Author Note: Oh yes, another thing that you should be aware of. If you are new to his fiction, be warned: the only straight characters are: Shizuka, Ryou, Bakura, Malik, Marik, Tenma, Vivian (although, she does not last long) Siegfried (neither does he) and Pegasus… Everyone else is either homosexual or bisexual. Just F.Y.I. (For your information). Enjoy the second chapter of the fiction. (Insert anime happy face)

Disclaimer: We don't own anything. If we owned Yu-Gi-Oh, Ryou would be the right gender.
Plot: After uncovering the horror of the Toonshipping couple (Pegasus x Kaiba), Kaiba and Pegasus decide to get rid it of it once and for all! How? With Gozaburo's old nuclear stash, of course! With Shizuka tagging along, (and with Jounouchi and Ryou aimlessly trying to catch up) they embark on an epic journey— thus encountering Yami no Malik and his drug dealing buddies, the diabolical Santa Clause Noah and his evil Nuclear Polar Bear Minions, along with the FBI, who is under the control of… ok, now we're just giving too much away. But boys—if you read it to the end there's fan service! (although with a catch.)
Genre: Romance/Action Adventure/Humor/Mystery
Parings:

Jounouchi/Kaiba
Shizuka/Ryou
Yuugi/Yami no Yuugi
Honda/Otogi
Isis/Mai
Tenma/Shizuka
Anzu/Shizuka (one-sided)
Tenma/Anzu

…and probably others on the way.

Warning: Rated M (R) (Restricted) For Sexual Implications, Sensuality, Homosexuality, Cursing, Drug Use, Randomness and "All-Out" Insanity.
-Imperfect Paradise (Yamiko) & Somebody Else (Mihoshi)

Death To Toonshipping
By Imperfect Paradise & Somebody Else

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-Chapter Two-
Insert Chapter Name Here

While the eldest Kaiba Brother was having his world violently shattered, Pegasus was having dreams of Funny Bunny in his bedroom where the servants had dragged him after he had passed out. This might have been because the television had been left on and a Funny Bunny tape was still running, or it might have been the fact of the matter that his laptop, which was stationed on the bedside, was supporting Funny Bunny wallpaper. On the other hand, it might have just been the fact that the man mentioned happened to have remained dressed as Funny Bunny because his servants (quite frankly) were not paid quite well enough to take his clothes off.

Muttering, "Funny Bunny… come baaaack…" in his sleep, he didn't even notice the outlook express icon, which was constantly blinking on and off at the bottom bar of his computer.

After several minutes of Pegasus's unbroken slumber (and Kaiba's unbroken impatience on the other line), Pegasus finally (and miraculously) woke up when Kaiba appeared on web-cam and screamed through the monitor, his eyes flashing "WAKE UP, DAMNIT!"

Pegasus instantly awoke, fortunately devoid of the typical hangover symptoms that usually characterized his mornings. Well, at least fortunately for him, but unfortunately for Kaiba, since no hangover meant that the ruler of Duelist Kingdom (and the former King of Duelists) was still good and sloshed.

Putting on one of his classic smirks, Pegasus turned towards the computer, faced Kaiba and drawled, "Why… What in the world could make the great, prodigious Kaiba-boy call me at this time at night? I haven't even had my morning red wine spritzer yet." (A/N 1)

Kaiba narrowed his eyes, just before hissing, "I am not in the mood for these mind games, Pegasus. We need to talk! Now look, just open up your e-mail. There is something you need to see—and I don't mean that in a good way!"

Pegasus heard this, smirked and brushed his hair back behind his shoulder, chuckling to himself. After doing so, he looked at Kaiba and drawled, "Well, unfortunately for you, I don't feel like it."

Kaiba narrowed his eyes, before speaking in a dark and threatening tone, "Then you have given me no choice…" Quickly hacking Pegasus's computer, Kaiba managed to find the e-mail he had just sent and made the loathed picture flash up on the screen. "Now what do you think?"

