Sorry I took such a long time, all! This story's specially written for Ione-girl, who drew me the most marvelous pics of Jarenna and Okita, Saitou and Tokio, and Yanagi! Also for all my wonderful reviewers who bothered to write something for me. Thanks all!!
…
Okita leaned against the shoji door even as Junko-san hustled around Jarenna. He had respectfully turned his back so as to allow Junko-san to check the wound more carefully, but no matter how much Junko tried to chase him out, he stubbornly stayed, flat out refusing to leave.
Giving up, Junko had allowed the boy to stay, inwardly marvelling at the pig-headedness of the First Squad Captain. He had looked pale and uncharacteristically flustered when he brought a wounded Jarenna in, and Jarenna…her wound worried her.
Junko had cast a sharp, searching glance at Okita, and he guiltily told her what had happened. With a disapproving scowl and a sharp word for Jarenna, too, for her folly, she set about to work. The arm had been dislocated due to the force of the blow, and the shoulder blade itself was a large, ugly bruise that would take a good few weeks to heal.
The soft cry of pain Jarenna uttered as Junko set the joint back in place hit Okita hard, and he clenched his fists at his side. He had hurt the one person he had sworn never to harm.
"You'll be fine, Jarenna," Junko said finally as she made sure the younger woman was properly dressed. There was a man in the room, after all. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be walking around in that sling for a few weeks to facilitate your recovery."
"Thank you, Junko-san," Jarenna said, her smile slightly strained. It still hurt, but at least it was down to a throbbing kind of pain, something slightly more tolerable than just now. And despite her occasional muttered complaints, the older woman had been exceedingly gentle.
She shook her head, her gaze fond despite of her words. "Now, don't you go off doing something as stupid as that again. Stepping into the middle of the battle…you really are asking for it."
Jarenna lowered her head slightly. "I'm sorry."
At this, Okita turned to face her, his face full of remorse. So much so that Jarenna felt her heart go out to him. "No, Jarenna. I should be the one who's sorry. I hurt you."
Sensing that the two lovebirds needed time to themselves, Junko excused herself quickly. "I have to see to Tetsu now. No doubt the stupid boy will be off someplace where I can't find him. Again."
"Arigato gozaimasu, Junko-san." Jarenna replied softly before she turned to him. "It's just an accident, so it's quite all right."
She lifted her head, her eyes locking with his own, and he could see the apprehension—the masked fear—in there. "Your eyes…you looked like you wanted to kill Tetsu."
"I wanted to," he admitted, closing his eyes momentarily, realizing that, for once, he could not keep eye contact with her. He was the child of a demon, which made him as much a demon as anything…and that look in her eyes in that instant before the shinai struck her…She had pulled him back too late, but the fact remained that all he had to do was to look into her eyes, and no matter how out of control he was, he would return to her.
She was his anchor.
"I never wanted you to see that side of me." he said softly, so softly that she had to strain to hear it. He had two sides to him; one, Okita Souji the man, the other, Okita Souji the merciless, soulless demon.
"I was afraid," she admitted. "I thought you were gone, and only the warrior remained."
"I was. But you brought me back. In that instant before I…hit you. That look in your eyes…" He glanced at her injured shoulder and felt the hurt sting anew. He was responsible for that injury. "I am sorry." He reached out for her, but she recoiled involuntarily, regretting the action the second she saw the hurt flash across his soft amethyst eyes.
"I will never hurt you, Jarenna." He blurted. He knew he did not have the right to be angry at her; he was the one who hit her, after all.
She didn't look at him. "I know." She had long accepted that he was one of the best swordsmen in the Shinsengumi, and possibly in the whole of Japan. She was not naïve; she knew what that meant. It meant that the man she loved was a killer. A professional killer. But seeing him in action, and against someone who was close to them…it hit her hard. "I just…" I don't know.
She turned to leave, but his fingers caught her chin, tilting her head to face him. His eyes were intense now, full of sorrow and something else. "I will never hurt you, nor anyone else that I hold dear to my heart," he promised solemnly. Then he slowly leaned forward, brushing his lips across her forehead. "You don't have to be afraid, because above everything else, I love you."
