Three Weeks Later:
Jeff Tracy sat at his desk in his office going over reports for Tracy Industries. He was trying to catch up on business now that things in his family seemed to be returning back to normal. Reaching the end of the current report, Jeff stood up and stretched. It was about time for a short break.
He walked slowly over to the windows and looked down on Tracy Island. Down in the pool he could see the three figures splashing in the pool. Although he couldn't see them that well he knew it was Scott, John, and Virgil.
It was good to see John happy again. Sure he still had his melancholy spells but they were getting further and further apart. Jeff had been relieved when Dr. Fredricks had told him that he had gotten John to not only open up but to meet with him several times in the two weeks following his fainting episode.
Not wanting to stay in the hospital, John and Virgil had gotten a hotel room close to the hospital while Jeff had returned to Tracy Island. He didn't know if John had ever told Dr. Fredricks about the suicide attempt and he wasn't about to go prying. That was up to John to tell him if he wanted too.
Upon returning to Tracy Island, Jeff had helped Scott, Gordon, and Alan in the clean up efforts after Hurricane Bill had made landfall. Jeff had made the decision to keep Alan home from school for a few extra days because he didn't feel comfortable having his youngest son that far away from him after what had happened over the weekend. He had told the school that they were dealing with a family situation and that he wanted Alan at home and the school left it at that. Jeff had to admit that having Alan around to help with IR business was a plus.
The day after John had gone to the hospital, Brains had volunteered to go up and man Thunderbird 5 for awhile. Jeff was thankful for the offer. With Virgil and John both on the mainland he really couldn't have afforded sending Scott or Gordon up at the time with everything that was going on.
Toward the end of the week, Dr. Fredricks had called and asked Jeff and the rest of the Tracy's to come in for a group session. Although, he hadn't forced any of his sons to go they all had. It gave them all a chance to talk about there feelings surrounding Meg Tracy's desk. Jeff had found it helpful for himself, finally being able to say his feelings out loud instead of keeping them to himself. He also saw how his silence had affected his sons.
He had sent Alan back to school the following Monday. Alan of course didn't want to go but Jeff knew he had kept the boy out of school long enough. Scott had also taken Gordon up to replace Brains in Thunderbird 5 leaving only Jeff and Scott on the island. Virgil had spent the week running back and forth between where he and John were staying and Tracy Island.
Virgil and John had returned home last Friday. Jeff could see the difference in John right away. It was like a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Jeff could tell he was happier and he was more carefree most of the time but even when something did start bothering him he wasn't going off on his own. Instead, John was seeking out someone, usually Virgil, to talk to.
Jeff heard the beeping of an incoming message. Turning away from the window he walked over to his desk and sat down. He hit the button to accept the incoming call and Gordon's faced appeared on the screen.
"Hey son, what's up?" Jeff asked
"Nothing," Gordon said. "Guess I just wanted someone to talk to. So, how are things down there?"
Jeff suppressed a laugh. This was the third time today that Gordon had called just to talk. It was a normal thing with him whenever he was up in Thunderbird 5. Gordon never had dealt with being alone that well. Of all the Tracy boys, Gordon probably dealt with it the worse. He usually was fine for the first couple of days but then he started calling down more and more often. One of his brothers usually called him themselves at one point whenever he was up there.
"Nothing new in the past three hours," Jeff told him.
"Sorry, Dad," Gordon said. "It just seemed like a much longer time since I last talk to you."
"Do you want me to send one of your brothers up to replace you?" Jeff asked him with a shake of his head.
"No, Dad, that won't be necessary. I think I can take the quiet for a few more days before completely losing it." Gordon told them. "Any of those brothers of mine around?"
"No they're all outside," Jeff told him. "I have some time though if you want to talk," he continued knowing what Gordon was getting at.
"I need out of this place Scott," Gordon said to his oldest brother later that night. "I don't know how John can deal with this place as much as he did."
"Dad and I are coming up for you tomorrow, Gordo. I'm going to take you place up there."
"That's great because I think I'm starting to lose it up here," Gordon told him and then he noticed the figure standing behind Scott in the doorway.
Scott noticed that Gordon was looking at something beyond him and turned to look and see what it was. He turned just in time to see John disappearing around the corner.
"I don't think that was the best thing to say," Gordon commented feeling guilty.
"I'll talk to him," Scott told his brother. "Don't worry about it." Scott saw Gordon nod. "I'll see you tomorrow Gordo."
"Okay,"Gordon replied signing off.
The screen went blank and Scott got up and went in search of John. After looking outside and the lower floors of the house Scott headed up to the attic. The light hadn't been turned on and Scott thought that he was wasting his time but he walked up the steps anyway. As he reached the top of the stairs in the light of the full moon, he saw his brother standing by the window.
John was staring out the window and didn't even look at Scott when he came in. Scott walked slowly over to where his brother was standing.
"John," Scott said softly not knowing if his brother even realized he was in the room with him.
"I'm sorry," John said softly. "I'm letting you guys down again."
"John, what are you talking about?"
"I didn't tell Dad I'd take most of the time up in Thunderbird 5 alone simply to get away from everyone," John told him not taking his eyes off of the night sky. "I did it because I knew of all of us I could deal with the solitude the best but it isn't easy."
"We're all aware of that, John," Scott told him. "And we're all aware of how crucial that position is to what we do. Maybe it seems like we take what you do for granted but we don't. You took on the job that none of us really wanted to do and you took it on without complaining. I don't know how you've done it for as long as you have."
"Look John, we all know you're not ready to go back up. That it might be awhile before your ready and we all know you deserve some time away from the responsibility of Thunderbird 5. We just don't deal with it as well as you do. Gordon just wants to come home but I know that if the choice was only between you and him being up there he'd gladly stay. Any of us would."
"And what if I'm never ready to go back up there?" John asked him. Scott didn't miss the waver in his brother's voice. Although they had talked about their mother's death, how much they missed her and everything that lead to John's attempted suicide no one had brought up the incident itself. At least not to John. Scott had talked with Alan a little about it to make sure his younger brother was okay and Jeff had talked to both him and Alan but they had all let John decide if he wanted to bring up the incident or not. This was the closest he had come to the subject.
"Then we'll deal with it. Gordon, Virgil and I will just have to spend more time up there and before long Alan will be ready to share some of the time."
"Alan will have a harder time dealing with it than Gordon," John said.
"Your probably right but he's wanted to be a part of IR for so long and he knows that's part of the deal. When the time comes, Alan will take his share of shifts up there even though he probably won't do it as quietly as you."
"But if I don't go back up there than I'm shirking my responsibilities as a member of this group."
"Don't ever think that, John. You've done more than your share of that job. You've stayed up there for two months stretches quite often. We're all lucky to get through a month," Scott told him. His brother had never taken his eyes off of the night sky the whole conversation. "John look at me," Scott said. He waited for his brother to look at him before he continued. "John I love you and I don't want to lose you. I would do anything for you and would never ask you to do something that you don't feel you're ready for. Honestly, after what happened, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't want to go back up to Thunderbird 5 and I know the others feel the same way."
John felt tears welling up in his eyes at his brothers words. He turned away from his brother and looked back outside.
"Scott, I'm scared."
The confession came out unconsciously. He hadn't meant to say the words but they had come out anyway. As soon as they were out though he felt a weight lift off of him. Suddenly he felt as if he didn't need to pretend to be strong. That he could show his true feelings without being weak.
He felt his brother rest an arm across his shoulders.
"You don't have to deal with this alone John. We're all here for you."