Scott wasn't sure how much time had past he just knew he wasn't letting go until his brother made some move to pull away. John never did. Eventually though his sobs stopped shaking his body and Scott could feel John's head getting heavier on his shoulder. He knew his brother had cried himself to sleep.
Scott took his one arm from around Alan who then took a couple of steps back. Scott gently eased John back onto the bed trying not to wake him up.
As Scott stood up and looked down at his brother he could see the pain on John's face even as he slept. How had he let it get this far out of control? There must have been earlier signs. Signs that they had all missed.
"Alan stay here with him," Scott told his youngest brother softly. "I'm going to go talk to Dad."
Scott made his way to the command deck and sat down in front of the main console. Looking over at the chronometer he saw that it was only nine o'clock at night. As tired as he was, he had thought it was later.
"Scott, is everything okay?" Jeff Tracy asked as soon as he opened the link with Thunderbird 5.
"No Dad it isn't," Scott told him. "We have a major problem," he informed him and then tried to explain to his father what was going on.
Jeff listened to what his eldest son was telling him, not wanting to believe it, but knowing it was true.
"I'm going to let him sleep for a few hours and then I'm bringing him home," Scott was telling him now. "If you want me too, I'll turn around and come right back up here but . . ."
"No, Scott that won't be necessary," Jeff said making the decision that he probably should have hours ago. "Put Thunderbird 5 on auto and the three of you come home. This is something that we all need to deal with together."
"F.A.B. Dad," Scott told him and then signed off.
Jeff watched the screen go blank again. How could he have missed it? He always feared about letting his sons down out in the field. Of Scott, Virgil, Gordon, and now Alan getting hurt on a rescue mission or something happening to John onboard Thunderbird 5, like when the Hood attacked the station. He was so focused on making sure nothing like that happened that he failed to see this.
"Dad I tired to help her." It had been one of the first things he had said after coming out of the coma he had been in for the week following the fire. A week during which Jeff had worried that he would lose his son as well as his wife.
"Son its okay," Jeff whispered smoothing back his son's blonde hair. "It's over just try to forget about it," he told him not wanting the incident to haunt his son. They all just needed to put it behind them to move on.
'But it did end up haunting him' Jeff Tracy thought to himself. Despite the fact, that as soon as John was strong enough he had moved his five sons away from Florida and out to Tracy Island. He had thrown himself into starting up International Rescue trying desperately to put the whole incident out of his own mind. Trying to find someway to keep others from having to deal with the same grief that he was feeling himself.
He was working on Thunderbird 1. For some reason the anti-detection shield wasn't working and neither he nor Brains could figure out why. He heard Brains trying to explain things to Scott and John as he started work on Thunderbird 2. The two older boys had showed an interest in the work and Jeff had seen no reason to keep them out of it. It was a way he could spend some time with them. At least he had assumed both Scott and John were over with Brains.
Jeff had come out from underneath the console to find John sitting quietly in the doorway just watching him. Before Jeff could say anything John spoke up.
"Dad, do you ever think about her?" John asked his blue eyes gazing at his father. This wasn't the first time John had started asking about his mother since they had come to Tracy Island but like all the other times Jeff tried to put his son off.
"Its not good to dwell on the past son," Jeff told him. "We need to keep going. Go on with out lives. That's what she would have wanted."
John had simply nodded and walked back over to where Brains and Scott were. It was the last time he had even tried to bring up his mother or the fire with his father and for that Jeff had been grateful. Just seeing his sons brought back painful memories for him. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about it. Jeff had always dealt with things alone. He didn't care for talking things out.
Jeff's eyes fell on the last picture that had been taking of them all together. It was taken in the backyard of their old home in Florida. Jeff stood with his one arm around Meg and Alan on his shoulders. John stood on the other side of Meg with an arm draped over her shoulders while the other three boys stood in front of them.
He and Meg had been like day and night in that extent. While he had wanted to deal with things on his own she had always wanted to talk things out. Even if it was just as a sounding board, she wanted someone to listen to whatever was troubling her and she was always willing to listen herself. He had lost count of the days he had come home from work to find her sitting at the counter listening to one of the kids tell her about some kind of trouble at school. It didn't matter to her how trivial it was. To her it was important.
Now that he thought about it, more often than not it would be John sitting there talking to her. School for John had always been a trial. It wasn't the schoolwork that gave him problems but the social aspects of school. When he was nine the school had even given up trying to get him to deliver oral reports after he had ran out of the classroom crying during one.
And while he had always been the quietest of the five boys, when he was younger John had never had any problem talking to any one in the family. John had just never clamored for attention like the others had. It wasn't until after Meg's death that he had started withdrawing from his family.
'When I started pushing him away' Jeff Tracy realized as he thought about his son's attempts to talk to him about what had happened that day.