Unfortunately, for Kaiba, Pegasus had the attention span of a very small, very drunk child, and it had run out just moments before he even laid eyes upon the picture. Looking away he commented, "Oh, yes, very pretty Kaiba-boy. Simply brilliant! You are a wonderful artist. Quite, exceptional, really! Now if you'll excuse me, Funny Bunny is-"

"WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE GOD DAMNED PICTURE, YOU IMBECILE!"

Rolling his eyes, Pegasus directed his focus to… the monstrosity. He backed away almost instantly, petrified with fear. Staring at it, he shrieked, "DEAR GOD! WHEN DID WE DO THAT? AND WHY THE HELL DON'T I REMEMBER IT!" Silently, he prayed, I will never touch vodka again, I will never touch vodka again, just please, Dear God, please, just make it go away!

And God, err… … Kaiba did. "You see our problem. If Jou-kun finds out about this I'm as good as screwed."

Pegasus, who at this point, was fondling his hands, looking rather pale, turned towards Kaiba and glared. "And I care about your little bitch because…?"

"Because I'm underage and if any authorities happen to come across this, they may… assume things. Now, to you and… well, to me at least, this is obviously a digital image done with a very low-quality graphics program, but to some people, or more logically, idiots like you, it will look just like a normal digital picture. Moreover, if this is discovered, you can go to jail for child molestation."

"Tee-hee! Look! Ears!" Once again, Pegasus's attention span had reached its limit, and he had shifted his focus on to the bobbling, dangly pink things hanging in front if his eyes.

Kaiba sighed and quietly whispered something to someone off camera. He continued, "Listen, Gozaburo had a weapon's cache at the North Pole, and I have yet to dismantle it. However, this oversight appears to be in our favor."

"Look! They flop around! Te-hee-hee!"

"I have decided; we will use the weapons to destroy the creator of this… thing. Then we can delete it with some measure of certainty that it won't reappear, and that shall benefit the both of us…"

"EEEEAARRSS!"

Kaiba shook his head and muttered, "Just meet me in the parking lot in fifteen minutes."

"Tee-hee! Oh, I'm sorry did you say some—hey! Watch the costume!"

"Also, I dispatched some of my minions to ensure your cooperation."

And, indeed, several minions dressed in the Kaiba Corp. security guard uniforms were attempting to manhandle the large, pink bunny through the door, while said pink bunny loudly objected to the treatment of his "VERY EXPENSIVE!" (and very ridiculous) costume. Until he recognized one of his (ex)employees, that is. "HEY! SARUWATARI, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING FOR ME!"

"Sorry boss, but Kaiba Corp has dental. Nothing personal."

With that, the two men dragged Pegasus away, not even giving him a chance.

Ryou handed Shizuka her drink… only to have her instantly making bedroom eyes at him. Apparently, whatever Marik had slipped into her Shirley Temple had been nothing but a worthless purchase because she obviously didn't need it. She took his hand and batted her eyelashes. She cooed sweetly, "Come on, Ryou. Otogi's new car has leather seats."

Ryou, being the innocent dolt that he was, didn't quite get the full implications of this until Shizuka had lead him away (Shirley Temple still in hand, un-drunk) to stand in front of Otogi's car. He looked around and asked, "Uh… Shizuka, are you absolutely sure that Otogi won't mind?"

"Calm down, he and Honda took a guest bedroom, (Shizuka winked at him) and I don't think they plan on coming out for a very long time." With that, Shizuka set her drink down on the hood of the car, and flung herself on top of the black leather seats, a feat possible only because the top was conveniently rolled down. This action made her skirt slide around her thighs, revealing just a hint of lacy pink boy-cut panties.

After Shizuka had batted her eyelashes seductively at him, Ryou dropped his can of Root Beer in the back seat and was on her in a New York minute. Or rather, a Japanese minute because… well… yeah…

"Oh, Ryou…" Shizuka moaned, sitting up a bit so that Ryou could gently slide her wings off her shoulders. Then she laid back and let him work at the lacings on her bodice as she worked on tearing off various bits of cardboard armor, flinging them into the Bushes when she was done. Ryou was gently massaging her breasts through the fabric of a lacy pink bra and Shizuka was doing things with her hands that felt very, very good. However, things changed when the mood was abruptly ruined by 'the' question. "Hey, Ryou, where's the condom?"

