be undone, and it was up to her to make the best out of it. And at least now she had someone else to focus her attention on instead of Okita, whom she hadn't seen around much ever since she recovered from her cold, as he had been on patrols most of the time. She missed him sorely, and longed for nothing more than just to see him again, but another part of her resisted. Out of sight, out of mind, her mind whispered to her, and Jarenna was determined to keep to that, because, quite frankly, she couldn't think of anything else to do.
Besides, what with making up for lost time with her sister and listening to her talk about Saitou-san and laughing at the crazy schemes Tokio had thought up to create opportunities for her and Saitou-san to talk, she didn't have the time to think about anything else.
Their father had dropped in from time to time, but the frosty reception Tokio gave him mystified Jarenna. She'd always thought that they would be somewhat close but instead, the intense dislike on Tokio's face whenever he was present was glaringly obvious, and when Jarenna asked about it, Tokio simply shook her head shortly and told her she'd tell her later. Of course, the proverbial 'later' never arrived, and Jarenna had forgotten about it, caught up in the role of playing tour guide to her curious sister and introducing her to the men. She had fit in immediately, clicking well with all the members, every inch a social butterfly she'd been trained to be.
The commendable thing was that Tokio never really flirted with them, preferring very much to just hold casual conversations and getting to know them better. Jarenna was impressed; she had never really fit in with them, much less chat up a storm and making fast friends with all of them in less than two hours.
Tokio had a bubbly disposition that Jarenna did not possess, amidst all the other things that made them different from each other, and yet it did not stop Tokio from looking after Jarenna with the fierceness of a lioness taking care of her cub. She knew that her twin had gone through many bad things ever since she'd been taken away—though she hadn't quite known what—and she was determined to make up for it by being the best sister she could ever be.
But the time came when not only their ties, but the love between Jarenna and Okita, would be tested.
…
It started out like any other day, Tokio helping Jarenna out with the chores—Junko had reluctantly agreed to let Jarenna continue to do her chores after a bout of persuasion on the latter's part—and talking about anything and everything under the sun. Tokio found out Jarenna's love for poetry and writing, and Jarenna discovered Tokio's inherent love for adventure and travelling. They were as different as night and day, and yet something inexplicable bound them closely together.
Tokio was trying to hang the clothes Jarenna had just washed when Saizou bounded towards them. He stopped for a moment and stared at the two of them, momentarily disoriented. How come there were two Girl-Pets now? Then he pounced at the one beside the washing tub. Yes, that was the first Girl-Pet.
"Saizou!" Jarenna exclaimed happily as she caught him, then turned to her twin. "Tokio, meet Saizou, Okita-san's pet pig."
"Pet pig?" Tokio had never heard of anything like that before. People kept dogs and cats and other animals as pets, but pigs? Weren't they supposed to be eaten or something?
"Don't let Okita-san hear you say that," Jarenna giggled, and Tokio realized that she'd just said her last thought out loud.
Saizou, for one, had no time for their idle conversation as he leapt out of her arms just as quickly and tugged urgently on her kimono. "Bukibuki!! Buki!"
"Saizou? What's wrong?" Well, at least the Girl-Pet was quick on the uptake, not like that little noisy ahou who thought he wanted more food.
Jarenna and Tokio followed the little pig as it scampered towards the main gates. A few moments later, the doors opened and in came a bloodied Okita followed by his men, who looked to be mildly wounded. And Okita was carrying someone in his arms. A frail, old-looking someone.
"Jarenna-san, this woman needs help." The blood didn't look like it came from him even as he hurried towards the First Aid room. Hitching her kimono up in alarm, she quickened her steps to follow him.
"What happened?"
"We chanced upon a few bandits beating up the old woman last night, and she was screaming both yours and Tokio-dono's names."
"What?" Tokio was surprised as she moved to take a closer look at the old woman who lay unconscious in Okita's arms. The old woman was covered in bruises and little specks of blood, but there was something…something…
Jarenna frowned, her eyes going distant. There was something familiar about the old woman, as if she'd seen her somewhere long, long ago. But where? And how did she know their names? Was she coming to find them before she was attacked? No use asking now. Questions would have to wait till later.
Pushing the shoji door open for Okita to enter, she ordered Tokio to fetch a bucket of water and clean bandages, of which the other girl hurried off to accomplish. As the First Squad Captain laid the woman gingerly on the ready-made futon, Jarenna busied herself with finding antiseptic and clean cloths, trying not to think about how she and Okita were alone in the room. It had been a while since she'd seen him, and the fact that she had sorely missed his presence struck her hard in that moment.