Of his five kids, John and Alan had always reminded him most of his wife as the other three tended to take after him more. Alan had his wife's sense of adventure and genuine love for life. Nothing kept him down for long, as he would always try to find something to cheer himself up or cheer up those around him.
John on the other hand, had always shared with his mother his genuine concern for others. He cared about people in general and was always the first one to try and help. He had been the peacekeeper of the group when the kids were growing up, always trying to smooth things over between his brothers. As a result his feelings were easily hurt but his brothers had seemed to pick that up at as young age, especially Scott and Virgil. Those two had always gone out of there way to try and protect their brother whether it be at school or at home.
Evidently his need to talk things through was something else he shared with his mother and something that Jeff Tracy had failed to see. He had been to wrapped up in his own grief to see how it was affecting his son. He couldn't help but wonder just how well the others were really handling everything.
Jeff Tracy became aware of a beeping sound. He lifted his head up off the desk where he must have fallen asleep. The muscles in his neck hurt from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in.
He became aware that the beeping sound he had heard was the communications console. He had an incoming call.
"Thunderbird 3 to Control, Dad are you there?" came Scott's slightly panicked voice. Jeff wondered how long he had been trying to get through.
"Yeah, Scott I'm here," Jeff said and could here his son's sigh of relief. "Sorry, I drifted off to sleep."
Jeff glanced over at the clock on his wall. It was now just a little after midnight.
"We're on our way down Dad. We should be there in about fifteen minutes," Scott told him.
"Okay, I'll be there to meet you. Control out," Jeff said.
"Thunderbird 3 out," Scott replied.
Jeff took another look at the picture sitting on his desk. He wondered if it was possible for him and his sons to be that happy again. With a sigh he stood up and headed out of his office and toward the Thunderbird 3 silo.
Halfway there he came across Gordon, who had always been the night owl of the family.
"Is everything okay, Dad?" Gordon asked him looking at his father. He had never seen his father look as tired as he did right then.
"No son, its not," he answered truthfully. With the exception of Alan at times, he didn't make it a habit to hide things from his sons and he wasn't going to start with this. He saw the concerned, questioning look that was on Gordon's face as he patiently waited for his father's explanation. "Where's Virgil?"
"He went to bed a few hours ago."
"Well, go get him and go down to the den," Jeff told him. As much as he hated waking Virgil up he wanted to tell the two of them together. "I'll meet you down there shortly."
"Okay Dad," Gordon said and with that started walking in the direction he had been heading, now in search of Virgil instead of heading to be himself.
Jeff continued on his way toward Thunderbird 3. The rocket was just docking as he reached the silo. Jeff waited, unconsciously tapping his foot on the floor.
It seemed like forever until the door opened and his sons started disembarking. Alan was first, he had a haunted look in his eyes. Jeff knew that what he had seen couldn't be easy for the young boy to deal with. Behind Alan, John and Scott slowly disembarked Thunderbird 3.
Although John was walking on his own, Scott hovered nearby in case he was needed. John looked even more worn out than Jeff felt. There was a haunted look in his eyes too and the pain and grief was no evident on his face. The mask John had worn for years was now gone, and what he saw scared Jeff.
Jeff gave Alan a hug first. He held his youngest son close and Alan hugged him back.
"Why don't you get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning," Jeff told him letting go.
Alan nodded. He was too tired to argue.
As Alan left, Jeff turned to his other two sons. He wanted to rush over and pull John into a hug but he wasn't sure if he should. He wasn't sure that would be what John wanted after all these years of pushing him away. Jeff held his arms out to his son letting him decide what he wanted to do.
John didn't hesitate as he took the last few steps towards his father. As he wrapped his arms around his father he felt his father put his arms around him. He had been so scared that his father would be angry with him for what he attempted to. For attempting to take a coward's way out. The second his father had held his arms out to him he knew that wasn't the case.
"I'm sorry Dad," John said trying not to cry again. "I don't know what I was thinking."
"There's no need to apologize," Jeff told him. "I'm just so thankful that you're here. That I can hold you in my arms." Jeff was trying hard not cry himself. As much as he wanted to he knew he had to be strong for his son.
He felt John start to pull away, and as much as he didn't want to let ago he knew he had to.
"Do you want to talk?" Jeff asked him holding him at arm's length.
"Not right now," John told him. "Right now, I just want to get some sleep."
"Okay," Jeff told him letting go. John started in the direction that Alan had gone.
"I'll keep an eye on him," Scott whispered to his father as he walked by him. Jeff briefly clasped his eldest son's shoulder as he walked by.
Jeff had never understood Scott and John's desire to want to share a room but they had insisted on it ever since they came here despite the fact that each of them could have there own rooms. Now, Jeff was thankful that they did.
As he watched them disspaear around the corner, Jeff let out a sigh. He had two other sons waiting for him. Two sons that he had to attempt to explain things too. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to them but he started for the den. It had to be done.