Jarenna felt like she had been paralyzed. Everything that he had said had caught her by surprise, and he said he had loved her…again. And he said that I was the one who brought him back from the madness…me? She stared at him for a long, long moment. Why, Okita-san? Why do you set your eyes on me? Why must you make me love you?
Shaking her head slightly, she lowered her gaze, resting them on her lap."Okita-san, I…thank you."
Okita looked down at her, surprised. "What for?"
"For allowing me to bring you back."
Even as he stared at her, stunned at that statement, he felt an irresistible urge to kiss her again. Maybe it was just his hormones running wild. Who cared? All he could focus on was how hopelessly alluring she was, even in that state, and what it would be like to kiss her again.
Which he did. Screw propriety. Just being this close to her is driving me crazy.
Jarenna's eyes widened in shock as she felt his lips press against hers. A small part of her desperately wanted to back away, to get out of this, but another part was equally desperate for this to go on, and she let her eyes flutter shut, giving in to the moment. His fingers tangled in her hair, cupping the back of her head in order to press her closer. His thumb stroked her chin lovingly, gently trying to coax it open even as a soft sound of pleasure escaped his lips.
And from there on, it was pure emotion. The kiss grew wildly passionate, even as the two lovers eagerly sought each other, putting all their longing into the kiss, abandoning reason for a precious few moments. Okita knew to be especially careful with her, but his passion seemed to override him this time as he eagerly explored her mouth, tasting the sweetness he'd been desperately craving for. Kami she tasted so good. He wanted more, so much more…
She was so soft and pliant under his hands, and even as she took her turn to taste him, he felt a spark of her inner fire, inflaming his senses all the more. The lingering adrenaline of the earlier fight, the intense emotions he felt, her sudden nearness through the fabric of her clothes…it very nearly pushed him off the edge.
Kami-sama…he thought drunkenly, pushing her gently back onto the futon, careful not to hurt her. His whole body seemed to be on fire, red-hot passion burning through his veins. And those fingers… he felt them dancing over him, the merest flutter of butterfly wings. Her good hand wafted over him, unsure, uncertain, until he reached out and pinned her hand over her head, careful not to press against her bad arm. She whimpered softly, and he pressed into her, feeling those curves that the kimono had always hidden. He had no control anymore; it was all lost to the wind, and he'd be damned before he would think to summon it back again.
Oh, Jarenna…
Letting go of her free hand, his own roamed over hers, touching places that he had never ventured to before, caressing, awakening…the fire would consume them both.
"Souji…" she sighed. Kami how he loved the sound of his name spilling from her lips. He laughed softly even as his lips left her own, travelling down to her neck, nuzzling gently against the area where the neckline of her kimono covered that soft skin. He briefly wondered what it would be like if the kimono was gone. Opening his mouth ever so slightly, he ran the tip of his tongue over it, pushing back the neckline ever so slightly. His pulse jumped as he felt her arch further up into him. Her body was so warm and inviting, and it beckoned to him, a siren's call he could never resist. He wanted her so much that he knew he would do anything to get her. Anything…
"Jarenna!" Came Tokio's frantic voice even as the shoji door was flung open, effectively ruining the moment.
Her twin's voice brought Jarenna crashing back down to the present even as she realized their current position. Okita was on top of her, one arm propping himself up, and the other hand lazily brushing against her thigh…
Kami-sama!! she thought in horror even as the two of them leapt away from each other. Okita was mildly stunned at the way he lost control himself so easily, and Jarenna was just horrified that just his mere touch was enough to make her lose all reason. And then there was that fact that Tokio was staring at them as if they'd each grown three heads.
"Itai…" she winced as she jiggled her arm accidentally, sending sparks of pain shooting through her, effectively killing off the raging passion that had made her want to shut the door on her sister, kiss Okita and never let him go. Her face burning at that thought, she turned to her sister.
"D-did you need something, Tokio?"
Tokio simply stared in disbelief. Fifteen minutes alone and they were already going at it. If she had not entered, things would have gotten much farther. How much, she really, really didn't want to know. "I um…ano…Junko-san told me that you were hurt, and I came here as fast as I could to see how you were…" she knew she was blushing, too. The two of them had been in a very intimate position when she'd entered, and kami this was by far the most embarrassing situation she had ever been in. "A-are you all right, Jarenna?" That's a really stupid question. She's obviously well enough to kiss Okita as if her life depended on it.