Just when I thought I would have a chance of forgetting he ever existed, he comes back into my life, she mused ironically, trying to put as much space between them as possible, and struggling not to think about how much she just wanted to fall into his arms and stay there.
She had retrieved the bottle of antiseptic from the shelf and was about to place it on the table when the cough came violently upon her out of nowhere. She lost her grip on the bottle, sending it crashing to the floor as she bent over, struggling to keep it under control. The intensity of this one surprised her, normally she only had mild ones during the past few days, coughs she dismissed as symptoms of the flu. Strange.
Okita was by her side immediately, concerned and worried. She sounded vaguely like him when those mysterious coughing spells hit. Could it be…? No, it couldn't be so coincidental…could it?
"Jarenna? Are you all right?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Instantaneously, she recoiled from his touch. She saw the hurt that flared in his eyes even as he took his hand away and lowered his head slightly. "Gomen."
An awkward moment passed between them before she nodded and rubbed her throat with a slight wince. "I'm fine. I guess I haven't completely recovered from that flu bout."
He frowned, immediately distracted by that statement. "It's already been two weeks."
She was so close, he knew that all he had to do was reach out and he could hold her, and yet, it seemed like they were separated by an entire ocean. He wanted her so badly that it hurt, but as long as she denied him, he would distance himself from her. He would still keep to his promise of not letting go, but he would not get closer until she allowed him to. It was just the way he was. He would not force Jarenna into doing something she was not yet ready to do.
Jarenna started to reply when she noticed the bottle lying broken on the ground, the clear liquid staining the floor, the strong smell of medicine permeating the room.
Her face fell. "Oh, no. It's the last bottle I've got!" The old woman needed attention as soon as possible, and that meant making sure that her cuts weren't infected, but now that it was gone…
"I'll get it." Okita offered, already moving towards the exit.
She stood up. "No, it's all right. I'll just go and—"
His voice was gentle and light as always, as if nothing had happened between them. "You'll do no such thing, Jarenna. She needs attention, and you shouldn't be running around in the cold so much. I'll be back soon."
He cares for me, she realized with a jolt even as he pulled open the shoji door. No matter how much I try to push him away, he cares for me. He was the first man who had ever truly done so, and she stared after him, not knowing how to react. He'd done so many things for her and had never once complained. You know that I love you, Okita-san. And right now, that will be enough. I am sorry, but it has to be all there is to it.
As he headed out, Jarenna suddenly called out. "Okita-san?"
He turned. "Yes?"
At his gaze, she faltered for a moment before deciding that what she wanted to say to him was unnecessary, and tried another tack. "Arigato."
He said nothing as he left.
…
"Will she be all right?" Tokio asked as she crouched beside her twin, watching her tend to the old woman, cleaning up the wounds. She'd had a good few cuts, and thankfully most of them were relatively shallow, although the same could not be said for her fractured left wrist. Jarenna did the best she could for the old woman, but considering her old age and everything…it worried her.
"She will," Jarenna replied as she dipped the cloth into the basin and rinsed it, washing out all the dirt, blood, and grime. The old woman had obviously been wandering for days, and from the looks of it, had not had a decent day's meal for a while.
Tokio looked at the old woman closely, her eyes narrowing. "Ne, Jarenna…do you think she looks familiar?"
She glanced at her sister. So she thought the same way too? "Hai. It's like…I know her from somewhere. But I just can't remember where, exactly."
Even Jarenna remembers her too? That means…Then Tokio remembered, and she stared down at the old woman in shock. "Natsumi-san?"
"Nani?"
Yes, it was her. She was so much thinner now, and the lines that creased on that darkened face was a far cry from the jolly old woman that had once served as her mother's maid…Tokio was sure that that was her. "Natsumi-san used to be Mother's maid," she explained half-heartedly, her mind whirling more on why she was calling out their names and why she was in Kyoto. It was all so strange. "But when Mother died, she was never seen again. Rumor had it that she had hung herself down by the river…"
Once again, Jarenna used the towel to wipe gently at the old woman's face, her expression thoughtful yet mildly wary. "But…why is she here? And why did she call our names?"