Ryou paused in his affections, suddenly taking that into account. "Oh… uh…"

Shizuka groaned and not out of pleasure. She stared at him and hissed, "You didn't bring one?"

Ryou felt sweat fall down his temples. He stammered, "Hold on! I… uh… I… I left it inside!" This was a lie. "I'll… I'll go get it right now! Yeah, that's right! I'll go get it!" Meaning he was going to go borrow one from someone else. Yes, however, as embarrassing as it was, it was not nearly as bad as having to admit he was still a virgin next time they played "I Never."

So, Ryou buttoned up his fly and went in search of a prophylactic while Shizuka pulled her dress together, and began debating whether or not she could go fish her wings out from the bushes. As she did so, she reached for the Shirley Temple, took a sip and… passed out as if someone had stolen her Sugary Pink Heart Crystal. Apparently, whatever Marik slipped into "Brittany Spears'" drink wasn't just a harmless judgment inhibitor, but an actual date rape drug.

As she fell onto the floor of the backseat of the car, Pegasus and Kaiba came out (Pegasus escorted by minions and carrying something alcoholic and "improved" by Marik, which he had desperately stolen from Honda on his way out.) storming into the parking lot. "Alright, Pegasus, where's your car?"

Pegasus snorted, "What do you mean car? I only have limos!"

Kaiba growled, "Fine! Whatever! Where are the limos, then?"

Pegasus opened his mouth and then paused. Kaiba turned towards him and asked, "Well?"

A grin suddenly erupted on Pegasus's face as he answered, "Oh, well, tonight the schools are all having big fundraiser bashes, so I let the local high-school borrow them since I knew I would be having a party here and I wouldn't want to go anywhere."

Upon those words, Kaiba nearly bitch-slapped him. "You fool! Do you realize that this means we don't have a car? I came in my helicopter, and now all my transportation resources are being used to contact the best and most prestigious doctors all over the world in order to have them fix my poor, misguided little brother!"- (His voice cracked and tears threatened to come to his eyes in memory of that horror)- "The nearest Kaiba Corp vehicle is almost two hours away by now!"

Pegasus heard this and shrugged. "Oh… well, I guess we're not going anywhere, then!" However, when he turned to go back inside, Kaiba (who was at this point, severely unrestrained) grabbed him by his Funny Bunny costume ears and pulled him back.

He hissed in his ear, "The hell we're not! You don't get to be the wealthiest bachelor in the world without knowing a few lowlife tricks! Come on, I can hotwire something." Looking around, Kaiba picked out the classiest car he could see within his range of vision. Which was, unfortunately, was Otogi's convertible. So, Kaiba hotwired the convertible and he and Pegasus zoomed out without so much as throwing a glance in the rearview mirror, much less the backseat, where the sleeping Shizuka lay, quietly and soundly, unable to do anything.

Meanwhile, Ryou had managed to get a condom from Marik (for an insanely high price), and he managed to get back to the parking lot just in time to see a large pink bunny and a stoic CEO make off with his fairy princess. This did not bode well. For a moment, he just stared, trying to take into account what exactly had happened.

Afterward doing so, his first thought was 'I'll never get laid.' His next thought was, 'Oh, fuck, Jounouchi is going to kill me.'

Of course, hiding the truth would not make things any better, and Jounouchi would probably be one of the few people willing to help him, so…

After searching all around the castle for several minutes, he finally found the person he was looking for, and bent over and began shaking Jounouchi's shoulder. He whispered, "Psst! Jounouchi, wake up!"

"Zzzz…" Other than that, Jounouchi did not respond.

Then, in desperation, (like a man who was about to lose his only chance to ever get laid) Ryou resorted to the one thing that always got Jounouchi up. (Pun intended) "WAKE UP, YOU STUPID MUTT!"