Her sister's face was the color of the setting sun. "H-hai. I'm fine. It's just a bruise."
Clearing his throat mildly, the First Squad Captain nodded to Tokio, trying to dispel his awkwardness. "I'll leave you two alone to speak. Hijikata-san wants to see me." He managed a smile, even though he felt his face burn. "I suppose he's going to yell at me for almost killing his adorable little page and injuring you."
There was the slightest of smiles on her face, despite her acute embarrassment. "Arigato, Okita-san."
…
As soon as Okita disappeared, Tokio stared, wide-eyed at her. "What did he do to you?"
"Oh, it was just an accident." She waved it off dismissively, not wanting to alarm her, then looked her sister over curiously. "Did you need something?"
"Oh," Tokio said, her mind already on other things. She glanced outside the room, her gaze darkening. "I have bad news. He is here."
"Who's he?"
"Watch your mouth, daughter. I brook no disrespect," the familiar voice wafted to them even as Takagi Kojuurou appeared just outside the shoji door. He had on a smile that, to Jarenna, seemed pasted on, but then again, she couldn't be sure.
Tokio glared. "Yes, Father." The venom in her tone startled Jarenna, who glanced at her sister quizzically. Kojuurou caught that look and spoke.
"Don't mind her, Jarenna. For some reason I cannot comprehend, she does not like me very much." He smiled wryly, stepping into the room. Then he saw Jarenna's sling. "Are you all right, Jarenna? What happened to you?"
"Accident," she replied, not really knowing what to think. Why was he here?
"Why are you here, Father?" Tokio asked acidly.
Kojuurou shot a look of barely concealed annoyance at his oldest daughter before saying. "Why, I came here to see if you girls were all right. Two young women in a compound full of men…even if one of them is your betrothed, Tokio, I do not feel safe."
The utter disbelief in Tokio's eyes was evident to Jarenna, as was the unspoken…enmity between the both of them. What was going on?
"I should take you girls home."
"I'd rather stay here, thank you." Tokio replied, although the clearer meaning would be, 'I'd rather die than go back with you.'
"I see." He nodded, then glanced around casually, as if observing his surroundings. "I understand that the ol—Natsumi—is found."
"How did you know?"
He eyed her shrewdly. "Why should I tell you?"
"What do you want with her?" Tokio asked warily.
Kojuurou had an offended expression on his face. "I just wanted to ask if she was all right. I haven't seen her for years ever since she took off with your mother's dowry." A flash of—was it malice?—crossed his eyes momentarily before it disappeared, leaving Jarenna to wonder if it was even there at all. "What is wrong with you, dear daughter? Are you ill?"
"I'm fine," she bit off. Jarenna didn't say a word, as she was busily wondering about what Kojuurou had said earlier. Natsumi-san had made off with her mother's dowry?
"Now, where's Natsumi?"
There was something in his tone that sounded…off, somehow. It seemed, to the girls, like he was very eager to see her, but for all the wrong reasons.
"She—"Jarenna started, but Tokio cut in immediately.
"She left."
What? Jarenna thought in surprise, although she had the presence of mind to play along. There was something about her father that she had felt vaguely uncomfortable about, and maybe, just maybe Tokio would have the answer.
"What?" his expression immediately darkened, and this time, Jarenna did not imagine the malice in his eyes. He's most likely up to no good, she thought with a jolt. But why? Why Natsumi-san? What did he want to say to her?
"She left the compound this morning," Tokio replied casually. Jarenna had to admit, her twin was definitely a consummate actress, being able to lie like that without batting an eyelid. Very impressive. "She felt better and made a lot of noise about leaving, so we let her go."
"You stupid girl!!" Kojuurou exploded suddenly, his face livid with fury. He looked like he wanted to strike them across their faces. "Why did you let her go? Did you know who she was?!" He swung around to face the other girl even as he spat out. "Is the wench telling the truth?"
Jarenna stared, momentarily stunned at the sudden about-face. Why was he so angry? "Yes. She left…this morning."
Muttering a curse word under his breath, he turned to leave, without so much as a goodbye.