Tokio shook her head, as bewildered as she was. "I don't know, Jarenna. Maybe—"
She was cut off as the shoji door slid open and Okita entered with a small brown paper bag. He nodded to Tokio and then turned to Jarenna. "Here's the antiseptic. How is she holding up?"
She nodded and took the bag, taking out the bottle. "Thank you, Okita-san. She's doing fine, I think, but it's going to take awhile for that fractured wrist to heal. And at her age…" She worried her lip, looking down at the woman. "She's been through a lot."
Tokio watched as a strange expression crossed Okita's face. It was a strange sort of look, like sadness and wanting at the same time, and she briefly wondered if there was anything going on between them she did not know about. He was a very handsome man, Okita Souji. No wonder most of the women have a thing for him, she mused. He had that boyish, innocent look about him, and what with the way he looked right now, Tokio found herself unable to believe that he was the same person almost everyone in Kyoto feared.
She kept silent as they spoke further, and she could feel the sexual tension almost crackling between them. Kami it was so obvious the Captain of the First Squad had something going on for her, and the same was going on with Jarenna, but for some reason they were vaguely distant, and Jarenna sounded mildly…guarded somehow. The space between them seemed loaded, as if there were so much things both needed to say to each other but had barely managed to push them back.
It was all very strange.
Note to self, ask Jarenna about him later. For now, she had to stop playing gooseberry. As intrigued as she was with the chemistry between them, she had the presence of mind to try to leave them alone.
Rising to her feet, she moved towards the door. "I'll just go and inform the kitchens to make broth for Natsumi-san."
Before any one of them could protest, she had already disappeared, leaving Jarenna and Okita, once again, alone. After an awkward pause, Okita finally spoke. "Natsumi-san?"
"Hai. She used to serve my mother before she disappeared after her death." Well, at least that was what Tokio had said. There were many things she couldn't really remember anymore.
Well, one question answered. Just a hundred more to go. The silence between them was unnerving, and Okita hadn't remembered a time when something like that had stretched between them. They had always been comfortable with each other and spoke their minds, but now…it was as if the rift between them stretched even longer. He hated it.
He stepped towards the shoji door, finding nothing else to say. "I have to go."
She bowed slightly, wanting to stop him, wanting to just stay for just a moment more. There was so much she wanted to say and do, but it was all an impossible dream. Maybe it was better that he left. Maybe that way, it would spare her the heartache it was causing her now. "Hai."
He opened the door, looked out, then paused. "Jarenna."
She looked up. He had that tone again, the tone he used just before he kissed her a little more than two weeks ago. "Hai?"
His head was lowered, and still he wasn't looking at her. "I'll be waiting." The hand on the shoji door clenched. "No matter how long it takes, Jarenna, I'll wait for you."
And then he left, with Jarenna staring for a long time at the spot where he once stood.
…
Kimiko glared, barely suppressing her rage. That little rat, saying that there was nothing between them! Jarenna was such a liar, stealing Okita-san away from her in the most underhanded way possible! She kept silent as she saw Okita step out. His back was to her, and she was barely ten feet away. Tucking herself further in the hopes that he would not realize that she was there, her breath caught as he suddenly spoke.
"You can come out now, Kimiko-san." His voice was flat and unemotional, and she wondered if he knew that she had listened in to almost the entire conversation. Jarenna's sister had almost sensed her presence when she had walked by earlier, and it was only Kimiko's quick thinking that allowed her to slip within the shadows and prevented her from being caught.
Feeling her pulse race, she stepped out from her hiding place. No sense still hiding when she was already caught. It was now or never. "Okita-sama, why do you waste your time? She's always like this. Have you forgotten what I told you? She's—"
Okita stared straight at her, his eyes uncharacteristically icy. Kimiko froze; she had never seen him like that before, not even during those times when he caught her following him, and that look on his face frightened her. He looked so feral, so cold and unforgiving, and it was then that Kimiko realized that this was a man fully capable of killing anyone who crossed him.
This man was a killer.
She shuddered.
"I understand where you're coming from, Kimiko-san, but backstab Jarenna anymore and I will not be courteous in dealing with you. If you think turning me against Jarenna will make me love you, then I'm afraid you are dreadfully wrong."
Kimiko stared, too stunned to say anything in her defense. "I—"
He was already gone.