Wrong choice of words. Arms wrapped around his waste and Jounouchi moaned, "Mmm… Seto…"

Ryou shrieked and instantly pulled away, "GAH! No, I'm NOT Seto!"

Upon hearing this, Jounouchi opened his eyes. He gasped and then commented, "Huh! Ah! Ryou! What are you doing here?"

Ryou pointed outside and explained frantically, "Your boyfriend and a large pink bunny rabbit made off with your sister!"

"WHAT! SETO AND SHIZUKA? THAT CHEATING SON OF A BITCH! HE BETTER WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON—"

"No!" Ryou, now desperate to explain the situation, began gesticulating wildly. "No, no, no! It's not like that! They hotwired a car, and Shizuka was in the back seat, and I went back in to get something and THIS IS VERY BAD AND WE NEED TO GO RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Jounouchi blinked a few times, just before asking, "Dude, why are you waving that condom around?" For Ryou was indeed still holding the condom with which he had meant to … well, there isn't really a polite way to put that, but heck, you know where condoms go.

Ryou sweat-dropped and answered, "I'm… uh... well… I was… I was holding it for a friend! Yeah—that's it! A friend! Heh-heh-heh. It's not mine, I swear!"

Jounouchi raised an eyebrow. "Oh. 'Kay, then." With that, Jounouchi effortlessly passed out again.

Ryou saw this, freaked out, and instantly began shaking him again. He screamed, "NO, WAIT! WE HAVE TO RESCUE SHIZUKA!"

Jounouchi then sat up like Lassie hearing her name called, and asked "What? Shizuka's in trouble?"

Ryou cried desperately! "Yes! Do you have a car? I need a car!"

Jounouchi scratched his head and answered, "Uh… well, we came in Kaiba's helicopter… but I can hotwire cars! Actually, it was Kaiba who showed me that trick!" He brought his hand up to his lips and giggled as he said that.

Ryou rolled his eyes and muttered, "Fine, whatever, let's go!" With that, they ran out the doors read to go in pursuit of their loved-ones when Jounouchi suddenly stopped. Ryou stopped running and turned towards Jounouchi. He asked, "What?"

Jounouchi scratched his head and asked, "What did I say I was going to do again? I forgot, man…"

Meanwhile, at the North Pole, things were not well in Santa's workshop. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE OUT OF PINK PAINT! DIDN'T WE JUST ORDER SOME?... WELL? LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FUCKIN' COMPANY IS DOING! YOU HAD BETTER GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! …. Well, how are we for red and white paint? … We have some? … THEN MIX THE RED AND WHITE AND GET PINK, YOU DUMBASS! … …Yes, I'm sure red and white make pink … JUST DO IT ALREADY YOU RETARDED, POINTY-EARED MIDGET!" Santa slammed the phone down, nearly breaking it and took to rubbing his temples. He grumbled, "These damn elves are useless. Half of them are colorblind and the other half are brain-dead. What are we supposed to do with five hundred purple clad G.I. Joe's, God Damnit!"

His thoughts were then interrupted as the door to his office opened up, and he abruptly shoved a half naked elf under his desk. "Thank you Mrs. Clause— (he couldn't for the life of him remember her first name) Just set the cookies down over there! Heh, did you know your headlights are "on"?"

Mrs. Clause rolled her eyes, slammed the cookies down, then slammed the door on her way out.

After she had left, Santa pulled his favorite elf up from underneath the desk by the hair and frenched her. After breaking, he murmured, raising his eyebrows, "Arwen, love, I think she might be on to me."

Arwen brushed her long black hair out of her eyes and looked up at him through her baby blues. "So what? It's not like there's anywhere for her to go if she divorces you."

Santa laughed and, his mind eased, he returned to the elvish games his worker elves had so rudely interrupted.

"Damnit, Pegasus! I knew I shouldn't have let you try to read the map!"

Pegasus brought his hand out to the side again and argued, "Oh, please, Kaiba-boy, I gave you perfect directions, the problem is you just can't follow them! You should just let me drive!"