"Yes, now we know why he's really here for," Tokio remarked disdainfully even as they watched him leave. "Not to 'see how we're doing', so to speak."
"He's here for Natsumi-san?" Jarenna asked, confused. "I mean, why?"
"I don't know, either."
"Then why did you lie?"
Tokio fixed Jarenna with a serious stare. "Because, Jarenna, Takagi Kojuurou is not to be trusted at all. If he is looking for someone, it is sure to be something bad."
She was struggling to understand. "But he's our father, and he—"
"He's a liar, that's all he is," Tokio replied coldly, icy fire in her eyes. "A twisted, perverted old fox. Do not be taken in by his acting, Jarenna. He cares for nothing and no one but himself. Believe me, I've been living with him for so many years."
"But he seemed…nice," Jarenna started hesitantly. It was evident that Tokio fully believed what she was saying, and to be honest, Jarenna herself was more slated to believe her sister than anyone else, even the man who called himself her father. But then again, Jarenna had always tended to give others the benefit of the doubt, and supposed her father was not all that bad, was he?
"Nice?" Tokio shook her head in acute disbelief. "You barely know him, sister. He's a ruthless bastard. Natsumi-san can prove this, I believe. She is awake now, and wants to speak to the both of us."
I need to speak to her, too. This entire thing is getting more and more puzzling.
"Wait," Her twin said suddenly, stopping.
"What is it?" Jarenna asked, concerned, but it faded when she realized that Tokio was actually smiling.
"I have to know. What is it like?"
Jarenna was mystified. Why was she having that strange look on her face? "What is what like?"
The faintest of flushes worked up her cheeks, deepening with every moment. "Well…you know. What you and Okita-san were doing. I mean…well…" she trailed off, highly embarrassed.
The other girl just stared at her blankly. How do I even begin? Then she smiled, not above teasing her sister. "Tokio," she began seriously. "I cannot answer that for you. I believe Saitou-sama would be more suited for that question, don't you think? After all, he can provide you with a few demonstrations…"
This time, Tokio was the one who looked like the setting sun. "JARENNA!!!"
…
The two girls took an involuntary step back even as the shoji door to the First Aid Room was thrown open and Natsumi, a panicked expression on her face, rushed headlong into them.
"Natsumi-san!" Tokio exclaimed as her hands shot out to steady the old woman. And to her surprise, she realized that the latter was trembling violently. What was wrong with her? "What's the matter?"
The old woman didn't give up trying to push past them, and she kept shaking her head. "Need to leave—need to leave—here—he's here! Please, let me go!"
"He?" Jarenna echoed with a puzzled frown. "But Natsumi-san, you aren't properly recovered—"
"No, I need to go! I cannot stay here!"
"But why? Who's he?" Tokio demanded, holding on to her tightly. It was getting more and more puzzling. And then it began to dawn on her. The he she had been talking about and was so terrified of…
"Are you talking about Father?" Jarenna asked softly, a strange expression on her face. Natsumi raised terrified eyes to theirs and nodded.
"You—you don't understand. He'll—he'll be back. I-I have to go!"
"Why are you so terrified of him?" Tokio asked as Jarenna tried to calm her down. "You're in the Shinsengumi compound, Natsumi-san, he will never hurt you here." Her voice softened as she realized that the old woman was finally listening to her instead of panicking blindly. "Please, we need to speak to you. There are many things we need to know."
…
The very air itself was tense even as the two girls settled down opposite Natsumi, who had calmed down considerably, although she kept shooting furtive glances at the door, as if it might come to life and attack her any moment. Jarenna watched her, wondering why she was so terrified. Was it because she had stolen her mother's dowry, like what her father had said? What had happened? How had her mother died? There were so many questions to ask.
Tokio put a comforting hand on her arm and gave her a reassuring smile before turning to Natsumi. The old woman glanced at them for a long moment, then sighed. "I have kept my secret for a long time. Please, listen to my story, and find it in your heart to forgive me."
"Forgive?" Jarenna echoed blankly.
"Yes," she replied, raising haunted eyes to her own. "Forgive me."
And there began a tale that broke their hearts.
