moonlightbear - admission of tears! I'm flattered that I was able to react some emotion with my writing. As for how the mom died I'm assuming that by now you got my note at the start of chapter 13. Glad you like the story and hope you like this chapter.
ladc - glad you liked the last chapter and thanks for the opinion about whether I should change the story or not. I kind of like it the way it is myself too.
Kitkat Tictac - glad to see you found this story too. Feel free to email me if you want. I'm not also quick on replies but I do reply!
Marblez- yeah there's more. If you start think I'm dragging it out too long let me know but right now there is more I want to write on this story now that I got past the part I was stuck on.
ctymolse - thanks for the review and encouragement.
Scott felt John start to pull away from him and reluctantly let him go. As John took a step back from his older brother, he reached up and wiped the tears from his face.
Scott looked at his brother still concerned. He suddenly wondered if this had been such a good idea. Scott wasn't comfortable with conversations like this. He had no clue what to say to his brother or even if he should say anything. He was like his Dad when it came to emotional conversations, he tended to avoid them at all costs. Perhaps, he should have suggested to his father that he send Virgil up here to stay with John. Virgil was better at this stuff than he was and Virgil was closer to John.
It was to late to worry about that now. Virgil wasn't here. He was and like it or not he had to figure out how to handle it. He just hoped he wouldn't fumble it too badly.
"John are you going to be okay?" Scott asked him. "Do you want me to have Dad come back . . ."
"No Scott!" John said quickly interrupting him. "I can't leave, especially not now. If I leave now I don't know if I'll ever be able to convince myself to come back up here," John told him. Scott saw the pleading look in John's eyes.
"Okay," Scott said nodding. "I won't bring it up again but if you change your mind . . ." Scott said trailing off. John nodded indicating that he knew what Scott was getting at.
Scott knew how John felt. He had felt the same way when he had first returned to Thunderbird 5, which was why he had tried getting rid of Gordon and his Dad so fast. Scott was afraid that if he left Thunderbird 5 without conquering his fear than he would never be able to return to the space station.
"Can I have some time alone?" John asked softly.
Scott nodded, reaching out to rest his hand briefly on John's arm before heading toward the door.
Trying to silence his doubts, Scott headed back to the control room. He felt as if this situation was beyond his control and he hated that feeling. He liked feeling in control. Knowing that he could change the outcome for the better. But this wasn't like the usual problems he faced. He had already missed all kinds of signs over the years that his brother was in trouble. What if he missed more? John had come a long way in the past month but Scott knew a month couldn't miraculously fix all the pain John had been feeling for the last eleven years. He wasn't even sure anything could.
Scott sat down in the chair in front of the control panel absently looking at the monitors in front of him. He thought about calling down to the island just to talk to someone but decided against it. He knew his father was already worried about having John up here. If he called down this soon, his father would think something was wrong.
Then he heard the beeping of an incoming call. Scott held back from immediately answering it. He didn't want anyone down there to think he was desperate or anything.
He silently counted to thirty and then reached out to open the communications link figuring he had given it a long enough time. He expected it to be his father calling and instead Virgil's face appeared on screen.
"Hey Scott, how's my brother?"
Scott knew Virgil was asking about John and not him but decided to have a little fun with his younger sibling.
"I'm just fine, Virgil. Thanks for asking."
"Not you. I meant the older brother I actually like," Virgil said with a smile on his face.
"Hey!" Scott said as Virgil started laughing. "You do realize that I'm going to have to get you back for that remark, don't you?"
"If it wasn't that you'd find something else so why not have some fun?" Virgil replied. "Seriously though, how's John?"
Scott found himself looking over his shoulder in the direction he had just come from, trying to figure out just how to answer Virgil's question.
"I'm not really sure Virgil," Scott told him glancing back at the screen. He saw the concern look on Virgil's face, which got even more concerned at Scott's indefinite answer. Scott told him about what had just happened. About the conversation he had just had with John although he left out exactly what John had said. He didn't feel comfortable repeating that even to Virgil. "Believe me Virgil, I wish it were you up here rather than me," Scott confessed as he finished up.