Kimiko crumpled to her knees, both of which had gone suddenly weak. Okita-sama had never spoken to anyone like that before, and now…
Now it seemed like she was the enemy. Kimiko closed her eyes, feeling the tears spring to her eyes, hot and stinging. She hated this, hated everything that came between her and Okita-sama, hated the things she had to do to try to get him, and—
"You're never going to be able to get him, you know."
At the sound of the quiet voice, Kimiko's head snapped up, her eyes focusing on the man who stood just in front of her, dark, closed-off eyes looking down at her.
Yamazaki Susumu.
…
When Tokio returned, she saw Jarenna going about taking care of Natsumi, moving with a fluid grace that she found herself subconsciously wanting to emulate. And the healing…she'd seen enough doctors to know that Jarenna was skilled in that area.
"I thought he'd stay a while longer," she commented as she entered.
Jarenna shook her head. "Okita-san had to go back to patrol, Tokio. He's not as free as either of us."
Tokio noted the sad expression on her face and put down the two steaming bowls of miso soup Junko had made her take for the two of them. "Jarenna? What's the matter?"
Jarenna casually tucked back an errant lock of hair and capped the bottle. "Nothing. Why?"
"There's a reason why we're twins, you know. And you look sad."
Jarenna was about to shoot back that they had only really known each other for a couple of weeks and what did she know, but tamped it down as soon as it occurred to her, a flare of guilt and shame banishing the thought straightaway. She knew Tokio meant well, and they were sisters, after all, not just friends. It didn't matter how long they knew each other, right? No matter how long they spent apart, blood was still thicker than water.
"I'm just…tired, that's all."
Tokio squinted. "I'm thinking you need a few lessons in the fine art of lying. Even a child would be able to see through you."
"I—"
"Now, tell me what's going on."
Jarenna blinked at the brisk tone in Tokio's voice. "What?"
"Don't play dumb, Jarenna. Even a blind person can see what's going on between you and Okita Souji. You're a lucky girl, you know. Do you know how desirable he is? And it turns out that you're the only one that gets his attention."
Jarenna frowned. "Don't tell me you like Okita-san."
Tokio rolled her eyes. "Of course not! I'm betrothed to Saitou-san, remember? He's all I would ever want." A dreamy look entered her eyes before she shook herself. "Anyway, let's get back. It's obvious that the man is crazy about you and vice versa. So why are the two of you still stalling? What's the matter?"
"Tokio, let's talk about this another day, ne?"
"You love him, don't you?"
"It's not ab—"
"Talk to me, Jarenna. Don't shut people out."
Jarenna stared at her sister for a long moment, wondering if she should tell her. Well, Tokio was her twin sister after all, and she needed to tell someone, or else she would go crazy. Then she took a breath and spoke. "Yes. I love him. But to be together will be impossible."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not good enough for him."
Tokio frowned. Why was she saying that? "Not good enough? Why? Did he say that?"
"No. It's just…" she dipped her hands into the clean basin, for more of a distraction than anything, because she didn't know what to say next. "I just…I'm not even a virgin anymore. No man would want a whore for a wife." Her eyes were lowered.
Not a virgin? How could Jarenna not be a virgin?? Tokio was alarmed. She took her sister's hands and held them in her own. "Tell me, Jarenna. Tell me everything."
And so she did.
…
Tokio sat back, stunned. It was too horrific, too awful to be true. No, it cannot be…she stared at her sister in horror, unable to believe that it was true, and yet, she knew Jarenna told no lies. How could she still stay so calm??
It could be said that Takagi Tokio, despite her father's disgusting habits concerning women, had lived a more or less sheltered life, and the fact that such things happened, and especially to someone like her twin, it was bound to shatter a few illusions she had grown up with.
"Don't feel sorry for me," Jarenna said with an uncharacteristic edge in her voice as she stood up with the basin. If it was one thing she hated, it was having people feel sorry for her. She told her story to Tokio in the hopes that she would understand where she was coming from, not pity her.
It was Tokio's turn to be speechless. How could she not feel sorry for her sister? She had gone through so much, and yet…"I can't believe something like this…I mean…"
Jarenna smiled, a sad, weary smile. "There are a lot of things you don't know yet, Tokio. Things I wish that you will never know. Now do you understand why I refuse to be with Okita? He deserves someone better, someone who isn't as dirty as I am."
"Why are you talking like that, Jarenna? None of those were your fault!" She seemed like a different person altogether, tired and sad and unable to find a way out of the hell she had trapped herself in.
"Because that's the way it is. Sometimes the world is not as kind as to offer you a chance to regain what you've lost."