"Your mother was a beautiful young woman, full of life and energy. I had served her the very moment she was born. I was fifteen then, and I watched her grow. She had always been strong-willed, a little too strong-willed for her own good. When she reached the age of nineteen, Takagi Kojuurou, already an influential and powerful man by then, had asked for her hand. Of course, your mother had no lack of suitors, but Takagi was far above the others. Her father, of course, had picked him to be her husband, as his wealth was immense." She trembled, and the girls could see bitter tears form in her eyes. "Your mother flatly refused; she saw through what he really was right away. But I, too, had been blinded then, and I had been her closest friend. She came to me for help, but instead of counselling her to follow her heart, I told her to cleave to the desires of her family, because that is the way it was. The will of the daughter is subject to the will of her father, as the wife's to her husband. Your mother eventually married your father and had the two of you.
"Miserable in her marriage, your mother had taken a lover, the man she had wished to marry, the one she had loved all along. They had planned to run away together, to take the two of you with them, but your father…your father found out, and they were caught before they could take either of you away. He had threatened her if she left him, he would kill the two of you. But if she stayed, he would spare her lover.
"When your mother desperately agreed to stay, he killed her lover anyway. Then he had his men knock your mother out and dragged her back to the residence. But he was far from done. That night, he ripped you, Jarenna, from your bed and gave you to a slave trader. The torture he inflicted on your mother and you both was unspeakable. You were never far from their sight even as you were abused, Jarenna. Your mother…your mother loved you very much, and he knew it.
He…he made her watch as they…" Natsumi took in a shuddering breath as she looked away. Her voice was barely a whisper now. "He made her watch as they raped you. He was watching, too. He was laughing at your ruin."
Jarenna's mind was blank. The horror of it was too much, too much…
It was only when Tokio reached over and wiped the tears on her cheeks that she realized that she was crying. It was unbelievable. It was impossible…her father? Her own father had watched her? The one who had knelt before her and asked for her forgiveness? No, no. No…
"Your mother was shattered. No mother could ever witness something like that and bear it, which is the reason why she went mad. And your father…your father murdered her in cold blood, and he sent you and the slave traders away from his sight. I…I took everything that belonged to her, that would now rightfully belong to you, and ran for my life, because I knew that I would not be spared. And I had been hiding from them since then, waiting for the day that I would finally find you, and tell you the truth. Please, forgive my cowardice."
"Liar." Jarenna whispered softly, her voice sounding foreign to even her own ears. "Liar…"
"I have waited thirteen years to tell your mother's story, my lady," Natsumi shook her head. "There are no lies. There is only truth. He is using you now, Jarenna, Tokio. Jarenna, he's using you to attain more power in Japan, for who would dare defy a man who has two of Japan's most powerful samurai as son-in-laws? Takagi Kojuurou would never do anything out of the goodness of his heart, his very conscience had already been fed to the dogs!!"
"Hush, Natsumi-san," Tokio said sharply, regaining her wits enough to put her arms around her shaking sister. The old woman's earnest confession would prove to be Jarenna's undoing, and she was determined not to aggravate the situation. Of course, she had been as shocked and saddened as Jarenna, but she wasn't the one whom the bastard had chosen to torment his wife with. It had hit her hard, and Tokio was worried that Jarenna would not be able to take it. After all, who could blame her? Hearing all this all too suddenly…she knew that her sister had trusted Kojuurou, and to have it destroyed like this…of course she knew what her father had been like, but Jarenna hadn't. And she did not deserve to know it this way. Not this way…
The old woman quietened. Defeated, she hung her head. "I am sorry. I am truly sorry."
"I don't believe you," Jarenna shook her head in shock and disbelief. "I don't believe you…"
"Natsumi-san! I believe it will be better if you left us alone for a little while." Tokio said hurriedly, trying not to aggravate the situation. It was unnerving; Jarenna was altogether too calm, and Tokio worried about her. "Maybe a walk in the compound?"
Natsumi's eyes never left Jarenna. "I am truly sorry for bringing this upon you, my lady." She wiped at her tears and went over to them. "I am sorry." She reached out to try to touch Jarenna, but the younger woman shook her head.
"Don't touch me."
The rejection was evident. Slowly, Natsumi rose to her feet and gracefully bowed. "I thank you for letting me tell the story. And I hope that you will find it in your hearts to forgive my sin and my weakness, that I as good as sealed the fates of both your mother and your sister on your parents' wedding day. I am sorry."