"Go get him for me," Virgil reply. "I'll see if I can't get him to talk to me."
"Okay," Scott said with a nod. "Hold on."
Scott stood up and left the control deck. As he approached the door to the sleeping quarters he grew a little hesitant. John had said he wanted some time alone. How would he react to Scott's presence?
"John," Scott called out softly as he entered the room, not wanting to startle his brother. Scott looked around the small room and saw John standing at the viewport, staring out into space. "John," Scott said again a little louder this time, "sorry to disturb you. Virgil called up and he wants to talk to you."
Scott waited for a reply. He was starting to wonder if John had even heard him when he finally turned away from the viewport. As he turned around, Scott didn't like what he saw. John's eyes were filled with pain, grief, and guilt. It was the same look he had when he and Alan had taken him back down to the island. Something that Scott hadn't seen in the past few weeks. He sure hoped a talk with Virgil would help. If it didn't, Scott was taking the risk and calling his Dad to come back up here whether John liked it or not.
Not wanting to intrude on the conversation between his brothers, Scott grabbed his copy of the latest issue of Aviator and settled down on his bed to read.
A couple hours, and a few articles later, Scott tossed his magazine aside. John hadn't come back and Scott was getting sick of waiting. He hated waiting which was the main reason he hated duty aboard Thunderbird 5. He hated waiting to find out the outcome of a mission while everyone else was down there taking part. Waiting for the call that told you everyone was okay or that someone was hurt.
He had hated waiting ever since he was a kid. Waiting for doctor's and dentists. Waiting in line at amusement parks. Waiting to get a test paper back, especially when you knew the grade wasn't good and there were plenty of lectures waiting for you. No, waiting was never good.
Scott started walking down the access corridor toward the control room. As he approached, he listened for voices, not wanting to intrude on a conversation if one was still taking place. He didn't hear anything. The thought of whether that was a good or bad thing crossed his mind and he found himself quicken his pace, concerned as to what the silence might mean.
John was sitting at the control panel, silently taking things in. Scott came to a stop a few steps into the control room, and just stood looking at his brother. He suddenly thought about all the times John had been up here, watching during one of the rescue missions. Taking in everything that went on. Relaying needed information. Helping each of them get home safely.
"Maybe it seems like we take what you do for granted but we don't."
Scott remembered telling his brother those words about a week ago. He was starting to wonder how accurate they had been. Yes he and his brothers knew how important Thunderbird 5 was to International Rescue's operation. They also knew how much they all hated being up here. But had they ever really stopped to think about the amount of time that John put in up here.
Six months out of a year. He had done that for the past four, no wait almost five years as John's birthday was coming up soon, ever since his eighteenth birthday. Ever since Thunderbird 5 had gone on line. And that was just in theory. The rotation was suppose to happen monthly but it didn't always work out that way. There were times that John would stay up here longer when someone got hurt or someone got sick. It was always John who picked up the slack.
Truth be told, he had taken all that for granted. John went about it so quietly. Never complained about a late rotation, when the rest of them were on the radio if thunderbird 3 was so much as a minute late with docking with the station. Yeah, he checked in daily or if something came up but the rest of them probably called down to the island at least once a day just to say hello, and sometimes quite a bit more than that toward the end of their rotation.
"Is there a reason you're standing there?" John asked his voice breaking through Scott's thoughts.
"Sorry, just lost in thought," Scott told him walking toward a second chair in the control room. As he did he looked closely at his brother, looking for any signs of the emotions that had been so evident just a few hours ago. He didn't see anything. The talk with Virgil must have done some good.
"I'm fine Scott," John told him as Scott sat down in the empty chair beside him. "Really, talking with Virgil helped a lot, so thanks," John told him with a smile.
"Am I that evident," Scott said.
"I can read you like a book," John told. "And Virgil might have mentioned something about the conversation the two of you had."
"I should have know," Scott said with a smile.