"Sometimes you only have to look."
"It's not that simple."
"Then make it that simple! I don't want you to wallow in despair all your life, Jarenna. That'll mean that those bastards won! They've won over your body, and now they've won over your mind, too!!" Tokio burst out. She understood that she would never truly know how Jarenna felt, but she knew enough to know that to keep fighting was your only chance of survival. If the opponent won you by force, she knew never to surrender her soul. Her father, through countless beatings, had taught her that painful lesson.
A painful lesson Jarenna had yet to learn. In that moment, Tokio realized that there was one characteristic the two of them shared; the same cursed streak of stubbornness. Kami, of all things we have to be the same in…!!
Jarenna was about to reply when a groan issued from Natsumi. The argument forgotten, both girls whirled around to see what the matter was.
"She's coming to," Jarenna noted, hurrying to the old woman's side, grateful for the distraction. The old woman was stronger than she'd thought, considering that she had expected Natsumi to be unconscious for a couple more days at the least.
…
A/N: I know, Selena's song does not even remotely belong in this era, but let's just pretend it is, yeah? Bear with me, 'cause I really, really love that song! Well then, now comes the fun part. This is for all my lovely reviewers who took a few minutes of their time to give me their comments!
Cheers, you all!
Jade-neko: LOL, I will continue updating, don't worry! And yeah, kind of bittersweet sometimes, innit? So many things for them to say, but they can't find the words…sigh. Thanks so much for reading my story, haha.
Rikki: Whoa, lengthy comment there! Loved it, =) Thanks for reviewing my story so kindly, mucho appreciated! LOL, actually I didn't know WHY it was Jarenna, too, but it came to me one day, and so I decided to put it in, and Jarenna sounded like a gentle name…and yeah, I guess Kimiko can get a little immature sometimes, but I guess that's all she really is, immature. And yep! I really hope that you liked this chapter, too! Cheers!
Ione-girl: Hey! Wow, I am so flattered by your reviews. You want to do a manga on it?? ::stunned:: Gosh, I would be really, really honored that you would even think of doing that!! Gosh, by all means, I guess! Thanks for reading my stories, I've read your Aiko one, and it's pretty cool, too. LOL, a beautifully binded couple, huh? I've never really thought about it that way…
Nikita: You think so too, huh? LOL I think they're pretty cute together, too!
Akayama Kaoru: Hey girl! ::HUG:: What's up? Yeah, it's not like Okita can help being foolish, yeah? But I guess Hijikata is showing his grief in the best way he knows how, methinks, and he's more than a tad jealous that at least Okita's love is still in front of him and living and all…Maybe I should bring Yanagi back so he'd be less mean to Oki-chan. Hmm…Gosh, thanks for reviewing all my chapters! You've been there for as long as I could remember, and so, thanks so much!! But Jarenna…sigh…yes, she's got TB…It's evil, ne? But what can I do?
Aznfangurl: Yep, it's updated already. Check it out!
Angel of the Deceased: Hey-ey! Wow, on author alert list? ::BIG SMILE:: Kewl. And of course Jarenna and Okita will get together in the end! It's been an emotional roller coaster ride, and besides, it's a LOVE story, lol. And of course, they will never be separated from each other in the end! Hmm, that's a very nice ending, though. I like it! But…the real ending will be a secret… ::giggles:: Shhh. And of course, for you, I've put in darling Susumu! And I've decided to write him a love story, too! All for you!
Oberon: Hey there! Thanks for reading and taking the time to review my latest chapter. Okita's funny, huh? Hmm, sometimes he gets that way, methinks. And yep, Souji's already covering his illness, but I don't think he really knows it yet. He knows what's wrong with him, but he doesn't think that it's potentially fatal yet, which is why he kissed Jarenna the way he did…
Hyper-Sloth: Ooh, so glad to hear from you again! Yep, a brand new update! I hope you enjoyed it!
Maggie: Konnichiwa, Maggie!! ::waves:: You think Jarenna and Souji are perfect for each other? Thanks!! There are a couple of straight Okita pairings out there too, though, but only a few…Hmm, maybe we should just start a Straight Okita club or something, LOL. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as you did the previous ones!
Night-Owl 123: Hey there! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, too!
Swtlilkokoro: Hey! Of course I'll keep updating! ::eyes katana warily:: I will not let anyone of you down, ne? Thanks for thinking so highly of the story!