Tokio bowed slightly without responding. What could she possibly say?
"Leave me, please." It was taking everything Jarenna had just to say those words. "Just…leave."
Natsumi lowered her head and bowed to Jarenna. With that, she left.
…
Sing my favourite, mama. Sing my favourite…
Jarenna did not see her go, for within her lay madness. The song haunted her now. Soft warm hands that rocked her to sleep, that soft haunting voice…those eyes, the eyes that soothed her into the sweetest of dreams, dreams that she shared with her. Her.
Late at night when all the world is sleeping,
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star, that somewhere you are
Thinking of me too…
And then there was the pain. So much pain. The screaming would not end. The pain would not stop. Not for her, not for anyone. The sands of time had flowed through the wounds, and yet they refused to close. It would never end. Did she remember? Did she know? Of course she remembered. She remembered the laughter, she remembered the pain. There was always the pain. The sands of time flowed back now, washing away all the filth, all the dirt, leaving behind the sharp, brutal truth. The truth she had always been blind to. And from her child's eyes, from where she was thrown to the ground and raped, she saw.
She finally saw…
Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life…
Her father had torn her innocence from her. Her father had killed her mother. Those soft warm eyes…forever shut. The song would die with her, the song that soothed her was gone, and Jarenna would follow. She was dead the moment her father had given her to the traders. The lullaby, the lullaby was fading. There was no more voice, only ghosts. Ghosts of dreams that were long dead, of hope and innocence that lay shattered at her father's feet, never to be repaired again. The ultimate betrayal…she would forever be broken.
Mother…
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming with you endlessly
Endlessly…
With quiet sobs, Tokio wept with her sister, their tears mingling with each other's as they shared in their grief.
…
Emerging from Hijikata's room very much chastised—the man had given him a sound tongue lashing that lasted a little more than half an hour—Okita looked up to see the retreating back of the old woman, Natsumi. Her head was bowed, and he was about to call out to her when she headed out of the doors.
Frowning slightly and wondering why neither Jarenna and Tokio had followed her—he wasn't sure about how the old woman fared, but he supposed she hadn't recovered too much yet, considering her age—the First Squad Captain headed towards the First Aid Room.
"Buki!" Saizou bounced against his ankle, wanting to be carried.
"Ah, Saizou! You would like to see Jarenna too, wouldn't you?"
"Buki?"
With a soft smile for his beloved pig, he picked him up and set off to his destination.
Trotting briskly towards the room, he stepped up and was about to open it when he realized that something was not right. The soft sound of sniffles caught his ears, and the occasional soft sob made him frown. He was even more worried when it sounded like Jarenna.
What happened? He wondered, stiffening. Saizou, however, wriggled in his arms, glaring at the door. "Buki!! Bukibuki!"
"Shh, Saizou!" Okita hissed, trying to quiet his pet. Something was very wrong here, A large part of him urgently wanted to go in there and find out what had happened, but from the looks of it, it seemed like a very private thing, and he didn't want to intrude.
He hesitated for a moment, with Saizou busy still making angry noises. The sounds inside the room stopped, and Okita hurriedly stepped away, feeling as if he'd violated their privacy or something.
"Puzzles, puzzles." The First Squad Captain murmured thoughtfully as he made his way to the pigpen. Saizou needed his lunch, after all. The questions were endless, and there were no answers in sight, and it was not like he could just go up to either of the girls and demand they tell him what happened. It seemed to be very heavy, he could tell. And that worried him. Could Jarenna take it? She'd shown remarkable progress ever since he'd rescued her, but no one was infallible. He worried that something would make her revert back to the girl he'd first laid his eyes on all those nights ago, the desperate, half-crazed, terrified young girl.
It was a very disturbing thought, considering that he promised to not let anything hurt her and all.
No use mulling over that now, he thought to himself. Not when there are no answers. He would find her later, and hopefully she would be in a better mood. Right now, though, he would go and see Tetsu-kun and apologize.
…
Tokio was asleep.
Gently untangling herself, Jarenna placed a warm blanket over her sister, and silently padded to the door, trying to make as little noise as possible. She did not want to wake her up, not after what she was about to do.