Kaiba spun around and hollered in his face, "LIKE HELL! YOU'RE TOTALLY TRASHED, YOU STUPID BUNNY RABBIT! I WOULDN'T LET YOU DRIVE IF YOU PAID ME!"

"Tee-hee! Ears!"

Kaiba grounded his teeth and trembled with much animosity towards his idiotic (and drunk) Funny Bunny clad comrade. After recovering, he groaned, "Alright, here's what we'll do. It's Sunday. I bought us online tickets for a plane that leaves Wednesday morning. We'll just drive all night, spend the night in a hotel, and then we will have to drive all Monday to get to another hotel that's close to the airport, because you are an idiot who lives in the middle of FREAKIN' NOWHERE! (Pegasus smiled innocently) Then we can hang out at the hotel Tuesday because I would rather DIE then be seen in public with you. Got it?"

"EEEAAARRSS!"

Kaiba rolled his eyes and pulled over, cutting off a car on the side of the road. After the honking sounded, (followed by an extended middle finger which swished by them), Kaiba turned towards Pegasus and hissed, "Just Shut up and give me the map."

After taking the large, creased slip of paper in his hands, Kaiba stared at it for a moment, until a look appeared on his face that would have sent any mere pedestrian who happened to have been close by running for dear life. He slowly turned towards Pegasus, who was playing with his ears like a cat with a piece of yarn and screamed into his face. "YOU IDIOT! THIS ISN'T A MAP! THIS IS THE BACK OF THE KID'S MENU AT DENNY'S!"

Pegasus tugged the map in his direction (copyrighted 1988 with a statement declaring the message "ages three and up") closer to him and complained while presenting it, "No it isn't… It's a map… See! Here's California… (He pointed to what looked like a (demented and cartoon-like) gold digger standing next to a miniature Golden Gate Bridge) And here's Hawaii—"(A/N 2)

Kaiba tore the paper away from Pegasus, instantly crumpling it up into a ball. He then reached inside his jacket, pulled out a lighter and instantly set fire to the "map". As Kaiba dusted the ash off of his hands, Pegasus put on a pouting look. "Awl… But they had a maze on the back off it." Kaiba was about to strike a deadly blow upon Pegasus (Pegasus flinched), but then composed himself, slowly lowering his hand. True, he hated what was happening to him, he hated what he was doing, he hated Pegasus (of course) and above all—he hated the psychotic, antagonistic and mind-fucking sonofabitch who had forced him into association with this looser in the first place! However, images of a handsome blonde resurfaced into his mind, and Kaiba came to remember his duties. He let out a sigh. 'This is for Katsuya…' he thought.

Kaiba then got out of the car, (illegally parked on the side of a random highway nobody seemed to use), and walked around (illegally trespassing on a field that nobody seemed to be farming.) After he felt he could trust himself not to kill Pegasus (thereby getting himself incarcerated and making it difficult for him to shag his boyfriend), he returned to the car. Only to find a large, pink rabbit avidly explaining something or another to a confused looking fairy princess.

"What the hell?"

The princess turned, her eyes alight with hope as she saw someone relatively sane-looking, who might be able to answer the one burning question that had been on her mind since she awoke, "Where's Ryou?"

- TO BE CONTINUED-

The following is not meant to be counter fanfictionDOTnet format. These are merely author notes. They are not meant to counteract the rules or restrictions of the webmaster's policies in anyway. Thank you for your attention.

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Author Note 1 – As opposed to 'coffee.' We doubt that Pegasus would even 'touch' coffee so…

Author Note 2 – You know, those stupid, demented children's maps with the cartoon characters standing on top of shaded countries and states to help kids understand what the place stands for. You see them all the time on the back of kid's menus at Denny's, I-Hop, Red Robin and other diner places like that.

Random Note: Mihoshi (Somebody Else) does not usually post fanfiction, so she spends a lot of time poking things and doesn't like to feel obligated to work on a particular fic at any particular time, so you're just going to have to cope with the fact that this fic will be slow, or piss off and read something else.