She would go to Takagi Kojuurou and confront him with the truth. And after that, their ties would be severed, she would have nothing to do with him at all. He would no longer be considered her father. Well, at least that was better than killing him, which was something she was very much aching to do. He was the one who was responsible for the hell she'd been in.
He was the biggest monster of them all. Takagi Kojuurou, the one who had begged for her forgiveness, the one who she had tried so hard to forget her anger for. The one she fought to accept as her father.
Her father had done this to her.
She was his flesh and blood, and yet he had done this to her, and even now had the temerity to use her once more.
No more tears. There was only anger. It spread like ice through her veins, and yet gave her the clarity that she'd needed.
Stiffly, she made her way outside and turned a corner. All around her there was activity, people were going about their businesses as usual, talking, gossiping, or just playing around.
All of them immune to her pain.
That's just the way it is, she thought, watching them nonetheless. Everyone has a story behind them. It's not like they can be bothered to pay attention to mine.
Narrowly avoiding a gaggle of women who had just finished their daily activities, she turned a corner. Another good half an hour, and she would be where her father was staying. Suddenly, she wished that she'd had the presence of mind to bring a katana along, but it was not like she knew how to use it or anything, and it would draw unwanted attention to herself if she carried it along.
She was just a woman, after all.
The streets were quiet here, and hardly any people passed by, for they preferred the wide, crowded streets to meandering, narrow ones. It was a relief. Kami seemed to be out to mock her today, for everyone she'd seen had some form of a smile on their faces.
It was grating.
Jarenna glanced up at the sky, which had already begun to darken with the setting of the sun. The nights came too quickly these days, but it was to be expected. Winter was already here.
"It is too late. They have already known you as the monster you are!"
She recognized the voice immediately. Natsumi-san!
It didn't sound too far away from her, and the voice was filled with anger and something else Jarenna could only tentatively label as…fear. Wondering who she was speaking to, Jarenna picked up her pace. Then there was a sickening sound, like something ripping through flesh. A sharp scream that made her jump, and then there was a wild shriek of laughter.
"Kill me, then! I'm ready! But it will never erase the truth I had revealed to your daughters! Your filth is finally shown to them, hellbeast! Their eyes are opened, and they know you!"
What? Jarenna thought, her heart racing despite herself. Who was Natsumi talking to? Why couldn't she find them? And killing? Who was killing her?
"Natsumi-san!!" Jarenna shouted, suddenly guilty that she'd told Natsumi to leave when it was obviously not safe for her. If something happened to her, it would be her fault. "Natsumi-san, where are you?!"
And then she heard it. A muttered curse, and then the sound of a blade slicing through flesh. This time, Jarenna didn't hear the old woman scream, and that scared her all the more.
"Natsumi-san!" she screamed, desperately trying not to think of the worst possible scenario. "Answer me!" Her voice had sounded very close by, but where, exactly? Where?
Less than a minute later, she saw it.
An unrecognizable mess lay on the ground, in the middle of a large pool of blood. A shock of gray hair was what identified the mess.
She whipped her head up, but the attacker—whoever he was—was already gone. Kneeling beside the lump, Jarenna reached out, hoping against hope that she would still be alive.
"Natsumi-san," she whispered, a lump lodged in her throat. If only she had not asked her to leave!!
She didn't know how long she knelt there for, but it was already dark when she finally stood up, mulling over what she'd overheard the old woman saying earlier.
There was only one answer.
An ice-cold feeling gripped at her heart, and she clenched her fists, her nails digging painfully into her palm. No more sorrow. There was only vengeance. It called to her, and she answered willingly, eagerly.
The monster had done enough, and it was time for her vengeance.
No more mercy.
…
Jarenna entered the Shinsengumi slowly, as if she was walking underwater. The sentries at the gate smiled at her, but this time she couldn't muster up the strength to return the courtesy.
It was only when a running Saya bumped hard into her that she finally jolted out of her thoughts, and she looked down in surprise.
"Saya?" she asked curiously, distracted. It had been awhile since she'd seen the shy, sweet little girl here. Saya looked up, her eyes wide with apology. Tetsu was rather taken with her, and it was popular notion that the two had something going on. She heard Tetsu laughing cheerily behind her as he ran up.
"Oh, Jarenna-san!"
"Tetsu-kun? Why are you running about?" she asked in surprise. Wasn't he heavily injured just this afternoon? It looked like the two had been playing tag for awhile now, and she couldn't help but be impressed. Talk about having the resilience of a puppy; he was already up and running in no time while her injury still stung.
"Eh?" he cocked his head, confused.
"Doesn't it still hurt?"
"Oh, that!" he laughed sheepishly and scratched his head. "I'm all right now! All fixed up, see?"
She had to smile. It was a good thing, having a child running about the compound. It somehow made everything seem less…bad.
"Um…thanks, Jarenna-san."
"What for?"
"For um…today."
It was her turn to feel awkward. "Oh, that. It's all right."
"Tatsu-nii's got a bottle of special ointment for bruises like that," Tetsu volunteered eagerly, obviously feeling bad for her. "I'll get them for you!"
Jarenna shook her head. "I'll be fine."
Without waiting for him to answer, she simply headed off. There much she had to do.
…
I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?
…
Night-Owl123: Hello again! Thanks for reading my story!
MysticIncaSigh…if Saitou Hajime and Okita Souji came out of that Peacemaker anime, I'd jump them in no time flat! Ah well, such is the cruelty of the world. The truly hot men are not real… LOL, what you said was true, the fics always seem to put Okita in such a childish light. I mean, he's first and foremost a GUY, but anyway, thanks so much for thinking that I could do justice to his uh…needs. Okay, that sounded wrong, but you know what I mean! Thank you for your kind review, and I really appreciated that you actually took time off to write me such a lovely message! I hope that you enjoyed reading this chapter, though. There'll be lots more to come in the near future, I promise!!
Jade-eyed neko: Hey-ey! You love the Saitou-Tokio pairing, huh? I decided not to give them any kind of angst and a pretty much cute relationship so my entire story doesn't seem too angsty. Hell, there's enough angst to kill a clown!! ;;thinks;; Well, I don't think clowns are the happiest people in the world, but they make people laugh, so.
Ione-girl: ;;cowers in fear;; Okay, you're officially dangerous right now. Oh man, oh man, don't be pissed! Can't be all peaches and cream for Okita and Jarenna, yes? Okay, so I'm occasionally a sadist and should get shot for that, but still! It's for a good cause! Teeheehee. I'm glad you liked the Kimiko-Susumu pairing, though. Nice, eh? Hee, thanks for your review once again!
Random Reader: Yep. Hijikata's haikus are really, REALLY bad. They're so bad they should be put in a joke book. But nevermind, I shall not be mean. Well, the wait is pretty much over this time, and I hope that you liked this chapter. It took awhile for me to get it done, but FINALLY!! ::grins:: Jarenna will come out all right, and if things go right, she'll come out the better for it. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger, haha!
Kaori Akayama: Hellooooo again!! I made you cry again? Oh man…I didn't mean to do that! ::hug:: thanks for the kind compliment, you know just how to make my day, you know? LOL, sorry for the cliffhanger yet again. This'll be good, I promise!
Hikage Onna: Thanks for the compliment. Mucho appreciated!
I'm Trouble: Well, I think it's a love square…a very complicated little love square. I like the Saitou Tokio thing too, it makes a good breather from the Jarenna-Okita mess. Heh. I'm sorry there isn't much Susumu and Kimiko here, but I'll make it up to you in the next few chapters, I promise! After all, the two of them are the most challenging couples ever! Teeheehee, thanks for the generous compliment, and can you guess my age? ::wink:: You get a cookie if you do! LOL.
Maggie: LOL, Angel-chan sounds really sweet! ::HUG:: Aw, it's all right. Souji's gonna be his cute self in no time. Besides, he's sorry! And Tetsu, too. Poor little puppy…maybe I should put in more of him and Saya, too. That'll be good for him.
SaturnOolaaHello! ::thinks:: I don't know…Is a terrible mary sue a good thing or a bad thing? ::gets confused:: It's like being called a terrible liar, or a terrible thief…Hee, no one's ever pulled me aside and told me how to write original characters in fanfiction, though. Really. Maybe you could help me out here? I'd like to hear your opinion! Thanks for reviewing my story, anyway. LOL